The Keynote Blows – We Have Real News

Ok, so yesterday Apple announced some really cool stuff in their 2009 WWDC Keynote …

WWDC2009Badge11 OS 3.0 will be released on June 17. The new iPhone 3GS will become available on June 19 at $199 (16GB) and $299 (32GB) … improved battery life, a 3MP camera with autofocus, video recording, voice commands, a digital compass, cut-copy-paste functionality and a whole lot more. Oh – and the new “S” in 3GS … it stands for sexy … meaning your iPhone will be twice as sexy. Kidding … S = Speed … 3GS is 2x faster than the iPhone 3G.

att-logoSUCKS11 Good times – yeah, whatever. Let’s get to the best part of the Keynote … AT&T SUCKS and KRAPPS on their iPhone customers! Basically AT&T is not ready to support MMS or Internet Tethering … and the announced prices are only for eligible customers. Great work AT&T – you guys rock! Visit 148apps for more details about the AT&T SUCKS issue … and be sure to check out Apple’s excellent Guided Tour video of the new 3GS.

But remember – this is KRAPPS and the beauty of KRAPPS is that we’re not iPhone Alley, 148apps, Just Another iPhone Blog or any one of those polished and professional iPhone news sites. We are freaks … so while the rest of the iPhone fan-boy blog world is getting all hot and bothered over Apple’s latest and greatest achievements… we skim that page and focus on the real news. So what’s making our kite fly high today? Well it’s the latest sack of suck we discovered –> the Bathroom Racer app!

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Damn straight … Bathroom Racer … the new iPhone racing game where you drive a PILE of POOP! Fastest time to the toilet wins. That’s what we’re talking about … POOP RACING … challenging courses with hills and jumps (hey, it’s not easy to control flying poop), five ridiculously thrilling levels of poop play and kindergarten-like graphics . Heck with Firemint and their Real Racing garbage … this is the real REAL RACING … this is POOP RACING. For a flavor of Poop Racing’s awesomeness, check out the amazing action-packed screen shots below:

BathroomRacerFly11  BathroomRacerHills11

BathroomRacerUpsideDown11  BathroomRacerStuck11

So to all you fan-boys … go ahead and keep blowing sunshine up Apple’s ass for their “fastest, most powerful iPhone yet”. We’re not buying into that nonsense! We’re buying Bathroom Racer for 99 cents and applauding developer Adam Flaherty for his groundbreaking achievement … the world’s first POOP RACING game … because here at KRAPPS, we realize POOP RACING is a privilege, not a right!

June 9, 2009 | Filed Under Games, News | Leave a Comment 

That Itch Down There

Ok, since many of you are pre-occupied with opening day at the Apple Worldwide Developers Conference (WWDC) … we’ll keep this one short and sweet … memo to developers –>

Choose Your Title Wisely!

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And for some more Venereal Disease fun … check out this crazy War Department Training Film from the 1940s titled: All Aboard The USS VD …

 

June 8, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment | 12 Comments 

Recap: Week Of June 1

iphonekrappsV1GIF In case you missed any of the festivities, quick links to this week’s articles.

June 1: Touch My Crotch – hate to say it, there’s an app for that

June 2: Real Estate Agents Are Disturbing – the circus has arrived on your iPhone, EEK

June 3: Sexy Wash – More Dirt For Your iPhone – hot chicks clean your iPhone – SWEET

June 4: Tupac, Dead, Kick Ass, What App – random musings about iPhone app madness

June 5: iStoryTime – Barney Sucks, Fred The Fish Rules – and so do Weiner Dog Magnets

June 5: WorldMate Kicks KRAPPS In The Balls – this video is too funny!

June 6: Worst Boob Job On The iPhone – sorry folks, we had to go there

June 7, 2009 | Filed Under Recap | Leave a Comment 

Worst Boob Job On The iPhone

(sorry folks – we had to go there)

BikiniWorldDesc As mentioned, we look at every new iPhone application that hits the App Store. Dang – kind of sad … that’s nearly 50,000 apps – man we need a life! Anyways, obviously there are a TON of those sleazy apps … which typically are male-orientated and feature scantily clad chicks with big boobies. Now for the most part … it is what it is … nothing to get your panties in a bundle about … basically Maxim meets the iPhone. But when we came across the new Bikini World app … we had to do a double-take and think …

“OH MY! – YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING!”

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June 6, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment | 24 Comments 

WorldMate Kicks KRAPPS In The Balls

The WorldMate app was released on Wednesday. It’s a very cool travel itinerary application … and nothing even remotely close  to being labeled as KRAPPS. What’s even more awesome than the actual WorldMate application, is the accompanying promo video the company released for publicity purposes. Well the video is an absolute riot and right in our wheelhouse … nothing like giving those KRAPPS a good kick in the balls. Enjoy!

 

June 5, 2009 | Filed Under News, Travel | 6 Comments 

iStoryTime – Barney Sucks, Fred The Fish Rules

3littlepigsIDIOT So the other day we were visiting the Just Another iPhone Blog web site and came across an app which is 100% pure garbage –> The Story Of The Three Little Pigs By L. Leslie Brooke. You can read their write up here, but in summary … anybody who publishes a children’s book without pictures is a complete IDIOT. But hey, why should the developer Appsessions care? They are cranking out these text audiobooks to a tune of nearly 700 apps thus far … so screw the kids – let’s make a buck!

Now on the flip-side, you have developers who specialize in kids’ books. Their main purpose is to present an interesting, colorful and interactive experience … one that will hold the child’s attention and  introduce them to the wonderful world of literature (and also to make a buck of course).

BarneyTarget11 But the more we research this whole kids book app thing … the more we are convinced you have to be slightly loopy to do a good job. It’s like those kindergarten teachers who talk to their students in a high pitched voice – then unable to shut off the Mickey Mouse impersonation when they speak with adults … freak! And you gotta be a loony tune to create such children’s shows as Yo Gabba Gabba!, Barney, Elmo … or heck, even Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood was a bit odd.

So meet the folks at FrogDogMedia … a development company specializing in children’s book applications with their iStoryTime apps [iTunes]. Read their corporate mission – they get it: “iStoryTime brings the joy of a kid’s book … illustrated and narrated … the app is simple to use because it’s actually designed for kids 2-years and up”.

FrogDogLogo Ahhh … it’s ILLUSTRATED! And of course, the folks at FrogDogMedia are total nut jobs. Heck, just check out their app titles below … we got stuff about Weiner Dog Magnets – mix in a little Pink Elephant – of course a bit of Shoe-per Shoes – a Fish named Fred and a Squash – and top it off with Pirate Monkeys who are brave. WTF?!?! Who comes up with this stuff? We swear … it’s like sniffing glue is a requirement to create good children’s material. Puff The Magic Dragon baby … LOL.

FredFish   BinkyPinkElephant

MonkeyPirate

Shoes    WeinerDog 

Anyways – no matter how whacky and strange FrogDogMedia appears … and just like that annoying as hell purple dinosaur … they produce appealing and engaging story book apps that children adore. Sure they might seem too strange for adult comprehension, but it’s about the kids and perhaps we all should become more child-like (oh my, wth was that?).

GIVEAWAY – courtesy of FrogDogMedia, the first 10 viewers to leave a comment receive a free  iStoryTime app ($1.99 value each). Redeemable in US iTunes only.

June 5, 2009 | Filed Under Books | 34 Comments 

Random – Tupac, Dead, Kick Ass, What App

The App Store is quickly approaching 50,000 applications (thanks in large to the Arctic Gerbil … but that’s another story). As the cliché goes … So Many KRAPPS – So Little Time. Thus we present quick KRAPPS or speed KRAPPS (like speed dating, but not – do people really speed date?) or just some of our random and pointless iPhone app observations.

We’ve been meaning to write an article about iPhone developer Khalid Shaikh (yes Khalid … we are watching you closely). Not quite the Arctic Gerbil … but a respectful KRAPPS developer in his own right. Anyways, Khalid has been releasing an extensive collection “Update” apps – Entertainment News Updates … Boston Weather Updates … St. Louis Rams Updates … Green Day Updates … and others. Fair enough … not a bad concept … but the irony of the app below has to make you laugh! (no clue? – click here)

TupacUpdates

Where do dead apps go? Is there an App Heaven or do they remain in the App Store as ghosts … haunting other apps and adding to the clutter of the App Store. Ghosts be gone!

CrazyWaiter

And we is there an App Hell for naughty ones like Baby Shaker and I Am Rich?

We recently poked some fun at the Apple Profanity Filter … can’t use cuss words in your app’s description like –> C**CK-A-DOODLE-DOO. And based on the app below … the description cannot include the word A*S. However – if you are going to use the word ass in the app’s title … well that’s ok!

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And finally … we recently received an email from the folks at Tweeller claiming they released a new iPhone app called Beer Opener – a virtual bottle opener. Sounds like a great idea, however we think Tweeller is full of shit! Their email also included a demonstration video of this so-called Beer Opener app. But no matter how many times we watched the video (trust us – we watched it HUNDREDS of times – for “research” purposes of course), we simply could not find this alleged app. So the question remains … App or No App? We’ll leave the final decision up to you. Check out the video below … we’re off to do more “research” on this mysterious Beer Opener app.

 

June 4, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment, Quick KRAPPS | 8 Comments 

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