-
-
-
-
Search
SUBSCRIBE
-
Recently Written
- Here’s To The Crazy Ones
- Despite Female Moans, SexLife Trailer Fails To Arouse [Video]
- Wii iPhone 4 iOS Home & Lock Screen Wallpaper Set [Download]
- Slap A Sexy Belly, Make Music, Huh? – Belly Jam iPhone App [Video]
- Adventure, To The Max! [iPhone Game Review]
- epic – The Toolbox iPhone iOS 4 Home & Lock Screen Wallpaper Set [Download]
- Recap Week Of January 3
- Sexy Star Wars Pinups – EWWW!
- Weird Stuff From Japan – iPhone 4 Sushi Case
- MegaMan iPhone iOS 4 Home Screen Wallpaper Collection [Download]
-
Categories
-
Archives
- August 2011
- January 2011
- December 2010
- November 2010
- October 2010
- September 2010
- August 2010
- July 2010
- June 2010
- May 2010
- April 2010
- March 2010
- February 2010
- January 2010
- December 2009
- November 2009
- October 2009
- September 2009
- August 2009
- July 2009
- June 2009
- May 2009
- April 2009
- March 2009
- February 2009
- January 2009
- December 2008
-
Amazing Human Calculator Determines How Much Snot You’ve Swallowed And More
Have you ever wondered how old you are down to the second? Or the number of times you’ve blinked? How long your hair would be if you never cut it? How much toothpaste have you used?
Yeah … neither have we. Pretty bizarre thoughts for us normal peeps … but let’s try some others …
How much snot you’ve swallowed? Or the lifetime weight of your poop? How about the amount of liquid you’ve peed? Number of times your farted?
We hear you … still a resounding “NO”. Well since we brought it up and through the power of suggestion … you probably are now wondering the exact amount of snot you’ve swallowed over the course of your lifetime. And since we’re not a bunch of stuck-up teases, we have the answers! But first you must download the Amazing Human Calculator app.
Amazing Human Calculator [iTunes] is a new FREE app from LOLer Apps which attempts to satisfy your bizarre and random curiosities. Being the eccentric folks they are, LOLer Apps spent many months researching the strangest human facts and gifting their findings in the form of the Amazing Human Calculator app.
Simply enter the date and time of your birth and the Human Calculator will spit out 22 freaky facts, custom calculated for the individual user … how much blood has been recycled through your body, how many hours you’ve spent yawning or how long would your nails be if you never clipped them.
Fascinating and frightening material considering an average 35 year old has eaten over 60,000 pounds of food and swallowed nearly 13,000 quarts of snot. BLEH … too much information!
iPhone Can Now Determine Ripeness Of Watermelons
Developers never cease to amaze us. With nearly 200,000 applications available for download … and just when you think there really is an app for everything … some ingenious developer comes along and publishes an original app that makes you go, “damn, why didn’t I think of that?”
Last weekend we had yet another one of those “Ok This Time There Really Is An App For Everything” moments … as iWatermelon Deluxe was launched on Saturday.
The premise of iWatermelon Deluxe is simple … use your iPhone to determine the ripeness of a watermelon (yeah, why didn’t we think of that?). In three easy steps, you’ll be like Superman using his X-ray vision … peering deep in the bowels of the underhalls watermelon. Just place your iPhone on top of the desired watermelon … step 1 – select the melon’s size … step 2 – select its color …
step 3 – tap the melon three times. iWatermelon Deluxe will then analyze the resulting sound using a unique custom made formula for determining whether the watermelon is unripe, fair or nectar of the gods.
At 99 cents, iWatermelon Deluxe [iTunes] provides solid value, a lifetime of sweetness and perhaps even romance. Since they say the grocery store is a great place to hook up with other singles … using your iPhone in the fruit aisle just might be the ultimate turn on for geek-like minds.
[hooray for us! not a single sexual innuendo in the entire melons article … HA]
It’s A Bird, It’s A Plane … It’s Sperman iPhone Game!
Bet we know what you’re thinking … “how come Apple hasn’t approved a REAL superhero application for the iPhone?” Sure there’s the new Iron Man 2 game … Superman, Batman and Spiderman all have apps. When it comes to the category of superheroes, the App Store is severely lacking.
But wait … look, up in the sky! … it’s a bird … it’s plane … it’s Sperman!
Yes, it’s Sperman! Strange visitor from another planet who came to earth with powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal men. Strong as a freight train … faster than a speeding bullet … Sperman fights the never-ending battle for truth, justice and the Apple way.
HA … wish it was that cool. Unfortunately the Sperman iPhone game is simply a bizarre tale of some sizzling hot party coupled with cool girls winking, flirting and getting some tonight. Not even a mention of half Spanish, half German chicks … argh! Now go on … read the drug-induced Sperman description …
“Dance with me if you want to get some tonight” – LMAO, Sperman the manwhore, our hero!
To play Sperman, shake your iPhone to avoid sperm kissing your ovum. Failure to shake off the sperm will result in mad sperms digging in the ovum (seriously, who writes this shit?).
Sperman can be had for only $2.99 … which is a pure bargain considering this app really does represent the Apple way here at KRAPPS.
Sex Tip Found Hidden In Stickbound iPhone Game [Wording Fail]
Stickbound is an original gaming experience … the only stick jumping game available on the iPhone. Touch Arcade calls Stickbound “a fun and compelling experience.” AppSpy is equally enthusiastic, “it’s amazingly addictive.” At 99 cents, Stickbound [iTunes] seems like a solid deal.
A solid deal … or is it even better?
Actually for some confused souls, Stickbound provides priceless information that will help turn their bedroom activities into a state of eternal bliss. Properly placed in the “Instructions” section of the game … sometimes the obvious must be stated, even if it’s a wording fail.
(we extend a long hat tip to @Spudski for making us aware of this awkward situation)
Recap: Week Of April 26 – plus Female Buttcrack Covers For Sale
In case you missed any of our perfect iPhone chaos, quick links to this week’s articles.
April 27 – Apple Approves App Glorifying Drug Use – Puff Puff Pass
April 28 – Hysterical & Free – Bud Light Real Men Of Genius And Real American Heroes Apps
April 29 – New iPhone App Lets You Safely Pee In A Bottle While Driving A Car
April 29 – Gizmodo iPhone 4G Drama – Comedic Interpretations
April 30 – Apple Rejects PETA App Due To Nude Stephanie Pratt Image
May 1 – Pocket Party Cup App Turns Users Into Shit-For-Brains Douchebags
—————————————————————————————————————————-
Backtacular – The Decorative, Adhesive Buttcrack Patch
Back in December we covered one of the most disturbing and bizarre items we’ve ever seen for sale … Rear Gear … butthole covers for dogs.
As if window-dressing for your dog’s ass wasn’t enough, some mensa decided it would be a sound business decision to sell female buttcrack covers. No lie … we can’t make this stuff up. Check out the innovative line of denim asscrack patches called Backtacular.
Backtacular is a hypoallergenic, decorative, adhesive patch that is applied directly to the skin above the upper cleft of the buttocks. Each package comes with two replacement tapes.
A two-pack of these sacks of suck will set you back only $14.99 … and that includes a lifetime of endless humiliation … what a deal!
Pocket Party Cup App Turns Users Into Shit-For-Brains Douchebags
One of our favorite sites to visit on a daily basis is Hot Chicks with Douchebags (HCwDB). Ed Hardy t-shirts, spiky frosted hair, steroid induced muscles and spray-on tans … HCwDB is a showcase of asshat clubbing manwhores attempting to grind on any hotties nearby. Below is a sampling of the über-douchebaggery found on HCwDB.
Now if you look close, you can see a common element in each of these pictures. See it? The red party cup … or as the folks at HCwDB call it – Ubiquitous Red Cup (URC). URC is an icon at HCwDB that helps validate the hottie/douchey coupling … or as the author’s put it “the URC’s frequent appearances, some obvious, some hidden, serve as the unifying force that pulls all spiritual hott/douche yin-yang polarity into one larger cohesive whole.”
And now all iPhone users can join the time-honored tradition of Hot Chicks with Douchebags with their very own Ubiquitous Red Cup iPhone app under the guise of Pocket Party Cup.
Just like real live douchebags, the Pocket Party Cup is completely useless and a drain on society. Launch the Pocket Party Cup and all you get is an image of a red cup … WOW! Oh yeah, one more thing … to top off the doucheness of this app, shake your iPhone and it screams “YEAH!” … yeah, freaking brilliant and an essential application for every
shit-for-brains douchebag.
-
-
-
-
Social KRAPPS
-
-
-
-
Email
Twitter
FriendFeed
Flickr
YouTube
