Sexy Wash – More Dirt For Your iPhone

The thing that sucks big time about the iPhone is it’s freaking touch screen. And no, we’re not talking about attempting to type on the keyboard … were talking about keeping the damn thing clean. Fingerprints, smudges, Cheetos tracks … blech – disgusting. Sure we could use a micro-fiber cloth and constantly wipe down our screen … but what a pain in the ass.

DogClean11 So we tried one of those screen cleaning apps … you know, the one where the cutesy little dog appears on your screen and licks it clean. It worked ok, but frankly, we are sick of seeing canine tongue splattered across our touch screen all day long.

Well Apple must know about our bitching and complaining  because they recently approved the Sexy Screen Wash app. Now that’s what we’re talking about … SEX! Scantily clad women in a variety of fetish-themed outfits cleaning your screen – a thing of beauty … all hail the mighty iPhone.

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SexyWash111  SexyWash222

iWashSMALL Now we know of this sex washing concept from a movie-type app called iWash. But given Apple’s strict objectionable smut policy (LOL), we never imagined an Apple endorsed sex washer would appear in the App Store. So we’ll stop our whining about dirty touch screens because Sexy Screen Wash makes us happy again. Only problem is we sexy wash our screen all day … huh, huh, huh.

Oh – and more good news. With the approval of Sexy Screen Wash, it appears what was once objectionable content is now good times. The developers of sex wash, On The Go Girls, are heating up for their sexy video app – positioning it as “Party Girl Videos presents … Asian Spice”. Woohoo! Perhaps a sign of what’s coming shortly with Parental Controls in OS3 … or maybe just wishful thinking by On The Go Girls. All we know is nothing from Apple surprises us now.

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June 3, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment | 27 Comments 

Real Estate Agents Are Disturbing

Hating on real estate agents is a great American pastime for a lot of people. Ultra-aggressive and over-the-top sales techniques , scratching each other’s eyes out for the latest listing … all while baking cookies and cutting fresh flowers for their next open house. It’s a dog eat dog world in the real estate market, where only the strong survive … so considering these conditions, no wonder real estate agents resemble circus freaks.

MobileAppLoader Well iPhone owners … brace yourselves … the circus is coming to town! The first wave of real estate agent iPhone apps have arrived, with the majority developed by a company called MobileAppLoader. For about $100, any real estate agent can purchase their customized “template” app and establish a footprint in the App Store. And you get what you pay for. These KRAPPS simply contain a “Call The Agent” button, an “Email the Agent” button, some links to the agent’s web site, a loan calculator and location-based emails notifying the agent you are in a specific neighborhood. Good stuff … if you’re into one-sided conversations.

But hey, you gotta applaud MobileAppLoader and the agents who shell out a hundred bucks for their app … at least their thinking out of the box. Plus it gives us a spotlight our favorites along with the accompanying screen shots …

Apparently Allen Jaworski has himself confused with some high powered Wall Street broker. And just look at him go … a mover and a shaker … Allen rocks! Uh dude – why don’t you have an iPhone … great job appealing to your target market!

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Ahh … the lovely Jen And Joe Hernandez app … young newlyweds … they love each other so much … love, love , love. HELLO FREAKS – don’t put your cheese ball engagement photo on a business application! You expect us to trust you with our money when you can’t even keep your hands off each other during a simple business photo shoot? We want to kill our iPhone every time we launch the “Jen Hearts Joe” app and see their horndog picture. Love bites … get a freaking room!

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There’s something about the HomeWay guy … not exactly sure what it is … maybe it’s the white jacket or the highlighted hair or the sexy goatee or the sexy smile. But whatever it is … we want to party with the HomeWay dude!!!

HomeWayGuy   HomeWayFINAL

Meet Matt Stigliano of San Antonio Real Estate … poor sucker, he lost a bet with his friends and now is now forever engrained in the App Store as a Real Estate Agent Rockstar. Or maybe he really does think he’s a rockstar. Uh, ok – cool – yeah Matt … you are a rockstar and all the chicks dig you.

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Finally we have Lori O’Day. We had to delete this app immediately as it caused us to have reoccurring nightmares featuring Lori’s mug offering us baked cookies at an open house … AHHHHHH …. seriously disturbing! WTF lady – invest in a decent portrait!

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June 2, 2009 | Filed Under Business, Uncategorized | 59 Comments 

Touch My Crotch

baggy1 Ok, today we talk underwear. Are you a Boxer or Brief type of guy? Or maybe you are into those Boxer Briefs things? How about the ladies … Thong, G-String or Full Backs? Then there’s always the Boy Shorts option for the gals. Underwear = big business … sexy … super expensive if you indulge in La Perla. Simply put, underwear is fascinating stuff … heck, why else would so many folks walk around with their pants half way down their ass, exposing their choice of underwear for all the world to see?

iPanties2 Meet iPhone app developer Jake London. Apparently he, like most, has an underwear fetish. Maybe it’s because he discovered the Slide To Unlock iPhone tribute panties, iPanties … or maybe it’s because he’s seen one too many g-string riding out of those low cut jeans. But whatever the case may be, Jake decided to dedicate his time and programming talent to underwear with the release of Zips Lite. So follow closely … we’ll give you a brief tour (see what we did there?) of Zips.

Upon launching Zips, you are presented a CROTCH. Yes – a beautiful close up of a zippered jeans CROTCH. So the point is to touch the CROTCH with your finger, pull down the zipper and reveal the underwear behind the now un-zippered CROTCH.

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And that’s it … brilliant, isn’t it? Jake is a genius and honestly, we feel blessed to have discovered such a hidden talent amongst iPhone developers. But Jake isn’t done … Zips Lite is just the beginning. He plans to offer a non-lite version which will allow the user to put any image behind the zipper. Oh that Jake is a sneaky one! Look at this mad man appealing to the commando lovers of the world … “nothing comes between me and my Calvins” … you go Jake!

(can you believe Brooke Shields was FIFTEEN in this commercial?!?)

 

Oh – and coming soon to an App Store near you … BUTTONS … slide your finger down the blouse to expose the bra underneath. And when Apple looses even more of its mind … UNDRESS ME … slide your finger to un-button and un-zip, then a flick motion to completely remove the article of clothing. You don’t think it’ll happen?!?! Haaa … you better start paying attention to KRAPPS!

June 1, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment | 13 Comments 

Recap: Week Of May 25

iphonekrappsV1GIF In case you missed any of the festivities, quick links to this week’s articles.

May 25: Bizarre iPhone Promotional Techniques – including an insane & hysterical video

May 26: The Science Of Sex – this is not a joke! sex and science are serious stuff!

May 28: Kittens & Puppies Suck – Just Kill Them – it’s ok, Apple approved it

May 29: We Were Wrong – We Are Sorry – our public “apology” to an iPhone developer

May 30: hideNtweet – Hide & Seek For The iPhone And Twitter – a truly unique game

May 31: Thank You KRAPPS Sponsors – our sponsors rock! check out their cool offerings

May 31, 2009 | Filed Under Recap | Leave a Comment 

Thank You KRAPPS Sponsors

We would like to take a brief timeout to thank our valued sponsors. Without their support, there would be no KRAPPS (uh, that doesn’t sound right). All these peeps are solid folks, have quality products and we’re proud to be aligned with them. So support KRAPPS, show our sponsors some love … you’ll become a better person.

Be Seen With KRAPPS
KRAPPS is the only web site dedicated to iPhone humor and fun. Take advantage of our unique niche by advertising on KRAPPS. We offer four different sponsorship packages to ensure participation at a variety of budget levels. Contact us at info@KRAPPS.com to receive our media kit, rate card and to secure your advertising placement.

ThankYouPres

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hideNtweet22 hideNtweet
With the amount of garbage in the App Store, the hideNtweet app is a breath of fresh air. It is a totally unique and original game specifically designed for the iPhone. Think the classic children’s game Hide And Seek … now bring Hide And Seek to the iPhone, couple that with GPS technology and Twitter … and voila – hideNtweet. This app is currently in beta and being developed by Dove Valley Apps. Click here to read our review. Better yet, experience this extraordinary gaming experience yourself … click here to become a beta user. 

100soundsThankYou 100sounds
There’s a reason 100sounds is the #1 soundboard app … cuz it rocks! This app not only provides hundreds of high quality originally recorded sound effects, but also includes loop and delay effects for all your comedic purposes. Plus you can get hundreds of ringtones emailed to you, automatically, at no extra charge! 100sounds was already a bargain at $0.99, so this enhancement makes it a great deal! Click here to view web site, be sure to check out the hysterical user-submitted videos.

VoiceForge VoiceForge: We Build Voices® –
We Make the Internet Talk®
Attention iPhone developers – VoiceForge is an online Text-to-Speech service. They’ve made TTS fast, affordable, and scalable! Tap a huge variety of 60 voices in 5 languages. Using their SOAP based API, simply send text, indicate the voice, and receive back a MP3 or URL. And it’s fast – just 200 milliseconds for audio to be returned. Big fish no problem; our capacity exceeds 100 million synthesis per day. Consumers love personalization – why not "pimp your app" by letting users pick the voice they like? Click here to receive more info, try the demo, or sign up for a free developer’s kit.

BinaryGameThankYou2 Binary Game
Simply put, this app makes you smarter! Binary Game gets your brain juices flowing and is a ton of fun. It’s an original game of binary math which is simple to play and highly addictive. The worldwide leader board satisfies the most uber-competitive gamer, while the Facebook Connect feature pleases those social types. Click here to read our review or click here to purchase from the App Store, click here.

Wordulous 99 Games
99 Games is an exceptional game developer cranking out such iPhone classics as WordsWorth (ranked as high #1 in the word game category), Chess Pro, Chess Lite, Aqua Jigsaw, and Jigsaw Wild. Their latest offering is Wordulous … an anagram like no others: multiple modes, global scores, Facebook Connect and more. 99 Games is committed to building only the highest quality and most entertaining games possible … all at affordable prices.  

iFightThankYou iFight Pro
This app is a blast! To really appreciate iFight Pro, click here and take a quick look at a demonstration video – it’s really cool. Combine a handgun, rifle, shotgun, slap, whip, gong, sword or punch with one of the eight background music tracks – and you’ll be awarded with a pure quality, enormously fun iPhone app.

May 31, 2009 | Filed Under anti-KRAPPS, News | Leave a Comment 

hideNtweet – Hide & Seek For The iPhone And Twitter

update Jul 5: hideNtweet is now available for FREE via iTunes – click here to download

(written by guest author Tim Giron. follow Tim on Twitter @timgiron)

hideNtweetLogo11 It’s 10:15 on a Sunday morning and I am crouched in one of the many alleys in a small neighborhood near Arizona State University.  I check my iPhone map display and see a red plus sign moving in my direction; it’s the seeker blocking my path to the home base.  Blue dots indicate the positions of the other players, full grown men experiencing a high tech version of the classic playground game.

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This is hideNtweet and we’ve been invited by the developer, John Ellis of Dove Valley Apps, to take part in a beta test.  Realizing that the direct approach is not going to work for me, I move off a ways and wait for John, who is currently "it", to chase after somebody else.  Once he does, I loop around and head for the base location, which is thankfully near a hammock in the shade.  For the next round, I choose to be "it" and the chase is on again!

finding_homebase11    john_tags_home11

hideNtweet creatively utilizes the technologies available on the iPhone to fuse the virtual and physical worlds.  The camera is used to identify a home base and to tag other players as caught.  The GPS and map, complete with sweeping radar indicator, shows all of the player positions.  And, to top it all off, the app uses the online Twitter service to announce threeGhostsWhite11 significant game plays to the participants.

While it is much more fun to play with others, the game also has a "solo" mode where 4 ghost characters will try to evade and outwit you.  Ingeniously, the ghosts move through the camera view when you close in for the capture.

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If you’re interested in joining in the beta test hijinks, gather up a few friends and head over to http://hideNtweet.com to apply.  Please note that since the application is currently in beta test, some of the screens may change before release.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Wow! Talk about a unique gaming experience for the iPhone … totally looking forward to the release of this app. With all the garbage and repeat apps (how many tic-tac-toe apps? – too many!) in the App Store, we applaud Dove Valley Apps for thinking outside the box and working on something truly creative and first of its kind. Rock on guys!

And don’t forget to sign up to be a beta game player … DO IT … it’s fun, free and will make you feel better. Click Here to sign up now.

May 30, 2009 | Filed Under anti-KRAPPS, Games | 4 Comments 

We Were Wrong – We Are Sorry

Here at KRAPPS, we are far from perfect. We screw up – we make mistakes. But we have integrity. We can look ourselves in the mirror and say … You KRAPPS Are A Dumb Ass! Rather than sit around and blow sunshine up each other’s asses, we can admit it when we are wrong.

sorry2 Three weeks ago we wrote an article Hooking Up With The Gerbil. We came down pretty hard on an iPhone developer group called Arctic Gerbil. We called them out for spamming the App Store with SIX HUNDRED EIGHTY NINE (689) apps. We laughed at the Arctic Gerbil and compared them to some loser dude who hits on every chick he meets, hoping one  would finally say “yes” to his advances.

Well guess what … we were wrong for picking on the Arctic Gerbil. Our attack was brash, stupid and totally uncalled for. So we admit it … and we apologize:

Dear Arctic Gerbil … Our Bad – We Are Sorry!

arcticgerbillogojpg Seriously, think about it. Let’s say you were a gerbil and you lived in the Arctic … life would kind of suck. It’s not like you could golf or skateboard … you’d freeze to death. It’s not like you could catch a movie or a play … there ain’t shit to do in the Arctic. So really you are relegated to indoor activities like sitting on the couch, drinking beer, picking your nose and watching TV. Good times in the Arctic!

But at least the Arctic Gerbil is productive … they are all about iPhone love … reproducing like rabbits in heat. Wham – Bam … a hundred apps. Boink – Boink … another three hundred apps. And with a total of SIX HUNDRED EIGHTY NINE apps – that Arctic  GerbilKiss22 Gerbil is one horny bastard.

So today we peeked back into the Arctic Gerbil’s love nest … just to see if they still had the iPhone love. WOW – we were not disappointed! There’s been a whole lotta loving going on – to the tune of over 477 apps in just three weeks … bringing Arctic Gerbil’s total love count to 
ONE THOUSAND ONE HUNDRED SIXTY SIX (1,166) apps!!

From what we can tell, their current love child is the iNewsPro application. There are TWO HUNDRED EIGHTY of these bad boys in the App Store. Just think of any city and chances are the Arctic Gerbil spawned it. iNewsPro Enid … Houma … Natchez … Toccoa … Visalia … Elmira … Danville … Kokomo … Yuba City … plus 271 more.

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But don’t be a hater! Remember, we were wrong for bashing the Arctic Gerbil. We should all be so lucky to have such love in our life … especially the 280 love child iNewsPro apps. And Apple … please, no need to “fix” the Gerbil … after all, what the world needs now is more love in the App Store.

May 29, 2009 | Filed Under News | 28 Comments 

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