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Action Sex Positions – A Guide For Having Sex While Driving A Motorcycle & More
We’ve been over this before … the App Store is getting saturated with hundreds of sex positions applications. With selections like Mythical Sex Positions, Lesbian Kama Sutra and Sex During Pregnancy … there’s a sex position application to satisfy everyone’s curiosity and then some. Are you a circus acrobat or gymnast – check out eXtreme Sex Positions. Frequently confused during threesome sex – let 69 Positions be your threeway guide.
But unfortunately there is a severe flaw with every sex position app available for download …they all involve sex in the bedroom. With today’s active, busy and on-the-go lifestyles, no one has time for bedroom sex … not to mention mattress moves are boring. Give the people what they really need … it’s all about efficiency – multi-tasking when making love. Like having sex while flying a helicopter … efficient and not boring at all.
If this sexual philosophy sounds all good, you’ll be thrilled to know that Apple has just approved Action Sex Positions …
Action Sex Positions is the only application available which gives detailed instructions for having sex in a flying helicopter, on a moving racing boat or while driving a motorcycle.
.
Each position is presented with the selected vehicle in full animation and includes realistic sound effects. The swooshing of helicopter blades or the revving of motorcycle engines makes Action Sex Positions an engaging interactive experience.
Also included is an explicit step-by-step guide for accomplishing each “action position” and its male and female “benefits” … mattress moves be gone!
But some words of advice, which can save a life …. maybe even your own … take Oprah’s No Phone Zone pledge:
I pledge to make my action sex a No Phone Zone activity.
Beginning right now, I will not text or use my phone while I am driving and having sex.
If I need to use my phone, I will pull out and pull over to a secure location.
Developer Uses App To Lash Out At ‘The Moral And Hypocritical Swine Of The World’
It seems developer Boris Kreynin has a bone to pick with a certain segment of the population. He’s one of those dudes who simply cannot let things go … and will do everything in his power to “fight the good fight” … even if it makes him look like a total incoherent ass.
Anywho … Boris has released a series of five applications called The Pearl. On the surface these apps seem innocent enough … they are journals for adults only (whatever that means). But as you continue to read the apps’ descriptions, a darker side of Boris is revealed … one that chastises “the moral and hypocritical swine of the world” … admonishing them for “regularly attending church, giving to charities and always appearing in moral philanthropy.”
Actually we have no idea what the f*ck crawled up Boris’ ass and died, but find it absolutely hysterical that some random dude uses his app as a platform for his own moral and philosophical agenda.
For a bizarre, yet fascinating look into a diary of a madman, continue reading The Pearl’s description insane diatribe by Angry Boris (who has obviously had a hard day and could use another shot of vodka) …
An Apology for our Title
Having decided to bring out a Journal, the Editor racks his brains for a suitable name with which to christen his periodical. Friends are generally useless in an emergency of this kind; they suggest all kinds of impossible names; the following were some of the titles proposed in this instance: "Facts and Fancies," "The Cremorne," "The All Round," "The Monthly Courses," "The Devil’s Own," and "Dugdale’s Ghost"; the two first had certainly great attractions to our mind, but at last our own ideas have hit upon the modest little "Pearl," as more suitable, especially in the hope that when it comes under the snouts of the moral and hypocritical swine of the world, they may not trample it underfoot, and feel disposed to rend the publisher, but that a few will become subscribers on the quiet. To such better disposed piggywiggys, I would say, for encouragement, that they have only to keep up appearances by regularly attending church, giving to charities, and always appearing deeply interested in moral philanthropy, to ensure a respectable and highly moral character, and that if they only are clever enough never to be found out, they may, sub rosa, study and enjoy the philosophy of life till the end of their days, and earn a glorious and saintly epitaph on their tombstone, when at last the Devil pegs them out.
Editor of the "Pearl."
69 Positions Becomes First Sex Position App To Include Threesome Variations
Although over 5,000 overtly sexual applications were banned from the App Store last February, hundreds of sex positions apps remain for sale. With selections like Mythical Sex Positions, Sex During Pregnancy, The Sex Compass, Visual Gay Sex Tutor and Lesbian Kama Sutra … Apple has a little bit of sexy something something for everyone. Well, sort of … seems threeway sex was underrepresented in the App Store with a grand total of zero selections … and this made tag teamers everywhere sad.
Now we’re not really sure why Apple had a sudden change of heart … perhaps it was Steve Jobs’ public proclamation of “My Sex Life Is Pretty Good These Days” at the D8 conference … but last Friday, the 69 Positions iPhone application was updated with a curiously new category … threesome.
This new sex variation brings further credibility to the sex App Store and is a welcome addition … because be real and just admit … it really sucks squeezing in on a ménage à trois and being completely clueless when the Eiffel Tower is being erected.
At 99 cents, 69 Positions is an App Store bargain and when you consider the savings of splitting a motel room three ways … threesomes are the ultimate economic stimulus.
Apps Gone FREE Or On Big Sale – World Cup Soccer Edition
With the 2010 FIFA World Cup South Africa upon us (yeah it’s a mouthful – but that’s the official name), developers are taking advantage of the worldwide insanity to promote their soccer / football related iPhone apps. There are a ton of price drop and some awesome savings to be had. We spent our entire Friday night (we know … how pathetic) checking out every soccer / football deal and below is our “best of” list. And since we are saving our pennies for the new iPhone 4, all of our selections are either FREE or an affordable 99 cents. Enjoy the World Cup … but keep the urine bag throwing to a minimum.
LED Soccer – was $0.99, now FREE [iTunes] : an old school classic dating back to 1979. This retro-style game has been recreated by touchGrove to perfection … throw on some AC/DC for the full 1979-effect. Deal is good today only!
Magnetic Sports Soccer – was $3.99, now FREE [iTunes]: the original version is older than the aforementioned LED Soccer … actually it’s so old it farts dust … but what the hell, it’s FREE. Not sure how long this sale lasts, so jump on it quick!
Coin Soccer – was $0.99, now FREE [iTunes]: this one is a turn-based game that is really pretty fun to play … it was featured in Apple’s “Hot New Games” classification, hooray! Coin Soccer won’t cost you any coin, but only for this weekend.
USAChant – was $0.99, now FREE [iTunes]: not exactly a soccer app, but good for any global sporting if you’re a die-hard Yankee … it just chants “USA, USA, USA” … would be cooler if it farted in between chants. FREE today only, hurry!
These next two iPhone games are not free, but at 99 cents, they represent an 85% savings which in our opinion is a helluv a deal. These are two of the best soccer / football games in the App Store from two of the best publishers. If you can only pick one to buy, dig a bit deeper in your couch and find some spare change … both apps rock!
FIFA World Cup – was $4.99, now $0.99 [iTunes]: published by EA and at it’s lowest price ever … EA deals don’t get any better than this … just do it. Sale price valid this weekend only – like we said … just do it.
Real Soccer 2010 – was $4.99, now $0.99 [iTunes]: we played Fake Soccer 2010 and without a doubt, Real Soccer 2010 is way better … published by Gameloft, the $0.99 price is good until June 16, so you have four days of couch digging to come up with the coin.
Bonus round … admittedly 110% not related to any of the above, but just in case you ever wonder how pregnant you are …How Pregnant Am I – was $4.99, now FREE [iTunes].
Three iPhone Apps That Prove Soccer Fans Are FREAKS
We’re not really sure why soccer fans get such a bad rap. Hell, there’s even a disturbing term for them … “hooligans”. WTF is that about – harsh! What’s wrong with soccer fans throwing bags of urine at opposing players? What’s wrong with soccer fans running naked on the the pitch during gameplay? (speaking of – football pitch? … freaks … it’s called a soccer field, get your sports right) What’s wrong with getting beyond drunk, vandalizing property and starting fights? Poor soccer fans … always getting a bad rap!
And the shitty soccer fan stereotype continues onto the iPhone with a hat trick of apps looking to leverage World Cup mania and take advantage of Psycho The Soccer Fan … VoodooProof Football, Voodoo Soccer and WCVoodoo.
As you can probably figure out, pretty basic KRAPPS. Just check out a few of the descriptions …
Express your World Cup rage through your fingertips by getting back at any player, referee, manager or goalkeeper that deserves it. Torture their voodoo avatar every time they miss or make a goal, it’s is up to you.
Need that little bit of extra luck for your team? Then this is the app for you. Choose the opponent team by flag or country name and then "pin" down your opponent with the Voodoo doll.
Support your team by collecting voodoo points within 8 striking voodoo rituals! Smash the enemy by celebrating black voodoo actions! Each match of the world cup will be influenced by football voodoo. The voodoo score will show the real balance of power. From now on till the final whistle blows you are in charge – together with thousands of football voodoo masters.
Funny thing is, we attempted to find Voodoo Baseball, Voodoo Basketball, Voodoo Hockey and just about every other voodoo sport app we could think of … nothing, nada, zilch. Yeah, so maybe it is true … soccer fans are indeed freaks and their apps prove it.
Hershey Throws First Punch In Milk Fight, Files Complaint Against iMilk Developer
In Monday’s WWDC 2010 keynote address, Steve Jobs stated that Apple passed 5 billion total apps downloaded, with over $1 billion paid out to developers. Repeat … ONE BILLION DOLLARS! That’s a shit load of bills and proof that developing iPhone apps can be a lucrative business.
But naturally, anytime there are serious bucks at stake … competition gets intense, lawyers get involved and lawsuits are filed. We’ve already seen a legal skirmish between the two original iPhone fart apps … dozens of memory games forced to change their name due to trademark infringement … and an indie developer sue Coors for $12.5 million!
The latest App Store battle involves Hottrix … the same indie developer who sued Coors … and this time they are tangling with another giant, Hershey (as in chocolate).
Hottrix’s claim to fame is that they developed the code to a virtual glass … apps which make your iPhone look like it’s a glass of beer (iBeer), soda (iSoda) or milk (iMilk) that empties as you tip it. Hottrix is a small but fierce company when it comes to protecting their intellectual property … as evident by Coors no longer offering their version of a virtual glass of beer, iPint.
In the same iBeer/iPint vain, Hottrix is attempting to protect their iMilk app from the competing Hershey’s Chocolate Milk application. Only this time, Hershey is the one filing the lawsuit, arguing that Hottrix cannot claim to own “the unprotectable idea of a virtual glass of milk. Hottrix has allegedly sent Hershey a notice of infringement in December 2009, claiming Hershey snaked the iMilk code and tweaked it for their own Hershey’s Chocolate Milk application. The notice of infringement also states that Hottrix demanded that Hershey cease marketing its Chocolate Milk app. So instead of waiting for a lawsuit from Hottrix, Hershey decided to throw the first punch by filing their complaint first.
[editor’s note – gotta love iMilk’s description promoting their “knock off” sale … LMAO]
The complaint goes on to state that Hershey independently created all the code for its app and gives examples of how Hershey Chocolate Milk app is substantially different from iMilk. Blah, blah, blah …
The chocolate giant might have met their match with those feisty bastards from Hottrix as we have a feeling the small indie will not back down and fight tooth and nail to defend their intellectual property.
Now an interesting twist to this story is the fact that at one time Hershey contacted Hottrix to develop the code for Hershey’s application and sell it to them for distribution under the Hershey name. The arrangement never materialized … and now Hershey is suing Hottrix, go figure!
The Hershey Co. v. Hottrix LLC is case number 1:10-cv-01178, in the U.S. District Court for the Middle District of Pennsylvania … and on that note, we are starting to become lactose intolerant.
Durex Baby App Screams, WEAR A CONDOM! [Video]
If there’s gonna be affection cover your erection …
Durex is an international condom manufacturer based in Cheshire, United Kingdom. It is the #1 brand of condoms in the UK and #2 in the United States behind Trojan. Durex condoms represent about one quarter of the global market for rubbers … pumping out one billion units per year.
So how does Durex maintain their world domination in love gloves? By clever marketing campaigns that stay outside the box (no pun intended). Seriously, what better way to reach young, hip, sexually active adults than with an iPhone app … an anti-pregnancy – safe sex – use a condom application. Check out the brilliantly awesome Durex Baby demonstration video and be prepared to hit the nearest convenience store for some Durex..
[WARNING – this video contains graphic scenes of two iPhones having sex and may not be suitable for children under 40.]
LMAO … while not as extreme as the “kill a baby to stop it from crying” Baby Shaker app, Durex Baby does present some realistic challenges nightmares to every day life with a tot. So gather around all you sexy people … don’t be silly wrap you willy … use Durex!
(Disclaimer – the Durex Baby app is not real. It is an advertising concept/case created by Peter Ammentorp, Nicolai Villads and Raul Montenegro, collectively known as V+A.)
(Hat tip to @manolosavi for bringing Durex Baby to our attention.)
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