100+ Ways To NOT Get Laid App Advices Users To ‘Shit In Their Bed’

cuddle party Looking to hook up with some hottie and do the nasty like a rock star? No worries, you’re in luck. There are literally hundreds of apps to help you get laid … “Get Any Girl : The Ultimate Pickup Guide” … “How To Get Girls Into Bed Without Trying” … and even Vampire, Redneck or Robot Pickup Lines.

But what if you’re not looking to score? What if you wear one of those purity rings … or prefer a cuddle party to a naked party? Can the iPhone actually help you avoid having sex?

Good news for those aiming to become the next 40-year-old virgin … yesterday a new free application hit the App Store … 100+ Ways To NOT Get Laid [iTunes Free].

Ways-To-not-Get-Laid-title

Actually if you think about it, 100+ Ways To NOT Get Laid is quite the life saver …

On a shitty blind date? … what does the app suggest … “tell them you can suck your own member” … boom, no sex!

After undressing your potential bang buddy for the first time, you discover a third nipple … what does the app suggest … “shit in their bed” … boom, no sex!

Ways-To-not-Get-Laid-1  Ways-To-not-Get-Laid-2

And of course other classic action plans like … “pull your tampon out. swing it around your head and yell ‘your goin’ down goliath!’” … and of course the fail-proof … “keep saying ‘I think that would fit up my butt’”.

Ways-To-not-Get-Laid-3  Ways-To-not-Get-Laid-4

Yeah, 100+ Ways To NOT Get Laid might not change the world … but if suddenly you come face-to-face with a one-eyed willy covered in disgusting warts (ewww), you’ll be sure glad you downloaded 100+ Ways To NOT Get Laid and “shit in their bed”.

July 9, 2010 | Filed Under Entertainment | 2 Comments 

Ultimate Pac-Man iPhone iOS 4 Wallpaper Collection [10 Downloads]

apple-pac-man Gotta love graphic designer geeks. Yesterday the big boy tech blogs (Gizmodo, Engadget, TUAW, etc.) posted a killer Pac-Man iPhone 4 iOS 4 home screen wallpaper … which as far as we can tell, originated on a Japanese website (currently now working, the big boys broke it). So immediately the graphic designers got their panties in a bundle … saying how this Japanese version was crappiely executed, didn’t resemble the original arcade game … basically a piss poor effort. They vowed to rebuild it … making it better than it was before … better, stronger, faster.

For convenient download and to satisfy your inner Pac-Man mania, below is a collection of “better, stronger, faster” Pac-Man iOS 4 wallpapers which were all created and released within 24 hours of the original Japanese version. If you suck at making decisions and want all ten Pac-Man wallpapers CLICK HERE for a ZIP file.

[please note: all images are the proper 640×960 size for iPhone 4 iOS 4 and designed to be used as home screen wallpaper … download directly to iPhone’s camera roll by touching the desired image, press and hold the image on its new page and select save.]

Original Pac-Man Wallpaper From Japanese Website Madin
The one that started this current craze … now we wait for Donkey Kong, Space Invaders, Frogger, etc. … come on geeks – if you build it, they will come!

Pac-Man iPhone Wallpaper 1

Pac-Man Wallpaper From Gizmodo Reader kdlc

Pac-Man iPhone Wallpaper 2

Pac-Man & Ms. Pac-Man Wallpapers From Kal Michael

Pac-Man iPhone Wallpaper 3  Ms Pac-Man iPhone Wallpaper

Pac-Man Wallpaper From Geeky Gadgets Reader Taylor Griffin

Pac-Man iPhone Wallpaper 4

Pac-Man Wallpaper From Gizmodo Reader M3tALHaz3

Pac-Man iPhone Wallpaper 5

Pac-Man Wallpapers From Jeffrey Carl Faden

Pac-Man iPhone Wallpaper 6  Pac-Man iPhone Wallpaper 8

Pac-Man iPhone Wallpaper 9  Pac-Man iPhone Wallpaper 7

July 8, 2010 | Filed Under News | 5 Comments 

Turn Your iPhone Into A Frickin’ Laser, Moving Fan, Real Flashlight And More

Holger-Blumler-FINAL First there was the app that turned your iPhone into a portable heater … then into an air blower … and of course the infamous watermelon ripeness detector. But all these useless useful applications pale in comparison to the dynasty of utilities one developer is pumping out … dude’s name is Holger Blumler … and his eccentric company is HMB-TEC. 

Holger Blumler is an interesting fellow. Picture the freaky scientist Doc Brown from Back To The Future. But instead of tinkering with a DeLorean and the flux capacitor … Holger spends his time messing with the iPhone’s 3.5mm headphone jack. And with assorted external attachments (all available for sale on HMB-TEC’s site), coupled with correct calculations … when the iPhone launches Holger’s apps, you’re going to see some serious shit …

iPocketFan
Just like it sounds … stick a propeller in the headphone jack, crank up the iPhone’s volume and boom … revolutionary refreshing air!

SoccerPlug
Forgive Holger … he’s from Germany and their soccer team is kicking major ass in the World Cup. So being a freak football fan, Holger couldn’t resist an app that waves the German (or any nation) flag from the iPhone accompanied by various obnoxious soccer sounds. Heartbreaking however that Holger didn’t develop a vuvuzela attachment.

iLaserPointer
Turn your iPhone into a FICKIN’ LASER … enough said … awesome!

LED Flashlight
So some weak sauce developers are using the iPhone 4’s flash as a flashlight app … MEH. Holger is way ahead of those dorks … check out the original, pre-iPhone 4, LED flashlight … complete with a handy, built-in, SOS Morse code distress signal (· · · — — — · · ·). 

 

And Holger’s madness doesn’t stop with the above … mobile alarm system [YouTube], aromatherapy [YouTube], thermometer, stethoscope, heart monitor, microphone, infrared remote and more. Like we said, dude is building a dynasty of some serious flux capacitor-like shit … bravo Holger, bravo!

July 7, 2010 | Filed Under Utilities | Leave a Comment 

Disturbing New Way To Hold iPhone 4

Ahhh, the Apple fanboy … plastering Apple stickers on every inch of their car …. obsessing over all things Apple, all the time … when Steve Jobs says “JUMP!”, they respond, “how high?”. But most important … never admitting fault with Apple, ever.

So when informed they’re holding the iPhone 4 wrong … Apple fanboy takes every drastic measure to follow the brainwashing preaching of Steve Jobs. Yeah … you can always tell who’s the real Apple fanboy … they show it with pride.   

iphonefixFinal

(via MakeUseOf)

July 6, 2010 | Filed Under News | 7 Comments 

Tap Tap Vuvuzela For iPhone – C’mon Tapulous, Make It

Screw Nickelback, Bieber and Gaga … Tapulous should so add this game to their Tap Tap series of music games … Tap Tap Vuvuzela … game lasts 90 minutes – don’t miss the first note or you are so effed! 

 

(via Kotaku)

July 5, 2010 | Filed Under Games, News | Leave a Comment 

Katy Perry Parody “California Dorks” is Dorktastic! – plus Recap: Week Of June 28

Ad-Krapps-170x170 In case you missed any of our perfect iPhone chaos, quick links to this week’s articles.

June 28: Best Part Of iOS 4 …

June 29: Monkey Boy – The Legend Continues

June 30: Nudity, Blood, Violence & Murder – Crazy Bitch Soccer Fans Love Super Streaker

July 1: Make Rice Boobs With Rice Implants App

July 2: App Lets Users Send Erections As Gifts (not kidding!)

July 3: Vuvuzela Ate My Brain! – Pro Zombie Soccer for iPhone

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LAMO @ Katy Perry Parody “California Dorks”

Happy Fourth of July to all our American peeps!

And what better way to celebrate America’s Independence Day than with this awesome music video from Jason Munday’s Skyway Flyers. “California Dorks” is a hysterical parody of Katy Perry’s “California Gurls” smash hit single … and living in Southern California, we pissed our pants from hysterics as “California Dorks” brilliantly covers just about every stereotype in the SoCal nerd scene … We’ll get some In’ N Out for breakfast – Disneyland like four times a week – Wifi on the beach, we’re ustreaming from our smartphones.

 

July 4, 2010 | Filed Under News, Recap | 4 Comments 

Vuvuzela Ate My Brain! – Pro Zombie Soccer for iPhone

(written by guest author Tim Giron. follow Tim on Twitter @timgiron)

When the zombies come for you (and they will), you must use your skills to their fullest to defeat them.  And if your skill is making wicked moves with a soccer ball, it would probably look something like Pro Zombie Soccer [iTunes $0.99], developed by Super Awesome Hyper-Dimensional Mega Team and released by Chillingo.

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Similar to a tower defense setup, you control the character of Jax, who’s short on time since he may already be infected himself.  The story unfolds via beautifully delivered comic art cut scenes.  In the first rounds, you start off on "The Streets", armed with just a soccer ball.  The zombies approach from the right side of the screen, some moving faster than others and some just a little harder to kill.  You can power up your shot for extra killing effect and it’s never a bad idea to aim for the head.

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As you work your way through the levels, you’ll pick up extra powers as well.  One gives you super-speed to get more shots off.  Another lets your soccer ball mow through a whole crowd of zombies before it returns to you.  Yet another lets you target multiple zombies for a laser blast from space.  Each of these powers comes in handy when things get a little crazy.  You get bonus points for using these extra powers to their full potential.

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After you’ve mastered "The Streets", your next mission takes you to "The Scrapyard".  The first level of that set has you running headlong at the zombies while still controlling the soccer ball.

Near the end of each level, you will face off with a burlier "boss".  These take multiple shots to kill, so aim well and shoot quick.  Hilariously, at one point I scored a "Nut Shot".  I wasn’t fast enough to capture a screen grab of it, but it dropped that zombie right quick.

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A recent update fixes issues with iOS 4.0 and a free companion app was just released, Pro Zombie Groan [iTunes Free] which gives you access to the various sound effects used in the main game app.

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Currently priced at 99 cents [iTunes] to coincide with the FIFA World Cup, the app is normally $2.99, which is a great deal anyway when you consider the amount of gameplay you will experience.  The game looks great and plays decently, even on my 3G iPhone.

July 3, 2010 | Filed Under anti-KRAPPS, Games, Guest Authors | Leave a Comment 

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