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- Here’s To The Crazy Ones
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- Adventure, To The Max! [iPhone Game Review]
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- Recap Week Of January 3
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Get Live Streaming Mugshots On Your iPhone With Arrested Mobile Mugshots
Not sure if we should laugh or cry over this next one. But if for some reason you take pleasure in viewing “Live Streaming Mugshots – All Day & Night” … then we’ve got an app for you … Arrested! Mobile Mugshots [alternate name – Busted! Real Mugshots]
LMAO – “We collect mugshots from jails all over the USA … Real People! Real Arrests! Real Mugshots!” And since curiosity killed the cat … our death was inevitable. Check out these fine American citizens we found in Arrested! Mobile Mugshots … real class acts.
Meet Justine – she smokes pot. Marijuana does weird shit to your body, like turn your skin green … although it does compliment her lovely blue eyes.
Marie and Javier just got arrested … the happiest moment of their lives.
You probably can’t tell, but Dennis has a serious crack cocaine problem
Jesse and Gloria are real bad asses. He likes to beat up old people … she likes to abuse children. Yeah, bet their fellow inmates can’t wait to “befriend” them.
We’d hit that …. and that.
“No mommy, I don’t want to go to Grandpa Harold’s house next Monday to celebrate his 82nd birthday. I don’t care if he’s a Catholic priest … he just creeps me out.”
Anti-Aging iPhone App – Don’t Laugh, Demi Moore Uses It
Face it … getting old sucks! Theodor Seuss Geisel summed it up quite nicely:
I cannot see, I cannot pee.
I cannot chew, I cannot screw.
Oh my God, what can do?
My memory shrinks. My hearing stinks.
No sense of smell. I look like hell.
My mood is bad – can you tell?
My body’s drooping. I have trouble pooping.
The Golden Years have come at last.
The Golden Years can kiss my ass.
LOL … yeah, it does seem kinda gloomy. You get winded playing chess … your back goes out more than you do … you sit in a rocking chair and can’t get it going. OUCH!
But never fear Dr. Seuss! Not only is the iPhone revolutionary, but it now has Fountain of Youth goodness thanks to the new Anti-Aging app by United Holdings Group.
WOW! Healing based on sacred geometry … how can you argue with sacred geometry! And count ‘em … ten therapy different color, light and sound therapy treatments: Wrinkle Eraser, Acne Clear, Cellulite Buster, Skin Cleanser, Dark Circles and Puffy Eyes, Stretch Marks and Scars, Oxygen and Circulation, Joint Discomfort and Arthritis, Sleep Disorder and Muscle Tension and Hair Growth Simulator. All this in one app! All this for under $3! Think of the money you’ll save on zit cream, Rogaine, cosmetic surgery, etc … freaking bargain compared to the one-dimensional hair growth and weight loss apps we’ve featured.
And it’s so easy to use – follow these simple in-app instructions …
Just hold your iPhone or iPod Touch about 1"- 3" away from the targeted area of treatment and begin your Anti-Aging therapy session. These relaxing therapies offer a heal from within approach and noticeable results can sometimes be seen in the very first treatment but generally become more noticeable between the third and fourth treatment and continues to improve for up to six months following a treatment schedule.
Absolutely amazing! Best app ever! What … not convinced? Come on non-believer <shun> … it’s been seen on AOL and used by Demi Moore (she rocks, ya know?) … all the proof you need that this KRAPPS app works.
Damn … Demi Moore uses the Anti-Aging app? The same chick who helped prevent a suicide on Twitter. Damn … Demi Moore is smokin! Ok, we’re in … off to download Anti-Aging and be like Demi.
New iPhone App Can Be Programmed To Display Porn
It’s a well known fact that Apple does not tolerate porn in the App Store … “Apple will not distribute applications that contain inappropriate content, such as pornography,” said Apple spokesman Tom Neumayer in an official company statement last June. If porn somehow does manage to find a way into an app (we’ve detailed 5 cases of in-app pornography), Apple lowers its mighty ban hammer and the offending application is quickly removed.
But gosh darnit … this is porn. And when there’s a will, there’s a way … just ask Charles Rodriguez, president of iPhone app publishing company, iHustleApps. For months Charles racked his brain, trying to figure out the way to his will … nude female images within an Apple-approved native app, while avoiding the ban hammer. And what Charles came up with is an App Store first … the forChan app.
On the surface, forChan seems unique, interesting and innovative … a web browser wrapped into a photo viewing application. Connect to any imageboard site and forChan presents the content in convenient thumbnail and full-size views. You can emails photos, view as a slideshow, save to your iPhone, shake to refresh images and more. The app’s default URL is set to an imageboard displaying dozens of cuddly canines.
But don’t judge an app by its cover. In a few simple steps …
Step 1: Download forChan
Step 2: Via your iPhone, visit iHustleApps.com/iPhone and press the “forChan” button
Step 3: Select one of the 15 “adults only” categories
Step 4: Copy the displayed URL to your clipboard
Step 5: Paste the URL in the Store URL section of forChan
… those adorable doggies become a bevy of uncensored XXX bliss, with all its flick and pinch glory. YOWZA!
“It’s important to note that forChan does not contain an Easter egg. There is no code within the actual app which enables the adults only feature. We simply programmed it with dual functionality,” said Charles. “All content is delivered by our company’s servers.” Charles continued, “Using forChan in this capacity is no different than visiting an adults only site with a web browser app purchased from iTunes.”
Hmmm … ok, fair enough – a web browser. Like we said … when there’s a will, there’s a way. And since ultimately it’s the user enabling the adult content in forChan, perhaps iHustleApps will indeed avoid Apple’s ban hammer.
Recap: Week Of January 4 – plus bananas, boobs and sarah jessica parker
In case you missed any of our perfect iPhone chaos, quick links to this week’s articles.
January 4: Melt Away Your Snotcicles With The iPhone
January 5: MyGirl Brings Sexy Interactivity To The iPhone
January 6: “I See Naked People” With The Nude It App
January 7: Farting Boobs Approved – You’ve Gotta Be Kidding
January 8: Tiger Woods iPhone Linked To His Domestic Disturbance Incident
January 9: Bounce On For iPhone – 2D Sidescroller That Won Us Over
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If you follow us on Twitter (@KRAPPS), then you know that we enjoy finding weird shit on the Internet (given our name, seems obvious) … and damn, there’s a lot of it. For your viewing pleasure, here are a few of this week’s “gems” …
People Talking On Bananas.com … no clue, but apparently folks find humor in looking at people talking on these elongated yellow pieces of fruit … ok, gawk away.
The Cleavage Caddy … guess this is one of the thousands of reasons why boobs are so awesome … they can support your wallet, iPhone, ChapStick and more.
Sarah Jessica Parker Looks Like A Horse.com … so mean – so hysterical.
Bounce On For iPhone – 2D Sidescroller That Won Us Over
(written by guest author Connor Coghlan. follow Connor on Twitter @Condawg)
Bounce On, by Team Phobic, is a simple 2D sidescroller. While it doesn’t bring much of anything new to the genre … the game is a quality build, very charming, supported by solid updates from the developers and the 75 levels will keep you coming back for more.
When I first started playing the game, I was a bit skeptical (that’s how I roll). I’m not a big fan of games that require heavy accelerometer usage … they tend to feel clunky and inaccurate. I don’t think I’ve ever loved being WRONG this much! The controls feel refined and natural … this really is a platformer FOR the device. Its natural vibe makes for a very native feel. I’m a big fan of games with good physics and Bounce On definitely shines here.
The premise of the game is straightforward … you are a red ball. You roll around (tilting left and right, with accelerometer-based controls) and jump (by tapping the screen) on enemies. You collect gems and powerups along the way… stars are checkpoints and cannons are the exits of each level.
There are several different kinds of opponents and each acts differently. I’m not going to be a spoiler, but I the enemies are freaking awesome in this game.
One thing I feel is lacking are the graphics … average in my opinion. While this is not a major flaw, it definitely doesn’t do much to contribute to the charm of the game and actually put me off at first.
But it’s like a sweet girl in high school who has a pizza face… get past that rough exterior to the golden center (in this case, the gameplay) and you’ll be rewarded big time. In fact, you probably won’t even notice the off-putting aesthetic aspects and just focus on the good.
And let’s not forget the in-game music … excellent tunes are provided by electronica group, T3KL3R. Very cool stuff which adds an additional element of quality to the game.
At first I thought the Bounce On would get old pretty quickly, but it sucked me in. The game is Plus+ enabled, so achievements and leaderboards are supported. After playing for quite a while, I can tell you with confidence … Bounce On is a game that’s worth your time, money and space on your iDevice. And it seems others agree with me as Bounce On is a finalist in the Best Adventure Game category in the Best App Ever Awards contest. Considering the tens of thousands iPhone games … that is HUGE … congratulations Team Phobic!
Speaking of worth your money … Bounce On is available for $1.99 [iTunes]. No money? No worries! A Lite version available at no charge [iTunes], so no excuse – give it a bounce.
Tiger Woods iPhone Linked To His Domestic Disturbance Incident
So have you been keeping up with the Tigers Woods sex scandal? Supposedly Tiger’s face is totally thrashed (missing teeth and shit) and thus he’s been laying low. Former NHL coach Pat Burns appeared on a Montreal radio station and claimed that the infamous Thanksgiving incident between Tiger and Elin was a result of Elin discovering text message exchanges with Rachel Uchitel.
“Tiger’s wife asked what it was, these messages and who was this woman,” said Burns. “He kept saying there was nothing there. He went to watch television. … then suddenly, bang! A nine-iron in the face! He left the house running without shoes. Elin followed him with the club. He left in his Escalade. She followed him and broke two or three windows.”
Damn, you go girl … crazy Viking bitch! But what Burns didn’t know is how Elin originally discovered Tiger’s communication with Rachel Uchitel. Well, we know … and we’ll share.
Little known fact – Tiger Woods uses an iPhone … he is an app addict. Guess Tiger just couldn’t help himself …
WTF … Apple approved the Call Mistress app? Manwhores everywhere rejoice!
Look, what you do with your driver is entirely up to you. But if you choose to play with it on courses other than your home, it’s probably not a good idea to download the Call Mistress app … nah, don’t think the wife would appreciate it much. BANG!
Farting Boobs Approved – You’ve Gotta Be Kidding
Norway is very cool … no, literally … it’s like freaking cold! Some parts of Norway remain frozen all year – they call it the arctic tundra region. Norway borders the North Sea and is fairly close to Iceland and Greenland … that’s some frigid company.
So what’s a geek to do during those long Norwegian winters? Not much … take drugs and build iPhone apps. Apple is selling 350 apps per SECOND, so might as well do something productive and take your shot at making bank. Oh, you noticed the “drugs” part of the equation … yeah, shit happens. No, literally … shit apps are a result of developers on drugs during long Norwegian winters. Need proof? Read this press release from Nor Eagle, a Norwegian-based company, regarding their new winter/drug-inspired app, Farting Boobs.
iPhone developer Nor Eagle today is proud to announce Farting Boobs.
T. Benjamin Larsen, Nor Eagle’s CEO said, "You’re going to love this! We’ve spent a lot of time analyzing user patterns and App Store trends. We’ve successfully combined two of the most popular tasks in one single pleasant to use interface."
When asked about the target-market for the app, Larsen had this to say: "We believe this should be huge among the plethora of young gentlemen that have always dreamt of becoming boobfarters. It might not be a huge hit with the ladies though.”
“When looking through the entertainment category in the app store we got the feeling every other app was about boobs. And, if not, they were about farts. So, we figured the only sensible thing would be to combine them!" Larsen laughed. "It’s probably the most commercial title ever released on any platform."
“Plethora of young gentlemen that have always dreamt of becoming boobfarters” … did Larsen just say BOOBFARTERS?
Plus you gotta love Nor Eagle’s complete honesty. As seen in a Farting Boobs screenshot, Nor Eagle is not afraid to admit they created a crap app (even they acknowledge, shit happens) … but it’s prepared with love. Oh those crazy cold drugged-up Norwegians … God bless them!
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