Touch Poet App

By demand, KRAPPS will periodically review “legit” apps thru a network of guest authors.

update: all 10 Touch Poet apps have been claimed – thank you

Title: Touch Poet
Category: Entertainment
Guest Author: Dennis

Still in the doghouse because you forgot to do something nice for your sweetie on Valentine’s Day? Don’t actually have a sweetie and just want to woo the girl of your dreams? Some dude wrote a lame poem and stole your girlfriend from you?

Touch-Poet-Icon While you may feel like moaning and whining about it (or even blaming us why KRAPPS didn’t remind you it was Valentine’s Day or give our recommendation for the best pick-up line app), it would be more productive to quickly finish reading this little blurb and pick up the Touch Poet app to end your miseries. With Touch Poet, you can quickly generate a poem that Shakespeare or Edgar Allen Poe would be proud of. Using the actual words that these great men have left us, you can piece together a masterpiece of your own using Touch Poet. If these classics authors will leave them asking you “WTH??” go the “hip” route and generate words from DIGG articles and recent news. Once you have completed your work of art, Touch Poet allows you to tweet it on Twitter (it’s like broadcasting an ad … all the girls will come flocking to you) or just directly email it to the person. It’s just that easy with Touch Poet!

touchpoet_003  touchpoet_004

So what are you waiting for? Make your belated-Valentine’s Day gift now! Go win your woman back now! Go meet chicks! … all with the help of Touch Poet.


antikrappssealv2gif EDITORS NOTE: With all the KRAPPS and redundant apps (how many pickup line apps are there now?) in the App Store, Touch Poet is a breath of fresh air. It is an innovative and unique app that fuels your creativity – this is a good thing – we all need creativity fuel! Touch Poet is 100% anti-KRAPPS certified.

FREE Touch Poet App ($2.99 value) To KRAPPS Viewers!
Morgan Brown Consultancy, makers of Touch Poet, were kind enough to provide codes which will allow KRAPPS viewers to download Touch Poet for FREE. Simply be one of the first 10 viewers to leave a comment at the end of this review. PLZ leave a review in iTunes.

A New King Of KRAPPS

It all started so innocently about 2 months ago. KRAPPS launched on Christmas Day 2008 and began spotlighting such KRAPPS as Amulet (wear your iPhone as a necklace app), Ringr Roulette (app that encourages drunk dialing) and Hold The Button (objective is to press a button and never let go, ever). Ha! – Ha! It was all fun and games way back then. They were lame apps – we laughed at them – pointed out their stupidity – and moved on.

stinkyphone But then certain Benchmark Apps arrived – historic apps that changed the landscape of the App Store forever. Groundbreaking apps we guess, which left us scratching our heads in disbelief. It started with the granddaddy of KRAPPS, Fart apps. Then the bar was raised with Boobie Jiggling apps. Next up were the magnificent Peeing apps. And just this week, we reached a new  pinnacle with Spanking apps. Uhhh, so we thought …

Yesterday an app so krapptastic appeared it immediately made us forget about spanking apps. We’ve moved on to something bigger and better … introducing the new King Of KRAPPS … Peep Show. Say it again … Peep Show. One more time … PEEP SHOW.

PeepShowScreen1     PeepShowScreen2

ahhh, Peep Show. Mister Jobs – seriously – WTF?!?! We are now totally convinced that someone at Apple has a screw loose. Steeeeeve! Duuuuude! This is getting  embarrassing … come on Apple, is this really what you want to sell … an app where you  stick a coin in the slot, have the curtain go up and reveal scantily clad women? Nothing against scantily clad women – we love them too – but offering this as a product from Apple? madonna-2 Are you guys thinking straight? Do we really need to come up to the Mothership and explain why approving this app is an epic FAIL?!?! And to classify it as a game suitable for 9+ year olds … Steeeeeve! Duuuuude! … trust me, no decent parent on Earth would want their 9-year old (4th graders) playing with the Peep Show app (well if they did, we’d bitch slap them with the iFight app). And more … just look at the app’s description filled with terms like “hotties”, “many women to oogle” and “hot women” (it will not surprise us if some group applies pressure on Apple to pull this KRAPPS – where are the #MotrinMoms):


Finally, for even more Peep Show amusement – click here to check out the Peep Show discussion thread on touchArcade. We’ll conclude with a few excerpts:

Seriously? Apple rejected the South Park app but allowed peep show!


When I saw this app, I threw up in my mouth a little.


This game is an epic phail! And a crapp.


This is a new low really.

Clearly Obnoxious

obnoxious_rosie-after Long names are obnoxious. The guy with 14 letters in his last name … not his fault, but clearly obnoxious! Major League Baseball team “The Los Angeles Angels Of Anaheim” … sorry Arte Morino, totally obnoxious! Long movie titles … “Those Magnificent Men In Their Flying Machines Or How I Flew From London To Paris In 25 Hours 11 Minutes” … also obnoxious! Longest url …

… waaaaaay obnoxious, but kinda cool.

Same goes with iPhone apps. The HiCalc Winner Of Best Calculator In The 2007 PPC Magazine Awards app. Just called the damn thing HiCalc and be done with it. No need to throw your marketing spin into the title … NOT a clever tactic at all. We are all very proud of developer PPCLINK and their award from PPC Magazine, but based on the obnoxious factor of your app, I’m turning the page … even if you win the 2008 award. <yawn>


Binary Game App

By demand, KRAPPS will periodically review “legit” apps thru a network of guest authors.

free Binary Game giveaway – see end of article for details

Title: Binary Game
Category: Games
Guest Author:

The Binary Game is a new iPhone game just released last week by John Kassimatis at Say Eight. Now from the title you might be thinking, “The Binary Game? What the heck is that? A bunch of ones and zeros?” But no, it’s an original game of binary math that makes you think while having a ton of fun.


Gameplay goes like this: you have eight binary switches which you tap to turn ON or OFF. Each switch has a number above it, representing it’s value. When you tap the switch, the the number is added to your total at the top of the screen. Your job is to turn the right switches on to match the goal number at the top of the screen. The goal number is always between 1 and 255. So if the goal at the top is 10, you would press the 8 and 2 switches. These switches turn green when ON so you can see they are in use.

There are three game modes: Challenge, Speed and Timed. In Challenge Mode you start at level one and to work your way up. You have five goals to meet within a specific amount of time. Each level gives you less time to complete your five goals. Scoring is based on how quickly and accurately you meet the goal. But, if you make a mistake and turn on the wrong switch, you can turn it off. (I do this a lot!) In Speed Mode, you get 15 goals to meet and you are timed on how fast you go. In Practice Mode there are no timers or levels, but it’s great to help you learn patterns and increase your scores.


So after playing this game quite a few times, I have to say I really like it. It gets your brain juices flowing and makes you want to challenge yourself to get a higher score. Not only does this game have a very nice in game scoreboard, but they also have online scoring.  Having the global scoreboard really makes you want to play again and again to get your scores shown. I would like to see the global high scores added to the in game scoreboard. The sounds in the game are simple and not annoying at all. I absolutely love the end of the game sound! There is no background music, but you can play your iPod music with no problems. The graphics are clean and easy to read. The switches turning green when on is a big help.


All in all, I give this game 5 out of 5 stars (and judging by the outstanding user reviews in the App Store – everyone loves Binary Game). The developer put in a tremendous amount of work into this game and I can’t think of anything bad to say about it. This game is a keeper and a definite must buy! You will find yourself hopelessly tapping switches long into the night, checking to see if you made the Top 10 of the Day or the Top 75 of All Time scores.  Click here to purchase the Binary Game from iTunes at a bargain price of $1.99.

Anti-Krapps-Seal-v2GIF EDITORS NOTE:  This article represents the views of the author and does not necessarily reflect the opinions of KRAPPS. However, we totally agree with Carolynn and just love this app! It’s unique, challenging, loads of fun, doesn’t get boring and beats the snot out of fart apps. As such, we are thrilled to announce that Binary Game is 100% anti-KRAPPS Certified!

FREE Binary Game To KRAPPS Viewers!
Binary Game developer, John Kassimatis, was kind enough to provide codes which will allow KRAPPS viewers to download Binary Game for FREE. Through Thu, Feb 26 at 11:59pm PST, tweet the message below on Twitter and be entered into the Binary Game drawing. Winners will be announced on Fri, Feb 27. Good luck!

got iPhone? read the Binary Game app review on @KRAPPS – it’s 100% anti-KRAPPS Certified

Beacon Of Brightness

Life is full of stress … work, school, death, divorce, finances, traffic, economy, stress pregnancy, etc. Stress is all around us and can really become a burden if one’s Stress Index exceeds 100 stress points.

Luckily we have the iPhone and its 20,000+ available apps. Couple that with thousands of talented developers, producing some amazingly useful apps and the iPhone becomes an integral part of life. Not to mention a stress relief tool … thus helping you avoid those nasty stress points.

Traffic Stress? – plenty of traffic cam and speed apps
Breast Feeding Stress? – plenty of breast feeding “coaching” apps
School Exam Stress? – plenty of study aid apps
Financial Stress? – plenty of financial planning/budget apps

noodles Take for example another very common stressful situation … making cup of noodles. For most, this is a daunting task with multiple steps of preparation … cooking directions from Nissin Cup Noodles:

1) Pull back lid to dotted line
2) Fill cup to inside line with boiling water
3) Close lid and let stand for 3 minutes
4) Stir well and enjoy

Agreed … INSANE! Like cooking a 5-course gourmet dinner … screw that … cup ‘o noodles are simply not worth the additional 15 stress points. I’d rather relax and eat at McDonald’s.

But wait! Trash the Big Mac! A savior has arrived. A talented developer who will reduce cup ‘o noodles prep stress. Presenting Masahiro Kurokawa and his amazing NoodleTimer app:

NoodleTimer is a timer application designed only for instant cup noodle cooking. It supports your noodle cooking quickly and easily by a simple interface.

Features include:
Can be set to 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5 minutes
Alarm sounds and vibrates when noodle is ready

NoodleTimer Screen1

PURE GENIOUS! Everyone should stand up and applaud Mr. Kurokawa for his brilliance and outstanding achievement in app development. With too many idiotic apps like Pandora, Evernote and Google Earth … NoodleTimer Is A Beacon Of Brightness In A Sea Of Gloom.

Apple Is Creeping Us Out

Not sure if you’ve noticed, but there’s been some really strange KRAPPS hitting the App Store lately. And no, we’re not talking about those sophomoric frat boy crude apps (sorry frat boy) like farts, burps and vomit. We’re talking some seriously weird apps … stuff most normal folks wouldn’t even think of.

SpankTink Take for example those stress relieving apps … Zen Garden, Stress Reducer, Koi Pond, etc. Legit apps … they serve a purpose … we get it – it’s all good. But when Apple starts thinking that spanking serves as a legitimate stress reducer … well sorry, that’s just really demented. Yes, you heard it correctly … the KRAPPS bar has been raised – SPANKING APPS!!

Last week two spanking apps were approved by Apple … the Spank app and the Spank The Monkey (STM) app. Both are positioned as stress relievers and amazingly, Spank The Monkey is sold within the Heathcare & Fitness category. LOL … I seriously wonder if Steve Jobs even realizes the KRAPPS that’s being offered for the iPhone. Hey Steve, was that really your vision for the iPhone … for some screwball to use it for their spanking desires … errrrr … “stress relief”? There are so many places we could go with Spank and Spank The Monkey, but we’ll refrain and keep it at PG-13. DUUUDE – STEEEVE … COME ON!

And of course, what’s a KRAPPS without an entertaining app description – especially the plea in Spank about not using the app in a sexually suggestive manner … GEEZ!


Maybe it’s just us … maybe we need to broaden our horizons … but never in our wildest dreams could we imagine iPhone spanking apps. Something is going on at Apple and it’s really starting to creep us out.

Breaking Nasty Habits

Title: CoffeeNut
Category: Lifestyle

CoffeeNutIcon Similar to wine buffs, coffee aficionados are fanatics about the roasted bean. These folks are extremely passionate (read borderline freaks) about their coffee … and since coffee fanatics typically spend in the $4 range for a grande Starbucks (or other coffeehouse), this passion can get EXPENSIVE.CoffeeNutScreen

And that’s where CoffeeNut comes in … this nifty little app conveniently tracks your coffee  intake throughout the year … so not only will you be reminded of your massive caffeine intake, but at a glance you will see the excessive amount of money you spend on coffee. Let’s see … 250 work days a year, $4 per grand Starbucks … $1,000 per year … hmmm, how about we take that $1,000 per year, invest in a financial instrument that yields 4% … in 10 years our ending balance would be nearly $12,000. Great CoffeeNut, you’ve managed to depress the KRAPPS out of me and I haven’t even installed your app yet. I’m not exactly sure of the purpose of this app … to inform? – to calculate? – to encourage? – to depress? – to piss you off?

Coffee-Icon-v1 Better idea … why not re-launch CoffeeNut and re-position it as a “Cost Of Drinking Coffee” calculator, with the goal of encouraging individuals to break their coffee drinking habit. Makes cents (pun intended). There are plenty of quit smoking calculators … American Cancer Society and American Heart Association to name a few. The whole caffeine thing is not exactly healthy. Call it “CoffeeBreak” … your handy little app to help you beak that nasty coffee addiction. 

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