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- Here’s To The Crazy Ones
- Despite Female Moans, SexLife Trailer Fails To Arouse [Video]
- Wii iPhone 4 iOS Home & Lock Screen Wallpaper Set [Download]
- Slap A Sexy Belly, Make Music, Huh? – Belly Jam iPhone App [Video]
- Adventure, To The Max! [iPhone Game Review]
- epic – The Toolbox iPhone iOS 4 Home & Lock Screen Wallpaper Set [Download]
- Recap Week Of January 3
- Sexy Star Wars Pinups – EWWW!
- Weird Stuff From Japan – iPhone 4 Sushi Case
- MegaMan iPhone iOS 4 Home Screen Wallpaper Collection [Download]
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Aggressive Butt Flossing – Most Painful Screenshot Ever
Yeah, we can hear the photo-shoot director giving pose directions …
“That’s it, look sexy … yes, very nice – just gorgeous. Ok, arch your back sweetheart … perfect – you are fabulous. Now undo your bikini bottom … good – be sexy. Now pull that bikini string up behind your back … ah – so beautiful … up just a little higher, tad more, little higher … ARGH – OH GOD NO … NOT THAT HIGH … MEDIC, MEDIC”
Ok look, we’re the first ones to appreciate images of a beautiful young lady in a barely-there bikini. But when the poor girl is pictured giving herself what appears to be a painful wedgie … well, we can’t help but laugh our asses off.
Thank you Adult Swim for providing this visual comedy of aggressive butt flossing!
“We’re Not On Drugs” – Developer Challenges Our Claims
Back in August, we ran a story about Raoul The Dancing Pancake … an iPhone app, which oddly enough, features a dancing pancake. In addition to dance, this freaking pancake sings and has wild mood swings … piss the pancake off and it whistles. We claimed that this uber-bizarro app surely had to be the result of “Developer On Drugs” syndrome.
Well a few weeks after we published the moody dancing pancake article, “Harry Works” left the following comment:
Hello I am the creator of the app raoul the dancing pancake. I would like to point out that none of this is true! We had nothing to do with stanford, we were not hi, and children love our app!
Hmmm … none of this is true? Harry The Developer is not on drugs? Ok … fair enough. We were going to take Harry’s word for it, but then he came out with his next offering … another dancing app. This one even more bizarre than the first … Carl The Dancing Peanut.
Now this time, instead of just describing in words this happy angry whistling like a teapot dancing peanut … we shot a demo video. Hopefully a visual representation of Carl The Dancing Peanut will clear the “bong air”, so to speak. [editor’s note – our apologies for the loud hyena-like outburst in the beginning of the clip … quality hired help is tough to find.)
Ok Harry The Developer, put down the bong pipe and listen up. First of all, that is a dancing Martian. Last time we checked, peanuts do not have green antennas … Martians do. We know this for a fact, we have lots of Martian friends. Second, peanuts do not have a penis … Martians do. So when you flick a peanut in the nuts <see what we did there>, nothing happens … however flicking a Martian in the balls inflicts severe pain as noted in our Dancing Peanut video. And finally, the peanut is a species in the legume family … meaning it’s an inanimate object. Inanimate objects, like peanuts, do not have emotions or names like Carl. Martians have emotions … again, we know this because one of our Martian friends is Carl The Martian and he’s a moody son of a bitch.
Anyways, whatever. We’re tired of talking about Carl and speculating if some magic dragon was involved in the creation of this so-called peanut Martian. We’re off to Honalee to hang with our good friend Jackie Paper. CYA!
Dirty Fingers? Let Sexy Amber Wash Your World!
We’ve been havin’ some very strange dreams lately. One night we’ll wake up screaming … in a total cold sweat … a nightmare. Then the next night, however, is quite different. We awaken with this big shit eating grin plastered all over our face. We’re relaxed, calm and relieved … it’s a wonderful feeling.
The nightmares involve hundreds of tiny dogs and cats stuck inside our iPhone. They can’t get out! The keep licking and licking our screen … in hopes of breaking free. But to no avail … they are trapped … and just keep licking and licking and licking … it never stops, ever!
The euphoric dreams, we’re sort of embarrassed to admit … involve a sexy hot bikini girl. She has a name … Amber … and we love her! Similar to the tiny dogs and cats, Amber is also inside our iPhone, but is content to live there. She’s actually quite entertaining and practical … always prancing around in her bikini, using a spray bottle and microfiber cloth to clean our iPhone (it better be microfiber … don’t want no nasty scratches).
These dreams were getting nuts. We never knew if we’d wake up in a panic or complete nirvana. So we decided to seek professional help. After 137 seconds of analysis, the cause was clear … sleep doctor proclaimed – “KRAPPS prefers hot sexy bikini girls over cats and dogs.” Huh? Well supposedly the dog licker app (the one where dogs lick your iPhone’s screen clean) is throwing our ying and yang out of whack. Although we think licking dogs are fairly cool, subconsciously we prefer smokin’ hot chicks. Per doctor’s orders, we downloaded the Dirty Fingers – Sexy Screen Wash app [iTunes] and ever since, our world is complete.
Heck … your world will be completed as well. Just look at Dirty Fingers’ titillating features … the FIRST and ONLY interactive screen cleaner. Dirty your iPhone’s screen with your finger (hence the cool name, Dirty Fingers … although not as bad ass as the name, Dirty Harry), sexy Amber appears and cleans the exact area you touched. No idea how she does that, but it’s freaking amazing! And it’s fun carrying Amber around in your pocket and showing her off to family, friends and co-workers, etc. … especially out partying. Amber always rocks the party crowd and is a real head turner. Even those catty party chicks dig her. Must be the way she smells, it’s very nice … way better than those messy slobbering canine fools, blech!
Anywho … jump on Amber (figuratively speaking, of course), let her rock … errr … wash your world. Get Dirty Fingers – Sexy Screen Wash with Amber [iTunes] and be prepared for a thorough cleaning … you dirty boy you!
Three Wolf Moon Attempts The iPhone – Can It Attract Women?
Surely you’ve heard of Three Wolf Moon. You know, the most awesome t-shirt EVER! Why so awesome … uh, hello – just wear it and … chicks will find you irresistible, dudes will fear your power and you’ll possess magical healing abilities. Damn straight … how else do you think Steve Jobs obtained all his kick ass power and awesomeness? Look at his picture here on the right –> ah, you see … Three Wolf Moon t-shirt … that’s how. Need more proof … #1 selling apparel item on Amazon, major media news coverage on ABC, BBC, NYT and other popular acronyms. And check this out … tonight’s episode of The Office will feature Dwight in a Three Wolf Moon t-shirt … SICK (so yeah, if you want mystic and magic, you better BIN –
buy it now on Amazon – before all The Office freaks sell it out)!
[Ok, so by now you either totally “get” the Three Wolf Moon awesomeness or think we’ve completely lost our minds – which is probably true, but besides the point. If you’re of the insanity opinion, click here, become enlightened by reading the short ABC News article … then come back and play along.]
But why should these bitchin’ wolves stop at t-shirts? Why not a movie, a theme park, a USB thumb drive, trading cards or Slurpee cups? Heck a Three Wolf Moon-based book deal, Sheep In Wolves’ Clothing, has already been proposed. And of course, was there ever a doubt … there’s an app for that.
Oh come on! Don’t act so surprised – you knew this was coming. The Wolf Moon app … developer Ryan Pardue’s ode to Three Wolf Moon. While we’ve not had sufficient time to examine this potential iPhone phenomenon … early “Pros” observations include – has wolves on it and uh, that’s about it … while “Cons” remark – has wolves on it but only 3 – cannot see wolves while playing Pocket God (memo to self: jailbreak iPhone to enable multitasking) – wolves would have been better if they glowed in the dark.
And what about this whole “Chicks Dig Me Cuz I Do The Three Wolf Moon” thing? Well we’re not exactly sure if this attribute translates to the Wolf Moon app, however once we finish our Tuscan Whole Milk, we’ll head over to Walmart on our courtesy-scooter and see if we can hook up with any asthmatic breathing, Mountain Dew drinking hotties … stay tuned!
But until then, please note, when purchasing Wolf Moon … you don’t put this app on your iPhone, you put it in your soul.
My Fetus Is Cuter Than Your Fetus – Filial Pride Gone Overboard With Pimp My Ultrasound
So we were driving around our suburban neighborhood the other day, when we spotted a minivan. You see these vehicles all the time … but this one was special. Seems super-mom got a little too excited with the car window paint markers as “Happy Sweet 13 Bobby! Mommy & Daddy Love You!” was plastered all over this van of shame. Not to mention an assortment of smiley faces, daisies and “XOXO” illustrations. Geez – and you wonder why your kid’s nickname is Bitter Bobby. Just what every teenager craves … public displays of affection from mom and dad … blech!
Yeah, yeah, yeah … parents love their children so much, they’re of the opinion that their sole purpose on planet Earth is to blow sunshine up their kid’s ass. And that’s nice! But come on … there’s a point where parenting “love” transforms into parenting “dumbass”. Take for example these Messed Up Parenting Tips (a great blog): Teaching Your Child That Failure Is Not An Option … Don’t Hug Your Children You Might Get Lice … Killing Your Child’s Imagination … Telling Your Child They Were An Accident. Or check out the Your Baby Is Lame blog … where babies are celebrated, but the idiot parents who make their babies look lame get an ass-kicking.
So with this worldwide epidemic of Anal Sunshine Blowing, this next iPhone app should come as no surprise …
Sure, why not … Pimp My Ultrasound. No reason to wait until junior is actually separated from the umbilical cord, when you can start blowing sunshine up his little fetus ass.
Ok, we get it … Pimp My Ultrasound is an innocent Entertainment app (that’s strategically positioned in the “Medical” category … LOL – App Store marketing tricks), which really is pretty slick as it can be used to pimp out any image, not just ultrasounds. But in a world of ass kissing and sunshine blowing parents, you know some dumbass parents will start embarrassing their kid prenatally … don’t be that dumbass!
Boobies For A Cause – 25¢ Peep Show Takes A Swing At Breast Cancer
As you probably noticed, we often talk about those sexy bikini girl boobie apps. Why? Well we’re not exactly sure. Maybe because there’s like thousands of them in the App Store and they always seem to provide an “interesting angle”.
Take for example the 14 different Busty Buxom Curvy Cuties apps … gynormous boobies gracing your iPhone for your viewing pleasure. Or how about the Asian Boobs app (yes, that’s the actual name of the app) … gee, take a wild guess what that one’s about. For those of you who like to play with boobs, check out Boob Stack … think Tetris, but with falling boobies. Maybe you just like to sit back, relax and watch bouncing boobs … Gym Babes will satisfy your Peeping Tom hots for hooters. Of course most geeks like to build stuff … so similar to Build A Bear, Wobble and iJiggles allow you to Build A Boob.
What’s with all this random tata talk? Hey, come on … nothing we do here is random! October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month (NBCAM) highlighting the importance of early detection. More and more women are getting mammograms to detect breast cancer in its earliest stages. As a result, breast cancer deaths are on the decline.
So with the thousands of boobie apps, coupled with NBCAM, wouldn’t it be cool to have some sort of a tie-in? An answer to the equation … Boobie Apps + Boobie Month = ??? Yes it would be cool and that’s why the developers at More Blu Sky and their 25¢ Peep Show Hot Girls and Sexy Guys apps are freaking awesome.
In honor of NBCAM, More Blu Sky has joined the 8th Annual Boobie-Thon – an effort in which bloggers worldwide send in photos of their boobs (covered and uncovered) to help create awareness and raise money for breast cancer research. Boobie-Thon kicked off on October 1, running one full week, ending at 11:59 pm on October 7. More Blu Sky is generously donating 25¢ from each sale of their Peep Show app – a nifty little boobie app where you stick a quarter in the slot, screen raises and you get to check out hot chicks (or dudes).
For more information about Boobie-Thon and how it started, check out The History Of Boobie-Thon article. And of course, download the 25¢ Peep Show Hot Girls [iTunes] or Sexy Guys [iTunes] iPhone apps knowing part of your purchase will go towards the fight against breast cancer.
So up’s to More Blu Sky for leading the Boobie Developers charge of leveraging the month of October for a great cause. While Boobie-Thon concludes this Wednesday, hopefully other Boobie Developers will get creative and contribute to the fight against breast cancer … because boobies are all good and worth fighting for!
Reading Is Sexy, Especially On The iPhone (spanking, crossdressing & more)
Ok – we admit it … we’re not huge fans of the App Store’s “Books” category. Nothing against books or reading of course … it’s just that we rarely discover anything KRAPPS-worthy in “Books”. But you know … that’s probably a good thing. So we’ll just keep chillin’ in the krappiest of categories – “Entertainment”.
But getting back to “Books” … strange thing happened to us the other day. While conducting our usual research process in “Entertainment” … something kept drawing us to “Books”. It was the strangest thing … like some supernatural power came over us. Frankly, we were scared shitless and didn’t want to visit “Books” … but aura was strong, like the Force of a Jedi Knight – freaking Yoda-like. Something just kept pushing and pushing us towards “Books”. So we finally let go. We succumbed to this higher power … jotted over to “Books” … and the calling became clear. We realized why we didn’t stand a chance against this higher power … this Force. We were helpless against Penis Power.
But of course … the Phallic Worship app. Screw those other magic apps. Phallic Worship is the real deal … we’re talking “male generative powers” … aka Penis Power! All hail the mighty phallic.
Hmmm … books. You know what sucks – trying to read a nasty book in public. More often than not, we find ourselves on a crowded subway, or at a sold-out baseball game with 45,000 other folks, or stuck in that “comfy” middle seat on a 6-hour non-stop flight from New York to Los Angeles. And in these situations … we just want to enjoy a titillating read. But it’s tough. Sitting in these cramped quarters, trying to be discreet … it just doesn’t work. Too many wandering eyes checking out our hardback (no pun intended) – very frustrating indeed (again … no pun intended).
But thanks to Penis Power, we discovered an awesome new book app which allows us to enjoy nasty literary pleasures – wherever, whenever – all on the privacy of our own iPhone.
YES! thank you – thank you …. Naughty Spanking 3, erotic reading on your iPhone. Now just mix in one of those PhoneDevil privacy screen protectors and perv away in public to your heart’s content.
But alas, the “Entertainment” category completes us. So for those of you who rather write than read … it’s cool, we feel you. We found the perfect app for all you budding erotic writers, hoping one day to become a staff writer for Penthouse Letters (wait … you mean those are really written by Penthouse readers? … no way) or just your ordinary everyday crossdresser – 1001 Sex Life Stories.
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