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- Here’s To The Crazy Ones
- Despite Female Moans, SexLife Trailer Fails To Arouse [Video]
- Wii iPhone 4 iOS Home & Lock Screen Wallpaper Set [Download]
- Slap A Sexy Belly, Make Music, Huh? – Belly Jam iPhone App [Video]
- Adventure, To The Max! [iPhone Game Review]
- epic – The Toolbox iPhone iOS 4 Home & Lock Screen Wallpaper Set [Download]
- Recap Week Of January 3
- Sexy Star Wars Pinups – EWWW!
- Weird Stuff From Japan – iPhone 4 Sushi Case
- MegaMan iPhone iOS 4 Home Screen Wallpaper Collection [Download]
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Farting Grandmas Prove Apple’s Commitment To Quality Apps
“Intermediate layers between the platform and the developer ultimately produces sub-standard apps and hinders the progress of the platform.”
The above quote is from Steve Jobs in response to TaoEffect CEO Greg Slepak. In layman’s terms … developers can only write iPhone apps using Apple approved languages (Objective-C). Now if you read between the lines … Apple is basically saying Adobe Flash sucks. By banning Flash from the iPhone, Apple is ensuring quality applications.
LMAO … avoiding sub-standard apps? … ensuring quality? WTF Apple … pay attention to KRAPPS, where we avoid the sub-standard and only review the highest quality the App Store has to offer … like Farting Grandmas.
Sure you can’t have Flash on your iPhone … but you can take comfort in watching grandmas fart. Sub-standard app? Nah … not on the revolutionary iPhone!
BOINK – Using Bump Technology For Sex
Ever hear of Bump? No … we’re not talking about the 1970s dance fad of bumping hips … we’re talking iPhone app. Bump is a very cool data swapping application released in March 2009. To use Bump, simply hold your iPhone and “bump” hands with another Bump user (sort of like a “fist bump” or “knuckles”) to instantly exchange contact information, photos or even become Facebook friends.
Recently the developers of Bump opened up their iPhone API … in non-geek terms that means anyone can now use the mobile data swapping technology in their own apps. For example, the PayPal iPhone app is equipped with Bump technology … you can now pay someone money just by banging iPhones.
Bump really is awesome … but we know what you’re thinking … exchanging phone numbers, photos or even paying someone money = BORING! Well whatever, let us introduce you to a more titillating application powered by Bump … BOINK.
Categorized as a social networking app, BOINK is the latest and greatest in high tech hook-up. With BOINK, users are assured to find their ideal sexmate … just input your sexual preferences, BOINK with potential mates and find out if you’re a match. As the app’s descriptions says …
No more wasting time with partners that don’t like the same things you do or share similar fetishes. Now you can know what you are getting into before you even unzip your pants.
Since sexual preferences play an integral role of finding the ideal booty call, BOINK has 6 categories of bedroom bliss … Kissing, Foreplay, Oral, Sex Style, Positions and Fetishes. Within each category, there are a number of “activities” which the user rates … Oral activities include giving, receiving and anilingus … while Fetishes include candle wax, whips and urination.
LMAO, people boinking iPhones to solicit intercourse … oh my, what has Apple done?!? One word of advice … a strong like for the whole urination fetish thing – probably won’t get you many boinks … better off seeking a pee-pee partner on Craigslist.
Steve Jobs vs. Bill Gates – Geeks At Play [Comic]
Three years ago, Steve Jobs and Bill Gates made a rare joint appearance at The Wall Street Journal’s All Things Digital 5 conference. In this interview, Jobs and Gates discuss their various contributions to the technology industry, the qualities they most respect in one another and other topics. Listening to the two most influential figures in technology is absolutely amazing … we highly recommend you check it out. Click here to view the highlight reel of the awesome Jobs/Gates interview at D5.
HA …. but Jobs and Gates should’ve know better. The Internet can be a twisted place … especially with such high profile geeks like Jobs and Gates. The folks at Sad And Useless have prepared a “Steve Jobs vs. Bill Gates” comic template … originating from D5 joint interview. The possibilities are endless … below are a few of our favorites.
(Click here to download the “Jobs vs. Gates” template for your own creative purposes.)
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Stick Skater – Insane, Addictive & Realistic iPhone Skateboarding Game
If you’ve been paying attention to the App Store’s top paid and free iPhone app rankings, you’ll notice that a certain stick figure game has recently rocketed to the top of each chart. And for good reason – Stick Skater is an addictive skateboarding-themed side scroller containing a whopping 30 different levels … over 1,000 different trick combinations … and five world famous skate locations. At one point, the free Stick Skater Lite [iTunes Free] was the #1 overall free app, while the full version Stick Skater [iTunes $0.99] sat in the #2 spot for overall paid apps.
The beauty of Stick Skater (aside from its ridiculously low price of 99 cents) is the fact that it’s easy to play … yet hard to master. This Ying and Yang nature of the game makes Stick Skater extremely challenging and addicting. We’ve spent an embarrassing amount of time playing Stick Man … and currently attempting to complete level 26, Wilshire.
Similar to Canabalt, Stick Skater requires players to get past certain obstacles … but instead of just jumping over them (boring), users perform radical skateboard tricks. Don’t jump a trash can … clear it by sticking a gnarly Popshuvit. Stair rails become the perfect place to throw down a killer Frontside Boardslide. You can Ollie, Nollie, Kick or 360 Flip … like we said, over 1,000 different trick combinations.
There are five coins to collect at each level. The player’s score is based on coins collected, coupled with how well tricks are landed. For the agro competitive freaks, there is an online leaderboard located at the Stick Skater website.
Within Stick Skater, there are two different game modes based on difficulty level, each having a unique control. The basic mode features a general trick button that when pressed, performs a random trick. In the advanced mode, the player slides the trick button in one of eight directions to lay down a different trick. Both modes have a push button that increases your speed … essential for clearing obstacles and gaps. Game controls are very intuitive and easy to use … you’ll be landing all sorts of insane tricks in no time.
Stick Skater was developed and published by Traction Games (an Indie development house) who are skaters themselves. Their goal was to create a realistic skateboarding game which would appeal to both hardcore skaters and non-skaters alike … while paying tribute to top skateboarding spots such as Hollywood, Dogtown, Carlsbad, Wilshire and Love Park.
Even though Stick Skater appears to be a fairly basic stick-based platform game, there is a lot of attention to detail that the skate community appreciates. Skater forums are giving positive feedback regarding game physics, trick animation, replication of skate spots, etc.
Traction Games has definitely accomplished its goal … Stick Skater is a realistic skateboarding game that absolutely rocks. And judging by its high App Store ranking, has a broad appeal. Stick Skater [iTunes $0.99] is a total steal at 99 cents … and without a doubt, 100% anti-KRAPPS Certified!
iPhone Moves Nuts, Dominoes And Other Stuff With This Useful App
As awesome as it may seem, the iPhone has plenty of shortcomings … you can’t sync to iTunes via Wi-Fi, no tethering and don’t even think about viewing Flash on your iPhone. Although these items are pretty significant drawbacks, our biggest beef with the iPhone is the fact that it can’t move things. We won’t even begin to tell you how many times we needed a device to move stuff like wine corks, a pile of nuts or a cigar. It infuriates us to move such items with our hand when clearly this is a job for the revolutionary iPhone.
Well thank God some sensible developers feel our pain. The brilliant minds at Qneo (same folks changed the world with the iPhone Blower app) recently launched Magic Mover and changed out life for the better.
Magic Mover uses the iPhone’s vibration function to move things … press the start button, the iPhone begins to vibrate and a mini bulldozer magically moves whatever item you place to the side of the iPhone.
Agreed … this sounds too good to be true. Shun the non-believer … per Qneo’s demo videos, with Magic Mover, the iPhone literally gets pushy.
Remember that frustrating pile of nuts we talked about? Frustrations be gone with the Magic Mover …
And we bet you hate all that extra effort it takes knocking down dominoes. Hate be gone with the Magic Mover …
So next time you have to spend half a second sweeping off Peanut M&M’S or moving a pencil a quarter of an inch, save time and energy …. let Magic Mover do your dirty work. And no, not that kind of vibrating dirty work. Remember, Apple no longer allows overtly sexual applications.
Recap: Week Of May 10 – plus Why iPhone Users Are Crappy Drivers
In case you missed any of our perfect iPhone chaos, quick links to this week’s articles.
May 10: iWant This Awesome iPhone Wristwatch – iWatch [Concept]
May 10: New iPhone App – How To Get Girls Into Bed Without Trying
May 11: App Helps Users Avoid Being Extorted By Russian Cops
May 11: Free For A Limited Time – TIMWIT App By Canadian Cartoonist Tim Peckham
May 12: Porn Prevalent Again In The App Store, Despite Apple’s Best Efforts [NSFW]
May 13: How To Sell An iPhone App By Scaring The Crap Out Of Customers
May 14: Namco’s Pac-Man Stolen By German Company, Published As PiCK MAN!
May 15: I Love Hot Dogs – A Tribute To App Store Stupidity
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This Is What Happens When Using The iPhone While Driving
Just put the damn iPhone down while driving … next time you won’t be so lucky!
Actually, the Mercedes C-class pictured dangling through the 7th FLOOR wall of a parking garage belongs to some 67-year-old driver in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Dude reversed his car through a brick wall when his foot got stuck between the brake pedal and the accelerator as he tried to reverse into a parking spot.
Luckily no pedestrians were directly underneath the accident as shit flew everywhere when the Mercedes plowed through the brick wall … however cars parked below the scene were damaged.
Damn Mr. 67-year-old … take a hint – stop driving!
I Love Hot Dogs – A Tribute To App Store Stupidity
Oh geez, here we go … from the same brilliant minds that brought you the mindless I Love Burgers app, we present yet another App Store all-star … I Love Hotdogs … the tribute app to hotdog lovers worldwide.
Well, the one redeeming quality of I Love Hotdogs is the fact that it rates higher on the Dipshit Scale than its predecessor I Love Burgers. For whatever reason, folks look like bigger asshats when posing for pictures with hotdogs rather than hamburgers.
Of course you’ll always get the moron stuffing 127 hotdogs into their mouth …
Or the wanker who decides a hotdog is the best Halloween costume ever …
Long Duk Dong hotdog cooker? Yes please …
And finally, no hotdog tribute app should be taken seriously without hundreds of sexual innuendos. We are happy to report I Love Hotdogs does not disappoint …
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