Touch My Crotch

baggy1 Ok, today we talk underwear. Are you a Boxer or Brief type of guy? Or maybe you are into those Boxer Briefs things? How about the ladies … Thong, G-String or Full Backs? Then there’s always the Boy Shorts option for the gals. Underwear = big business … sexy … super expensive if you indulge in La Perla. Simply put, underwear is fascinating stuff … heck, why else would so many folks walk around with their pants half way down their ass, exposing their choice of underwear for all the world to see?

iPanties2 Meet iPhone app developer Jake London. Apparently he, like most, has an underwear fetish. Maybe it’s because he discovered the Slide To Unlock iPhone tribute panties, iPanties … or maybe it’s because he’s seen one too many g-string riding out of those low cut jeans. But whatever the case may be, Jake decided to dedicate his time and programming talent to underwear with the release of Zips Lite. So follow closely … we’ll give you a brief tour (see what we did there?) of Zips.

Upon launching Zips, you are presented a CROTCH. Yes – a beautiful close up of a zippered jeans CROTCH. So the point is to touch the CROTCH with your finger, pull down the zipper and reveal the underwear behind the now un-zippered CROTCH.

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zips1   zips2   zips3

And that’s it … brilliant, isn’t it? Jake is a genius and honestly, we feel blessed to have discovered such a hidden talent amongst iPhone developers. But Jake isn’t done … Zips Lite is just the beginning. He plans to offer a non-lite version which will allow the user to put any image behind the zipper. Oh that Jake is a sneaky one! Look at this mad man appealing to the commando lovers of the world … “nothing comes between me and my Calvins” … you go Jake!

(can you believe Brooke Shields was FIFTEEN in this commercial?!?)

 

Oh – and coming soon to an App Store near you … BUTTONS … slide your finger down the blouse to expose the bra underneath. And when Apple looses even more of its mind … UNDRESS ME … slide your finger to un-button and un-zip, then a flick motion to completely remove the article of clothing. You don’t think it’ll happen?!?! Haaa … you better start paying attention to KRAPPS!

June 1, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment | 13 Comments 

Recap: Week Of May 25

iphonekrappsV1GIF In case you missed any of the festivities, quick links to this week’s articles.

May 25: Bizarre iPhone Promotional Techniques – including an insane & hysterical video

May 26: The Science Of Sex – this is not a joke! sex and science are serious stuff!

May 28: Kittens & Puppies Suck – Just Kill Them – it’s ok, Apple approved it

May 29: We Were Wrong – We Are Sorry – our public “apology” to an iPhone developer

May 30: hideNtweet – Hide & Seek For The iPhone And Twitter – a truly unique game

May 31: Thank You KRAPPS Sponsors – our sponsors rock! check out their cool offerings

May 31, 2009 | Filed Under Recap | Leave a Comment 

Thank You KRAPPS Sponsors

We would like to take a brief timeout to thank our valued sponsors. Without their support, there would be no KRAPPS (uh, that doesn’t sound right). All these peeps are solid folks, have quality products and we’re proud to be aligned with them. So support KRAPPS, show our sponsors some love … you’ll become a better person.

Be Seen With KRAPPS
KRAPPS is the only web site dedicated to iPhone humor and fun. Take advantage of our unique niche by advertising on KRAPPS. We offer four different sponsorship packages to ensure participation at a variety of budget levels. Contact us at info@KRAPPS.com to receive our media kit, rate card and to secure your advertising placement.

ThankYouPres

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hideNtweet22 hideNtweet
With the amount of garbage in the App Store, the hideNtweet app is a breath of fresh air. It is a totally unique and original game specifically designed for the iPhone. Think the classic children’s game Hide And Seek … now bring Hide And Seek to the iPhone, couple that with GPS technology and Twitter … and voila – hideNtweet. This app is currently in beta and being developed by Dove Valley Apps. Click here to read our review. Better yet, experience this extraordinary gaming experience yourself … click here to become a beta user. 

100soundsThankYou 100sounds
There’s a reason 100sounds is the #1 soundboard app … cuz it rocks! This app not only provides hundreds of high quality originally recorded sound effects, but also includes loop and delay effects for all your comedic purposes. Plus you can get hundreds of ringtones emailed to you, automatically, at no extra charge! 100sounds was already a bargain at $0.99, so this enhancement makes it a great deal! Click here to view web site, be sure to check out the hysterical user-submitted videos.

VoiceForge VoiceForge: We Build Voices® –
We Make the Internet Talk®
Attention iPhone developers – VoiceForge is an online Text-to-Speech service. They’ve made TTS fast, affordable, and scalable! Tap a huge variety of 60 voices in 5 languages. Using their SOAP based API, simply send text, indicate the voice, and receive back a MP3 or URL. And it’s fast – just 200 milliseconds for audio to be returned. Big fish no problem; our capacity exceeds 100 million synthesis per day. Consumers love personalization – why not "pimp your app" by letting users pick the voice they like? Click here to receive more info, try the demo, or sign up for a free developer’s kit.

BinaryGameThankYou2 Binary Game
Simply put, this app makes you smarter! Binary Game gets your brain juices flowing and is a ton of fun. It’s an original game of binary math which is simple to play and highly addictive. The worldwide leader board satisfies the most uber-competitive gamer, while the Facebook Connect feature pleases those social types. Click here to read our review or click here to purchase from the App Store, click here.

Wordulous 99 Games
99 Games is an exceptional game developer cranking out such iPhone classics as WordsWorth (ranked as high #1 in the word game category), Chess Pro, Chess Lite, Aqua Jigsaw, and Jigsaw Wild. Their latest offering is Wordulous … an anagram like no others: multiple modes, global scores, Facebook Connect and more. 99 Games is committed to building only the highest quality and most entertaining games possible … all at affordable prices.  

iFightThankYou iFight Pro
This app is a blast! To really appreciate iFight Pro, click here and take a quick look at a demonstration video – it’s really cool. Combine a handgun, rifle, shotgun, slap, whip, gong, sword or punch with one of the eight background music tracks – and you’ll be awarded with a pure quality, enormously fun iPhone app.

May 31, 2009 | Filed Under anti-KRAPPS, News | Leave a Comment 

hideNtweet – Hide & Seek For The iPhone And Twitter

update Jul 5: hideNtweet is now available for FREE via iTunes – click here to download

(written by guest author Tim Giron. follow Tim on Twitter @timgiron)

hideNtweetLogo11 It’s 10:15 on a Sunday morning and I am crouched in one of the many alleys in a small neighborhood near Arizona State University.  I check my iPhone map display and see a red plus sign moving in my direction; it’s the seeker blocking my path to the home base.  Blue dots indicate the positions of the other players, full grown men experiencing a high tech version of the classic playground game.

cthurst_capture11    IMG_0009_11

This is hideNtweet and we’ve been invited by the developer, John Ellis of Dove Valley Apps, to take part in a beta test.  Realizing that the direct approach is not going to work for me, I move off a ways and wait for John, who is currently "it", to chase after somebody else.  Once he does, I loop around and head for the base location, which is thankfully near a hammock in the shade.  For the next round, I choose to be "it" and the chase is on again!

finding_homebase11    john_tags_home11

hideNtweet creatively utilizes the technologies available on the iPhone to fuse the virtual and physical worlds.  The camera is used to identify a home base and to tag other players as caught.  The GPS and map, complete with sweeping radar indicator, shows all of the player positions.  And, to top it all off, the app uses the online Twitter service to announce threeGhostsWhite11 significant game plays to the participants.

While it is much more fun to play with others, the game also has a "solo" mode where 4 ghost characters will try to evade and outwit you.  Ingeniously, the ghosts move through the camera view when you close in for the capture.

ghost_capture11

If you’re interested in joining in the beta test hijinks, gather up a few friends and head over to http://hideNtweet.com to apply.  Please note that since the application is currently in beta test, some of the screens may change before release.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Wow! Talk about a unique gaming experience for the iPhone … totally looking forward to the release of this app. With all the garbage and repeat apps (how many tic-tac-toe apps? – too many!) in the App Store, we applaud Dove Valley Apps for thinking outside the box and working on something truly creative and first of its kind. Rock on guys!

And don’t forget to sign up to be a beta game player … DO IT … it’s fun, free and will make you feel better. Click Here to sign up now.

May 30, 2009 | Filed Under anti-KRAPPS, Games | 4 Comments 

We Were Wrong – We Are Sorry

Here at KRAPPS, we are far from perfect. We screw up – we make mistakes. But we have integrity. We can look ourselves in the mirror and say … You KRAPPS Are A Dumb Ass! Rather than sit around and blow sunshine up each other’s asses, we can admit it when we are wrong.

sorry2 Three weeks ago we wrote an article Hooking Up With The Gerbil. We came down pretty hard on an iPhone developer group called Arctic Gerbil. We called them out for spamming the App Store with SIX HUNDRED EIGHTY NINE (689) apps. We laughed at the Arctic Gerbil and compared them to some loser dude who hits on every chick he meets, hoping one  would finally say “yes” to his advances.

Well guess what … we were wrong for picking on the Arctic Gerbil. Our attack was brash, stupid and totally uncalled for. So we admit it … and we apologize:

Dear Arctic Gerbil … Our Bad – We Are Sorry!

arcticgerbillogojpg Seriously, think about it. Let’s say you were a gerbil and you lived in the Arctic … life would kind of suck. It’s not like you could golf or skateboard … you’d freeze to death. It’s not like you could catch a movie or a play … there ain’t shit to do in the Arctic. So really you are relegated to indoor activities like sitting on the couch, drinking beer, picking your nose and watching TV. Good times in the Arctic!

But at least the Arctic Gerbil is productive … they are all about iPhone love … reproducing like rabbits in heat. Wham – Bam … a hundred apps. Boink – Boink … another three hundred apps. And with a total of SIX HUNDRED EIGHTY NINE apps – that Arctic  GerbilKiss22 Gerbil is one horny bastard.

So today we peeked back into the Arctic Gerbil’s love nest … just to see if they still had the iPhone love. WOW – we were not disappointed! There’s been a whole lotta loving going on – to the tune of over 477 apps in just three weeks … bringing Arctic Gerbil’s total love count to 
ONE THOUSAND ONE HUNDRED SIXTY SIX (1,166) apps!!

From what we can tell, their current love child is the iNewsPro application. There are TWO HUNDRED EIGHTY of these bad boys in the App Store. Just think of any city and chances are the Arctic Gerbil spawned it. iNewsPro Enid … Houma … Natchez … Toccoa … Visalia … Elmira … Danville … Kokomo … Yuba City … plus 271 more.

iNewsPro22

But don’t be a hater! Remember, we were wrong for bashing the Arctic Gerbil. We should all be so lucky to have such love in our life … especially the 280 love child iNewsPro apps. And Apple … please, no need to “fix” the Gerbil … after all, what the world needs now is more love in the App Store.

May 29, 2009 | Filed Under News | 28 Comments 

Kittens & Puppies Suck – Just Kill Them

CrazyiPhoneDeveloper2 The sheer volume of completely whacked out apps never ceases to amaze us. It’s like cruising through the developer nuthouse where every programmer is completely psycho. Seriously – we’re thinking these devs are hopped up on nitrous oxide or just sniffed too much glue in elementary school.

How else can you explain Poop apps? Before the iPhone, we would have never thought of looking between our legs and studying our scuba divers.

Then there’s the Bikini Fart app. If hearing and smelling farts from a chick in a bikini brings you joy … DUDE … you have ISSUES!

Vomit, Urine, Spanking, Lice, Sex Algorithms … the list of freak show apps goes on and on.

One of the most bizarre apps we’ve covered is Sexy Alphabet … targeting individuals who get pleasure from hearing the alphabet recited by a sexual way. Uh hello CRACK HEAD … we don’t give a shiat who’s saying them … the ABC’s are NOT SEXY!

And surprise surprise … from the same developer of Sexy Alphabet (dude call himself  “theM”), comes these two latest classics:

Angry Kittens Attack and Crazy Puppy Massacre 

 

KittyDesc

PuppyDesc

I know this is getting old and tired … but as Apple likes to say …

Want To Kill Kittens And Puppies?
There’s An App For That!

Yeah sicko … welcome to the App Store Asylum. No need to push and shove – there’s plenty of sick and mentally unstable material for everyone. Even those who get off killing kitties and puppies … ha! ha! ha! … APPLE is so brilliantly EVIL!

Kitty22    Puppy33

May 28, 2009 | Filed Under Games | 24 Comments 

The Science Of Sex

HotChickMeterSCORE So there is this whole sub-category of KRAPPS that supposedly measure and detect things … Meter and Radar apps. Like the Douchemeter and Hot Radar apps we previously wrote about. Also stuff like … Hot Chick Meter … Ghost Radar … Love Meter … Pirate Radar … or Cool Meter. Not the most brilliant apps … certainly a novelty and good for about 137 seconds of entertainment.

But in these apps’ defense, they don’t claim to be the second coming of Koi Pond (uh, which is another subject … why is Koi Pond so freaking popular). These apps are pretty whack … but they know it … and don’t pretend to be as important as that Pope2You app (hey, it’s the Pope … that’s gotta be an important app … geez).

Well we came across a Meter app that is breaking the mold of this KRAPPS sub-category. We were actually quite floored at the research involved in producing such an application … it must have took years or clinical trials and various research methodologies to produce this next app … Sexy Meter Pro.

This is not your basic novelty Meter app. With Sexy Meter Pro, you can scientifically determine is your subject is REALLY sexy or not. And since this sexiness is determined scientifically … well then, there you have it … it’s TRUE. We at KRAPPS are simpletons … we don’t understand all this sexy science mumbo jumbo. So rather making a feeble attempt at describing the app and it’s technology … just read the Sexy Meter Pro description (pardon the English as a second language bit):

SexyMeterProDescFINAL

You see! We told you so! … “the true sexy meter … analyzing her photo … doesn’t generate random samples … score based on skin color, lip shape, eye contact … advanced algorithms will not disappoint you” … Heck, just look at the results screenshot below – the subject scored 82.3 points – HELLO! – 82.3 points! – Sexy Meter Pro nailed it!

SexyMeterPro22

Oh and trust us, developer Chen Li is NOT kidding about his instrument – he truly believes and knows that Sexy Meter Pro provides valid scientific results (just like OJ knows he didn’t kill his wife – LOL) … heck, dude is working on even better algorithms for his next update. Freaking genius!

But hey … not all devs can be such mensas. So memo to devs – Never Use The Words SEXY and ALGORITHM Together In An App Description … this science is way beyond your comprehension. Unless of course you are kidding – but you’re not – but we think you are -  but your not – you are? – not! ARGH!! … sex and science, what a bunch of KRAPPS … not?

May 26, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment, Photography | Leave a Comment 

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