Beer, Sexy Girls And Barf – App Store Nirvana

bot-meathead11 As the saying goes … Men Think With Their “Pants” (if you prefer, you can replace “pants” with the appropriate male organ to make it read more PG-13). As with most stereotypes, there is a certain amount of truth to this claim. So the clever folks at Gaming Unfolded decided to leverage this male weakness to their advantage and turn Weiner-Logic into gold.

Enter the latest and greatest sexy hot chick iPhone app –> iCountBeer. But this is no  ordinary bikini girl spice app … this one appeals to only the dumbest of Neanderthals …

iCountBeerDesc

Great balls of brilliance (pun intended)! Pay a buck … load and launch app … drink a beer … remove a beer. And your ultimate objective is to fully uncover the erotic babe hiding behind the stack-o-beer. This reward will only require consuming TWENTY beers … sure pencil-neck, go for it … TWENTY beers.

iCountBeer1   iCountBeer2

Oh look … poor pencil-neck completed the iCountBeer app and is now being rushed to the hospital in a Wambulance for alcohol poisoning. Freaking dumbass. Here’s a tip for those Neanderthals who insist on thinking with their johnson … go buy the Bikini Blast app for a buck – you get more boobie babes to look at, it’ll provide instant gratification and you’ll avoid spending the next 24 hours worshipping the porcelain god. Better yet … stop thinking with your dick.

But hey, it’s cool … nothing like an app to encourage irresponsible drinking … bravo Apple, the App Store is indeed revolutionary.

June 29, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment | 20 Comments 

Recap: Week Of June 22

iphonekrappsV1GIF In case you missed any of the festivities, quick links to this week’s articles.

June 22: iPhone Apps For Your Private Parts – don’t be an IDIOT!

June 23: The Perez Hilton Will.I.Am Of iPhone Apps – more iPhone garbage and drama

June 24: Is It An App? – Pinnacle Of A Revolutionary App Store – aka, a pissing contest

June 25: Porn And Nudity Now Available In The App Store – an epic Apple tease

June 26: iPhone Porn And Nudity Drama Continues – More Info – Apple’s Idiotic Indecisions

June 27: DrinkTracker Helps You Drink Responsibly – helping you avoid being a dumbass

June 28, 2009 | Filed Under Recap | Leave a Comment 

DrinkTracker Helps You Drink Responsibly

abs3 Ready? Here we go … Drinking and driving sucks! If you drink and drive, you are an idiot … putting your and other lives in serious danger. Hey, nothing against parting hard, getting hammered and waking up in a gutter with a new tattoo on your ass … just stay away from driving a car.

Easier said than done … agreed! Heck, even a casual post workday Happy Hour can put you at risk. We could all use a little handholding when it comes to drinking responsibly … and that’s when the DrinkTracker app [iTunes] becomes your friend who’s got your back.

DrinkTracker_Logo DrinkTracker by SlappMeDot.com (no it’s not a porno spanking site!) had us at “Hello” … an absolutely stunning, user-friendly and high quality iPhone breathalyzer app. At first sight, it’s obvious that SlappMe put a lot of time and effort into producing DrinkTracker … it simply rocks!

Based on your personal profile (user inputs their gender, age, height and weight), DrinkTracker will automatically compare your alcohol intake and your metabolic removal rate and calculate your blood alcohol content (BAC) EVERY 60 SECONDS! Told you it rocks … every 60 seconds you will be updated with your current BAC level and given a timeframe for how long you need to wait until your next drink to remain at your BAC target. In the US, it’s illegal to drive if your BAC is .08 or higher – so be sure to set the BAC Target well below 0.8 (no dumbass, .0799 won’t cut it).

DrinkTracker1   DrinkTracker2

DrinkTracker3   DrinkTracker4

Here are some additional DrinkTracker features that will assist you in drinking responsibly so you can actually manage to drive home and arrive in one piece:

> Continues to calculate your BAC even when app is closed
> If closed, app re-opens into your current session
> Auto updates … no need to manually refresh
> Supports custom drinks (good for foo-foo umbrella drink fans)
> Supports multiple personal profiles
> Supports US, Metric and Imperial measurements

And great news … SlappMe is already working on the next update which will include multiple concurrent user sessions. Two people can use DrinkTracker app at the same time and it will track BAC’s separately. A totally cool feature we love because two responsible heads are better than one.

To fully appreciate the features and benefits of DrinkTracker, watch the demo video below. It’s a touch over 5 minutes, but well worth your time considering one day DrinkTracker may save your life or at the very least, keep you out of jail.

 

Anti-Krapps-Seal-v2GIF Although DrinkTracker is a BAC estimator, it’s a heck of a lot more accurate than playing that risky “did I drink too much to drive” guessing game. At only $1.99, DrinkTracker should be considered an imperative member of your app collection and obviously 100% anti-KRAPPS Certified … with the 4th Of July Holiday right around the corner, do yourself a favor, purchase DrinkTracker now [iTunes] and enjoy the pleasures of drinking responsibly (Stone Brewing Imperial Russian Stout … love it).

June 27, 2009 | Filed Under anti-KRAPPS, Health | 37 Comments 

iPhone Porn And Nudity Drama Continues – More Info

(update 3:00pm PST: Hottest Girls web site, AllenTheGeek.com, has posted a note saying: “Apple has now removed all of our apps from the iTunes store without prior warning. We have yet to hear back from them on this issue.” WOW! Allen had a total of 4 apps – Hottest Girls, Hottest Guys, Send Flowers and EliteBrowser… and just like that, DONE!)

(update 11:30am PST: Hottest Girls developer, Allen Leung, has taken down his website  AllenTheGeek,com (only an email address remains). Is Allen on the run from Hottest Girls customers demanding their money back since the app is no longer working? LOL)

HottestGirlsDelete (update 7:00am PST: Hottest Girls received another “update” … when attempting to launch, the app cleverly informs the user, “This version will no longer work. You should delete this version.”)

LOL … who knew iPhone porn could create such drama. This reads something straight out of a soap opera or the Nip/Tuck television series. Pay close attention and follow along …

So early yesterday morning (12:30am PST) we wrote about developer Allen Leung updating his Hottest Girls app with nude topless sexy girl pictures … thus making Apple history by becoming the first iPhone application to contain nudity. Later that morning (9:30am PST), we updated our post stating Apple pulled Hottest Girls from the App Store. Several hours later, CNN quotes Apple spokesman Tom Neumayer:

Apple will not distribute applications that contain inappropriate content, such as pornography. The developer of this application added inappropriate content directly from their server after the application had been approved and distributed, and after the developer had subsequently been asked to remove some offensive content. This was a direct violation of the terms of the iPhone Developer Program. The application is no longer available on the App Store.

Last night (7:30pm PST), TechCrunch speculated that Apple DID NOT pull the app, rather Allen the developer, voluntarily pulled the Hottest Girls app because the high demand was crashing his servers. Allen didn’t exactly say he pulled the app … rather put a marketing spin to the situation, calling the app “Sold Out”.

HottestGirlsSoldOut

WTF is going on with Apple? They are a JOKE with their idiotic, vague and inconsistent App Store policies. Hey Apple … if you will not distribute pornography, then why the hell do you have a 17+ rating that CLEARLY states INTENSE SEXUAL CONTENT or NUDITY?!?! Here’s a brilliant idea, no pornography? – then bail the rating! – DUH!

17rating

Not to mention the TOP100 app … SHOUTING … “Topless Images Will Be Added … End Of June 2009!!!” (oh krapp, there goes their servers too) … with promises of the Covergirl (“100 Photos Of Bums”), Topless Babes (“100 Topless Models) and Cleavage (“100 Photos Of Cleavages) apps arriving from the same TOP100 developer in July.

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So stay tuned for more dumbass corporate indecisions from Apple as we continue to monitor the iPhone Spice movement and all its idiotic glory.

June 26, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment, News | 164 Comments 

Porn And Nudity Now Available In The App Store

(update 6/26/09 12:30am PST: yet another update. click here for complete details)

(update 6/25/09 9:33am PST: oh Apple, you BIG TEASE! the revolutionary Hottest Girls app has been pulled from the App Store. perhaps too “hot” for the geeks in Cupertino, LOL)

You knew it was coming! … You read the warning signs! … This shouldn’t be a surprise!
But similar to any historic occasion, the magnitude of the event really starts to sink in after it becomes reality. So chew on this for a moment …

Apple’s iPhone App Store now contains NUDITY!

Here, let us repeat that for you so there is no confusion …

Apple approves NUDITY in iPhone apps!
There is PORNOGRAPHY in the App Store!

Thanks to the new Parental Controls in OS 3.0 (the 17+ rating), yesterday, developer Allen Leung updated his Hottest Girls app with nude topless sexy girl pictures … thus making Apple history by becoming the first iPhone application to contain nudity.

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HottestGirlsScreenshot
(image via macenstein)

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LOL … on Monday, Steve Jobs released a company statement characterizing the App Store as “Revolutionary”. Two days later Steve’s prophecy comes true … PORN … indeed  HottestGirlsNudity11 revolutionary Steve!

So now that we can purchase official Apple endorsed nude porno boobies in the App Store, where do we go from here? Streaming videos … an official Vivid Entertainment app … Adam & Eve catalog … Leisure Suit Larry games … iPlayboy … etc. SHHHHH – do you hear that loud roar? … that’s the Girls Gone Wild franchise going wild over the good news.

And now we have questions for Apple: will they be releasing a new SDK agreement and revising Section 3.3.12 and its “applications must not contain any pornographic material” specification? … is hardcore material cool or just soft porn? … what about male frontal nudity? … or POV porn? … HEY – don’t laugh! … these guidelines are crucial to mister Larry “Hustler” Flynt.

iPlayboy

So on this historic day … we’ll leave you with a tip and a warning:

iPhoneParentalControls11 TIP – parents, if you don’t want your kids to view Apple’s porn (if you do – you’re an IDIOT), go to Settings > General > Restrictions > Enable Restrictions, check Don’t Allow Apps 17+.

WARNING – similar to the fart and bikini girl phenomena, brace yourselves for a massive flood of iPhone porno applications.

Hmmm … those poor Korean secretaries we wrote about … who were forced to pose in the Office Girls app – we guess completely disrobing will now be part of their job security.

(LOL at geeky Apple approved pornography – it probably sucks anyways! – save your $$$)

June 25, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment | 151 Comments 

Is It An App? – Pinnacle Of A Revolutionary App Store

Back in March, we wrote an article called “The Dumbing Of Apple”. The article featured the Nothing app … an app which does nothing and at the time, carried a 99 cent price tag. jobsiphone111 Seriously -  and no … we’re not drunk. While the Nothing app was essentially a joke by the  developer (to see if Apple would approve such a piece of krapp), Nothing’s approval did raise the question … what is with all this useless trash Apple keeps approving? Shouldn’t there be some sort of basic functionality requirement in an iPhone application … then again, if there was such a requirement, Steve couldn’t make this recent official statement:

“With over 50,000 applications available from Apple’s revolutionary App Store,
iPhone momentum is stronger than ever.”

LOL … Revolutionary App Store. While that may be true to some extent, take a look around this site and you’ll see plenty of App Store drivel which dilutes and discredits that revolutionary 50K figure … disqualification in the App Store pissing contest.

So in the proud tradition of useless trash like the Nothing app … Apple has approved the
Is It An App? app. Seriously -  and no … we’re not drunk. Launch the Is It An App? app and you will be presented a number of random, idiotic and stupid questions with a simple “Yes” or “No” answer: Could you be a part-time model? … Is it the business? … Does it worth? … Is the Great Wall Of China viewable from space? … Is Twitter down?

IsApp3 IsApp5 IsApp6

Wow Apple … thanks for approving this app … always wondered if we needed a vacation. And as we bitched just yesterday about false advertising … we come across another description which is full of BS:

IsItAnAppDescFINAL

Uh NO – this is not an app … Uh YES – it sucks … Uh NO – its not worth the download.

Oh look … a Nothing app copy cat internet meme (sort of an Internet-based inside joke) … HA, HA … you da funny guy developer Shawn. But dude, why you such the Twitter hater? Don’t be a Bitter Bobby – mix in a puppy, it’ll make you feel better … LOL

sroskeTwitter

But yeah, Bitter Bobby … errrr Shawn Roske … does have a point – too much useless trash in the Revolutionary App Store. And memo to “funny guy” devs … you can stop now with the  “make fun of Apple” meme apps … we get it – Apple approve KRAPPS … no need to exacerbate this Revolutionary problem – you are preaching to the choir.

June 24, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment | 11 Comments 

The Perez Hilton Will.I.Am Of iPhone Apps

So did you hear about the DRAMA between Will.I.Am of the Black Eyed Peas and celebrity gossip blogger Perez Hilton? Pretty hysterical stuff. Will.I.Am accuses Perez Hilton of disrespecting the band and leading lady Fergie … Perez Hilton accuses Will.I.Am’s security guard of punching him in the face … Perez Hilton tweets the punching incident on Twitter … Will.I.Am makes a video response giving his side of the story, indicating a random fan punched Hilton … Perez Hilton makes a profanity laden video response to Will.I.Am’s video … then Will.I.Am makes another video response to Hilton’s video.

PerezHiltonVideo11  Will.I.AmVideo11

LOL … both of you … shut the hell up already! What is with all this video garbage? Yeah guys … way to use your status and social media for something constructive.

Will.I.Am – get some thicker skin man! you should be way above some dumbass spat with a two-bit celebrity dirt writer. why escalate such nonsense? yeah we get the “I am human – I have feelings too  you know” part … but come on, why waste a single ounce of energy on such drivel? did you miss that day in kindergarten where they taught – “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me”? have some faith in humanity, they’ll make the proper judgment.

Perez – dude, boo freaking hoo … cry us a river! it comes with the territory … piss enough liar-liar-pants-on-fire people off, you will get punched. this shouldn’t come as a big surprise. oh and nice “No Hate” pants you wear … you joke!

So who punched Perez Hitlon … a Will.I.Am security guard (as Perez states) or some random fan (as Will.I.Am states)? LOL … whatever … who cares. What we do find hysterical is the LIAR, LIAR aspect of the story … someone is obviously not telling the truth, leaving the tax payers money to figure this garbage out … thanks fellas!

And this brings us to our next iPhone application … ShakeTheGirl by Netfinity Digital Media. Yet another sexploitation app … albeit an original. Launch app … select a hot chick’s picture … shake the iPhone – hot chick’s clothes fly off leaving her NAKED.

ShakeTheGirlDescFINAL11

Cool … another Apple first … a naked hot chicks app for only 99 cents. Or so we thought … until we visited the ShakeTheGirl web site and checked out the demonstration video. Maybe it’s just us … do you see any naked hot chicks?

 

LIAR, LIAR … what a bunch of krapp … naked girls where? Seriously, can developers claim anything in their app descriptions? Wouldn’t it behoove Apple to check every description for accuracy, profanity, age rating, etc? “But KRAPPS … it’s not feasible to check every aspect of an app … there are too many of them and simply impossible”. YAWN … give it up … would it kill Apple to invest in the quality of the approval process and hire some more freaking App Review employees … whether it’s the initial approval, an update or a simple post-approval description change?

And Netfinity …. watch yourself with the BS naked girls claim … trying to sucker some poor saps like us? Talk to Perez Hilton … piss off enough people and you will get smacked. Although in the iPhone world, things are different … someone (perhaps a KRAPPS. We. Are security guard) will whip out the iFight Pro app and BOOM BOOM POW your false advertising ass … LOL!

June 23, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment | 19 Comments 

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