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Warning: Party In My Pants App Can Cause Injury!
As a courtesy to our readers, we would like to you about a new iPhone applications that simply does not work … and in some circumstances, could lead to bodily injury. It’s a shame that Apple doesn’t have the foresight to anticipate such issues and protect its customers from such whack.
Party In My Pants is one of the many iPhone apps available to help you hook up with hot chicks. These apps contain cheesy pick up lines ( …… ) that typically only work in a drunken douchebag environment like Jersey Shore. However Party In My Pants raises the dumbass bar to a new low … and would even fail miserably in bagging the most inebriated skank, bimbo or guidette.
Now you might think we sound harsh … but don’t cry … just read the app’s description for the ultimate crap in pickup line apps.
Imagine, if you will, the following scenario:
– Guy spots cute girl across the bar.
– He fires up Party In My Pants and spins the mirror ball. On command, the party commences, and he drops his iPhone into his pocket. Nicely done!
– Guy approaches girl. The girl, enticed by the noise and vibration emanating from his jeans pocket, asks him, "What’s happening with your jeans?"
– Guy pulls out iPhone and shows girl. "Why, it’s a Party In My Pants, and You’re Invited!"
LMAO … shove iPhone down your pants and invite her to the party (assuming she even gives you the time of day) … yeah, that’ll work – every time!
What Party In My Pants doesn’t describe in the above scenario is the bitch slap beat down you’ll receive after you utter the words … “Party In My Pants – You’re Invited” … OUCH!
Meet The Ass Family – plus Recap Week Of September 6
Subscribe to our RSS feed and/or download the 100% free KRAPPS iPhone app … it’ll make you feel better!
In case you missed any of our perfect iPhone chaos, quick links to this week’s articles.
September 6 – Creep Alert … Snuggie + Macarena = Snugarena [Video]
September 7 – Animal Sex App – Because Darn It, The App Store Was Really Lacking In Animal Porn!
September 8 – Football In The Groin Painfully Delivers 25 Reasons To Protect Your Genitals
September 9 – Fart Studio Makes A Stink With Its Hysterical iPad Spoof Commercial [Video]
September 10 – Porn Abundant In “I Show Off” App – Apple Fails To Enforce Their New Guidelines [NSFW]
September 11 – Same Day Apple Says ‘No More Fart Apps’ They Approve One Anyways
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The Ass Family
LMAO … aren’t they lovely?
Same Day Apple Says ‘No More Fart Apps’ They Approve One Anyways
Well that didn’t take long …
Yesterday in our More App Store Porn Discovered article, we mentioned that Apple released a set of guidelines to its developers. The big news (well, in our humble opinion) was that Apple is sick of fart apps … and would not longer approve them for sale. On the first page of their official App Store Review Guidelines document, Apple bluntly states … “We have over 250,000 apps in the App Store. We don’t need any more fart apps.”
OUCH … poor fart developers … we feel you! Or do we? Meh, this is Apple we’re talking about and as we once described them … a Comedy Of Errors.
So here’s a brief timeline …
The morning of Thursday, September 9 … Apple releases their official guidelines, boldly claiming NO MORE FART APPS! Twelve hours later … Apple approves and publishes a fart app – Simon Says Pull My Finger.
LMAO … and the comedy continues. The whole point of Apple’s document is to make the app review and approval process less arbitrary. However, when Apple says “no more fart apps” … what they REALLY mean is “no more fart apps unless it’s part of a game” or perhaps “no more fart soundboard apps” … yeah, is that what they mean? Hell, who knows with these guys.
Porn Abundant In “I Show Off” App – Apple Fails To Enforce Their New Guidelines [NSFW]
Nine-time Olympic gold medalist Carl Lewis once said …. “Life Is All About Timing” … we couldn’t agree more.
Yesterday, in an attempt to make the app review and approval process less arbitrary, Apple released a set of guidelines to its developers. This official document from Apple is pretty hysterical as they try to be all hip, cool and non-corporate with their language … “We have over 250,000 apps in the App Store. We don’t need any more fart apps.”
Apple has always had a zero-tolerance policy for porn and nudity in the App Store … frequently banning nudie apps which somehow managed to get by Apple’s watchful eye:
06/25/09 – Hottest Girls … 07/01/09 – BeautyMeter … 07/30/09 – theXchange … 08/21/09 – Check myHottie … 09/15/09 – My X Girlfriend … 01/21/10 – forChan … 05/12/10 – Top Secret 2, Model Pose and Model Pose 2
Apple has now made their “No Porn Allowed” policy even clearer as Section 18 of the new App Store Review Guidelines document is dedicated to pornography …
18. Pornography
18.1 Apps containing pornographic material, defined by Webster’s Dictionary as "explicit descriptions or displays of sexual organs or activities intended to stimulate erotic rather than aesthetic or emotional feelings", will be rejected
18.2 Apps that contain user generated content that is frequently pornographic (ex "Chat Roulette" apps) will be rejected
Which brings us back to Carl’s “Life Is All About Timing” … LMAO … publish as many rules and guidelines as you want Apple, but if you can’t enforce them, your official policies don’t mean shit.
I Show Off, by Blue Sky Software, is an iPhone app which has been around for the past seven months (and is about to get banned). It’s one of those user-generated content applications where you upload a picture from within the app … the developer approves it … the image is published to the app … and the user community votes it yay or nay.
The whole “approve images before going live” concept is sound … however in reality, it’s pretty ineffective … Apple has been burned way too many times by this workflow (see our list of banned apps 4 inches above). User-generated images frequently translate to nudes and porn … as evident in the buttload of naked chick pics within I Show Off that have been there for months (displayed are some of the “tamer” selections).
“We have over 250,000 apps in the App Store. We don’t need any more fart apps” … you betcha Apple … and we can’t wait to report the next fart app you approve following this “no more farts” guideline (wait for it … it’ll happen – after all, this is Apple we’re talking about).
Football In The Groin Painfully Delivers 25 Reasons To Protect Your Genitals
Football In The Groin joins the ranks of the hysterically epic and former #1 iPhone game, Ow My Balls, in celebrating the most painful experience known to mankind … being hit in the genitals.
But unlike Ow My Balls, the nutshots of Football In The Groin are not packaged into a cool game or some other clever delivery method. Nope – cut the foreplay and just give us the excruciating good stuff … ball meets groin … over and over and over again. 25 of the most painful and hilarious videos to be exact … all packaged neatly into Football In The Groin for your viewing convenience.
These crotch clutching videos range from soccer to football, hockey to baseball … with appropriate titles such as “This Kid Will Never Have Children”, ”Beckham Versus The Scrotum” and “Baseball Hits Nuts.”
Football In The Groin made us laugh, wince and throw up a little in our mouth. It’s the kind of app that’s so wrong, it just works on so many levels here at KRAPPS … ouch!
Animal Sex App – Because Darn It, The App Store Was Really Lacking In Animal Porn!
In case you missed the memo, Apple now allows porn in the App Store … as long as the graphic sexual images do not involve human beings. Yes indeed folks, brace yourselves for the onslaught of animal pornography apps … with the first arrival appropriately named … Animal Sex.
Animal Sex informs and educates about reproduction in the animal kingdom. From goats to flies, meerkats to frogs, snails to hippos … Animal Sex details a wide variety of creatures and their sexual techniques. Wonderful, we feel smarter already.
Although flies and snails having sex is really not our thing … but since Apple seems to be cool with canine coitus and boinking bitches, we call first dibs and have already begun developing Humphrey The Humping Dog iPhone app!
Creep Alert … Snuggie + Macarena = Snugarena [Video]
Continuing their fine tradition of releasing strange, creepy and bizarre commercials, Snuggie has incorporated the 1996 pop craze, “Macarena”, into their latest advertising efforts … disturbing and wrong on so many levels! Is that guy looking at a Snuggie centerfold?!? Proceed with caution …
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