‘Sup G?!?! Where you at Playa?!?! West Coast in da house … kickin’ it gansta style!! Yeah boy!! Playa you pimpin’ now? Rollin’ in da BLING? Yaaaa what … no? … check it –> KRAPPS bling edition.
K … you blingin’ now – good! Now we get all gansta ya … cuz that’s how Apple rolls … wanna be a gansta? – yeah boy!! – there’s an app for that!!
LOL … there’s actually two apps for all those iPhone carrying gangsta wannabes. First up, we have the Gunsta app which boldly claims … “Shoot It Like A Gansta”. This app is similar to the way too many iPhone guns blasting the App Store lately … only it’s gangsta style … a gold-plated gun for additional gangsta-ness (go figure, didn’t know real G’s use gold-plated guns – learn something new every day I guess). Anyways, read the Gunsta description for yourself – paying special attention to the value-added benefit of “also works for lefties” (ha … these guys just crack us up) …
Ok … so now you rollin’ with your gold-plated gun, just blasting away … what else you need to be a real iPhone gansta? A 40 ounce of course! Come on, you know the streets are mean in iPhone-land and like the app says, “do you ever wish you could pour one out for a homie, but don’t have a 40oz nearby?” Well now you do, with the Pour1Out app. And continuing to quote the app … “now you can impress your friends with how street you are by pouring one out next time Tupac or Biggie is bumping” … huh?
(note – “Pour One Out For My Homies”: the act of pouring liquid (usually an alcoholic beverage) on the ground as a sign of reverence for friends or relatives that have passed away. In most cases, a 40 ounce bottle of liquor is used)
And for your continued gansta viewing pleasure … we highly recommend checking out Pour1Out’s App Store user reviews. They are a story unto themselves … but more on that later … we’ll just leave you with a censored tease that snuck by Apple’s profanity filter.
We went live with the our Baby Shaker story early this morning around 1:00am PST, including an announcement on Twitter. The first retweet was at 5:30am PST by @Dixwifey. From there, the word started to spread. We made a timezone re-tweet at 10:45am PST and after that, all hell broke loose with multiple re-tweets, passionate comments and outcries towards Apple requesting that Baby Shaker be removed from the App Store.
At 11:07am PST, CNET broke the Baby Shaker story on their site (crediting KRAPPS). Shortly thereafter, Tech Crunch broke the story (crediting CNET). Twitter was going off with Baby Shaker tweets and retweets (still is at the time of writing). At approximately 3:30pm PST, mainstream media has picked up the Baby Shaker story: New York Times, Boston Herald, Washington Post, Los Angeles Times and more by the minute via Google News search.
In the end, the people were heard and Apple removed Baby Shaker … but not without exposure to a seriously flawed application approval system.
Child abuse is not funny … shaking a baby on your iPhone until it dies is just F’ed up (just read the viewer comments below for real life child abuse horror stories) and not a laughing nor entertaining matter.
To conclude, reading the various Baby Shaker buzz, we’ve been noticing that Apple fanboy thinks Apple can do no wrong … saying Baby Shaker is not Apple’s fault, rather the developers. Uhhhh, WRONG NUT JOB! Apple is 100% responsible for the products they sell. Doesn’t matter if they developed it or not … if Apple sells it, they are responsible for the product … so STFU Apple fanboy and mix in a dose of reality.
Contests are cool! We love ‘em and judging by our past promotions, you love ‘em as well. So KRAPPS has teamed up with Appy Entertainment to present our viewers the Appy Newz Cover Contest – a fun, unique and easy-to-enter competition for some really awesome prizes. Click here for more information about Appy Newz in our anti-KRAPPS article.
Now through Wednesday, April 29, 2009
A celebrity panel (including Fake Steve Jobs and Appy) will judge covers by a variety of factors: originality, creativity, humor and more. Please note, covers do not have to necessarily be a strict tabloid magazine cover … could be a Mother’s Day Card or maybe a Party Invitation … use your imagination, get creative, win a prize
For your viewing pleasure, all entries will be displayed at Appy’s Flickr page
Grand Prize – Be The App and KRAPPS T-Shirt
What is this Be The App??? … talk about unique … you will become part of Appy Newz … either as a permanent face or a background object. yes – you will Be The App and immortalized forever in Appy Newz. Be advised, immortality is complex and not an overnight slam dunk … rest assured, the grand prize winner will indeed Be The App, but factoring in production schedules and Apple’s approval process, immortality might take a bit of time.
Second Place – Autographed Appy Newz Logo Print and KRAPPS T-Shirt
Appy memorabilia rocks … receive a high quality color print of the Appy Newz logo signed by everyone at Appy Entertainment who was responsible for its launch.
Third Place – Autographed Appy Character Print and $12 Starbucks Gift Card
More rockin’ Appy memorabilia … receive a high quality color print of the Appy character signed by its creator/artist Farzad. and yes, not a typo … $12 Starbucks card … why? – cuz we’re just weird like that.
Fourth Place – Autographed Appy Character Print and $8 Starbucks Gift Card
Fifth Place – Autographed Appy Character Print
So start your creative engines and get movin’ … good luck to all!
(update: app has been removed – CLICK HERE for details)
Our apologies in advance – this will not be a typical KRAPPS post. To borrow a baseball analogy, our mission is to hit what Apple tees up and this next one is going out of the park.
Ever hear of SBS? Per Wikipedia … “Shaken Baby Syndrome (SBS) is a form of child abuse that occurs when an abuser violently shakes an infant, creating a whiplash-type motion that causes acceleration-deceleration injuries. The injury is estimated to affect between 1,200 and 1,600 children every year in the USA. SBS is often fatal and can cause severe brain damage, resulting in lifelong disability.” Besides death and brain damage, shaking a baby can cause blindness, leaning problems, seizure disorders, cerebral palsy and paralysis. Yeah, pretty disgusting stuff … repulsive and sickening.
So obviously child abuse is no laughing matter … and maybe it’s just us, but we would never even joke about child abuse and use it as a form of entertainment. Maybe we’re just square pegs and out of the norm because apparently Apple and the folks at Sikalosoft think shaking a baby is funny. Head to the App Store … and search the Entertainment category … there you will find the Baby Shaker iPhone app.
Now don’t get us wrong – we’re not on some vigilante justice hunt. We know there was no malicious intent by Sikalosoft. And we know that Apple are complete dumbasses when it comes to approving apps (even if the app includes a disclaimer – “Never, never shake a baby”), driven by quantity over quality. But come one … combining the title Baby Shaker with the objective of stopping an annoying crying baby is simply irresponsible and utterly idiotic. You would think Apple would stay totally clear of any iPhone app remotely resembling child abuse … but if you’ve paid any attention to KRAPPS, it’s really not surprising.
Ok, we get it … crying babies can indeed get annoying. On a plane, at a restaurant, in the hotel room next to yours … we get it, annoying … shut that kid up! But Apple, try using just half your freaking money-making brain and reject Baby Shaker … tell Sikalosoft to make some revisions, call the damn thing Pacify Junior and mix in some pacifiers to calm the baby down. See how easy that was … simple stuff, sort of funny while protecting the integrity of the Apple brand. And never forget … reality bites – release Baby Shaker and you get douchebag users leaving loser reviews like the one below (yeah, look for it … look for the word CHOCKING) …
Hi … question for ya … what do you do when you’re pooping on the toilet? No … seriously … we wanna know – when you’re sitting on the porcelain throne, whatcha got going?
Actually, picture this scene from the Family Feud game show … “100 people surveyed – top seven answers on the board –here’s the question – Name Something People Do While Taking A Poop … BEEEEEEP … read a newspaper …
yes, #1 answer!”
So ok, read a newspaper, what else … cut your fingernails? … homework? … eat? … listen to music? … tequila shots? And we think it’s safe to assume plenty of iPhone action on the pooper – textin’, emailin’, twitterin’, gamin’, etc.
But hey … here’s a great pooping activity – and it comes highly recommended by Apple. Next time you’re dropping the kids of at the pool while at work … whip out your betchin’ iPhone and calculate your poo’s worth. Yup – you got it … introducing the latest and greatest app approved by Apple … Poo Price (by Gourmet Pixel) … the only application that calculates the value of your dump. Yeah it’s dope (NOT) … just keep reading the app’s description for further awesomeness proof …
“Going to the toilet during work hours – it’s a clever thing to do! You’re getting paid for it and now you can work out how much. This clever app will calculate how much you’re being payed for taking a toilet break, choose your currency, enter your yearly salary and press the Start button. All you have to do then is finish your dirty work, click Stop and see the results!”
GENIUS! We’re sold! Freaking Apple just keeps rockin’ da house! And rumor has it that even Steve-o Jobs uses Poo Price … but his shit don’t stink and is certainly worth more bills that yours. Which gets us thinking … there should be a Poo Price-off … Steve Jobs versus Bill Gates. Screw the whole “I’m a Mac vs PC” nonsense … give the people what they really want … Steve or Bill … who craps the most gold?
Back in February, we ran an article titled History Was Made, Sort Of. We opened the article by commenting on the massive number of fart, burp and vomit KRAPPS that were beginning to appear in the App Store. The story continued stating that even with all these KRAPPS launching, there were still no urine apps … and while we could foresee a day when a urine app could get approved from Apple, we concluded that a urine sound effect app was just too crude and vulgar – even for Apple’s relaxed standards. So we settled for the next best thing, urine assistant apps, apps that help you pee in public when you get stage fright … the iPee and Shy Bladder apps.
(by the way, after our article hit Twitter … @Shy_Bladder began following us … go figure)
Boy have times have changed … flash forward two months and what we thought would be impossible for Apple to approve … we are shocked once again.
So you get where this is going … The Pee Factory app by Talus Media. A proud and historic Apple moment … the first iPhone app which simulates the sound of taking a leak .. and the newest member of the Appa iFonna Chi fraternity. With a simple touch of a button, you can make your friends think you’re peeing on their couch, in their car, in a water bottle or wherever. Pissing intensities vary from “Tinkle” …. to “Like A Race Horse”.
But hold on, it gets better. The Pee Factory is no rudimentary pee pee app … oh no … this is advanced pissing technology at its finest! It’s like virtual reality pissing – you can control the intensity of urine flow by holding your iPhone up or down … you can sprinkle your pee by rapidly tilting/shaking your iPhone (gee, wonder what that’s supposed to simulate). And since this is such a complex app, thank God Talus Media included detailed instructions on how to properly use The Pee Factory …
So everyone – please take a moment to reflect. Reflect on this new achievement of krap from Apple. Reflect on your dreams and no matter what, never give up … rather follow those dreams to their fullest … because if Apple can approve a pissing app, then any dream is possible. And thank you Apple! … Thank you for this daily inspiration and of course, just what we need … a PISSING iPhone.
In case you missed any of the festivities, quick links to this week’s articles.
Apr 14: Coulda Been Syndrome – watch the funny video, but the app, not so much
Apr 15: POOP – find out why we call this one Naked KRAPPS
Apr 16: KRAPPS vs KRAPPS – find out who wins at The Rumble Of Our Jungle
Apr 17: Appy Newz anti-KRAPPS Review – gotto love the sweet reek of garlic, awesome!
Apr 18: A Better Pocket God – a hysterical video plea to Apple for a more rockin’ Pocket God
coming next week: Appy Newz Cover Contest … submit covers created by Appy Newz for a chance to win some awesome prizes like KRAPPS t-shirts, Appy memorabilia, “Be The Game” (that’s a code phrase for a totally kickin’ prize) and more. Click here to purchase Appy Newz and get a jump start on creating your cover(s) for the contest!