WorldMate Kicks KRAPPS In The Balls

The WorldMate app was released on Wednesday. It’s a very cool travel itinerary application … and nothing even remotely close  to being labeled as KRAPPS. What’s even more awesome than the actual WorldMate application, is the accompanying promo video the company released for publicity purposes. Well the video is an absolute riot and right in our wheelhouse … nothing like giving those KRAPPS a good kick in the balls. Enjoy!

 

June 5, 2009 | Filed Under News, Travel | 6 Comments 

iStoryTime – Barney Sucks, Fred The Fish Rules

3littlepigsIDIOT So the other day we were visiting the Just Another iPhone Blog web site and came across an app which is 100% pure garbage –> The Story Of The Three Little Pigs By L. Leslie Brooke. You can read their write up here, but in summary … anybody who publishes a children’s book without pictures is a complete IDIOT. But hey, why should the developer Appsessions care? They are cranking out these text audiobooks to a tune of nearly 700 apps thus far … so screw the kids – let’s make a buck!

Now on the flip-side, you have developers who specialize in kids’ books. Their main purpose is to present an interesting, colorful and interactive experience … one that will hold the child’s attention and  introduce them to the wonderful world of literature (and also to make a buck of course).

BarneyTarget11 But the more we research this whole kids book app thing … the more we are convinced you have to be slightly loopy to do a good job. It’s like those kindergarten teachers who talk to their students in a high pitched voice – then unable to shut off the Mickey Mouse impersonation when they speak with adults … freak! And you gotta be a loony tune to create such children’s shows as Yo Gabba Gabba!, Barney, Elmo … or heck, even Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood was a bit odd.

So meet the folks at FrogDogMedia … a development company specializing in children’s book applications with their iStoryTime apps [iTunes]. Read their corporate mission – they get it: “iStoryTime brings the joy of a kid’s book … illustrated and narrated … the app is simple to use because it’s actually designed for kids 2-years and up”.

FrogDogLogo Ahhh … it’s ILLUSTRATED! And of course, the folks at FrogDogMedia are total nut jobs. Heck, just check out their app titles below … we got stuff about Weiner Dog Magnets – mix in a little Pink Elephant – of course a bit of Shoe-per Shoes – a Fish named Fred and a Squash – and top it off with Pirate Monkeys who are brave. WTF?!?! Who comes up with this stuff? We swear … it’s like sniffing glue is a requirement to create good children’s material. Puff The Magic Dragon baby … LOL.

FredFish   BinkyPinkElephant

MonkeyPirate

Shoes    WeinerDog 

Anyways – no matter how whacky and strange FrogDogMedia appears … and just like that annoying as hell purple dinosaur … they produce appealing and engaging story book apps that children adore. Sure they might seem too strange for adult comprehension, but it’s about the kids and perhaps we all should become more child-like (oh my, wth was that?).

GIVEAWAY – courtesy of FrogDogMedia, the first 10 viewers to leave a comment receive a free  iStoryTime app ($1.99 value each). Redeemable in US iTunes only.

June 5, 2009 | Filed Under Books | 34 Comments 

Random – Tupac, Dead, Kick Ass, What App

The App Store is quickly approaching 50,000 applications (thanks in large to the Arctic Gerbil … but that’s another story). As the cliché goes … So Many KRAPPS – So Little Time. Thus we present quick KRAPPS or speed KRAPPS (like speed dating, but not – do people really speed date?) or just some of our random and pointless iPhone app observations.

We’ve been meaning to write an article about iPhone developer Khalid Shaikh (yes Khalid … we are watching you closely). Not quite the Arctic Gerbil … but a respectful KRAPPS developer in his own right. Anyways, Khalid has been releasing an extensive collection “Update” apps – Entertainment News Updates … Boston Weather Updates … St. Louis Rams Updates … Green Day Updates … and others. Fair enough … not a bad concept … but the irony of the app below has to make you laugh! (no clue? – click here)

TupacUpdates

Where do dead apps go? Is there an App Heaven or do they remain in the App Store as ghosts … haunting other apps and adding to the clutter of the App Store. Ghosts be gone!

CrazyWaiter

And we is there an App Hell for naughty ones like Baby Shaker and I Am Rich?

We recently poked some fun at the Apple Profanity Filter … can’t use cuss words in your app’s description like –> C**CK-A-DOODLE-DOO. And based on the app below … the description cannot include the word A*S. However – if you are going to use the word ass in the app’s title … well that’s ok!

KickAssFINAL

And finally … we recently received an email from the folks at Tweeller claiming they released a new iPhone app called Beer Opener – a virtual bottle opener. Sounds like a great idea, however we think Tweeller is full of shit! Their email also included a demonstration video of this so-called Beer Opener app. But no matter how many times we watched the video (trust us – we watched it HUNDREDS of times – for “research” purposes of course), we simply could not find this alleged app. So the question remains … App or No App? We’ll leave the final decision up to you. Check out the video below … we’re off to do more “research” on this mysterious Beer Opener app.

 

June 4, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment, Quick KRAPPS | 8 Comments 

Sexy Wash – More Dirt For Your iPhone

The thing that sucks big time about the iPhone is it’s freaking touch screen. And no, we’re not talking about attempting to type on the keyboard … were talking about keeping the damn thing clean. Fingerprints, smudges, Cheetos tracks … blech – disgusting. Sure we could use a micro-fiber cloth and constantly wipe down our screen … but what a pain in the ass.

DogClean11 So we tried one of those screen cleaning apps … you know, the one where the cutesy little dog appears on your screen and licks it clean. It worked ok, but frankly, we are sick of seeing canine tongue splattered across our touch screen all day long.

Well Apple must know about our bitching and complaining  because they recently approved the Sexy Screen Wash app. Now that’s what we’re talking about … SEX! Scantily clad women in a variety of fetish-themed outfits cleaning your screen – a thing of beauty … all hail the mighty iPhone.

SexyScreenWashDesc

SexyWash111  SexyWash222

iWashSMALL Now we know of this sex washing concept from a movie-type app called iWash. But given Apple’s strict objectionable smut policy (LOL), we never imagined an Apple endorsed sex washer would appear in the App Store. So we’ll stop our whining about dirty touch screens because Sexy Screen Wash makes us happy again. Only problem is we sexy wash our screen all day … huh, huh, huh.

Oh – and more good news. With the approval of Sexy Screen Wash, it appears what was once objectionable content is now good times. The developers of sex wash, On The Go Girls, are heating up for their sexy video app – positioning it as “Party Girl Videos presents … Asian Spice”. Woohoo! Perhaps a sign of what’s coming shortly with Parental Controls in OS3 … or maybe just wishful thinking by On The Go Girls. All we know is nothing from Apple surprises us now.

AsianSpice22

June 3, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment | 27 Comments 

Real Estate Agents Are Disturbing

Hating on real estate agents is a great American pastime for a lot of people. Ultra-aggressive and over-the-top sales techniques , scratching each other’s eyes out for the latest listing … all while baking cookies and cutting fresh flowers for their next open house. It’s a dog eat dog world in the real estate market, where only the strong survive … so considering these conditions, no wonder real estate agents resemble circus freaks.

MobileAppLoader Well iPhone owners … brace yourselves … the circus is coming to town! The first wave of real estate agent iPhone apps have arrived, with the majority developed by a company called MobileAppLoader. For about $100, any real estate agent can purchase their customized “template” app and establish a footprint in the App Store. And you get what you pay for. These KRAPPS simply contain a “Call The Agent” button, an “Email the Agent” button, some links to the agent’s web site, a loan calculator and location-based emails notifying the agent you are in a specific neighborhood. Good stuff … if you’re into one-sided conversations.

But hey, you gotta applaud MobileAppLoader and the agents who shell out a hundred bucks for their app … at least their thinking out of the box. Plus it gives us a spotlight our favorites along with the accompanying screen shots …

Apparently Allen Jaworski has himself confused with some high powered Wall Street broker. And just look at him go … a mover and a shaker … Allen rocks! Uh dude – why don’t you have an iPhone … great job appealing to your target market!

AllenJaworskiFINAL

Ahh … the lovely Jen And Joe Hernandez app … young newlyweds … they love each other so much … love, love , love. HELLO FREAKS – don’t put your cheese ball engagement photo on a business application! You expect us to trust you with our money when you can’t even keep your hands off each other during a simple business photo shoot? We want to kill our iPhone every time we launch the “Jen Hearts Joe” app and see their horndog picture. Love bites … get a freaking room!

JenAndJoeFINAL

There’s something about the HomeWay guy … not exactly sure what it is … maybe it’s the white jacket or the highlighted hair or the sexy goatee or the sexy smile. But whatever it is … we want to party with the HomeWay dude!!!

HomeWayGuy   HomeWayFINAL

Meet Matt Stigliano of San Antonio Real Estate … poor sucker, he lost a bet with his friends and now is now forever engrained in the App Store as a Real Estate Agent Rockstar. Or maybe he really does think he’s a rockstar. Uh, ok – cool – yeah Matt … you are a rockstar and all the chicks dig you.

SanAntonioREFINAL

Finally we have Lori O’Day. We had to delete this app immediately as it caused us to have reoccurring nightmares featuring Lori’s mug offering us baked cookies at an open house … AHHHHHH …. seriously disturbing! WTF lady – invest in a decent portrait!

LoriODayFINAL

June 2, 2009 | Filed Under Business, Uncategorized | 59 Comments 

Touch My Crotch

baggy1 Ok, today we talk underwear. Are you a Boxer or Brief type of guy? Or maybe you are into those Boxer Briefs things? How about the ladies … Thong, G-String or Full Backs? Then there’s always the Boy Shorts option for the gals. Underwear = big business … sexy … super expensive if you indulge in La Perla. Simply put, underwear is fascinating stuff … heck, why else would so many folks walk around with their pants half way down their ass, exposing their choice of underwear for all the world to see?

iPanties2 Meet iPhone app developer Jake London. Apparently he, like most, has an underwear fetish. Maybe it’s because he discovered the Slide To Unlock iPhone tribute panties, iPanties … or maybe it’s because he’s seen one too many g-string riding out of those low cut jeans. But whatever the case may be, Jake decided to dedicate his time and programming talent to underwear with the release of Zips Lite. So follow closely … we’ll give you a brief tour (see what we did there?) of Zips.

Upon launching Zips, you are presented a CROTCH. Yes – a beautiful close up of a zippered jeans CROTCH. So the point is to touch the CROTCH with your finger, pull down the zipper and reveal the underwear behind the now un-zippered CROTCH.

zipslogo

zips1   zips2   zips3

And that’s it … brilliant, isn’t it? Jake is a genius and honestly, we feel blessed to have discovered such a hidden talent amongst iPhone developers. But Jake isn’t done … Zips Lite is just the beginning. He plans to offer a non-lite version which will allow the user to put any image behind the zipper. Oh that Jake is a sneaky one! Look at this mad man appealing to the commando lovers of the world … “nothing comes between me and my Calvins” … you go Jake!

(can you believe Brooke Shields was FIFTEEN in this commercial?!?)

 

Oh – and coming soon to an App Store near you … BUTTONS … slide your finger down the blouse to expose the bra underneath. And when Apple looses even more of its mind … UNDRESS ME … slide your finger to un-button and un-zip, then a flick motion to completely remove the article of clothing. You don’t think it’ll happen?!?! Haaa … you better start paying attention to KRAPPS!

June 1, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment | 13 Comments 

« Previous Page