Said the mighty Apple to the people everywhere …
No More Fart Apps! – No More Boob Apps! – No More Amateur Hour Apps!
In what has to be one of the most epic approvals to date … yesterday the Ninja Steve iPhone game [iTunes $0.99] went live for sale in the App Store. What makes Ninja Steve so special? It’s based on an incident which involved Apple CEO Steve Jobs being detained at Kansai International Airport in Japan for carrying Ninja throwing stars in his carry-on luggage. This “Steve Jobs Is A Ninja” drama got so out of hand that Apple released an official statement claiming the story was “pure fiction.”
Apple is really not one to poke fun at themselves … especially spoofing their leader. So the fact that they could look at themselves in the mirror and laugh … i.e. , approve Ninja Steve … is a pretty big deal.
In Ninja Steve, the user plays the character of Steve … CEO of electronics company Xicidis. Steve is delivering a keynote, announcing their new video game Super Steve Brothers. During the keynote, Smartbots (who bear a striking resemblance to Google’s Android) begin attacking the CEO and the only way he can fight them off is with his trusty Ninja stars.
The app has 17 levels for your Steve Jobs Ninja pleasures … with developer Woltz Media already working on an update which will include more characters, opponents and levels. We spoke with Palito at Wotlz Media who gave more insight into the future, “if 10,000 Ninja Steve downloads are achieved by year-end, we’ll add GameCenter and The Woz character as an update.”
While Ninja Steve might not be on the same playing level as Infinity Blade, the game is absolutely hysterical in its likeness to all things Steve Jobs. It also represents major milestones for Apple … NOT taking themselves too seriously and NOT getting their panties in a bundle. Bravo Apple! This breath of fresh air is well worth 99 cents.
Yesterday we featured the controversial Jesus Dressup iPhone application by artist Normal Bob Smith. The app depicts Jesus hanging from the cross in his underwear and allows users to place silly outfits on Jesus like a basketball uniform or tutu.
Back in 2003, retailer Urban Outfitters stopped selling refrigerator-magnet sets of the same dress up concept due to a huge national controversy.
And now, Jesus Dress Up finds itself removed from sale once again. In less than 24 hours after launch, Jesus Dressup was pulled from the App Store. Considering many Christians would find Jesus Dressup offensive and insulting, it should be no surprise the app is no longer for sale.
But what is surprising are the details surrounding the removal of Jesus Dressup … specifically Apple did NOT remove the application. There was no public outcry … no activists … and no organizational efforts that led Apple to ban Jesus Dressup. Rather a fairly boring spat between the app’s owner, Normal Bob Smith, and its developer.
Smith writes on his blog …
Let there be no confusion. Apple did not pull the Jesus Dressup app. Christians did not get it removed. I had a gargantuan disagreement with the person who made the application for me and last night, in a heated phone conversation that ended with us hanging up on each other, the app yanked by us.
We contacted Smith to get further clarification and insight into the situation … he said, “It was a disagreement over control of the account and pay. Work had begun before anything was in writing. That was a mistake. Subsequently an agreement could not be reached between us, to put it mildly”.
We then asked if he had plans to re-launch Jesus Dressup if he could find a feasible business partner … to which Smith replied, “I have no idea at all if there’ll be another go at it. I’m very soured on the experience.”
There were a few more questions we had for Smith, but the bastard told us we had enough info and called us “nosey” … LOL
So there you have it … the controversial Jesus Dressup app was removed due to a rather “normal” disagreement. Who knows if Apple would have banned the app themselves if Smith didn’t remove it in the first place. But for now, as the saying goes … move along – nothing to see here.
It is no secret that Apple is a big FAIL when it comes to enforcing a consistent set of rules when approving iPhone applications for sale in its App Store. Many developers feel the app review and approval process is arbitrary and senseless. Hard to argue with these folks when you realize the examples below are actually quite common …
Apple bans the Me So Holy app which allows users to superimpose their faces on images of religious figures like Jesus, Mother Teresa and others. Apple rejected Me So Holy because, “applications must not contain any obscene, pornographic, offensive or defamatory content or materials of any kind.” Fair enough – yet somehow BibleThumper … a Christian-bashing app whose purpose is to show “just how ridiculous the Bible and Christianity is” …is considered non-offensive by Apple.
iSlam Muhammad was also pulled from the App Store due to images of the prophet Muhammad (prohibited by Islam) and highlighted disturbing passages from the Qu’ran. Fair enough – yet somehow QuranQuoter … the Muslim-bashing version of BibleThumper is all good with Apple.
And the beacon of consistent randomness at Apple continues to shine as yesterday JesusDressUp was approved …
Based on his website of the same name, the 99-cent Jesus Dressup iPhone app was released by artist Normal Bob Smith. The app depicts a crucified Jesus, hanging from the cross in his underwear … and lets users to dress Jesus in silly outfits like a red tutu or a Chicago Bulls basketball uniform.
Smith’s game is no stranger to controversy (he proudly displays nearly 500 pages of hate mails on his site). In 2003, he produced a Jesus Dress Up refrigerator-magnet set which was picked up by trendy retailer Urban Outfitters. After media spotlight and over 250,000 complaints, Urban Outfitters announced they would no longer carry the magnet set. Also as a result of this national controversy, Smith’s web-hosting company shut down the Jesus Dress Up website … which remained offline for several days until a new host was secured.
After major screw-ups like approving the Baby Shaker app, it’s curious that Apple would even go down the path of approving Jesus Dress Up and chancing the integrity of the Apple brand. But entering our third year of writing KRAPPS … guess we can’t say we’re surprised, but still wondering if Apple’s brilliant team of approvers will risk accepting Smith’s Jesus Dress Up counterpart … Dress Up Prophet Muhammad.
One of our favorite pastimes (besides scouring the fringes of the App Store in search of the krappiest apps) is collecting iPhone related items. Over the past few years, we’ve stockpiled all sorts of eclectic novelties … Pocket God figurines, Angry Birds plush toys, Steve Jobs dolls, No Tie Software t-shirts, Poop The World toilet paper and so much more.
And now, thanks to the keen eye of our friends at iPhone Savior, we’ll be adding some Plants vs. Zombies figurines to our ever-growing collection.
With ninja-like skills, Etsy member AllWithHand produced these handmade Plants vs. Zombies characters from polymer clay … and they simply rock!
There are fifteen figurines available at prices ranging from $152 for the complete set … to $80 for a set of six … or $18 per individual character. You’ll find all your favorite Plants vs. Zombies friends like Sun Flower, Pea Shooter, Thunder-shroom or that pain-in-the-ass to kill Football Zombie.
Bravo AllWithHand … you just put a huge dent in our Christmas shopping list … loving it!
With over a bajillion downloads, Angry Birds is all the rage these days (and makes plenty of cents). But did you ever stop and think what the hell is up with the objective of the game? Birds fly … but with a slingshot. Pigs protect eggs they stole from the birds … uh, why exactly do the pigs need eggs? So many Angry Birds questions – so little time … got to get back to 3-starring all the Angry Birds levels.
LMAO @ this hysterical Angry Birds video by Dorkly. [apologies in advance to Mobile Safari viewers … freaking Apple vs Adobe Flash pissing match strikes again]
I am enamored with the physics shooter puzzle type of game and Appy Entertainment has delivered a whole lotta love in spades with whipped cream on top for their recent releases of Trucks and Skulls [iTunes $0.99] / Trucks and Skulls HD [iTunes $1.99]. The premise is that the player is given a set of trucks to decimate the smirking skulls. Why? Why Not, I say. Each truck has a particular set of characteristics and using them to the best of their abilities is key to scoring big. Varying the power and angle of the delivery are the only controls to master.
Like most games these days, the player is given a few easy levels to get their sea legs, but the puzzles ramp up in difficulty after that. With each successive level, new concepts are added: some are new defenses for the skulls and some are new types of trucks to counteract those defenses.
At first, it makes sense to have the trucks flying through the air at the targets. About eight levels in I looked at the screen and thought it would make more sense for the truck to travel over the ground. Sure enough, I just pointed the launcher at it’s lowest possible angle and voila, the truck sped off as trucks often do. It was at this point that I was hooked. Appy has delivered a game that gets high marks in my book for originality and attention to detail.
OK, so what’s different between the iPhone and iPad versions? Plenty, as I soon found out. While the standard game is quite enjoyable on the iPhone, the HD version really shines on the iPad. View the game field big and bold, or pinch it down to get the full picture. And then there’s the level editor… Yes, you heard me correctly… a level editor. Build your own dastardly creations and share them with others.
This is the first game I’ve seen that has a screenshot button as well. When you take a screenshot this way, it gets a cool frame and you can share it with your friends. Of course, bold visuals need bold music and the screaming guitar soundtrack fits right in as you travel from Hell’s Highway to the Haunted Wasteland. At 99 cents [iTunes] for the iPhone and $1.99 [iTunes] for the iPad, these games are a screaming deal, firing on all cylinders.
He’s climbin in your windows – He’s snatchin your people up …
Hide your kids, hide your wife – Hide your kids, hide your wife
We freaking love Antoine Dodson and the Bed Intruder Song. Headline reads – “Bed Intruder Singer Moves Family Into New And Safer Home” … hells yeah! Dude goes from living in the projects … preventing a rape … going off in a local news interview … getting auto-tuned … Internet fame … Billboard Hot 100 … all the way to a brand new home. Atta boy Antoine!
And as the world takes notice of Antoine … so do app developers. Shortly after Antoine’s rise to fame, Bed Intruder Song soundboards began appearing in the App Store. Currently there are about a dozen of these soundboard applications available for the iPhone … allowing users to enjoy their favorite lines from Antoine right in the palm of their hand.
Meh, soundboards are so last month … the first Bed Intruder Song iPhone game has appeared for sale, appropriately called … Bed Intruders.
Bed Intruders mirrors the events from last July, in Hunstville, Alabama … where an intruder climbed through a bedroom window and attempted to rape Antoine’s sister Kelly. Only this time, Antoine is standing over Kelly’s bed, armed with a baseball bat … beating the shit out of those bastard intruders.
The game has this 8-bit tower defense retro feel and is integrated with OpenFeint providing leaderboards and 14 hysterical achievements like … “Got Yo T-Shirt” – defeat 200 intruders in one game … “You So Dumb, So Dumb” – losing a game … and “Snatched Yo Wife”.
Since Bed Intruders is not an “officially endorsed” application, the natural in-game music of Bed Intruder Song has been omitted (thus avoiding copyright issues) … however the developer (Mighty Rabbit Studios) is attempting to contact Antoine’s peeps in efforts to collaborate and include the must-have soundtrack.
Which brings up an even better idea … the Bed Intruder Song franchise! Besides video games, we can see Antoine Dodson figurines, plush toys, cereal, comic books, candy bars, trading cards and of course the ultimate … a Hollywood Motion Picture called “Run And Tell That, Homeboy!”