We Downloaded iSwimNude Because We Like To Swim Naked!

After two long years of waiting since the App Store opened its doors for business, nudists (yes, we said NUDISTS – people who like to walk around NAKED) have a reason to rejoice … Apple has finally approved the first iPhone application catering to naturists … iSwimNude.

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iSwimNude was recently published by German nudist Frank Budszuhn. Rumor has it that Frank coded the entire application while he was buck naked in efforts to give the app a true uninhibited au naturel feel. This type of raw coding should appeal to both casual and hardcore nudists alike.

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The premise behind the FREE iSwimNude application is fairly straightforward … it relies on user-generated content to populate it’s database of nude beaches worldwide. Know a spot where you can let it all hang out? Simply use the in-app submission form to share your bare assed pleasure with the rest of the iSwimNude community.

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Since iSwimNude was only released a few days ago, there are few nudie beaches documented. For example, if you live in Southern California, your only choices of birthday suit bathing are at least 7 hours away … up in San Francisco or Vancouver (quick, someone enter Blacks Beach or San Onofre). Not surprising, the majority of nude locations can be found in Frank’s motherland, Germany … dude has obviously done his research.

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One thing to note … there are no warning signs within iSwimNude addressing the dangers of nude sunbathing. So if you venture out stark nekkid, be sure to use plenty of sunscreen or better yet, cover your member with a towel. Trust us … a sunburned penis is worse than Bengay on your ball sack – OUCH!  

August 11, 2010 | Filed Under Lifestyle | 9 Comments 

Learn Oral Sex The Apple Way With C*********s 101 [NC-17]

dr-ruth-final LOL  … oh my! Remember … Apple approves it – we just write about it. EAR MUFFS!

Ok, so we’re not really sure what’s going on at Apple, but it looks like Steve Jobs and company are positioning the revolutionary iPhone as your personal sex therapist. Although “overtly sexual” applications have been banned from the App Store … make no mistake about it, there is no shortage of sexual apps – for educational purposes, of course.

Apple’s latest foray into the world of sex ed deals with oral pleasures … the female kind. Well we think it should be described as the female kind … cuz it’s the woman in the “catcher” position, as the man “pitches” (follow? sorry … baseball is our life).

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Hooray … finally, the Apple endorsed C*********s 101 iPhone app … with its oh so clever icon (WTF is that … a tongue?). Although our censors forbid us to include the letters
“u-n-n-i-l-i-n-g-u” in between “C” and “S”, you can probably figure out the subject matter of this application by viewing the permitted screenshots below (not that the Dog Lap is a rookie move!).

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The developers make it clear that C*********s 101 is not XXX, porn or NC-17 … rather the app teaches a beautiful art …

Want to master the beautiful art of c*********s? You can now learn everything you ever wanted to know about pleasuring the v****a with your mouth.

 

This is the most comprehensive book ever made on woman focused oral sex, including 50 mild to wild techniques to try on your lover. This book is the master collection of years of research into various techniques, movements, patterns, speeds, directions, pressure points, and general combinations as it relates to her most feminine of openings.

 

Study this application, set the mood, and then try any quantity or combination of the 50 steps to really light her fire.

Hmmm … creepy! Look, we have no problem turning to Apple for cutting edge magical technology … but uncle Jobs is like a hundred and twelve – all gray and old. It just weirds us out knowing his company sells an oral sex coaching aid … ewww.

But as a penis carrying member of the male species, our real beef with Apple’s sex therapy strategy is the fact there is no F******o 101 for iPhone. MEH … female chauvinist pigs!

August 10, 2010 | Filed Under Books | 4 Comments 

Circuit Board iPhone iOS 4 Wallpapers – Twice The Geeky Coolness [Download]

cpu-iphone-wallpaper In this edition of unique iOS 4 wallpapers for your iPhone 4 home screen, we decided to veer away from our usual offerings and present something geekier than retro video games wallpaper. This time we explore our innermost electrical geek and turn our iPhone 4 into a primitive yet awesomely cool circuit board.

These home screen gems were created by Some Geek In Tennessee (seriously, that’s the name of the dude’s website … kinda of an oxymoron since we thought only hicks live in Tennessee – our bad) … and come in two delicious flavors – Vanilla and Kitchen Sink.

The vanilla version contains just the cpu and has an appealing minimal look to it … while kitchen sink not only has the cpu, but also caps, resistors, vias and a whole bunch of other stuff that would make even the nerdiest electrical engineer break out in song and dance. Enjoy!

[Download directly to iPhone’s camera roll by touching the image, press and hold the image on its new page and select save]  

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August 9, 2010 | Filed Under News | 7 Comments 

This Orchestra Fail Will Make Your Ears Bleed [Video] – plus Recap Week Of August 2

Ad-Krapps-170x170 Subscribe to our RSS feed and/or download the free KRAPPS iPhone app … it’ll make you feel better!

In case you missed any of our perfect iPhone chaos, quick links to this week’s articles.

August 2: Miley Cyrus Legal Age Countdown For iPhone … And The App Store Is Now Complete

August 3: Pocket God Comics Now Available – First Comic Book From An Original iPhone App

August 4: Are You A Dead Lay? Super Hero Sex App To The Rescue!

August 5: iPopcorn Popper App – Will It Pop? [Video]

August 6: Double Rainbow Pee, What Does This Mean? Urine Teller App Can Help!

August 7: Hey Soldier, You’re Looking a Little Sheepish – Saving Private Sheep [iPhone Game Review]

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Warning: Play At Your Own Risk

This next clip may cause serious injury … DA HORROR! (make sure you turn the volume WAY UP – LMAO)

 

(via FAIL Blog)

August 8, 2010 | Filed Under News, Recap | Leave a Comment 

Hey Soldier, You’re Looking a Little Sheepish – Saving Private Sheep [iPhone Game Review]

(written by guest author Tim Giron. follow Tim on Twitter @timgiron)

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From the opening salvo of the old timey newsreel intro to the hilariously impossible to understand ovine leader, General Sheepard, to the sometimes dastardly difficult puzzles that comprise the gameplay, Saving Private Sheep [iTunes $0.99] by Bulkypix is a winner on many levels.

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The game starts you off easy, with a few basic levels that outline the mechanics of attaining your goals.  Don’t be fooled by these introductory levels, however, the puzzles will quickly ramp up.  The basic idea is that you are presented with a sheep soldier that is resting upon a structure.  By carefully removing the elements that the structure is made of, you attempt to get the sheep onto solid ground.  One false move, however, and he’ll tumble over the side and be devoured by the wolves.  In later levels, the sheep must make it across chasms to reach safety, requiring careful and precise timing of falling elements.

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There were several levels that took me multiple tries to get through (like the first time I had to flip the sheep into the air to get him to safety).  It is also important to pay attention to any levels where the General gives you pointers.  These levels introduce new concepts that are key to success, like when a wolf appears in sheep’s clothing which changes your goal to *trying* to dump the "soldier in disguise" over the side.

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The military theme carries throughout as you move across the campaign battlefield map and try to achieve medals for your best scores.  The in-game music and sound effects also follow this theme.  Global leaderboards are available via OpenFeint integration.

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The iPhone and iPod Touch version is just 99 cents [iTunes] with two additional campaigns available via InApp purchase for 99 cents each.  There is also an iPad HD version for $3.99 [iTunes], which I have not yet played, but it sports 20 new levels that were designed just for the device.

 

August 7, 2010 | Filed Under anti-KRAPPS, Games, Guest Authors | Leave a Comment 

Double Rainbow Pee, What Does This Mean? Urine Teller App Can Help!

unicorn-rainbow-pee Oh My God! Oh My God!

The other day we were taking a leak … it was a full on double rainbow piss … all the way! The colors of our pee were so intense … whoa … so bright, so vivid! Oh My God!

But as we finished our business and took one last look at our full on double rainbow in the urinal … we were left saddened and confused. Our double rainbow piss … what does this mean?

Looking back on our emotional pissing experience, we sure could’ve used the Urine Teller app to help answer our existential question … what does this mean?

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Surprisingly (well – not really), Urine Teller is the only application in the App Store which helps you analyze the color of your pee. Just match the color of your wizz to the corresponding color strip … and you’ll be instantly informed to what it means.

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Hmmm … so the Urine Teller process would go something like this …

Whip it out – Take a piss – Shake, Shake, Shake (no more than 3 times please) – Put it back – Whip out iPhone – Place near urine – Examine urine – Match urine color to iPhone – Be informed.

Urine Teller app … sure, why not? (don’t answer that – rhetorical question)

August 6, 2010 | Filed Under Health | Leave a Comment 

iPopcorn Popper App – Will It Pop? [Video]

Back in 2008, the notion of popping popcorn with cell phones started to circulate. Videos could be found all over the Internet of popcorn kernels surrounded by these ancient looking cell phones (what’s a RAZR and why did it cost $200?) … the owners would call their phones at the same time … and a few seconds later, the kernels would begin to pop.

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MEH! Not impressed … how many cell phones does it take to pop popcorn? Well back in 2008, it took at least three cell phones to make popcorn … and that’s because the revolutionary iPhone with its 250,000+ magical applications was not available. These days, it takes one iPhone, coupled with a special app, to make our favorite healthy snack (bonus points if you can find The Annoying Orange in the video – for some reason, geeks really dig this game)

 

However as cool as the iPhone popcorn popper app may be … we’re still waiting for the nacho cheese melter application to satisfy our South Of The Border craving.

August 5, 2010 | Filed Under Entertainment, News | 1 Comment 

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