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- Here’s To The Crazy Ones
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Apple Loses One Million As Users Create 1,000,000 AutoRingtone Ringtones
No Tie Software’s AutoRingtone service has created over ONE MILLION custom Text-To-Speech talking ringtones since November 2009. That means AutoRingtone apps have potentially cost Apple over ONE MILLION Dollars … considering that Apple charges up to $1.29 per ringtone. It’s no wonder Apple hasn’t featured the AutoRingtone app!
The AutoRingtone service enables users to create their own talking "Caller ID" ringtones, that say exactly what they want – uncensored … "Hey Mike, Steve Jobs is calling. He needs your advice yet again about a lost iPhone. Should I let it go to voicemail?"
Users can select from dozens of professional (British Man, Woman, Old Man, GPS Gal, etc.) and funny voices (Jersey Girl, Valley Girl, Space Alien). They can use nearly 200 sound effects as an introduction, to get a user’s attention. There are no limitations… users can create unlimited ringtones and ringtones are completely uncensored. Indeed, many users are taking advantage of that feature (hint, hint).
Ringtones are downloadable in both .m4r as well as .aiff format … so they can be created on an iPhone, iPod touch or iPad but used on iPhones as well as other phones.
To jump on the uncensored custom ringtones ONE MILLION bandwagon, check these out:
AutoRingtone Pro [iTunes $0.99]
9,999 Ringtones Uncensored Pro [iTunes $0.99]
Auto TTS Pro Text-To-Speech Ringtones [iTunes $0.99]
For more information about the AutoRingtone service, check out the hysterical video below called … AutoRingtone: Behind the Curtain.
One Dare, A Million Giraffes – Help Ola Kick Jorgen’s Ass
Dare (verb): the act of challenging or provoking someone to do something bold, reckless or impulsive. Like Ralphie’s older brother, Flick, in A Christmas Story … a kid dared him to stick his tongue on a frozen pole. At first Flick declined the challenge, but then the ultimate of dares was delivered … one that you cannot refuse … the infamous TRIPLE-Dog-Dare. Flick had no choice but to carry out the dare … resulting in his tongue being frozen stuck to the pole and having to be rescued by the Fire Department.
Not all dares are this epic, but still pretty classic are … licking a toilet seat – picking your nose and eating it – shaving off your eyebrows. Office dares are pretty cool too … at the end of a meeting, suggest that it concludes with the singing of the national anthem. Or how about next time you’re at a gas station, use the window washer to wash your entire car.
Challenging the epic “tongue on frozen pole” dare in A Christmas Story is the tale of Ola, Jorgen and a bunch of giraffe images. Poor Ola was TRIPLE-Dog-Dared by his friend Jorgen to collected one million giraffes by 2011. Ola could obtain these giraffes through any format, but the actual giraffe images could not be computer generated or store purchased objects … think drawings, paintings, sculptures, lego’s, etc.
So Ola dedicated his whole life to the million giraffes dare (it helps not to have a life). He’s created a web site … OneMillionGiraffes.com … which displays every giraffe collected, a blog and leverages Facebook and Twitter to beg for giraffes. Ola has become so obsessed that his site contains a worldwide map of user contributions and a statistics page which details daily giraffe receipts (total geek). He’s 147 days into the project, collected 337,812 giraffes … and with 421 days left, needs 662,188 to kick Jorgen’s ass.
Can he do it? Yes he can! Ola has recently launched a secret weapon. His very own giraffe collecting app … Giraffes!
With the Giraffes! app, users can conveniently help Ola reach the one million mark by submitting their contributions from directly within the app. Giraffes! can also be used to browse Ola’s ever increasing giraffe collection (and we’re happy to report, no giraffe porn was found). Oh sure, creating an iPhone app solely based on completing a dare might seem a bit extreme (moronic) … but you gotta understand the nature of a TRIPLE-Dog-Dare, it’s very serious shit and something that is taken lightly.
So help out this poor bastard. Download the FREE Giraffes! app [iTunes] … make a giraffe … and upload your image to his collection. Trust us, this quick and simple task will make Ola very happy. We know because we uploaded the KRAPPS Giraffe (complete with a KRAPPS.com tattoo on the giraffe’s leg) and Ola told us it made him happy.
Secrets Of A Millionaire iPhone App Developer
Ok developers, listen up … it’s time we let you in on a little iPhone secret. Similar to those Twitter “get rich quick” schemes (man those are annoying – we blame Oprah!) , we have a guaranteed system that will get you big bank by selling your iPhone app the “KRAPPS Way” (and no, don’t develop the biggest piece of krapp application for the sole purpose of being featured here on KRAPPS – LOL).
Below are examples of apps selling the “KRAPPS Way”. Pay attention … quiz at the end.
You know those plain vanilla wristwatch apps? Why develop another lame one when you can release … the My Sexy Watch app
Or what about the classic game of Hangman? Booooring! What the world really needs is … the Sexy Hangman app
Sleep machines are cool. They play soothing sounds that enable you to snooze like a baby. But does the App Store really need another sleep machine app? No! The App Store is begging for … the Sexy Dreams app
We like puzzle games. The kind that have a bunch of scattered pieces and your job is to slide them back together again and reveal a picture. But you can’t make bank from just any picture, you need … the Amazing Sexy CowGirl iSlider app
Honestly …. Sudoku sucks! But this we like … the Sexy Sudoku app
The iPhone’s technology is amazing. Take for example its GPS functionality – apply this feature the right way and you’ll never get lost again … with a simple push of a button, you’ll always be able to find your way back home. But slow down sparky – think about it! This is your moment to shine with … the Take Me Home I’m Sexy! app
So ok Mister iPhone App Developer … we’ve given you 6 examples of how to make bank off your app the “KRAPPS Way”. You’re a smart dude, reading KRAPPS and doing the whole Coca Language thing … show me the money!
Right you are … SEX, SEX, SEX … sex sells and it’s as simple as adding the word “Sexy” to the title of your app. And no worries, don’t be all pushing and shoving … getting in our grill. There’s plenty of sex for everyone … Sexy Baseball – Sexy Twitter – Sexy Shazam – Sexy Pandora – Sexy Turn By Turn Navigation – Sexy Moron Test – Sexy Tetris – Sexy Skype – and more … LOL – and you thought the “S” in the new iPhone 3GS stood for speed … NOT! Introducing iPhone 3GS … They Sexiest iPhone yet.
App Sends Push Notification When Your Penis Is Ready For Sex
This might be a case of TMI (too much information), but for 300 million men worldwide who suffer from erectile dysfunction, the new iPhone application … Am I Ready Yet? … is just as handy as other apps like Evernote, Netflix or Dictionary.com.
Per Wikipedia … erectile dysfunction is characterized by the inability to develop or maintain an erection of the penis sufficient for satisfactory sexual performance. To combat this droopy dick syndrome (not a medical term – we just made it up), many individuals take prescription drugs such as Viagra, Levitra or Cialis.
However using these drugs is not as simple as Pill -> Hard-On -> Intercourse. Proper planning must take place to ensure the user’s “response time” (peak pecker period) is in sync with the humpty hump phase. But even with careful planning, erection quality results are not guaranteed. Variables such as age, fitness, weight and more … complicate pitching-a-tent predictions.
This is where Am I Ready Yet comes into play … the app allows users to enter their personal information to more accurately predict “readiness range”. Just select the medication (Viagra 25mg, Cialis 10mg, etc.) … age, height, weight, etc. … and time of intake. From there, the app works its magical erection equation and sends you a push notification of when your penis is ready for sex.
Again, maybe Am I Ready Yet is TMI … but in an App Store filled with egg, top raman and suntan timers … a boner alert really doesn’t seem that out of place.
No Ordinary Fart App, Fartify Turns Farts Into Art!
As previously discussed … Apple has a problem with fart apps. After approving something like 27 million fart apps, they now decided the App Store contains too many of these one gun salutes. So it came as bit of a surprise to the folks at Rabe & Co. that their fart application … Fartify … was approved last week.
But it’s hard to blame Apple for letting Fartify sneak by (pun point +1) as it’s one of the best fart apps ever!
Fartify is NOT one of those tired and boring soundboard apps … rather it’s ART. In New York City, there is a grassroots movement … a street-art project where public signs are slapped with fart bubbles. These folks take their fart art seriously and produce some brilliant pieces.
Inspired by this street-art project, Fartify lets you add fart bubbles to your photos. Simply find the best cheek-flapper … snap a picture (or use images from camera roll) … rotate, enlarge and add a fart bubble … voila – pure gravy pants goodness.
There is no limit or boundaries with Fartify … only your creativity and imagination. Pretty much every photograph could benefit from the great brown cloud. Jobs / Gates – Megan Fox – Obama / McCain … all look better with Fartify. And as the trademark goes … there’s an ass for that!
From The Projects To Your iPhone – Four FREE ‘Bed Intruder Song’ Apps [Downloads]
Last July … in Huntsville, Alabama, there was an attempted rape. Kelly Dodson was sleeping in her bed and when she woke up, there was an intruder laying next to her. Kelly screamed … her brother, Antoine Dodson, rushed to her aid and scuffled with the intruder before the pig escaped through the window. Antoine was rightfully pissed as hell and in a television interview with the local news, he totally went off … sending an important message to his community and the attacker.
From Antoine’s interview, The Gregory Brothers created the “Bed Intruder Song” in their famous Auto-Tune The News style. The music video became an overnight Internet sensation. “Bed Intruder Song” has been viewed nearly 24 million times on YouTube … peaked at #89 in the Billboard Hot 100 … and with part of the proceeds going to Antoine, he now has enough money to move his family to a new house in a safer neighborhood – AWESOME!
And now Antoine is appearing on the iPhone with four new FREE soundboard apps … commemorating his classic lines from the interview: “He’s climbin in your windows
He’s snatchin your people up” – “Hide Your Kids, Hide Your Wife” – “You are so dumb,
You are really dumb.”
None of the Bed Intruder apps are earth-shattering … however they do provide solid comedic value at a price that can’t be beat. So don’t be dumb – so dumb, so dumb. Put some Antoine in your pocket and download all 4 apps for FREE … run and tell dat, homeboy!
Bed Intruder [iTunes FREE]
Bed Intruder Soundboard – The Best Of [iTunes FREE]
Talking Antoine [iTunes FREE]
Bed Intruder Soundboard [iTunes FREE]
ShamWow Guy Pimps Eminem’s “Recovery” To Success – plus Recap Week Of September 13
Subscribe to our RSS feed and/or download the 100% free KRAPPS iPhone app … it’ll make you feel better!
In case you missed any of our perfect iPhone chaos, quick links to this week’s articles.
September 13: Warning: Party In My Pants App Can Cause Injury!
September 14: Fumble! NFL Manages To Piss Off Customers With Their Debut App
September 15: Even In Prison, Lil Wayne Rocks The iPhone With These Noteworthy Apps
September 16: Rack Stare App Helps You Stare At Boobs Without Getting Caught
September 17: Clever Window-Themed iPhone iOS 4 Wallpapers Fight Evil [Download]
September 18: The Gods Must Be Lazy [Godville iPhone Game Review]
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ShamWow Guy Pimps Eminem’s “Recovery” Album
American rapper Eminem has been blowing up this year thanks to his hit album “Recovery”. Released on June 21, “Recovery” is the fifth-best selling album of 2010 in the US, with two Billboard #1 singles. As of August 1, Eminem’s “Recovery” album has sold 1.83 million copies worldwide.
So what’s the secret to Eminem’s success? You would think a combination of talent, hard work and luck … but you’d be wrong. It’s all about the ShamWow Guy and the hysterical “Recovery” infomercial. Check it (bummer, the ShamPon is already sold out) …
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