Hysterical & Free – Bud Light Real Men Of Genius And Real American Heroes Apps

51022 Are you familiar with the Bud Light beer ads – Real Men of Genius? If not (da horror), you should be … it’s the best advertising campaign EVER! Funny, witty, sarcastic and  amusing … Real Men of Genius ads are pure pant pissing brilliance!

Real Men of Genius is a series of Bud Light radio advertisements which began in 1999. The campaign originally was called Real American Heroes, but the name was changed after the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001. Hundreds of installments have been produced for radio … some of which were adapted for television beginning in 2003.    

Each ad is a hysterical sarcastic glorification of an unsung hero – the real man of genius …

Mr. Driving Range Ball Pickerupper
Mr. Jelly Donut Filler
Mr. Giant Foam Finger Maker
Mr. Mail Order Bride Orderer 

 

To experience the awesomeness of Real Men of Genius, you can cruise to some infested BitTorrent file sharing network, search YouTube or check out any of the numerous fanboy created websites. Not exactly convenient, but your Real Men of Genius choices are limited … that is, until now … Apple has approved both the Bud Light Real American Heroes [iTunes] and Bud Light Real Men Of Genius [iTunes] iPhone apps. Oh and get this … both apps are FREE!

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Since the saying goes … “nothing in life is free” … we typically don’t expect much from free apps. Boy were we surprised with these two … impeccable sound quality, straightforward UI and no advertisements. The Real American Heroes app contains 27 radio spots, while the Real Men Of Genius app comes in at a whopping 93 selections … wow … and don’t forget, both apps are FREE!

RAH2  RMOG2

5-5-50 Inc. did a solid job developing the two apps and offering them for FREE! While we’re not sure if they have some kind of arrangement with Anheuser-Busch … or if any copyright issues exist … all we can say is hurry up and download both the Real American Heroes [iTunes] and Real Men Of Genius [iTunes] apps for FREE!

Today we salute you Mr. Real Men Of Genius iPhone App Developer … without you we wouldn’t be hearing the goodness of the best radio commercials ever on our revolutionary iPhone.

April 28, 2010 | Filed Under Entertainment | Leave a Comment 

Apple Approves App Glorifying Drug Use – Puff Puff Pass

Apparently Apple [allegedly] is too preoccupied in kicking down the door and searching  Gizmodo editor Jason Chen’s home or Steve Jobs is reverting back to his Oregon ways of using LSD and marijuana. These are the only two sound explanations we could fathom when we saw the new iPhone game … Puff Puff Pass by Hood Apps.

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As noted in the app’s description above, Puff Puff Pass is a smoking game. Users control the game’s characters to take a puff of a cigarette, cigar or tobacco pipe and then pass it on to the next participant in the smoke session. Puff Puff Pass is cleverly marketed as addictive … “almost addictive as smoking for real.”

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Now before we proceed, understand that Apple CENSORS material in the App Store. We are not here to comment on this censorship, rather pose the question … why would the largest technological corporation in the world align themselves and promote the major single cause of cancer mortality in the United States … cigarette smoking. Since tobacco use is responsible for nearly 1 in 5 deaths in the United States … not exactly sure how approving Puff Puff Pass enhances Apple’s brand image.

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But the Puff Puff Pass saga gets better. Anyone with half a clue in life should clearly realize that Puff Puff Pass is SCREAMING in drug use innuendo. Seems to us it would behoove Apple to think beyond Glee-watching, squeaky clean suburban Cupertino life. Phrases like “Iron Lung”, Smoke Session” and hell, even the app’s name itself, “Puff Puff Pass” are all terms glorifying drug use. 

Iron Lung – someone who is able to take massive hits (and we’re not talking UFC).
Smoke Session – a social gathering where participants smoke weed, meth, etc.    

And the best one yet … the freaking title itself! Definitions per Urban Dictionary …

Puff Puff Pass
1. The golden rule for pot smokers everywhere. It simply means to take two hits of the joint, bong, blunt, or bowl and then pass it to the next person.
2. A game in which everyone in a circle passes a spliff, bong or other smokeage. Everyone puts five on it. Each time you take a hit you say "puff puff pass." If you fail to say it, cough or pass out, you’re out of the rotation. The last person holding the smokeage keeps all the money.

Puff-Puff-Pass-the-movie  smoke-session

Or better yet … maybe Apple should check out the free IMDb app they approved and realize that Puff Puff Pass, the movie, is about two hapless stoners who have grown tired rehab.

But hey, it’s Apple’s world and we just pay for it. However if Jobs is cool with apps that promote and glorify drug use … we’re sure many will literally play puff puff pass on Apple.

 

April 27, 2010 | Filed Under Games, News | 10 Comments 

Recap: Week Of April 19

Ad-Krapps-170x170 In case you missed any of our perfect iPhone chaos, quick links to this week’s articles.

April 19: Apple Censors The Word ‘Uncensored’ – Huh?

April 20: Sexy Pamela Anderson Launches Her Own Sexy App – Wakey Wakey

April 21: Nude Thumbnails Approved, Pussy And Boobies Banned – WTH Is Going On At Apple?

April 22: Apple Considers ‘Guido’ Offensive, Forces Guidofy App To Change Name

April 23: Genital Warts? This Amazing iPhone App Can Help!

April 24: Sonic The Hedgehog 2 – Sequel Even Better Than The Original

April 25, 2010 | Filed Under Recap | Leave a Comment 

Sonic The Hedgehog 2 – Sequel Even Better Than The Original

(written by guest author Connor Coghlan. follow Connor on Twitter @Condawg)

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I grew up on Sonic the Hedgehog. It was one of the very first console games I ever played. (first videogame ever was SkiFree … couldn’t get past the damned yeti.) And let me tell you, I played the hell out of every single Sonic game (up until they started sucking).

Sonic the Hedgehog 2 was by and far my favorite. It introduced the ability to rev up and roll fast as hell … which I love. So, as you can imagine, when Sonic the Hedgehog 2 [iTunes $5.99] was released by SEGA for the iPhone and iPod touch sometime last week, I bought it instantly.

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Sonic 2 plays like a champ on iDevices. The emulator that SEGA made to allow this port is fantastic. I’ve never noticed any lag and it just feels like I’m playing it natively. It gives you a virtual d-pad and "A" button (only "A" because that’s all you need). In-between zones and levels, the buttons disappear to show you the title slide … which is a very nice feature that makes it feel more like a native game.

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Plus Sonic 2 has an awesome savestate feature. This means that if you get interrupted by a call, you can just resume your game right where you were. Or even if you just close the game and come back to it later, you’ll be RIGHT where you left off … it’s awesome.

All-in-all, if you’ve ever played Sonic 2, you get the gist of this game. The gameplay transitions perfectly to a mobile device and how well they pulled this off just gets me even more psyched for the upcoming Sonic 4. (if you’re not aware, Sonic 4 will be a 2D sidescrolling, episodic Sonic game … brand new game, but it’s going back to its roots. It’ll be pretty sick.)

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Running around at mega-speed and stomping enemies is just as fun as ever. Robotnik’s complex machinery still fails to kill you (which makes me wonder why the dude doesn’t just, like… make or purchase a firearm … that would be much more effective).

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If you’ve ever played and enjoyed a Sonic game, you shouldn’t be thinking twice about giving this a purchase. If you’ve never played a Sonic game… what the hell is wrong with you? Well, you’ll never have a better opportunity to start. Sonic 2 is currently #53 in Overall Paid Apps … buy this game and help it climb a notch to #52 [iTunes $5.99].

April 24, 2010 | Filed Under anti-KRAPPS, Games, Guest Authors | 9 Comments 

Genital Warts? This Amazing iPhone App Can Help!

Statistics show that nearly 85% of all people suffer from a wart at least once in their life. Warts are fugly, irritating and can be painful … especially genital warts, which are highly contagious. Additional details are way gross, so we’ll spare you the details, but simply put … warts suck!

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And getting rid of warts can be a bigger bitch than actually having them. You could try Compound W, burning them off with liquid nitrogen or with minor surgery. Not exactly pleasant remedies … yeah, warts suck!

Today we have great news about getting rid of those disgusting bumps … your iPhone can do it. Apple has approved the Wart Healer app … hooray! The secret behind Wart Healer is mental healing … we shit you not. Just read the app’s description below … “behind Wart Healer is a professional mental healer who specializes in long distance wart healing” (mental note – get new job as a long distance wart healer).

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WOW! For a mere $12.99 (a freaking bargain) … a long distance mental healer will get rid of your warts!

So you might be thinking … how does this long distance mental wart healing thing work? Glad you asked … because Wart Healer provides the answers. It has something to do with a spiritual level … the person’s energy … the moon’s decreasing phase … and a picture of the actual wart (don’t be embarrassed if you’re trying to heal a genital wart … Wart Healer is a professional service and your wanker will not appear on some fetish porn site).

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Now hopefully you read the above statement carefully. No need to freak out if your warts don’t fall off immediately … it can take up to 111 days (very precise numbers) until first effects are visible. 

Although Wart Healer is easy to use … it is imperative you follow the steps below (paying attention to the moon’s next decreasing phase) …

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So how do you like them long distance healers? Yeah … pretty awesome and not a joke either. Apple has approved and classified Wart Healer as a medical application, so obviously they tested it and Wart Healer works!

One thing to note however … the $12.99 purchase price includes the removal of one wart. If your friends call you “Lumpy”, additional warts can be removed via in-app purchase.

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Who would have ever thought the iPhone could cure warts. It’s so revolutionary that you can’t make this shit up. Thank you Mr. Jobs … you make our penises very happy.

April 23, 2010 | Filed Under Health | 10 Comments 

Apple Considers ‘Guido’ Offensive, Forces Guidofy App To Change Name

jobs-sucks-for-you Let’s do some role playing. Ok, so you are an iPhone app developer who launched an app a few months ago. Everything is cool … your app is getting strong reviews … gaining in popularity … sales are climbing. Then one day you receive a call from Apple saying if you don’t change your app’s name, it will be banned from the App Store. Huh? Apple states that the name of your app is derogatory and must be changed immediately. Never mind the fact that you have successfully marketed and established your brand (the app’s name) …  change the derogatory name or be removed from the App Store! Oh and if that’s not enough … your competitors who have similar derogatory app names … well they can stay with no change. SUCKS FOR YOU! 

Sounds pretty farfetched, eh? LOL … yeah right. Come on, this is Apple we’re talking about … and as we stated yesterday, they apply Apple Logic.

Back in March, we reviewed a very cool app called Guidofy. Inspired by the MTV reality series, Jersey Shore, Guidofy is a photo app which unleashes the Guido in you … Fedora hats, gold chains, Fohawk hair and of course, synthetic tans. Just check out how sexy the pasty white Irish Conan O’Brien looks as an Ed Hardy wearing, Grey Goose drinking Guido.

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Coco-G  Coco-Guido

Although Apple approved Guidofy in February, they changed their minds and applied that sound Apple Logic … Guidofy bares similarity to the name "Guido" which Apple considers derogatory. If the disgusting name is not changed, the app will be banned. And no, Apple doesn’t give a shit that the Guidofy name has been established and marketed (think $$$) for over two months … change it or die an unpleasant App Store death! Ok … FFFFUUUU … new non-offensive name … Jersify.

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guidofy-11-B  jersify-11

But here’s the kicker … call it rubbing salt in the developer’s wound. There are two other Guido-themed applications which carry derogatory names … Guido and Guidofy Me … they offensively remain for sale intact.

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At this point you might be thinking … why is Guidofy offensive, but Guido and Guidofy Me are perfectly acceptable? A fair question. No worries, we have the answer … Apple Logic … SUCKS FOR YOU!

April 22, 2010 | Filed Under Entertainment, News, Photography | 9 Comments 

Nude Thumbnails Approved, Pussy And Boobies Banned – WTH Is Going On At Apple?

We’ve come to the realization that we have a problem. No matter how hard we try, we simply cannot understand this thing called Apple Logic. Actually, Apple Logic is not just a thing … but a very significant aspect of the business world. Yesterday, Apple reported their second-quarter profits rose 90 percent, revenues up 49 percent and 8.75 million iPhone were sold … these figures represent Apple’s best non-holiday quarter ever. So yeah, it would behoove us to understand Apple Logic as they seemingly have the Midas touch.

Apple Logic

Apple Logic is the same reasoning process that banned over 5,000 overtly sexual apps …  yet allowed the overtly sexual Playboy and Sports Illustrated Swimsuit applications to remain in the App Store. Apple Logic is Steve Jobs saying, “folks who want porn can buy and [sic] Android phone” … yet approve the NSFW – Peek A Site web browser app specifically programmed to discreetly surf porn sites on the iPhone.

Guess we suck … we simply cannot get a grip on Apple Logic.

Take for example the latest case of Apple Logic … we have no clue what’s going on here. Back in December we reported the Pussy Lovers and Tits And Boobies apps were being removed from the App Store. Apple informed the developer that both apps were deemed inappropriate as they do not contain content that match the title. Following KRAPPS Logic, the reaction would be “no shit” … of course Pussy Lovers and Tits And Boobies do not contain images of vaginas or breasts. It’s a joke … get it? … pussy = cats … tits and boobies = birds. A FREAKING JOKE!

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TitsAndBoobiesBanned  tits-boobies-2

So ok, whatever … Apple has no sense of humor. Logically we can conclude that sexual innuendos are not cool with Apple … especially in form of an app’s name. But then Apple Logic comes around, rears it’s ugly head and trumps old fashioned logic … Apple approves the Nude Thumbnails app.

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WTF?!? … “this app is designed and named so as to give the user the impression that it contains inappropriate material” … that’s EXACTLY why Pussy Lovers and Tits And Boobies were banned … content not matching the title.

Oh, but our bad … this is Apple Logic … and as mere mortals, we’re too stupid to see the Emperor’s new clothes.

April 21, 2010 | Filed Under Entertainment, News | 4 Comments 

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