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Dog Translator App Does Not Translate Dog To English – No Shit Sherlock
Besides scouring the App Store for whacky, weird, stupid and strange iPhone applications, one of our favorite pastimes is reading the user reviews. The great Albert Einstein once said, “Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former." Looking at the user reviews in the App Store, we agree wholeheartedly with Einstein.
Take for example the silly little app Dog Translator which jokingly claims it translates Dog to English. Just record your dog barking and the app displays what your canine is saying.
Pretty weak, but whatever, we see worse on a daily basis. Plus it’s free – no harm, no foul.
But as lame as Dog Translator might seem to be, nothing beats its user reviews … pure suck. It’s like the app was infested by complete morons … proving Einstein’s theory of human stupidity was money.
Ratailmana is a disgruntled user claiming Dog Translator is the “Stupiest thing EVA” (yes, typing on the iPhone can be a bitch). Apparently he/she doesn’t really need a Dog to English translator because he/she can just tell what their dog is saying.
Emoji is also pissed at Dog Translator stating the app is not accurate. Emoji would know because secretly during the middle of the night, they recorded a silent sleeping dog and the app spit out the results. Little does Emoji know, dogs talk in their sleep … but at a very high pitch … only smart humans can hear them.
Kkkkaaaayyyy is stupid mad as hell and feels Dog Translator “doesnt workkkk!!!!” Everyone knows the iPod Touch doesn’t have a microphone and thus recording a dog’s bark is impossible. Heck, Kkkkaaaayyyy feels double-duped since not only the iDevice has no mic, but also the dog wasn’t even in the room … yet Dog Translator returned a translation.
Now Tower Madness Hero is our hero because they are really on to something. Think about this … if Dog Translator really did translate from Dog to English, you could easily sell the thing for about $10. Damn, this is true … and what a bargain it would be.
And there’s plenty more backlash from Dog Translator users. “Ripoff”, “Scam” and “Fake” are a few of the popular descriptors … along with proof points such as …
> My dog was licking his water bowl and it came up with “I’m tired” … junk
> It recorded me saying “hi” and translated it to “give me a tummy rub”
> The app just says random things over and over again
Now mind you, just in case someone is a SUPER moron, the app includes a disclaimer … “Dog Translator is intended for novel entertainment and may not accurately reflect your dog’s emotions at all times.” But really, what’s the point – you can’t reason with stupid?
But alas there is a beacon of hope in this cesspool of dumb … either that or dude is a big fan of P.T. Barnum and the “there’s a sucker born every minute” concept. “You don’t deserve whatever money you have” … LMAO!
Apple Bans Blatant Doodle Jump Ripoff, But Approves Another, Doodle Drop
While Apple celebrates (and profits) from an estimated 700,000 iPads bought on day one, they still can’t seem to get their shit together when it comes to consistent App Store approval policies.
On March 19 we reported that Apple approved the Doodle Jumper iPhone app. Notice the extra two letters “E” and “R”? Guess those two letters were enough of a difference between Doodle Jump and Doodle JumpER for Apple to feel good about approving a blatant ripoff. Oh and of course the Doodler character in Doodle JumpER is blue with two legs … while the original Doodler is lime green and has four legs. Bravo Apple! Excellent attention to detail … way different apps and smart move approving JumpER.
Smart move? Uh … maybe not! Hindsight is 20/20 … within 24 hours of our report, justice prevailed with Apple removing Doodle JumpER from sale. WOOT!
If you’re not familiar with Doodle Jump [iTunes $0.99], you should be. It’s arguably the most successful iPhone game to date, published by the two-brother team, Igor and Marko Pusenjak, of Lima Sky. Doodle Jump has already surpassed $3 million in sales (a first for any Indie development house) and is one of the best App Store bargains ever.
So you would think after the JumpER mistake, Apple would have learned not to approve blatant Doodle Jump ripoffs. After all, Apple is no dummy … case in point, nearly 1 million iPads sold on day one. LOL … no dummy? … yeah right —> Doodle Drop.
Very original, eh? “I don’t jump, I drop!” … yeah, of course you do, dickhead. The folks at Drop even lifted Doodle Jump’s tagline idea, “Insanely Addictive!”, with their grammatically challenged “Ultimate Addictive!” derivative… exclamation point included.
Doodler character … all good … both lime green, have a snout and wear a green striped shirt. But of course, the trump card … Drop only has two legs.
Graphics? Yes! A round of graph paper and booster springs for all – it’s the cool thing to do.
But what bothers us the most is the overnight success of Drop. Released on Friday, April 2nd … in less than 48 hours Drop broke into the Top 100 Overall Paid Apps. Achieving this ranking means Drop’s developer is making some decent money … profiting from Lima Sky’s success. Since Doodle Jump is constantly being updated, it would be a safe assumption that Lima Sky released a new game … one that drops down, instead of jumps up. Heck … the name, Doodler character and game graphics look just about the same … so unsuspecting buyers are likely to get suckered.
As we previously stated, Apple seemingly doesn’t care to protect copyright holders, thus it’s up to the individual owner to complain. However it would behoove Apple to avoid biting the hand that feeds them … especially when that hand delivered over $3 million in sales and $1 million directly into Apple’s mouth.
Don’t Make These Birds Angry, Mr. McGee – Angry Birds For iPhone
(written by guest author Tim Giron. follow Tim on Twitter @timgiron)
It’s a war between the birds and the pigs in the action-puzzle game Angry Birds [iTunes $0.99] by Chillingo / Rovio. See, the pigs got all greedy and stole some eggs, then retreated to their fortified shelters. The birds, not ones to take such things lightly, have mobilized an impressive avian army to retaliate.
Utilizing a challenging two-screen view, the player must fire a series of birds from a slingshot with the goal of eliminating all of the pigs before advancing to the next level. The pigs are dispatched by either hitting them directly with a bird, by causing them to fall or by causing a rock to fall on them. Each bird, knowing this is a one way trip, has also loaded up on black powder causing them to explode after a set amount of time. This can be used to advantage in combination with elements on some of the screens – rest a bird against some explosives and they can cause further damage.
As you progress through the levels, you pick up new bird types too. You start off with the hard-headed red birds, capable of knocking down any obstacle the pigs can put up. Next up is the smaller blue bird which has the added ability to split like a MIRV while in the air. Time it just right and this terrible trio can take out multiple targets with the same shot. I just cleared level 12 (while grabbing screenshots) and can’t wait to find out what other specialized birds are yet to come.
Some of the levels are easy and some are dastardly difficult. The smug grunts of the pigs are easily enough to make me want to re-try until I’ve conquered them! The game play is ultra smooth and the projectile physics are very well implemented. Each bird has different flight characteristics which have to be accounted for; luckily they leave a trail so you can make minor adjustments on subsequent shots if necessary. Since you get bonus points for finishing the level before running out of birds, it’s important not to waste too many shots (even though I ultimately cleared level 12 with birds to spare, I probably played it a dozen times before that where I left a single pig alive).
An online leaderboard and achievement posting to Facebook/Twitter is provided via Chillingo’s own Crystal system. If you have an iPad (this post was written the day before the big launch), there is a new release of this app specifically for the new device. I, for one, can’t wait to see how it looks.
Steve Wozniak Waiting Overnight In Line For An iPad [includes pictures]
Ever since appearing on Dancing With The Stars, we have a new found respect for Steve Wozniak. Screw the co-founded Apple thing … or the US Festival … or contributing to the personal computer revolution … The Woz danced the Tango in competition with a pulled hamstring and a fracture in his foot – that shit is IMPRESSIVE!
Aside from having the balls to compete in something totally out of his element on national television, what we also really love about Steve Woz is that he’s totally cool, likeable and approachable – which is very refreshing since so many peeps of fame these days are arrogant pricks. Take for instance the present moment … Friday night – April 2, 2010 … Where’s Woz? He’s camped outside the Apple Store inside the Valley Fair Mall in Santa Clara, CA. Woz will be there all night … just like the other hardcore MacHeads … waiting to become a day one proud owner of the iPad when they go on sale Saturday at 9:00AM PST.
We’re sure Woz could’ve used his “in the biz” connections to secure his iPad … but dude doesn’t roll like that. In a recent Newsweek interview, Woz stated that he pre-ordered a few iPads and will be waiting in line overnight to pick them up … just for fun. LOL … that is sick. A technology industry rock star, just chillin’ in line with the general public, waiting to become an early adopter … gotta love it!
The Woz showed up to wait in line around 6:00PM PST … greeting his fans, signing autographs, showcasing his $2 bills and playing his favorite video game, Tetris, on a Nintendo Game Boy (what, no Tetris iPhone app?).
Wearing his special necklace which reminds him that he follows all laws of physics, Woz is comfortably seated #4 in line, after Jason and Annette Slack-Moehrle and Parth Dhebar (who runs an iPhone/iPad app review site, Simple-Reviews.com, be sure to check it out).
Woz claims he will be pulling an all-nighter and skip any type of shut-eye (see, told you he was a badass). Since sleep is overrated when waiting in an overnight iPad line … help will be arriving at 4:00AM PST. Mr. Dhebar has arranged for coffee and doughnuts to be delivered to all the folks waiting in line … atta boy Parth, save us a maple bar!
Oh … and thank you Woz for the too cool autograph! We’ll be framing that puppy and hanging it over the mantel at Casa de KRAPPS. We owe you big time, so if you ever want to upgrade your wardrobe, drop us a line and we’ll hook you up with da kine KRAPPS T-Shirt.
Good luck to all you crazy overnighting, early-adopting, iPad-waiting MacHeads … come 10:00AM PST, put the damn iPad down and GET SOME SLEEP!
7-Piece LEGO iPhone Stand – Even Appeals To Mechanically Challenged
Meet Chris Harrison. He’s a husband and a father … dreams in XHTML 1.1 + CSS and is a fan of comics, Apple, graphic design and web development. He loves WordPress, bacon and typography … watches Lost, attends SXSWi … and is addicted to caffeine and his iPhone. Chris is pretty much your typical geek … with one exception that gives him uber-geek status … dude is a LEGO ninja.
Chris was the guy who made the epic Star Wars LEGO iPhone AT-Dock … an insane display of creativity, mechanical ability and ninja LEGO building skills. Some of his other LEGO iPhone works include a Little Green Army Men dock, a self-supporting horizontal dock and numerous other killer iPhone docks and stands.
Although we’re fans of Chris’ work with colorful interlocking plastic bricks … we always felt he was mocking us. It’s like … “Ha, Ha – look at me – I’m a badass LEGO ninja – I have a Star Wars iPhone dock – you can’t have it cuz you suck and can’t build one” … seriously the world of LEGO can get pretty complicated and to replicate any of Chris’ work is virtually impossible for us common non-LEGO geek folk.
UNTIL TODAY …
For whatever reason, Chris has been in touch with his minimalism side and recently introduced an iPhone stand built out of … count ‘em … SEVEN LEGO PIECES! Since we are not mechanically inclined and pretty much suck at building stuff (don’t laugh – we can hit a curve ball – can you?) … we HEART this delicious 7-Piece McNugget.
Since we live by the “Keep It Simple, Stupid” principle, the 7-Piece is right in our wheelhouse and preferred over Chris’ other gaudy work. Sure seven yellow pieces of LEGOs might not exactly be eye candy … but it’s what’s on the inside that counts. And when you consider price, time and effort … what’s not to love about this seven piece LEGO goodness?
To create your own 7-piece LEGO iPhone stand, click here building instructions.
iCade Turns Your iPad Into A Retrogaming Arcade Cabinet – For “Reals”
Ok, so Steve Job’s love child … the iPad … is launching in two days. We’ll admit, we’re getting pretty excited and will be doing the “overnight camping out in line” thing to ensure we are iPad owners from Day 1. However, it wasn’t until today that we got fully pumped for the iPad … reason why … the folks at ThinkGeek have just announced a new iPad accessory and application that will become available April 3 (iPad launch day) …
iCade – The iPad Arcade Cabinet
How freaking brilliant is this? For only $149.99 (cost of the cabinet – app is free), you can turn your iPad into a mini arcade cabinet … or as ThinkGeek puts it …
How cool would it be to slide your iPad into a desktop-sized arcade cabinet and rock it old school with some Pac-Man or Space Invaders?
More arousing details from ThinkGeek …
To use the iCade, gently slide the iPad into the docking cradle. The docking cradle uses a standard 30 pin connector to link the iPad to the professional-grade arcade controls. Once the iPad is in place, launch the iCade App (available free in the App Store April 3rd) and it’s game on!
Screw eBooks and HD videogames … iCade is the real only reason to buy an iPad. Simply put … it doesn’t get any more awesome than this!
For more details, including product specifications, and to order your very own iCade, visit the iCade page at ThinkGeek.
Hey … just keeping it “REAL”. Don’t shoot the messenger. If you need to FFFFUUUU someone, then FFFFUUUU ThinkGeek.
Experience ‘Tsunamical Movements Of Sweet Apples’ With Mythical Sex Positions App
Pop quiz … name the #5 best-selling application in the entire App Store. MLB.com At Bat? Bejeweled 2? Monopoly? Plants vs. Zombies? … wrong answer – all of them. Actually all these applications are far below the current fifth best-selling application … 69 Positions.
As you can probably tell by the oh so clever name, 69 Positions is a sex positions app … which are all the rage these days on the App Store. 69 Positions is also the 28th top grossing app … ahead of such gems as I Am T-Pain, Red Laser and NBA Live by EA. And looking at the top free apps, both Sex Positions Game and 69 Positions Lite (argh, there it is again – must be the name) are in the top 50.
So Apple is cool with sex positions … fair enough. But this next app really puts us in doubt. Like we don’t even know if it’s real … sort of a made-up fairy-tale … an imaginary fantasy … we’re talking Mythical Sex Positions.
Yeah, they had lost us at “hello” …. “Welcome to the mythical learning center which takes you to the divine world where there is no room for sorrows.” … uh, ok – let’s explore this no room for sorrow divine sex world …
Love Of The Ape Man
Seriously, WTF is all this chocolate-rose, fish in the sea crap? … “This mythical position was practiced by our ancient fathers in which the rose in wrapped towards the chocolate …” Yeah right, have another beer.
Slanting Chocolate
LOL … “This mythical method is happening with support of three toes” … get that? … SEX ON THREES TOES! … memo to mythical people – be kind to your toes, mix in a bed!
But wait, there are plenty more suggestions in plain English from this pretend city of sex …
Devil’s Paradise
As the devil’s mythical serpent cries with joy as the journey towards the honey comb is very painful. But the bees in the house are excited as the upward pressure eases her effort in lasting the divine honey.
Mythical Slavery
Your rose gains control of your heart so that her petals are striking like a mythical snow on your muscular body. The goosebumbs mad by this petals are so erotic to make mythical simulation which in turn intensifies your hunt for pleasure.
Tsunamycal Love
You could experience the joy of real tsunami as your eyes are viewing the tsunamical movements of her sweet apples. The back pressure will ease your effort as the two can play 50-50.
Seriously, if you can figure this shit out … more mythical power to you! But for us, we’ll stick with tried and true REAL positions from the sweet divine world of Gummy Bear Kama-Sutra.
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