“We’re Not On Drugs” – Developer Challenges Our Claims

rasta-FINAL Back in August, we ran a story about Raoul The Dancing Pancake … an iPhone app, which oddly enough, features a dancing pancake. In addition to dance, this freaking pancake sings and has wild mood swings … piss the pancake off and it whistles. We claimed that this uber-bizarro app surely had to be the result of “Developer On Drugs” syndrome.

Well a few weeks after we published the moody dancing pancake article, “Harry Works” left the following comment:

Hello I am the creator of the app raoul the dancing pancake. I would like to point out that none of this is true! We had nothing to do with stanford, we were not hi, and children love our app!

Hmmm … none of this is true? Harry The Developer is not on drugs? Ok … fair enough. We were going to take Harry’s word for it, but then he came out with his next offering … another dancing app. This one even more bizarre than the first … Carl The Dancing Peanut.

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Now this time, instead of just describing in words this happy angry whistling like a teapot dancing peanut … we shot a demo video. Hopefully a visual representation of Carl The Dancing Peanut will clear the “bong air”, so to speak. [editor’s note – our apologies for the loud hyena-like outburst in the beginning of the clip … quality hired help is tough to find.)

 

Ok Harry The Developer, put down the bong pipe and listen up. First of all, that is a dancing Martian. Last time we checked, peanuts do not have green antennas … Martians do. We know this for a fact, we have lots of Martian friends. Second, peanuts do not have a penis … Martians do. So when you flick a peanut in the nuts <see what we did there>, nothing happens … however flicking a Martian in the balls inflicts severe pain as noted in our Dancing Peanut video. And finally, the peanut is a species in the legume family … meaning it’s an inanimate object. Inanimate objects, like peanuts, do not have emotions or names like Carl. Martians have emotions … again, we know this because one of our Martian friends is Carl The Martian and he’s a moody son of a bitch.

Anyways, whatever. We’re tired of talking about Carl and speculating if some magic dragon was involved in the creation of this so-called peanut Martian. We’re off to Honalee to hang with our good friend Jackie Paper. CYA!

October 12, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment | 10 Comments 

Recap: Week Of October 5

iphonekrappsV1GIF In case you missed any of the festivities, quick links to this week’s articles.

October 5: Reading Is Sexy, Especially On The iPhone (spanking, crossdressing & more)

October 6: Boobies For A Cause – 25¢ Peep Show Takes A Swing At Breast Cancer

October 7: My Fetus Is Cuter Than Your Fetus – Filial Pride Gone Overboard With Pimp My Ultrasound

October 8: Three Wolf Moon Attempts The iPhone – Can It Attract Women?

October 9: Dirty Fingers? Let Sexy Amber Wash Your World!

October 10: I Say Aye to Eyegore! – our review of the Eyegore’s Eye Blast game

October 11, 2009 | Filed Under Recap | Leave a Comment 

I Say Aye to Eyegore!

(written by guest author Tim Giron. follow Tim on Twitter @timgiron)

eyegore-icon Arriving just in time for Halloween, Eyegore’s Eye Blast [iTunes] is a frightfully fun game from Retro Dreamer, the creators of Sneezies. Beautifully crafted screens transport you to the lair of Eyegore, the evil flying eyeball with the fashionable hat, where you are taunted with a vast array of challenges and puzzles. Gameplay is easy to grasp: you control the aim and release for a rusty cannon which fires variously colored eyeballs at a swinging, spinning mass of, you guessed it, more eyeballs. Match 3 or more of the same color and they are cleared. Score extra points for clearing longer chains and for releasing other eyes which become detached in the process. Be careful where you aim, though. If the clump becomes too big and touches the line just above the cannon, it’s game over!

eyegores-eye-blast-shot2FIN    Eyegore 9

Clever use of the accelerometer allows you to swing the hanging mass from side to side, setting up the perfect (or not so perfect) shot. You can bank shots off the walls to hit the opposite side of the clump, but if you miss completely, you will be penalized with random additional eyes added to the mix. In later rounds, specialty eyes (like one that instantly clears all of the same color) are added for even more fun as you try to figure out the best strategy to put them to use.

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This game is highly replayable and extremely addictive. The first time I sat down to check it out, I was immediately engaged and spent well over an hour playing. The steampunkish graphics are top notch (the animated eyeballs swivel and blink independently), the music is imaginatively immersive and the squishy eyeball sounds are great. You can also listen to music from the iPod, a feature that I always appreciate and which really enhances the replayability factor.

Online leaderboard and other community features are integrated with AGON Online by Aptocore.

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I eagerly await further offerings from the developer as they work their way through the rest of the allergy and cold symptoms. We’ve already had the Sneezies and now the bloodshot, irritated eyeballs of Eyegore. Could Frannie’s Fevered Flying Fantasy be next?

At the time of this writing, Eyegore’s Eye Blast [iTunes] was a flat out steal at 99 cents.

October 10, 2009 | Filed Under Games | Leave a Comment 

Dirty Fingers? Let Sexy Amber Wash Your World!

We’ve been havin’ some very strange dreams lately. One night we’ll wake up screaming … in a total cold sweat … a nightmare. Then the next night, however, is quite different. We awaken with this big shit eating grin plastered all over our face. We’re relaxed, calm and relieved … it’s a wonderful feeling.

The nightmares involve hundreds of tiny dogs and cats stuck inside our iPhone. They can’t get out! The keep licking and licking our screen … in hopes of breaking free. But to no avail … they are trapped … and just keep licking and licking and licking … it never stops, ever!

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Amber-2-FINAL The euphoric dreams, we’re sort of embarrassed to admit … involve a sexy hot bikini girl. She has a name … Amber … and we love her! Similar to the tiny dogs and cats, Amber is also inside our iPhone, but is content to live there. She’s actually quite entertaining and practical … always prancing around in her bikini, using a spray bottle and microfiber cloth to clean our iPhone (it better be microfiber … don’t want no nasty scratches).

These dreams were getting nuts. We never knew if we’d wake up in a panic or complete nirvana. So we decided to seek professional help. After 137 seconds of analysis, the cause was clear … sleep doctor proclaimed – “KRAPPS prefers hot sexy bikini girls over cats and dogs.” Huh? Well supposedly the dog licker app (the one where dogs lick your iPhone’s screen clean) is throwing our ying and yang out of whack. Although we think licking dogs are fairly cool, subconsciously we prefer smokin’ hot chicks. Per doctor’s orders, we downloaded the Dirty Fingers – Sexy Screen Wash app [iTunes] and ever since, our world is complete.

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Amber111   amber333

Heck … your world will be completed as well. Just look at Dirty Fingers’ titillating features … the FIRST and ONLY interactive screen cleaner. Dirty your iPhone’s screen with your finger (hence the cool name, Dirty Fingers … although not as bad ass as the name, Dirty Harry), sexy Amber appears and cleans the exact area you touched. No idea how she does that, but it’s freaking amazing! And it’s fun carrying Amber around in your pocket and showing her off to family, friends and co-workers, etc. … especially out partying. Amber always rocks the party crowd and is a real head turner. Even those catty party chicks dig her. Must be the way she smells, it’s very nice … way better than those messy slobbering canine fools, blech!

Dirty-Fingers-Screenshot

Anywho … jump on Amber (figuratively speaking, of course), let her rock … errr … wash your world. Get Dirty Fingers – Sexy Screen Wash with Amber [iTunes] and be prepared for a thorough cleaning … you dirty boy you!

October 9, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment | 12 Comments 

Three Wolf Moon Attempts The iPhone – Can It Attract Women?

Three-Wolf-T-Shirt-Steve-Jobs-FINAL Surely you’ve heard of Three Wolf Moon. You know, the most awesome t-shirt EVER! Why so awesome … uh, hello – just wear it and … chicks will find you irresistible, dudes will fear your power and you’ll possess magical healing abilities. Damn straight … how else do you think Steve Jobs obtained all his kick ass power and awesomeness? Look at his picture here on the right –> ah, you see … Three Wolf Moon t-shirt … that’s how. Need more proof … #1 selling apparel item on Amazon, major media news coverage on ABC, BBC, NYT and other popular acronyms. And check this out … tonight’s episode of The Office will feature Dwight in a Three Wolf Moon t-shirt … SICK (so yeah, if you want mystic and magic, you better BIN –
buy it now on Amazon – before all The Office freaks sell it out)!

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Three-Wolf-T-Shirt-Obama-SM chuck-norris-three-wolf-moon-SM 2vhu8mt-SMALL

[Ok, so by now you either totally “get” the Three Wolf Moon awesomeness or think we’ve completely lost our minds – which is probably true, but besides the point. If you’re of the insanity opinion, click here, become enlightened by reading the short ABC News article … then come back and play along.]

But why should these bitchin’ wolves stop at t-shirts? Why not a movie, a theme park, a USB thumb drive, trading cards or Slurpee cups? Heck a Three Wolf Moon-based book deal, Sheep In Wolves’ Clothing, has already been proposed. And of course, was there ever a doubt  … there’s an app for that.

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Wolf Moon Screenshot

Oh come on! Don’t act so surprised – you knew this was coming. The Wolf Moon app … developer Ryan Pardue’s ode to Three Wolf Moon. While we’ve not had sufficient time to examine this potential iPhone phenomenon … early “Pros” observations include – has wolves on it and uh, that’s about it … while “Cons” remark – has wolves on it but only 3 – cannot see wolves while playing Pocket God (memo to self: jailbreak iPhone to enable multitasking) – wolves would have been better if they glowed in the dark.

And what about this whole “Chicks Dig Me Cuz I Do The Three Wolf Moon” thing? Well we’re not exactly sure if this attribute translates to the Wolf Moon app, however once we finish our Tuscan Whole Milk, we’ll head over to Walmart on our courtesy-scooter and see if we can hook up with any asthmatic breathing, Mountain Dew drinking hotties … stay tuned!

But until then, please note, when purchasing Wolf Moon … you don’t put this app on your iPhone, you put it in your soul.

 

October 8, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment | 12 Comments 

My Fetus Is Cuter Than Your Fetus – Filial Pride Gone Overboard With Pimp My Ultrasound

Book_embarrassed So we were driving around our suburban neighborhood the other day, when we spotted a minivan. You see these vehicles all the time … but this one was special. Seems super-mom got a little too excited with the car window paint markers as “Happy Sweet 13 Bobby! Mommy & Daddy Love You!” was plastered all over this van of shame. Not to mention an assortment of smiley faces, daisies and “XOXO” illustrations. Geez – and you wonder why your kid’s nickname is Bitter Bobby. Just what every teenager craves … public displays of affection from mom and dad … blech!

Yeah, yeah, yeah … parents love their children so much, they’re of the opinion that their sole purpose on planet Earth is to blow sunshine up their kid’s ass. And that’s nice! But come on … there’s a point where parenting “love” transforms into parenting “dumbass”. Take for example these Messed Up Parenting Tips (a great blog): Teaching Your Child That Failure Is Not An Option … Don’t Hug Your Children You Might Get Lice … Killing Your Child’s Imagination … Telling Your Child They Were An Accident. Or check out the Your Baby Is Lame blog … where babies are celebrated, but the idiot parents who make their babies look lame get an ass-kicking.

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So with this worldwide epidemic of Anal Sunshine Blowing, this next iPhone app should come as no surprise …

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Pimp My Ultrasound 1

Sure, why not … Pimp My Ultrasound. No reason to wait until junior is actually separated from the umbilical cord, when you can start blowing sunshine up his little fetus ass.

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Pimp My Ultrasound 3

Ok, we get it … Pimp My Ultrasound is an innocent Entertainment app (that’s strategically positioned in the “Medical” category … LOL – App Store marketing tricks), which really is pretty slick as it can be used to pimp out any image, not just ultrasounds. But in a world of ass kissing and sunshine blowing parents, you know some dumbass parents will start embarrassing their kid prenatally … don’t be that dumbass!

October 7, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment | 5 Comments 

Boobies For A Cause – 25¢ Peep Show Takes A Swing At Breast Cancer

As you probably noticed, we often talk about those sexy bikini girl boobie apps. Why? Well we’re not exactly sure. Maybe because there’s like thousands of them in the App Store and they always seem to provide an “interesting angle”.

Take for example the 14 different Busty Buxom Curvy Cuties apps … gynormous boobies gracing your iPhone for your viewing pleasure. Or how about the Asian Boobs app (yes, that’s the actual name of the app) … gee, take a wild guess what that one’s about. For those of you who like to play with boobs, check out Boob Stack … think Tetris, but with falling boobies. Maybe you just like to sit back, relax and watch bouncing boobs … Gym Babes will satisfy your Peeping Tom hots for hooters. Of course most geeks like to build stuff … so similar to Build A Bear, Wobble and iJiggles allow you to Build A Boob.

p3282058dt    mikes-hard-pink-lemonade

What’s with all this random tata talk? Hey, come on … nothing we do here is random! October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month (NBCAM) highlighting the importance of early detection. More and more women are getting mammograms to detect breast cancer in its earliest stages. As a result, breast cancer deaths are on the decline.

So with the thousands of boobie apps, coupled with NBCAM, wouldn’t it be cool to have some sort of a tie-in? An answer to the equation … Boobie Apps + Boobie Month = ??? Yes it would be cool and that’s why the developers at More Blu Sky and their 25¢ Peep Show Hot Girls and Sexy Guys apps are freaking awesome.

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IMG_1948 IMG_1960 Peep-Show-3

In honor of NBCAM, More Blu Sky has joined the 8th Annual Boobie-Thon – an effort in which bloggers worldwide send in photos of their boobs (covered and uncovered) to help create awareness and raise money for breast cancer research. Boobie-Thon kicked off on October 1, running one full week, ending at 11:59 pm on October 7. More Blu Sky is generously donating 25¢ from each sale of their Peep Show app – a nifty little boobie app where you stick a quarter in the slot, screen raises and you get to check out hot chicks (or dudes).

Boobie-Thon-Logo

breastcancerribbonGIF For more information about Boobie-Thon and how it started, check out The History Of Boobie-Thon article. And of course, download the 25¢ Peep Show Hot Girls [iTunes] or Sexy Guys [iTunes] iPhone apps knowing part of your purchase will go towards the fight against breast cancer.

So up’s to More Blu Sky for leading the Boobie Developers charge of leveraging the month of October for a great cause. While Boobie-Thon concludes this Wednesday, hopefully other Boobie Developers will get creative and contribute to the fight against breast cancer … because boobies are all good and worth fighting for!

October 6, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment, News | 18 Comments 

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