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- Here’s To The Crazy Ones
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- Adventure, To The Max! [iPhone Game Review]
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- Recap Week Of January 3
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Girls, Toilet Paper And Batteries – Apps That Leave Us Confuzzled
Confuzzled [-verb] – a combination of being confused and puzzled, not knowing what the F is going on: What the hell’s going on? I’m confuzzled? (per Urban Dictionary).
Confuzzled is the perfect word to describe our state of mind after coming across these next apps. If anyone can shed some light on these enigmas, we could actually rest easy and finally get some sleep. Thank you!
In our “How To SUCK At Selling iPhone Apps” article, we noted several surefire ways of achieving zero sales … Be A Douchebag, Be A Pothead, Be A Hater, Be Blunt. Guess we need to add another one to the list … Be Honest.
Battery Status (5% Accurate) … while we appreciate MeachWare’s honesty, it’s probably not the best idea to highlight the fact that your measurement app is only five percent accurate. Come on dude, those are some very shitty performance specs. Honesty will get you into Heaven, but it won’t get you on our iPhone.
We like girls. We like toilet paper. But sometimes things are just mutually exclusive.
Toilet Paper Babe … huh? … sexy hot Japanese chicks wrapped in/on toilet paper? Oh how we love the Japanese and their cutting edge sex trends. But think we’ll pass on these ass paper babes and stick with yummy sushi girls.
Knife Dancing – First App To Offer “Buy One Get One Free” Code
(free full version Knife Dancing app for all viewers – see end of article for details)
So today is huge for geeks. In a few hours, Apple will be announcing their computer tablet, the iPad. Think of it as a giant iPhone on steroids … the iPad will have a 10-inch screen, run on the same operating system as the iPhone, priced at $800 and $1,000 and supposedly change the way we read books, magazines and newspapers (rivaling Amazon’s Kindle). Similar to the iPod and iPhone, Apple is hoping the iPad will be another revolutionary product – the ultimate armchair gadget. Even Steve Jobs states, “This will be the most important thing I’ve ever done.” Damn Steve … you go boy!
But while the spotlight is on Apple for another historic day in technology, we choose to salute the little guys … the 28,000 app developers. Without their ingenuity and creativity, the iPhone (and soon, the iPad) wouldn’t be shit.
One such “think outside the box” developer is Headlight Software. They managed to introduce an App Store “first” … no small task competing against 150,000 applications.
Headlight Software has a nifty straightforward app called Knife Dancing. It’s a FREE app … so what the hell, go download it now [iTunes]. Knife Dancing is a virtual knife game (safer that way) … follow the pattern and see how fast you can stab back and forth between fingers … careful not to hit flesh (sucks that way). The app starts off really easy … you hack away with a terrifying crayon. In addition to the Crayola, there are four additional levels (weapons) of increasing difficulty.
As we stated, Knife Dancing is free … but free will only get you so far … the easiest weapon, crayon. The other levels are available for 99 cents via in-app purchase. BUT HOLD ON … here’s the revolutionary part … an App Store first. When you purchase the additional weapons, you’ll receive a SwappIt code. You can then email the code to a friend, allowing them to redeem it from within the app and receive the 99 cents worth of additional weapons for free.
Essentially, anyone who buys the full version of Knife Dancing, can give away one copy of the full app for free … utilizing SwappIt technology. In addition to email, you can also post the code from within the app to Facebook or even send it wirelessly if the recipient is nearby. We never heard of such a thing … too cool!
And that folks is an App Store first. That’s the kind of thinking required to compete against 150,000 apps. That’s giving your app a fighting chance to go viral. Hopefully other devs will jump on the SwappIt code bandwagon and add some marketing flair to their app.
Free Full Version Of Knife Dancing To All KRAPPS Viewers
Big shouts to the folks at Headlight Software who were kind enough to create an uber SwappIt code exclusively for KRAPPS viewers … allowing you to download all knives for free. Simply CLICK HERE to download the free Knife Dancing app. Launch app and click the SwappIt button on the top right of the screen. Enter the code … KRAPPS.COM … (yeah, we changed it up – keep you guys on your toes) press Done and voila, all knives have been unlocked an ready for you to slash away. Enjoy!
[Illustraion by Dale Stephanos via Flickr]
Augmented Reality For Pizza – Seriously, Why?
There’s a cool t-shirt at Threadless.com which says … “Having an iPhone has completely changed the way I poop”. LOL … ain’t that the truth. The iPhone is information and productivity at its finest. Just think of all the things you can do while taking an iCrap … read the latest news, post to your blog, Twitter (we admit … been there, done that), play a game of Monopoly, learn to speak Russian, buy stocks, play the piano, edit a photo and thousands of other activities.
The iPhone – technology at its finest! … or is it?
Sometimes we feel the iPhone is just way overrated. Like a once no-brainer task, all of a sudden requires the use of an iPhone … a crutch. You can’t just stick your arm out and flag down a cab … no, you need the “hail a taxi” app. You can’t just leave a tip in the 20% ballpark … no, you need a tip calculator app to figure out the gratuity down to the last penny. Laying out, catching some rays … no you can’t do that! You need a “suntan turn-over” app to notify you when the optimal turn-time arrives … WTF.
I guess the geeks are to blame. After all, they develop and publish apps … it’s their ideas. And of course geeks are totally over the top when it comes to being analytical. Never once did we worry about our pizza costing more per square foot than the carpet at KRAPPS World Headquarters. Never once did we worry if that 19-inch pizza is a better value than the 16-inch. But now we do, thanks to the Amazing Pizza Calculator app … damn you geeks!
And the price of pizza is not the only thing geeks are ruining … it’s even how you cut it. You simply cannot eyeball slicing your pizza into evenly-sized portions. No … that would be uncivilized. You now need the aid of augmented reality technology when cutting your pizza, the Reality Slice app.
Hey, nothing against augmented reality, it technology rocks … but come on, pizza?!? Just slice the damn thing and eat it – no fuss, no muss. Too much technology is melting our brains … the iPhone has become a crutch. Pretty soon we won’t even be able to wipe our ass without the iPhone. Oh wait, is that what they meant – “having an iPhone has completely changed the way I poop”? There’s an app for that? Don’t even think about it geek!
A Collection Of Ridiculous iPhone Boob Apps
A couple of months ago, we ran a story … “Boobs” – The App Store’s New Buzzword … in which we detailed Apple lightening up and allowing developers to use the word “boobs” in app titles. At that time, there were only four apps which contained the word “boob” in their title. Two months later … surprise, surprise … nearly 100.
Now we get the whole “man’s fascination with boobs” thing … or maybe it’s the new German study which concludes – stare at women’s breasts for 10 minutes a day increases your life span. But we also find it hysterical how a pair of mammary glands can reduce the male species to a bunch of blubbering morons. And of course developers are attempting to take advantage of these Pavlov dogs by publishing some absolutely stellar boob apps.
Boobs & Explosions – Because “the man favorite combo” of hearing crazy explosions while staring at boobs makes us feel like … well … manly men.
A Free Boob App – Marketing 101 states your product should have a clear and effective name … probably not the best idea to take this advice too literally.
Boob News – One can never have enough “high quality and the most informative boob news and articles from around the world”!
Boobs² and Boobs³ – Decisions, decisions … Boobs Squared or Boobs Cubed? Not sure if the folks at Feather & Moor were just trying to one-up developer Ben Cousins or if they have some disturbing cyborg fetish going on. EWWW!
Boob Trading Cards – We’ll trade our Britney Spears boob card for your Kim Kardashian boob card … deal?
Recap: Week Of January 18 – plus Best App Ever Awards & iPhone Case Giveaway
In case you missed any of our perfect iPhone chaos, quick links to this week’s articles.
January 18: Official KRAPPS App Is Now Available – Full Of Kraptastic Goodness – get our totally FREE app [iTunes]
January 19: Drunken Girls – Another Proud App Store Moment
January 20: iChug Times How Fast You Chug A Beer – Frat Boys Rejoice
January 21: Apple Bans forChan Developer – Did Not Realize Web Browsers Can Access Porn
January 22: Sex Notifier App Helps You Have Undisturbed Sex
January 23: Mr. Dumb Go Down – Beavis & Butthead Meet A Reverse Doodle Jump
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Couple of cool happenings for you all to check out …
2009 Best App Ever Awards
As previously mentioned, our friends at 148Apps are holding their second annual Best App Ever Awards to help recognize and publicize the best apps available across 55 categories. So be sure to join in on the fun and vote for your favorite apps. The voting is open until January 31 … so you have 7 more days to cast your votes … get you butt over there now and vote! We did and can assure you it was a painless process.
And if it’s anything similar to last year’s process … if you participate in the voting … you will get a promo code for a free iPhone app. Nothing official has been announced of course, but that’s the rumor swirling around, so you might as well jump on it. Get out of here – go vote!
iPhone Case Giveaway At iTito Designs
Remember our homeboy Tito? He’s the dude who created the really tight KRAPPS theme and wallpaper and actually just released an even cooler one (see below).
Anyways, dude is running a contest in which he’s giving away iPhone cases of your choice. Basically all you need to do is review one of his themes (he has a ton of them) on your blog, vlog, YouTube or website. The best review wins two iPhone cases of your choice, plus Screen Protectors.
For complete details, visit the contest page and make sure to check out all the incredible themes and wallpapers at iTito Designs.
Mr. Dumb Go Down – Beavis & Butthead Meet A Reverse Doodle Jump
(written by guest author Connor Coghlan. follow Connor on Twitter @Condawg)
Another Mr. Dumb game? You bet your Beavis-loving ass! I’ve already reviewed the two other Mr. Dumb games — Mr. Dumb Toilet and iChowdown — here on KRAPPS and I’m touching down once again to give you some impressions on the third game in the series from ZenuxLab … Mr. Dumb Go Down [iTunes $0.99]
I know that at this point, you’re asking yourself, "What do you do in Mr. Dumb Go Down?" Well … it should be much of a mystery … you go down … Mister Dumb-Ass.
What? Oh, right. I have to try and be "professional…" Ahem <sorry>.
The basic premise of the game is — do I really have to? — you go DOWN (get your mind out of the gutter, perv). It’s one of those games where it’s a side view of your character and you have to avoid objects and make your way down without going out of view.
Luckily, the default controls are not accelerometer-based (thank you devs … much better control and feel this way). You simply tap the screen on the side you want your character to go to and… well, that’s it. You can use accelerometer-based controls, if you REALLY want to (I wouldn’t), but the default ones work just fine and give you a good amount of control.
Now, you’re making your way down a tree in this game. There are bees chasing you along the way, so you have to make sure you don’t stay on one branch for too long. Then there are obstacles such as thorns and bushes. They are wicked nastiness as they hurt you and slow you down … basically making your life miserable.
The sheer simplicity of the game is nice … think of it as a reversed Doodle Jump. Mr. Dumb Go Down is very well made, with fantastic graphics and realistic gameplay. While it may tend to get repetitive for the hardcore gaming crowd, I feel it is best suited for the casual gamer and certainly deserving of a place in the App Store.
That said, this game still has the same nice charm as the other games in the series. Playing the other two Mr. Dumb games before this one definitely helped me enjoy it a bit more, because I already had a connection with the characters (well, I did from the very beginning, anyway, since they’re essentially Beavis and Butthead).
When it comes down to it, this game targets the casual gaming folks … and most likely won’t make you lose any sleep playing it or induce dreams about it if you happen to drift off. At less than a dollar [iTunes $0.99], there is little risk for casual gamers to check out Mr. Dumb Go Down … or of course you could go the totally risk-free way and download the FREE version [iTunes FREE].
Ok ZenuxLab, I’m waiting for a fourth episode to get by Beavis and Butthead fix … Bring It!
Sex Notifier App Helps You Have Undisturbed Sex
The iPhone never ceases to amaze us … is there anything it can’t do (well, besides running Adobe Flash)? Just the other day we read this headline from NBC News … Earthquake Survivor Calls iPhone A Life Saver. Hear that? The iPhone saved some dude’s life! American film producer Dan Woolley was buried alive under a pile of rubble, after the massive earthquake that hit Haiti last week. Dan used the light from his iPhone to identify injuries to his leg and the Pocket First Aid & CPR app to treat head and leg wounds and managed shock. He survived being buried for 64 hours … freaking amazing!
And besides Pocket First Aid & CPR, there are many other life saving possibilities available in the App Store. Take for example this common crisis … after you take your hunny out for a romantic evening, the two of you head back to your pad for some sex, only to find out your roommate is deeply involved in a game of Modern Warfare 2. Or perhaps you and your sweetie are getting crazy on the couch and your roommate comes barging in through the front door. Talk about a mood killer …. argh!
Now back in the olden days, these awkward situations could be avoided by hanging a sock or tie on the doorknob … the universal “We’re Having Sex In Here – Do Not Disturb” signal. But now that the revolutionary iPhone exists, why bother with such archaic methods? As the app says … “Sex Notifier is here for you, solving one of life’s most pressing problems through technology.”
Has a life saver ever been so easy? Simply add appropriate contacts, enter sex notifier message and the estimated duration of your shagging session … then push send. You’ll be able to shag away in peace knowing everyone has been properly informed about your love making intentions.
LOL … indeed, technology at its finest. But what if you have no roommates and thus no problems? Well, as the app cleverly states … you can also “brag to your friends as it’s all going down.” Ah yes, of course … the tell while kissing technique. However for Sex Notifier to remain competitive with this sleaze, Twitter integration is imperative … the more, the merrier.
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