Shake Baby Until It Dies Update

shakebabytweet We went live with the our Baby Shaker story early this morning around 1:00am PST, including an announcement on Twitter. The first retweet was at 5:30am PST by @Dixwifey. From there, the word started to spread. We made a timezone re-tweet at 10:45am PST and after that, all hell broke loose with multiple re-tweets, passionate comments and outcries towards Apple requesting that Baby Shaker be removed from the App Store.

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At 11:07am PST, CNET broke the Baby Shaker story on their site (crediting KRAPPS). Shortly thereafter, Tech Crunch broke the story (crediting CNET). Twitter was going off with Baby Shaker tweets and retweets (still is at the time of writing). At approximately 3:30pm PST, mainstream media has picked up the Baby Shaker story: New York Times, Boston Herald, Washington Post, Los Angeles Times and more by the minute via Google News search.

In the end, the people were heard and Apple removed Baby Shaker … but not without exposure to a seriously flawed application approval system.

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Child abuse is not funny … shaking a baby on your iPhone until it dies is just F’ed up (just read the viewer comments below for real life child abuse horror stories) and not a laughing nor entertaining matter.

 

To conclude, reading the various Baby Shaker buzz, we’ve been noticing that Apple fanboy thinks Apple can do no wrong … saying Baby Shaker is not Apple’s fault, rather the developers. Uhhhh, WRONG NUT JOB! Apple is 100% responsible for the products they sell. Doesn’t matter if they developed it or not … if Apple sells it, they are responsible for the product … so STFU Apple fanboy and mix in a dose of reality.

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April 22, 2009 | Filed Under News, Uncategorized | 127 Comments 

Baby Shaker – It’s Not Funny Apple!

(update: app has been removed – CLICK HERE for details)

Our apologies in advance – this will not be a typical KRAPPS post. To borrow a baseball analogy, our mission is to hit what Apple tees up and this next one is going out of the park.

Ever hear of SBS? Per Wikipedia … “Shaken Baby Syndrome (SBS) is a form of child abuse that occurs when an abuser violently shakes an infant, creating a whiplash-type motion that causes acceleration-deceleration injuries. The injury is estimated to affect between 1,200 and 1,600 children every year in the USA. SBS is often fatal and can cause severe brain damage, resulting in lifelong disability.” Besides death and brain damage, shaking a baby can cause blindness, leaning problems, seizure disorders, cerebral palsy and paralysis. Yeah, pretty disgusting stuff … repulsive and sickening.

So obviously child abuse is no laughing matter … and maybe it’s just us, but we would never even joke about child abuse and use it as a form of entertainment. Maybe we’re just square pegs and out of the norm because apparently Apple and the folks at Sikalosoft think shaking a baby is funny. Head to the App Store … and search the Entertainment category … there you will find the Baby Shaker iPhone app.

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Now don’t get us wrong – we’re not on some vigilante justice hunt. We know there was no malicious intent by Sikalosoft. And we know that Apple are complete dumbasses when it comes to approving apps (even if the app includes a disclaimer – “Never, never shake a baby”), driven by quantity over quality. But come one … combining the title Baby Shaker with the objective of stopping an annoying crying baby is simply irresponsible and utterly idiotic. You would think Apple would stay totally clear of any iPhone app remotely resembling child abuse … but if you’ve paid any attention to KRAPPS, it’s really not surprising.

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loser Ok, we get it … crying babies can indeed get annoying. On a plane, at a restaurant, in the hotel room next to yours … we get it, annoying … shut that kid up! But Apple, try using just half your freaking money-making brain and reject Baby Shaker … tell Sikalosoft to make some revisions, call the damn thing Pacify Junior and mix in some pacifiers to calm the baby down. See how easy that was … simple stuff, sort of funny while protecting the integrity of the Apple brand. And never forget … reality bites – release Baby Shaker and you get douchebag users leaving loser reviews like the one below (yeah, look for it … look for the word CHOCKING) …

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April 22, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment | 1,191 Comments 

Who Poops Gold?

Hi … question for ya … what do you do when you’re pooping on the toilet? No … seriously … we wanna know – when you’re sitting on the porcelain throne, whatcha got going?

funnytoilet1 LOL – too personal? Fair enough. But we promise we have a point – we ain’t that freaky (well we are, we just won’t admit it).

Actually, picture this scene from the Family Feud game show … “100 people surveyed – top seven answers on the board –here’s the question – Name Something People Do While Taking A Poop … BEEEEEEP … read a newspaper …
yes, #1 answer!”

So ok, read a newspaper, what else … cut your fingernails? … homework? … eat? … listen to music? … tequila shots? And we think it’s safe to assume plenty of iPhone action on the pooper – textin’, emailin’, twitterin’, gamin’, etc.

poopriceturd But hey … here’s a great pooping activity – and it comes highly recommended by Apple. Next time you’re dropping the kids of at the pool while at work … whip out your betchin’ iPhone and calculate your poo’s worth. Yup – you got it … introducing the latest and greatest app approved by Apple … Poo Price (by Gourmet Pixel) … the only application that calculates the value of your dump. Yeah it’s dope (NOT) … just keep reading the app’s description for further awesomeness proof …

“Going to the toilet during work hours – it’s a clever thing to do! You’re getting paid for it and now you can work out how much. This clever app will calculate how much you’re being payed for taking a toilet break, choose your currency, enter your yearly salary and press the Start button. All you have to do then is finish your dirty work, click Stop and see the results!”

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GENIUS! We’re sold! Freaking Apple just keeps rockin’ da house! And rumor has it that even Steve-o Jobs uses Poo Price … but his shit don’t stink and is certainly worth more bills that yours. Which gets us thinking … there should be a Poo Price-off … Steve Jobs versus Bill Gates. Screw the whole “I’m a Mac vs PC” nonsense … give the people what they really want … Steve or Bill … who craps the most gold?

April 21, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment | 2 Comments 

The Impossible Dream

funnypee1 Back in February, we ran an article titled History Was Made, Sort Of. We opened the article by commenting on the massive number of fart, burp and vomit KRAPPS that were beginning to appear in the App Store. The story continued stating that even with all these  KRAPPS launching, there were still no urine apps … and while we could foresee a day when a urine app could get approved from Apple, we concluded that a urine sound effect app was just too crude and vulgar – even for Apple’s relaxed standards. So we settled for the next best thing, urine assistant apps, apps that help you pee in public when you get stage fright … the iPee and Shy Bladder apps.

(by the way, after our article hit Twitter … @Shy_Bladder began following us … go figure)

Boy have times have changed … flash forward two months and what we thought would be impossible for Apple to approve … we are shocked once again.

pee_factoryIcon So you get where this is going … The Pee Factory app by Talus Media. A proud and historic Apple moment … the first iPhone app which simulates the sound of taking a leak .. and the newest member of the Appa iFonna Chi fraternity. With a simple touch of a button, you can make your friends think you’re peeing on their couch, in their car, in a water bottle or wherever. Pissing intensities vary from “Tinkle” …. to “Like A Race Horse”.

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But hold on, it gets better. The Pee Factory is no rudimentary pee pee app … oh no … this is advanced pissing technology at its finest! It’s like virtual reality pissing – you can control the intensity of urine flow by holding your iPhone up or down … you can sprinkle your pee by rapidly tilting/shaking your iPhone (gee, wonder what that’s supposed to simulate). And since this is such a complex app, thank God Talus Media included detailed instructions on how to properly use The Pee Factory …

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So everyone – please take a moment to reflect. Reflect on this new achievement of krap from Apple. Reflect on your dreams and no matter what, never give up … rather follow those dreams to their fullest … because if Apple can approve a pissing app, then any dream is possible. And thank you Apple!  … Thank you for this daily inspiration and of course, just what we need … a PISSING iPhone.

April 20, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment | 18 Comments 

A Better Pocket God

PocketGodPygmy Like most of you, we love Pocket God … a hilarious interactive application where you play god and rule an island populated with primitive pygmies. As the island’s god, you have all sorts of powers over the islanders, being as kool or krappy as you want to your peeps. It really is a tight app which stays fresh with weekly updates. At 99 cents, Pocket God has established a cult following and no wonder it’s #12 on Apple’s newly released All Time Paid Apps list. But whatever … spend the buck, get the app, check it out for yourself.

PocketGodOUCH! So yeah, we dig Pocket God and since we’re freaks, we tend to treat our pygmy crew pretty krappy. But even the most sadistic methods within Pocket God (feeding pygmies to sharks, throwing them into volcanoes, etc) left us yearning for more. We just want to be able to kick it up a notch … sprinkle a bit of South Park pixie dust into Pocket God … and throw in a taste of Beavis and Butt-head for good measure. We kinda feel bad wanting more from Pocket God … but if Apple can approve all these sexed-up apps, why can’t a shark tear off a pygmy’s arm?

Anyways, we can’t let it go … so we’ll simply present this awesome video we found that expresses our feelings … and hopefully Apple will do the right thing!

 

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April 18, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment | 44 Comments 

Appy Newz Launched!

AppyNewzGirl Congrats to the folks at Appy Entertainment on the launch of their first iPhone application – Appy Newz – born April 10, 2009 at 1:35am. We’ll have a complete review of Appy Newz in a few days (we’re having too much fun playing around with it to stop and write an article) … but for now our initial impression can be summed up in two words – IT ROCKS! Trust us, for a $1.99 (cheaper than a latte) it’s beyond a solid value. So honestly, to heck with our review, CLICK HERE to buy it now. We promise you’ll love it – unless your whack or something. If you need more convincing, CLICK HERE to view their entertaining web site – or just check out their awesome video below. 

 

April 11, 2009 | Filed Under anti-KRAPPS, Entertainment, News | Leave a Comment 

Just Gimme A Beer

stevebeer We’re beginning to think this whole iPhone thing is way overrated. Think about your life before the iPhone – pretty simple and straightforward. No tip calculator apps – thus no sweating over the exact amount of a gratuity to the penny. No hail a taxi app – just stick out your arm and flag down a cab. No suntan turn over app – just roll over whenever. No split up multiple expenses over a group of people app – you’d just come up with a ballpark figure and be done with it.

But the iPhone has changed all that … and in our opinion … making people more anal, obnoxious and idiotic.

Take for example the age old practice of drinking beer and getting drunk. Pretty easy, right? Step 1 – go to store. Step 2 – buy beer. Step 3 – open beer. Step 4 – drink beer. Repeat steps 3 and 4 until smashed. Simple enough, agreed. But NO … the iPhone has even screwed that up. Enter the latest “jack up your life” app – Beer Efficiency from Inner Four.

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What is this Beer Efficiency app? Well it’s a bit confusing to us mere mortals since the geeks really geeked it up … but we think we get the gist of it. Through a way too involved mathematical formula, Beer Efficiency calculates the amount of beer you must consume to get intoxicated the quickest and cheapest while consuming the fewest calories.

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So like the app says … “This all gets confusing pretty quickly. So we made it simple. Just enter a beer you normally drink and how much of it you drink to reach a state of inebriation. Then enter the available beers and their prices and will determine which beer is best for saving money or watching your calories and will tell you how much of that particular beer you need to drink to reach a state of inebriation.”

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WTF? This is nuts … when has getting drunk become so freaking complicated, calculated and science-like? Oh yeah, since the introduction of the iPhone … see what we’re saying … way overrated.

geekbeer1 Here’s some beer advice, it’s free and no iPhone required: want Cheap Beer? – drink Lucky Lager or Pabst Blue Ribbon … want Low Calorie beer? – drink a Light beer, they’re all about the same, 100 calories per 12 ounce serving … want Get Drunk Quick and Cheap beer? – drink Mickey’s or Olde English 800. See how simple … why complicate matters with that damn iPhone?

And on a final note, per Beer Efficiency … “The goal of this app is to help you to realize that not all beer has the same alcohol content and that you should be extremely careful not to become intoxicated on one brand of beer when you are used to how another brand affects you” … HUH? Whatever bro … key word = EFFICIENCY … get drunk as quickly and cheaply as possible … blah, blah, blah.

April 9, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment | 27 Comments 

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