We Lost Our Penis

Hello there! We have a confession to make … (argh! hold on for a second)

yes dear – yes ok – sorry, sorry about that – it won’t happen again – yes dear – yes, yes we are morons – sorry – our bad

losthisballs2 Ok, we were saying … we have a confession to make. You know the app we just covered, the one that turns your iPhone into a penis … well it’s our favorite app ever. Why? Well the reason is quite simple, we lost our penis … (argh! hold on for a second)

yes dear – what? – you need some water? – ok, be right there – no problem – one water coming right up – yes!, yes we’ll hurry it up

So we lost our penis. Not really sure how it happened. Somewhere during the 7 years of our marriage, it just vanished into thin air … boom – gone! Really bizarre stuff. We used to … (argh! hold on for a second)

yes dear – we took out the trash – and yes we fed the dog – yes we won’t forget to paint the house this weekend – understood, no watching TV until the house is completely painted – no problem dear – and yes, we know it’s your birthday is next week

naggingwife2 Anyways, we were saying … we used to vote Democrat – now we vote Republican. We used to golf on the weekend – now we paint the house. We used to pee standing up – now we sit down and close the lid. Like we said, it just happened – we lost our penis.

So now we find comfort in our iPhone penis app … it makes us happy. It reminds us of the good old days, when … (argh! hold on for a second)

yes dear – we remembered to download the Period Tracker Companion For Men application – and we are so glad to have it on our iPhone as it’s a constant reminder or you – yes we love the fact that we can sync our iPhone to your Period Tracker app and always be aware of your upcoming period – we love being so in tune with you – why yes dear, we will check for your period every hour of every day – we agree, it’s a grand idea – how did we ever survive without the Period Tracker For Men – oh we can’t wait to use it – we can’t wait for your next period – yes dear, you are VERY important to us – yes dear, you are our #1 priority – yes we will be extra nice during your period – yes dear, we know it’s very hard to be a women and yes, we know it’s all our fault … (bitch)

What? no dear, we didn’t say anything … we just love you so much dear and we love our Period Tracker For Men … besides you, it’s the best thing that ever happened to us … ok, hold on, be right there for your nightly back rub. 

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Uhh, where were we … oh yeah, we were saying that our penis app makes us happy and reminds us of the good old days. We could fart out loud rather than pinching it off. We didn’t have to watch Beaches, Steel Magnolias or Mamma Mia! We did shots of Cuervo – now we sip flirtinis.

So yeah, not really sure what happened to our penis … could’ve sworn we had it 7 years ago when we married Miss right – guess we didn’t know her first name was Always.

May 13, 2009 | Filed Under Health | 16 Comments 

A Gizmodo Fantasy Comes True

Gizmodo wrote an article about a cool mobile phone application called TXT’N’WALK which enabled users to write text messages while walking (and of course, not run into stuff like  light poles, parked cars or whatever). Utilizing the phone’s built-in camera, the app allows the user to focus on the messaging screen but still see “through” the phone.

txtnwalk 

Well as noted by Gizmodo, the problem with the TXT’N’WALK application was that is was an April Fool’s gag – a total fake. Gizmodo was pissed because they thought such functionality would be awesome and felt they were being teased:

“Curse you April Fools, because I want this: TXT’N’WALK pipes in the forward-looking view of your phone’s camera in a little PIP window while you type out a message. Good idea!”

Well somebody wake up Gizmodo and tell them their iPhone fantasy has finally come true. Introducing the  Email ‘n Walk app from Phase2 Media. It’s very cool … it works … and for a very limited time and as of this writing, it’s FREE! Click here to download via iTunes – hurry!

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(thanks to @CoryOBrien for the April Fools tip)

May 12, 2009 | Filed Under Utilities | 10 Comments 

Spock Is Craptastic

CopyCatJPG We find it hysterical when an app is released and then immediately there are a ton of “copy-apps” that attempt to jump on the bandwagon in efforts to cash-in on the original idea. Back in January, we covered the original iFart Mobile application, along with the 47 other copy-apps. Today there are approximately 400 fart related apps trying to emulate iFart Mobile’s success. Then in February we profiled the 50+ tic tac toe apps … really good stuff … Snowman Tic Tac Toe, Tom And Jerry Tic Tac Toe, Tic Tac MyToe, etc … yeah, big time yawners. Seems every original app idea is copied instantly … bikini girls, strip apps, dictionaries, pooping apps and the list goes on and on.

But sometimes, on rare occasion, the sequel is better than the original. Take for example the tired Rock Paper Scissors category filled with “same shiat, different day” selections. Or so we thought until we found these next two Rock Paper Scissors applications. Although they are completely strange and left-of-center, they have a certain weird and whack job appeal that intrigued us. It’s sort of like looking into the sun … you know you’re not supposed to do it … but damn it’s tempting (yes, A Bug’s Life reference).

We are huge fans of the CBS sitcom The Big Bang Theory. How can you not love it? … heck, just in tonight’s episode a Snuggie was gifted and tweeting bowel movements was mentioned – LOL. In a previous airing, the main characters put their geek spin on the classic rock paper scissors game, adding two additional variables … Rock, Paper, Scissors, LIZARD, SPOCK …

 

Figuring their Bling It app was not affording them early retirement, the devs at Momogeo jumped on the Bing Bang opportunity and created the Rock2Spock app. Trust us … in a category where the only difference between the assorted rock paper scissors apps is a slight app title variation (Rock Paper Scissor app … Rock-Paper-Scissor app …  Rock/Paper/Scissors app … Paper, Rock, Scissors app … etc) – Rock2Spock kicks major ass (even if it’s only geek ass).

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Speaking of titles, this next app should be considered for purchase by its name alone …

Ben’s somewhat spiffy looking but ultimately craptastic rock-paper-scissors game

WTF is that?!? We did an article about obnoxiously long app names … but this Ben character forced us to make an exception to the rule. Spiffy Looking + Ultimately Craptastic = Brilliant! And we love the fact that these folks can laugh at themselves and be honest about yet another lame rock paper scissors app … “Three different play-modes (all of which feel exactly the same)” – “Rock, paper, scissors all in the same game!” – “Graphics!”

Ben

But hey … similar to Rock2Spock’s kick ass-ness … there is something kick ass (we like that phrase, can’t you tell) about a Monk who hurls insults at the user during gameplay. Plus check out the over-the-top, amped up on Red Bull and cotton candy, kick ass game trailer … all this theatrics for a rock paper scissors game. Love it!

 

May 12, 2009 | Filed Under Games | 12 Comments 

App That Turns Your iPhone Into A PENIS

super_piipii_brothers Last year, ThinkGeek.com introduced a new Japanese game for the Wii called Super Pii Pii Brothers. For $34.99, you receive the game disc, Wiimote Harness and the promise of an amazing virtual pee experience. Gameplay is simple and straightforward … strap on the belt harness, attach the Wiimote and use your body to control the never-ending stream of pee into a series of toilets. If you manage to pee in a toilet, your score increases .. . pee on the floor, your score decreases. And of course the game, is strongly marketed to women, indicating that Super Pii Pii Brothers allows the ladies to “experience for the first time the pleasure of urinating while standing.” Watch the demo video below for a visual example.

 

So what do you think of Super Pii Pii Brothers? Yeah … ewww, gross, LOL, freaks, etc. Well guess what … it’s a gag – a fake … an April Fool’s Day joke. ThinkGeek has been doing this every year since 2001 – click here to view their past April 1 gags.

Well it might be a gross, freaky, ewww joke at ThinkGeek … but come on, we’re talking about Apple. One of the most powerful, profitable, innovative and well respected companies in the world. So we’re sure it wouldn’t surprise you that Apple has approved an app which turns your iPhone into a PENIS. Not only does your iPhone become a PENIS … but it simulates peeing while you are drunk. Amazing use of technology. Simply put your iPhone in your crotch area and hold it like a PENIS. But please remember … this is a high quality, virtual reality application … so DO NOT utilize this app while sitting down! Stand up and hold your PENIS (errrr … iPhone), then pee away into the target toilet.

What? You think we’re kidding? You think we are making this stuff up? You think that if it doesn’t fly at ThinkGeek, it certainly shouldn’t be cool with Apple? Haaa … you are wrong … just look below at the Drunk Sniper app’s description.

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DrunkSniper1  DrunkSniper2

WTF?!?! Love how the dev scream in ALL CAPS … TURN YOUR IPHONE INTO MALE BODY ORGAN!!!” … LOL – what? Apple actually censored the word PENIS?!? Congrats Apple … you’ve come a long way, but man you’ve got some strange fetishes!

And of course, we must appeal to the ladies! Love the positioning on this. Like Drunk Sniper is the Dr. Phil of apps. It’s either beautiful sarcasm or someone’s shit don’t stink – LOL.

DrunkSniperDescLadies

May 11, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment, Games | 44 Comments 

Recap: Week Of May 4

iphonekrappsV1GIF In case you missed any of the festivities, quick links to this week’s articles.

May 4: Have A Shitty Day! – yeah, we have a new attitude thanks to Apple

May 5: Ow My Balls! – Brings Epic Nutshots To Your iPhone – this app delivers a wicked kick

May 6: Infraconscious Level And Psychologic Reactivity – Russian Ingenuity!

May 7: Hooking Up With The Gerbil – all iPhone app developers are SLACKERS!

May 8: Curious About SuicideGirls – erotica collides with the iPhone

May 8: After Approval, Trent Reznor Gives Apple The Finger – developers can now use the “F” word in their applications

May 9: The Wall Street Journal Does KRAPPS – hysterical WSJ video report on crap apps

May 10, 2009 | Filed Under Recap | Leave a Comment 

The Wall Street Journal Does KRAPPS

WSJKRAPPS You gotta love it when the grey suits, white shirts and red ties of The Wall Street Journal do a feature on krappy iPhone apps … or as they state … “Crap Apps”. Look at those WSJ folks … loosening their power ties, getting all silly and presenting their audience a hysterical, yet informative, video on the lighter side of iPhone apps (or as we like to brand it – KRAPPS). We think the best part was the fact that the words “iPhone’s Crap Apps” appeared on the home page of WSJ.com for most of May 8 … priceless!

Andy Jordan is a Technology Reporter at The Wall Street Journal. He has a regular segment called “Andy Jordan’s Tech Diary” which yesterday featured Crap Apps. For a highly entertaining look into the whacky world of KRAPPS, check out The Wall Street Journal’s video report below.

 

May 9, 2009 | Filed Under News | Leave a Comment 

After Approval, Trent Reznor Gives Apple The Finger

Not sure if everyone is aware of the drama between Nine Inch Nails’ (NIN) frontman Trent Reznor and Apple … but in a nutshell:

trent_reznor_nin Reznor launched the nin: access app … an update was submitted which Apple rejected due to objectionable content in the NIN song "The Downward Spiral" … as a result, Reznor became extremely pissed off and went on a public tirade with plenty of whining and expletives … Apple then approved the app’s update, even though no changes were made to the rejected version of nin: access. Yeah – pretty much played out like a soap opera. For more details about the drama, check out iPhoneSavior’s original and updated articles.

Well as with any good soap opera … the drama continues. After receiving the aforementioned approval, Reznor gives Apple the ultimate finger by changing the title of “The Downward Spiral” to “The Downward Fucking Spiral” and including all uncensored versions of NIN songs (plus we’re sure there are some other Easter Eggs waiting to be found by Apple)

IMG_0082  IMG_0080

Hmmm – and all this while other devs are patiently waiting for their approvals or agonizing over following the SDK Agreement for fear of their app being rejected. On the flipside, looking forward to the South Park app making a triumphant return to the App Store!

May 8, 2009 | Filed Under News | 6 Comments 

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