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- Here’s To The Crazy Ones
- Despite Female Moans, SexLife Trailer Fails To Arouse [Video]
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- Adventure, To The Max! [iPhone Game Review]
- epic – The Toolbox iPhone iOS 4 Home & Lock Screen Wallpaper Set [Download]
- Recap Week Of January 3
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69 Cents iPad Stand Of Awesomeness – It’s Awesome!
In our quest to find the perfect yet inexpensive iPad stand, last week we presented a number of options … LEGOs, a book stand, Tinkertoys or even the family pet are decent replacements for that sack of suck Apple sells as their official iPad dock ($30 for a dock that doesn’t support landscape mode … ha! ha!). Sans family pet, the aforementioned iPad stands run in the neighborhood of $6 to $10 … not too hard on the wallet, thank you very much.
But even better news today … we one-upped the $6 to $10 price range to the cool tune of
69 cents! < SHUT UP … GET THE F OUT > Seriously … for less than a buck, you can get a lightweight, portable iPad stand that has more functionality than Apple’s krapp since this 69 cents stand supports both vertical AND horizontal orientation.
So what is this 69 cents magical device? A simple business card holder from Office Depot, discovered by New York Times’ Multimedia Editor Andrew Devigal. Nice work dude … we love it … gives us more coin for KRAPPS purchases.
Oh … and for those about to diss the 69 cents iPad stand of awesomeness for not having the ability to charge the iPad while docked … deal with it – it’s SIXTY NINE FREAKING CENTS!
[Andrew Devigal via Technabob]
App Store First – Videos Of Hot Chicks Farting
Like it or not, fart apps are here to stay … and for better or for worse, they continue to evolve. Debuting in December 2008, fart apps were simply one-dimensional soundboards … touch your iPhone’s screen – hear a fart … whoop-dee-doo. Over time, fart soundboards became archaic. These days there are Fart Dialers (dial a phone number and each digit is a different fart) … Farts With Push Notifications (alert friends and family that you just farted) … Farting Boobs (don’t ask) … and many more creative uses of anal acoustics on the iPhone.
With hundreds and hundreds of fart apps available for download, you would think no fart stone has been left unturned … not true! When it comes to toilet humor, the human mind is a powerful thing! As such, we present another crowning achievement (pun?) for insane iPhone methane … iFart Video … proudly developed by SellYourMac.com.
iFart Video is the first fart application that offers video … capturing people’s gassy moments on film … which can then be shared with other users worldwide via Facebook, Twitter or email from within the app. Yeah, there’s nothing more idiotic satisfying than watching someone fart … yeah.
Although iFart Video comes loaded with existing videos of hot women making rude noises (there words, not ours … we actually prefer our hot women to have their heads attached … then again, some may prefer a hot quiet woman … whatever), SellYourMac.com developers are asking users to submit their best fart flicks to be considered for inclusion in future app updates. That would be quite an honor … video of your ass passing gas in iFart Video!
iFart Video contains a total 15 videos of the aforementioned hot chicks farting … at 99 cents for the app, that’s less that 7 cents per fart video … which is either a great or crappy deal, depending on your point of view. Choose from such classic videos like “Assplosion”, “Redneck” or “Monkey Business”. And SellYouMac.com assures us that all farts featured in iFart Video are authentic and real.
Like we said … for better or for worse, fart apps continue to “evolve” … and now we have videos. Even if you don’t plan to partake in iFart Video, you at least owe it to yourself to watch SellYourMac.com’s promo video below. Witnessing firsthand this guy’s passion and commitment to farts is priceless … not to mention you’ll learn a valuable lesson about the adverse effects of consuming too much Red Bull and Cotton Candy in one sitting … YOWZA this guy is F’ING CRAZY!
Technology Gone Bad – Allow Sex Offenders To Determine Your Location
One of the iPhone’s many cool features is Location Services … using a combination of cell towers, Wi-Fi and GPS to determine your location. This functionality comes is handy for navigation on the iPhone’s map – using a weather app to determine your local weather – locating the nearest Starbucks … or a host of other geolocation functions.
But sometimes Location Services isn’t all that … like when it allows Sex Offenders to determine your location … HUH? – OUCH!
Recap: Week Of April 5 – plus Ever Look At 3.14 In A Mirror? WOW!
In case you missed any of our perfect iPhone chaos, quick links to this week’s articles.
April 5 – Apple Bans Blatant Doodle Jump Ripoff, But Approves Another, Doodle Drop
April 6 – Dog Translator App Does Not Translate Dog To English – No Shit Sherlock
April 7 – We Are Growing Increasingly Uncomfortable With The iPad – Here’s Why …
April 8 – From LEGOs To Live Animals – An Early Look At DIY iPad Stands
April 9 – App For The Seriously Demented – Swami Paws The LOLcat Fortune Teller
April 10 – Get Hooked On HELLKID – One Hell Of An Addicting iPhone Game
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3.14 In A Mirror … WOW!
Sometimes it’s the little things in life that make us go “WOW”. Like this tidbit from The Puzzler column at Chicago Now. Ever look at 3.14 in a mirror? Pretty freaky, eh?
Get Hooked On HELLKID – One Hell Of An Addicting iPhone Game
(written by guest author Connor Coghlan. follow Connor on Twitter @Condawg)
Do you love running and jumping, all while collecting things? … How about occasionally hooking onto shit?
If you answered "Yes" to any of the questions above, have we got the game for you! And no, it has nothing to do with Tarzan.
Hellkid [iTunes $0.99] by Justnine Co.… officially HELLKID: hook & jump … is a game that reminds me of Canabalt (you’ll notice that, in most of my reviews, I compare a game to another similar game – yeah, that’s how I roll … I get around). The goal is just to run as far as you can. The twist here, however, is collecting souls.
In Hellkid, you play a kid named Devi, in hell (who would’ve guessed?). Your mission is to collect souls. By collecting these souls, you unlock other characters (which I haven’t been able to do quite yet … not that I suck, this game is pretty difficult).
Devi wants to know what it’s like to be human. Somehow that ties into everything… I dunno, I don’t pay much attention to the story in this game. But basically if you collect enough souls, you become human. The gameplay is really addictive, which makes me want to get to it and not necessarily focus too much of my attention on the storyline.
The game consists of you (Devi) running and jumping around to collect souls. Every now and then, a gap comes up. Sometimes you can clear them with one jump … if not, you have to hook to the pillar behind you to swing across, collecting souls as you do so.
As you progress through the levels, the game gets faster, and the souls become more sporadic in nature, causing you to jump around much more than you’re comfortable with, and leading to your very inevitable and saddening death.
One thing that’s really tough (for me, anyway) in Hellkid is timing swings just right to maximize your soul collection … or to survive since I die a lot in this game. That said, Hellkid is a blast and it’s never really too frustrating when I die (that’s the beauty of the "Retry" button).
Hellkid is a quality iPhone game … well polished and great graphics. It contains 12 levels, 50 patterns and 38 achievements to unlock … the replay value of Hellkid is outstanding. For the agro player, there are global leader boards and you have the ability to post your score to Facebook or Twitter from within the app. And per the developer’s Twitter account on April 8, a new update is coming soon.
I highly recommend this game for anybody who’s into "pick-up-and-play" games (which I imagine is 99% of iPhone users) … or you can take Apple’s recommendation (but why would you do that when you have me?) of Hellkid as it was featured in the New & Noteworthy listings last February.
Be sure to check out the full version of Hellkid at 99 cents [iTunes] … or the lite version which is a free download [iTunes Free].
App For The Seriously Demented – Swami Paws The LOLcat Fortune Teller
GOATCARTgames is an indie game development studio based in Athens, GA. These guys specialize in making artsy, odd games with engaging mechanics and beguiling aesthetics (there words, not ours) … primarily for the iPhone. Since Athens boasts a strong art and music scene (think R.E.M., B-52’s, Matthew Sweet, Widespread Panic, etc.), it’s no surprise that GOATCARTgames is positioned as an artsy-fartsy oddball developer (more about the “fartsy” part later) … any other type of Athens-based developer would be uncivilized.
Although we’ve never been to Athens … judging by the work of GOATCARTgames, they must be smoking some good shit over there. Seriously, you cannot be in a sober state of mind and expect to develop an app which centers around farting swami cats that predict the future … Swami Paws The LOLcat Fortune Teller.
In a nutshell … Swami Paws is a mystical lolcat who tells the future with his swirling clouds of feline flatulence. Just poke his belly and Swami Paws’ gaseous emissions will reveal all.
We spoke with Swami Paws via Skype and he gave us hiz salz peech … “Hai krappz! I am SWAMI PAWS! I no wat is happenin in teh futur. I can see it in mah fartz. Srsly! Now, wif mah awsum app 4 iPhone an iPod Touch, U can kno it 2!”
LMAO … this is one messed cat app. Congrats to GOATCARTgames for sticking with their mission statement … the WTF rating on this baby is off the charts. And the disclaimer which warns of sheer stupidity and killer kitties is pure brilliance in a sick and tasteless way.
But to truly appreciate the utter chaos and twisted sense of humor of Swami Paws … viewing the 29 second demo video below is imperative. Sure we could use such descriptors as bizarre, eccentric or freaky … but words simply cannot describe this enigmatic application. Push play to experience something out of the Twilight Zone … neener-neerner, neener-neener.
From LEGOs To Live Animals – An Early Look At DIY iPad Stands
The iPad has been out less than a week and already some clever do it yourself docks and stands are beginning to appear. Sure you can plonk down $30 and get the official Apple iPad dock … or better yet, $130 for the awesome Joule work stand for iPad … but where’s the pride and sense of accomplishment in that? Meh, don’t be a gadget snob … save cash, buy more apps. Check out these alternative DIY iPad stands.
Book Stand
They go by various names … book stand – study stand – paper stand … and will run you in the $8 to $10 ballpark … but WTH, they work and can display your iPad in portrait or landscape mode. Plus the stand folds up flat making it totally portable. Check out your local office supplies store (Staples, Office Depot, etc.) and save big.
Folding Easel
Folding easels are cool. They can display photographs, cookbooks or your child’s sponge paintings. And if you get the 6.5” version … this $6 folding easel becomes an iPad stand. Visit your local craft store (Michaels, Jo-Ann, etc.) or online at Bed Bath & Beyond.
Tinkertoy
Ramin Firoozye constructed the first-ever iPad stand made entirely from Tinkertoys. It’s lightweight, easily assembled and features adjustable angles for your iPad viewing pleasure.
LEGO
Cleverly named the “Mk II”, it seems Jeff Eaton is the first to assemble a functioning LEGO iPad stand … or at least the first and only LEGO iPad stand we could find on the Internet. The Mk II is totally cool and we love how Jeff incorporated the rubber tires into his design … however with our mere mortal LEGO skills, the Mk II is wishful thinking. Hopefully our boy Chris Harrison will come up with a 7-piece LEGO iPad stand.
Wet Nose – Bad Breath
Ok, we admit … this final option is not cheap. But for years of companionship, unconditional love and a warm lap … using your pet as an iPad stand is priceless.
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