The Most Blatant Sexploitation In An iPhone App

MSHOT is a Korean-based iPhone app development company. You probably never heard of them … which is a good thing … because there’s something very strange going on at their  offices and frankly, we are concerned!

Last month, MSHOT released the Office Girls app … one of those typical “Oh Sexy Baby – Let Me Touchy Touchy” wallpaper apps. Fair enough … there’s like a million of them … who cares. True – but upon further review, it seems management at MSHOT has been pressuring female employees into provocative poses in exchange for their job security …

OfficeGirlsDesc

WTH is this? … “These pretty secretaries who live perky lives, gladly volunteered to be our models” … YEAH RIGHT! They better agree to this blatant sexploitation if they want to remain MSHOT employees. Come on … pimping out your own personnel? What kind of business do you guys run? – software firm? – don’t think so. Mix in a little sexual harassment charges over at MSHOT … just look at these pics from the Office Girls app:

hey there hot MSHOT secretary … unbutton that blouse of yours and show us your sexy black bra … smile, you’ll be in our Office Girls app and YOU WILL LIKE IT!

OfficeGirls3

yeah that’s it secretary babe … hike up that red dress way high … love the plunging neckline … this will be perfect for our Office Girls app and YOU WILL LIKE IT!

OfficeGirls2

oh, never mind us … keep talking on the phone … we’re just trying to get a boob shot for our Office Girls app and YOU WILL LIKE IT!

OfficeGirls4

But unfortunately the madness of MSHOT continues. They’re now branching out beyond their immediate office location and terrorizing innocent young Korean hot chicks throughout the country. Yesterday MSHOT released the Pocket Girls app (no relation to the Pocket God app)  … bragging about their persuasive techniques on unsuspecting Asian girls …

PocketGirlsDescFINAL

Again … WTH is this? The description sounds like something you’d find in the slave trader oriented movie Taken (great flick, by the way) … “Purchasing this application enables us to find and recruit new Asian girls and persuade them into lingerie shots” … are you F’ing kidding!?!? Who the hell even thinks like this, yet alone writes this stuff as a sales tool. We’re not exactly sure what’s more “amusing”, the Pocket Girls description or the actual images it contains:

great job sexy lingerie ladies … pretend you’re sleeping … spoon up real close …
give her a nice “courtesy touch” … excellent
(oh krapp, we misspelled pocket … screw it, Apple won’t notice)

PocketGirls1 

are you kidding me? … is that all you got? … come on! let’s go! … wider, wider, wider
LOL … easy lady … you’ll end up pulling a groin muscle

PocketGirls3

that’s the money shot … sleeping in lingerie … looking so sexy and vulnerable
LOL … who the hell sleeps like this?

PocketGirls2

WOW … Office and Pocket Girls … is this where Apple is taking us with yesterday’s OS3 launch and the subsequent Parental Controls? Oh what the hell … we’ll take it … we look at it as job security (and we don’t even have to pose in our sexy lingerie).

June 18, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment | 1 Comment 

Not Your Ordinary Tickle App

A video tribute to the funniest iPhone app available to date … sorry folks, we had to do it

(please switch man-child mentality to “ON” and push “PLAY”)

(we can’t stop laughing!)

June 17, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment | 14 Comments 

iPhone App Teaches How To Touch A Woman’s Body

BikiniBlast Similar to fart apps which began appearing back in December, the latest App Store rage are those Sexy Hot Chick Wallpaper apps. Trying to decide which babelicious wallpaper app to download is similar to making a selection from the 250 beers available at the Yard House restaurant … the possibilities are overwhelming –> blondes, brunettes, Japanese, American, Korean, Russian, bikini, lingerie, sexy cops, naughty nurses, horny maids, soccer sluts, MILF’s, spring break coeds … LOL – WTF people … step away from the Do Me Baby wallpaper apps and find yourself a real live Do Me Baby … trust us, it’s much better this way.

“But KRAPPS, I tried finding a real Do Me Baby … but I can’t. It’s much easier just to download them to my iPhone. I even tried those pickup line apps … they don’t work … no live Do Me Baby will do me.”

large_superbad Fear not you sack of suck … good news! We’ve discovered an training tool app which will help even the most pathetic dork find a living breathing Do Me Baby. Check it …
the Genie In A Bottle app.

Genie In A Bottle is not your typical tired, boring and useless hot babe app. Nope, it has a specific purpose … to transform sweaty palmed heavy breathing dirty creeps into polished and refined Casanovas. Yup … the Genie In a Bottle app will teach you how to touch a woman the right way!

GenieInABottleDesc

Wow … your own personal How To Touch A Woman coach! How can you resist such features: “Genie In A Bottle lets you touch the hottest babes” … “Rub these babes back and forth”. A simple concept – just rub on and touch these hotties as you please. If you caress them right, they express their satisfaction … if you stroke them wrong – DENIED!

Genie1 Genie4 Genie3

Genie5 Genie2 Genie6

So rejoice dork … there’s hope for you landing a Do Me Baby that actually has a pulse. Just keep stroking and rubbing your iPhone … eventually you’ll get the hang of it. And hey, if for whatever reason you’re still not having luck with the hunnies … well, at least you have your iPhone to fondle.

June 16, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment, Lifestyle | 20 Comments 

“Intercourse” Is A Bad Word

Confession … we have this fascination for menstrual calendar iPhone apps. Not so much the functionality of the application (tracking one’s cycle), but the naming of these things. We feel sorry for the poor bastard in charge of throwing down a creative menstrual calendar title … iFlow, AuntFlo, Ladies’ Day, Mensies and other brilliant naming conventions. So back in January, as a tribute to this sucky job, we wrote an article saluting Mr. Menstrual Calendar IntercoursePAfinal App Title Creator.

So our fascination continues and we always pay special attention to menstruation tracking apps … like the new Pregnancy Alarm app. While the title is a bore, Pregnancy Alarm contains some very controversial material within its description. The developers pushed the descriptive language too much and were slammed by Apple’s profanity filter. The offensive word? … (brace yourselves) … INTERCOURSE! Yes … INTERCOURSE … that nasty and vile word, commonly found in 7th grade health education text books introducing reproduction. But not in the App Store … there will be none of that sick and disgusting language. It’s better to have an endless stream of scantily clad girly images than this horrible horrible word … INTERCOURSE … blech!

PregnancyAlarmFinal11

As usual, we applaud Apple for such sound judgment and its attempts to protect customers from filth and smut. We can always count on Apple for saving our souls and leading us to the path of redemption – Hallelujah Apple! Remember folks, INTERCOURSE is repulsive.

And of course … being the “givers” we are at KRAPPS … we prepared a memo which iPhone application development companies can use to notify and warn their employees of this newly discovered policy from Apple …

INTERNAL MEMO – CONFIDENTIAL

Date:     (insert date here)
Subject: “Intercourse” Is A Bad Word

 

Attention (insert company name here) Employees!

 

While we are not in the business of creating menstruation tracking applications, KRAPPS.com pointed out a very interesting item. Intercourse is a BAD WORD and cannot be placed in the description of your application at all. Intercourse will show up as –> I********e.

 

So for all of our future apps, make sure we do not include the word "Intercourse". Other possibilities that might not be recommended for use include: "Contraceptive", "Conceive", "Inception", "Insert", "Tab A Slot B", any combination of the words "Fuzzy", "Taco", or "Beaver".

 

That being said, keep up the great work in describing our applications without using profanity or pornographic references. Thank you for your attention in this matter.

 

Regards,
(insert your name here)

June 15, 2009 | Filed Under Health, Lifestyle | 17 Comments 

Recap: Week Of June 8

iphonekrappsV1GIF In case you missed any of the festivities, quick links to this week’s articles.

June 8: That Itch Down There – an important message to all iPhone app developers

June 9: The Keynote Blows – We Have Real News – this sack of suck is flying our kite high

June 10: Apple’s Sexy Skin Policy Revealed – clothes? underwear? skin? we got answers!

June 11: We So Horny – Are You? – uh wait, don’t answer that – just read the article

June 12: Further Proof Of Apple’s Idiotic Approval Process – this rejection = pure stupidity

June 13: Wordulous – This Game is Anagrammatically Correct! – and a steal at only $0.99

June 14: 7th Grade Whiz Kid Releases iPhone Game – Pong – meet Jonah Grant

June 14, 2009 | Filed Under Recap | Leave a Comment 

7th Grade Whiz Kid Releases iPhone Game – Pong

Back in May, we wrote about an iPhone game developed by a 12-year old called Moo Cow Fury. The game incorporates a cow, poop and fire … typical 7th grade stuff … but still solid  considering the kid isn’t even in high school.

Well we recently came across another “whiz kid” application … also developed by a 7th grader … called Pong – iPhone Edition [iTunes]. Although Pong does not contain poop, farts, fire or vomit … it’s a heck of a 70’s tribute game and should earn your consideration regardless of the developer’s age.

PongTitle

AtariPong Meet Jonah Grant. By day he’s a typical 7th grader … but at night he becomes a whiz kid app developer. Pong is Jonah’s first iPhone app release and regardless of this rookie developer’s age … it’s a hit! Pong was originally released in 1972 by Atari and quickly became the first commercially successful video game. 37 years later, Jonah’s Pong is a very worthy game for all ages to enjoy. The gameplay is smooth and realistic … the user interface is clean and friendly … and the icon, logo and game graphics are outstanding – this is one sharp looking Pong application.

Default

Screenshot Being the whiz kid and dedicated developer he is, Jonah is already coding Pong to make it even more kick ass. Soon, Pong will accommodate two person gameplay, wirelessly on separate devices via Bluetooth … and Jonah is planning to integrate the hottest rage – the OpenFeint social gaming platform.

Bluetooth Technology – OpenFeint Platform – Objective-C Language … crazy techie stuff and totally impressive for a kid who still has to be in bed by 9:30pm. So what the heck … support Jonah by visiting the App Store and downloading Pong – iPhone Edition [iTunes] for only 99 cents … plus you can catch up with Jonah on Twitter @jonahman2003 – just be sure to tweet him before 9:30pm!

June 14, 2009 | Filed Under Games | 19 Comments 

Wordulous – This Game is Anagrammatically Correct!

(written by guest author Tim Giron. follow Tim on Twitter @timgiron)

WordulousMascot Word games are very popular around my house.  Scrabble, Boggle, UpWords, you get the picture.  So, it should come as no surprise that I have a few word games on my iPhone as well.  The latest one that I have been playing is Wordulous [iTunes] by 99Games (they also created another fantastic word game, WordsWorth).

After being greeted by the game’s mascot, (she is the the very model of a spelling bee champion), the player can choose from three modes of operation: Practice, Examination and Challenge.

To get the hang of the game, it’s good to start out in the Practice mode: make as many words as you can from the six letters provided, no time limit.  Once you have identified at least five words, you can request that the board be cleared for six new letters to work with.  Additionally, if you can figure out the six letter word (and there is always at least one), you can choose to play the bonus game to answer a trivia question by re-arranging the letters of the answer.

Once you’ve got the basics down, it’s time for your Examination!  While the game play is the same as it was in practice, now you’re also racing to beat the clock and get the highest score possible in three minutes.  My best score is currently 6,784, but there are several scores over 25,000 on the all-time leader-board at the Wordulous web site. Depending on your score, the game’s mascot awards you a character ranking (like Magician, which is what I got for my 6,000+ score).

Wordulous1   Wordulous3

Wordulous4   Wordulous55

The Challenge mode allows you to match up against your friends from Facebook or your phone contact list.  I didn’t track down any of my contacts to play in this mode for the review, but it sounds intriguing enough that I will give it a try at some point.

The game has a few color settings available to customize the experience.  If you turn off music, you can listen to tunes from your iPod while you play.  You can also choose to play Anti-Krapps-Seal-v2GIF with seven letters which increases the number of words possible for each round (and  makes it that much harder to find the elusive word that utilizes all of the given letters).  Three different word lists are available as well: SOWPODS (267,000 British and American words), TWL (179,000 American words), ENABLE (173,000 North American words).

Wordulous is a 100% anti-KRAPPS Certified game which is both fun and challenging for wordsmiths and word wizards.  And, at 99 cents [iTunes], it’s also a steal of a deal.

June 13, 2009 | Filed Under anti-KRAPPS, Games, Guest Authors | 2 Comments 

« Previous Page — Next Page »