Virtual Girlfriend App Sleeps With You – Literally!

Akon-Lonely-FINAL Today we’re discussing a sad subject … loneliness. For most people, being alone sucks. Heck just listen to Akon cry us a freaking river in his worldwide hit single “Lonely” off his debut album Trouble

“Lonely, I’m so lonely – I have nobody to call my own … I woke up in the middle of the night – And noticed my girl wasn’t by my side … Lonely so lonely – I’m Mr. Lonely … I have nobody – So lonely, Mr. Lonely”

Ok people, we get it … many of you are LONLEY. Boo-F*CKING-Hoo! Make a choice … continue to wallow in your sorrows by listening to Country music (perfect as every song is about being drunk, depressed and lonely) … or suck it up and get an iPhone. Yup, with the revolutionary iPhone, Akron and all you other Mister Lonely’s, will never have to worry about waking up in the middle of the night and not finding your girl by your side. App Store brilliance continues with … Mega Girlfriend Sleep With Me.


See that – if you’re feeling lonely … or would like to be with someone at bedtime … or having trouble falling asleep by yourself … Mega Girlfriend can help! Just prop up a pillow next to you, launch the Mega Girlfriend app and place her by your side. And as the app describes … you can then watch this creepy beautiful girl breathing gently in her sleep – very calm and peaceful.



And if you think about it … Mega Girlfriend totally makes sense. You don’t have to worry about her snoring … or kicking you in the middle of the night … or hogging the blanket. She is the ultimate in sleeping companions. Of course you should be careful not to roll over, you might kill her. But isn’t that small risk worth the mega rewards … as Mega Girlfriend guarantees “you will not feel alone anymore” and ”you will fall asleep with a smile on your face.” Hells yeah it’s worth it … and who knows what she’ll do as the developers continue to update the app. Mega Girlfriend = Mega Awesome … we are in love!


Recap: Week Of November 16

iPhoneKRAPPS_FINAL In case you missed any of our chaos, quick links to this week’s articles.

November 16: iBooB – More Boob, Less Face Please

November 17: OMG, The Official Britney Spears iPhone App, OMG

November 18: The iPhone Blows! – No Seriously, It Does

November 19: Balloon Boy Lands In App Store – This Is Not A Hoax

November 20: New iPhone App Talks Dirty, Turns You On With Fruit

November 21: Mr. Dumb Toilet – A Worthy Beavis And Butthead Homage

Mr. Dumb Toilet – A Worthy Beavis And Butthead Homage

(written by guest author Connor Coghlan. follow Connor on Twitter @Condawg)

beavis_and_butthead_mtv “I am the Great Cornholio! I need T.P. for my bunghole!” – Beavis
“Shut up fartknocker!” – Butthead
“FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!” – Beavis
“Calm down Beavis. You’re gonna soil your drawers.” – Butthead
“Skulls are cool.” – Butthead

LMAO … who doesn’t love Beavis and Butthead? I grew up on that shit and seeing the
Mr. Dumb: Toilet iPhone game (by ZenuxLab) this heavily inspired by Mike Judge’s amazing characters truly strikes an awesome chord in me. Mr. Dumb: Toilet had me at “hello bunghole” … I fell in love from the moment I laid eyes on it.


The gameplay in Mr. Dumb: Toilet is simple, yet polished … make sure the urinals keep flowing properly or they will flood the entire bathroom. Disgusting roaches run wild and you have to squish them. If you miss a roach, they go behind a urinal and it becomes temporarily out of service. To make sure the urinals keep running and don’t overflow, you have to press the flush button whenever they stop.


There’s also some douchebag (I assume he’s some steroid abusing security guy) who keeps throwing trashcans at you … WTH dicknose! You’ve gotta avoid the flying cans or game over. Doing my best Beavis and Butthead slacker impersonation, I didn’t feel like reading instructions and totally skipped over them. This caused me to keep dying repeatedly … so let’s be 100% clear …. TRASH CANS – THEY ARE BAD.


Anyhow, this game is freaking fun so be very careful not to soil your drawers. I find myself playing it in small spurts and just loving the non-suck homage to Beavis and Butthead.
Mr, Dumb: Toilet [iTunes $0.99] is definitely worth a look, whether you are a Beavis and Butthead fan or not … for sure!


New iPhone App Talks Dirty, Turns You On With Fruit

Sexy-Strawberry Please listen carefully to the following (yeah, we know you’re reading this – just go with it):  “Plum” … “Strawberry” … “Lime”.

So, how do you feel? You’re turned on, aren’t you? Come on … admit it! Hearing those fruit names ignites your flames of passion and desire from deep within. “STRAWBERRY” … damn that’s sexy fine (we all better take a cold shower)!

LMAO. Similar to our Sexy Alphabet iPhone app article, in which the 26 letters of the alphabet are spoken by a professional voice model in a sexual and sophisticated way, now appearing in the App Store … Sexy Fruit.


Sexy Fruit boasts the services of “the devilishly sexy professional voice talent of Debrah Massi!!” Who we bet is really a guy … just like those dudes on 1-900-SEXY-PHONE-CHAT … no offense David Debrah, but mix-in a little Jenna Jameson and we might bite (see what we did there?). Users can choose from 20 different fruit names and hear David Debrah speak in “the sexiest voice you’ve ever heard” … turning their iPhones into a healthy, low calorie aphrodisiac.

Sexy-Fruit-1 Sexy-Fruit-2

Folks, keep an eye on Sexy Fruit developer Lowell Duke. We really feel he’s an up and coming talent and has stumbled upon a goldmine. With the assistance of David Debrah, just think about the endless sexy possibilities … Sexy Countries app – “Mexico”, “Croatia”, “Japan” (oh that’s sooo good) … Sexy Colors app – “Violet”, “Green”, “Blue” (mmm, yeah baby) …. Sexy Days Of The Week app – “Tuesday”, “Saturday” (yes, yes, yes) … and of course, stirring up visions of the carrot scene in Fast Times At Ridgemont High (didn’t see it? – go rent the movie now!) … Sexy Vegetables.


Balloon Boy Lands In App Store – This Is Not A Hoax

BALLOON-BOY-HOAX-63246 We are sick (but you probably already knew that)! Last month, as we joined the millions of people watching the Balloon Boy stunt unfold, we kept thinking … “man this would make an awesome iPhone app”. Just think about it … Balloon Boy’s Revenge. A Bully Beatdown of sorts … where users come to the aid of Balloon Boy, Falcon Heene, and slap the shit out of his publicity whoring parents.

Well our twisted dream almost came true with the release of Balloon Boys from Mosa Motion Graphics.


Balloon-Boys-Splash   Balloon-Boys-3

With the Balloon Boys app, users can create their own Balloon Boy-themed hoax by inserting a selection of silver balloons and flying figurines into photos taken from the in-app’s camera or iPhone camera roll. Heck … you could probably create your own media frenzy by emailing your Balloon Boy sighting mash-up to the press … we’re sure they’ll love you for it.

Balloon-Boys-1   Balloon-Boys-2

Balloon Boy DoucheDad Now granted, Balloon Boys is much tamer than the crap-kicking version of what we envisioned (and what the parents deserve), however the app is an excellent tribute to an event that’s sure to become a classic American folk-tale.

Oh and as an fyi … on November 13, douchebags Richard and Mayumi Heene (Balloon Boy’s parents) pled guilty to “false reporting to authorities” and “attempting to influence a public servant”. All the more reason the iPhone really does need a “Slap The Shit Out Of Balloon Boy’s Parents” app.

The iPhone Blows! – No Seriously, It Does

iPhone-Love By now you’ve heard the iPhone does some pretty amazing stuff … cures baldness – starts your car – repels mosquitoes – shakes your fat molecules resulting in weight loss. Heck, it’s even been reported that the iPhone saved some gal’s life from a bear. Indeed, the iPhone is truly revolutionary … we love it!

And the iPhone simply cannot be contained … it just keeps getting more incredible. This past weekend, a one-of-a-kind application was launched that pushes the iPhone’s functionality and awesomeness even further … Blower.


Blower-1-FINAL   Blower-2-FINAL

So there you have it … exactly what you’ve always wanted from your iPhone (but didn’t know it) … to blow REAL air. For only 99 cents, this mind-blowing (pun intended) functionality will turn your iPhone into a snow blower, a cooling fan, a blowdryer … we guess. You can even blow up dolls and balloons, fan a fire or blow into your lover’s ear … we guess. Don’t believe us? Check out the “You Have To See It To Believe It” demo video below.


Hmmm … “interesting”. Judging by the soothing noise the Blower app emits, not sure which will explode first … the actual iPhone or your head. Meh, not impressed. Call us back when the iPhone sucks … replacing our overpriced Dyson. Thank you very much!

OMG, The Official Britney Spears iPhone App, OMG

OMG … we <3 ya Brit … XOXO

In case you’re over the age of twelve and missed the huge news, pop star Britney Spears has released her official iPhone applicationIt’s Britney! OMG … we’re huge Britney fans and this app brings us closer to her heart. It’s soooo cool!


OMG … just look at all this Britneylicious stuff it does …

Be Britney’s Dancer
Upload a picture of yourself and within seconds you’ll have a photo of yourself onstage with Britney! Then you can brag to all your friends that Britney is your BFF. OMG … soooo cool!


Messages From Britney
Britney will be checking in and dropping you exclusive messages! And it’s really her sending you those messages … we know, because we love her. OMG … soooo cool!

Read Britney’s cool and fascinating tweets like … “I just had a Pinkberry and it was so yummy”  or “I had a nice, restful evening and got a great massage last night” … OMG.


Launch the Sparkler feature and hold up your iPhone at her concert! We’re not really sure what it does, but it doesn’t matter … you will be sooo cool!

Shake It
Shake your iPhone and hear Brit say … “It’s Britney Bitch!” OMG … 10-year-old Britney wannabees saying “Bitch” is just soooo cool!


The privilege of having our iPhone scream … “It’s Britney Bitch!” … is worth the $1.99 price tag alone. And thinking many agree, as It’s Britney! has skyrocketed to the #3 Music app and into the Top 100 Paid apps. Of course the rumored update which will include the “Drive Like Britney Bitch!” video game (bonus points for mowing down police officers, driving while balancing a baby on your lap and running red lights) will surely position It’s Britney! as the #1 app of all-time. Ur da best Brit … XOXO.


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