Squishy Guts And Blood – Gross!

(written by guest author Tim Giron. follow Tim on Twitter @timgiron)

Meanwhile, back at the watercooler, we join in the conversation between Rad, an iPhone BloodLust_LogoGIF developer and his buddy Gyp:

Rad: Dude, I’ve got a great name for my iPhone game.  Get this, it’s gonna be called Blood Lust!

Gyp: Ooh yes, I love vampire games and they are all the rage right now.  I can’t wait to sink my teeth into it, playing the undead master unleashing his legion of minions to slake their unquenchable thirst on the life force of the living.  What, why are you shaking your head?

Rad: It’s not vampires.  It’s…

Gyp: Ooh yes, a frenzy of mixed martial arts and a cast of fearsome characters, each with their own defining finishing move, pummeling their opponent into a bloody husk!  Eh, you’re shaking your head again.

Rad: Nope, not a fighting game.  You play a covert ops trooper, air-dropped into a remote jungle to investigate a crashed UFO, and you’re attacked by…

Gyp: Ooh yes, an alien infestation and I am mankind’s only hope, equipped with a dazzling array of weapons and a super-soldier serum giving me the strength of ten men and the reflexes of a jaguar!

Rad: Close, actually you’re attacked by mosquitoes.

Gyp: The aliens are giant mosquitoes?

Rad: Nope, the UFO doesn’t even figure into the gameplay.  They’re just regular mosquitoes which you have to squish when they land on you.  Eventually, your health deteriorates Mosquito_SmashGIF unexplainably and the game ends.

Gyp: Well, you’re right about one thing.

Rad: What’s that?

Gyp: You’ve got a great name for your iPhone game.

BL1

BL2

EDITOR’S NOTE: Ewww – squishy and bloody – we get the heebie jeebies (does anyone even say that anymore) just playing this game. LOL. Blood Lust developer’s, Rad Lab, informed us that an update was just released which includes a very cool Global Leaderboard and faster mosquitoes. Krapp!  Those suckers are hard enough to squish, now they’re faster? Anyways, if blood and squishy guts is your thing, Blood Lust is available for 99 cents in the App Store. Or just follow @radlabgames on Twitter … even Facebook.

May 18, 2009 | Filed Under Games, Guest Authors | 11 Comments 

Recap: Week Of May 11

iphonekrappsV1GIF In case you missed any of the festivities, quick links to this week’s articles.

May 11: App That Turns Your iPhone Into A PENIS – you think we’re kidding? are we?

May 12: Spock Is Craptastic – we review two apps that remind us of looking into the sun

May 12: A Gizmodo Fantasy Comes True – the Email ‘n Walk app is FREE & AWESOME

May 13: We Lost Our Penis – and we have the app to prove it!

May 14: Fortunes In The Crapper – heck with tea leaves, we’re going to read your poop!

May 15: Yes We Know We Are Morons – no posers here, just straight up krapp app

May 16: 100sounds – More Than A Soundboard App – the sound app that doesn’t suck

May 17: Thank You KRAPPS’ Sponsors – a salute to our fine sponsors

May 17, 2009 | Filed Under Recap | Leave a Comment 

Thank You KRAPPS’ Sponsors

We would like to take a brief timeout to thank our valued sponsors. Without their support, there would be no KRAPPS (uh, that doesn’t sound right). All these peeps are solid folks, have quality products and we’re proud to be aligned with them. So support KRAPPS, show our sponsors some love … you’ll become a better person.

Be Seen With KRAPPS
KRAPPS is the only web site dedicated to iPhone humor and fun. Take advantage of our unique niche by advertising on KRAPPS. We offer four different sponsorship packages to ensure participation at a variety of budget levels. Contact us at info@KRAPPS.com to receive our media kit, rate card and to secure your advertising placement.

ThankYouPres

—————————————————————————————————————————-

AppyNewzThankYou2 Appy Newz
A unique app which allows you to create custom tabloid-style magazine covers directly on your iPhone. Appy Newz is an extremely high quality app at a more than fair price point. It allows you to create custom covers for a variety of purposes (practical jokes, humor, greeting cards, awards, etc.) and provides endless entertainment. Click here to read our Appy Newz and find our why we adore this app or
click here to purchase from the App Store.

100soundsThankYou 100sounds
There’s a reason 100sounds is the #1 soundboard app … cuz it rocks! This app not only provides hundreds of high quality originally recorded sound effects, but also includes loop and delay effects for all your comedic purposes. Plus you can get hundreds of ringtones emailed to you, automatically, at no extra charge! 100sounds was already a bargain at $0.99, so this enhancement makes it a great deal! Click here to view web site, be sure to check out the hysterical user-submitted videos.

VoiceForge VoiceForge: We Build Voices® –
We Make the Internet Talk®
Attention iPhone developers – VoiceForge is an online Text-to-Speech service. They’ve made TTS fast, affordable, and scalable! Tap a huge variety of 60 voices in 5 languages. Using their SOAP based API, simply send text, indicate the voice, and receive back a MP3 or URL. And it’s fast – just 200 milliseconds for audio to be returned. Big fish no problem; our capacity exceeds 100 million synthesis per day. Consumers love personalization – why not "pimp your app" by letting users pick the voice they like? Click here to receive more info, try the demo, or sign up for a free developer’s kit.

BinaryGameThankYou2 Binary Game
Simply put, this app makes you smarter! Binary Game gets your brain juices flowing and is a ton of fun. It’s an original game of binary math which is simple to play and highly addictive. The worldwide leader board satisfies the most uber-competitive gamer, while the Facebook Connect feature pleases those social types. Click here to read our review or click here to purchase from the App Store, click here.

iFightThankYou iFight Pro
This app is a blast! To really appreciate iFight Pro, click here and take a quick look at a demonstration video – it’s really cool. Combine a handgun, rifle, shotgun, slap, whip, gong, sword or punch with one of the eight background music tracks – and you’ll be awarded with a pure quality, enormously fun iPhone app.

May 17, 2009 | Filed Under anti-KRAPPS, News | 9 Comments 

100sounds – More Than A Soundboard App

100soundsIconJPG Ok, let’s just cut to the chase … the 100sounds app [iTunes Link] by No Tie Software is arguably the best soundboard app available for your iPhone. But hey, don’t take our word for it … just look at the facts –> released Dec. 12, 2008, 100sounds is one of the first soundboard apps – ever since release, 100sounds has consistently been in the Top 50 in Entertainment and as high as Top 32 Overall.

A solid resume which has been sustained for over 5 months … this ain’t no flavor of the week. A rightfully so, just check out these cool features and the AWESOME customer produced video featuring only sound effects from the app …

> Don’t be fooled by the name, this app has HUNDREDS of sounds (actually, the devs have
   a database of 10,000 sounds and update the app frequently based on user requests)

> All sounds are ORIGINAL, LEGAL, and LICENSED (basically this means these are high
   quality sounds and not some crap which anyone can distribute)

> You can LOOP SOUNDS (make longer sound effects), DELAY SOUNDS (good for
   practical jokes – use your imagination) and SHAKE TO PLAY sounds (just because
   shaking your iPhone is fun)

> Sound list is EDITABLE – drag sounds to the top of the list or hide certain sounds

 

So all this lovin’ for ONLY 99 CENTS! Now that’s a sound deal (see what we did there?) … but wait, there’s more … FREE RINGTONES. The cool thing with No Tie – they’re not buttheads about your request. Other apps require the user to send one email per ringtone request, which frankly sucks. With 100sounds, one email = tons of ringtones in a few zip files. Hundreds of sounds and ringtones for only 99 cents – but wait, there’s more …

todd-bernhardNotAButthead Like we said, the folks at No Tie Software are no buttheads. They have this over-the-top mentality when it comes to customer service. Check this out –> a 100sounds user was attempting to get ringtone help via email, but the reply support emails from No Tie were being rejected. So No Tie tracked the dude down to Classmates.com, opened their own account and got in touch with the customer via the dude’s guestbook. WTH is that – who supports a 99 cent product to that extent – way cool.

And it gets cooler … they have this giveaway going on where you can win iTunes gift cards or other killer prizes for submitting a video featuring sound effects from the app. Videos are   displayed on their YouTube channel. Visit the No Ties web site for complete details.

Anti-Krapps-Seal-v2GIF So there you have it – the 100sounds app [iTunes Link] –
way more than just a standard soundboard app: only 99 cents … hundreds sounds … all high quality original and licensed effects … editable user interface … loop, delay or shake to play sounds … hundreds of ringtones … borderline fanatical customer service … giveaways … and no buttheads! All this makes the 100sounds app 100% anti-KRAPPS Certified – highly recommended!

May 16, 2009 | Filed Under anti-KRAPPS, Entertainment | 20 Comments 

Yes We Know We Are Morons

HoorayForSarcasm We came across this wonderful little app called Roach MoronBrowser by Kaplowieland. Outside of an app that cures cancer, the MoronBrowser is the best thing that’s hit the App Store – EVER!

(uh, we’re kidding … ok? … you know …
Hooray For Sarcasm)

MoronBrowser is a “unique” iPhone web browser. Surf to your favorite site (like KRAPPS) – touch the Reword button – and the app will insert the phrase “like a moron” throughout the site’s content (check out the yellow highlights in the KRAPPS screenshot below). Then when you touch the Roach button, a roach image will replace original pictures.

RoachMoronBrowser1   RoachMoronBrowser2

Ha! Ha! “If you manage to pee in a toilet, your score increases … you moron”. LOL – guess we could leverage MoronBrowser to make our articles even more idiotic. Anyways, MoronBrowser if good for about 30 seconds of entertainment … outside of that, it’s definitely 100% KRAPPS.

But the beauty of Roach MoronBrowser is its brutal honesty. Yeah it’s stupid, yeah it’s lame … but the devs at Kaplowieland are not pretending to be the next Tap Tap Revenge. They know MoronBrowser sucks … they admit it … they offer it for free … and if you don’t like sucky things – well sucks for you.

RMBDescFinal

posers And you gotta love Kaplowieland’s mission statement posted on their site’s home page. Hey, good for them … their objective is clear, they are not trying to fool anyone by being  some poser … it is what it is:

Our mission is to provide the most moronic software possible, for people with a taste for the unusual or just a few screws loose

For more iPhone suck, be sure to check the just as awful offerings from Kaplowieland … Targt Practus and Marshmallow Throwr … just be sure to wait until these apps are both free because the only thing thats worse than suck, is paying for suck.

May 15, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment | Leave a Comment 

Fortunes In The Crapper

We have an idea … yes we do … it’s an iPhone app idea and just like the dude who made Sound Grenade, we figure we’d rack in a cool $100K for 30 minutes of work. Ha! We rock … tealeavessuck2 our app is better than your app!

So you guys are cool – we’ll let you in on our little secret … just promise not to go off and release it yourself … k?

There is this fortune telling method called tasseography … more commonly known as “reading tea leaves”. Yup, tea leaves can reveal all sorts of killer stuff … health, love, wealth, etc. Now take this reading tea leaves concept and transport it into iPhone World. But remember, in iPhone World, KRAPPS rock. So think farts, annoying sounds, boobs, vomit, strip apps, zits, boogers, bikinis, snot, etc. And of course the latest KRAPPS trend … POOP!

Oh yeah, we’re running with poop! Poop are the tea leaves of the iPhone World. Poop can reveal so much about your health and diet. Now we won’t go as far as saying poop can give insights about your love life, fame or fortune … but we’re going to market hard the whole health issue angle. Heck, everyone should be concerned with their health – that’s just a given. So our winning formula is … Poop + Health = $$$.

tales_from_the_crapperWEB Ok, now play along with our cr-app. Next time you take a dump, go ahead and wipe up, but DO NOT flush! Flushing is bad (even courtesy flushes) … we need to keep the butt nuts in the bowl. Now using our cr-app, choose the Color of your cigar fish: is it white, yellow, red, magenta, orange, brown, black, etc. Ok, once you selected your colon cobra’s color, choose its Shape: long, pebbles, rain cloud, bunny ears, beer can, etc. Now the last step … Frequency … how many times a day do you bake brownies: 1-2 times per day, 3 times, 4 times, 5+ times. Once you enter all this information into our cr-app, push the submit button and out comes your results (by the way, you can flush now).

Yes, we know … it sounds freaky and whack. But this is iPhone World, where the current flavor of the month is POOP (eww). Now to get away from the wasteland of stupidity in the Entertainment category, we’ll position ourselves in the legit Healthcare & Fitness group. We’ll give our cr-app credibility by writing a sensible, but  witty description like …

This is an educational tool that helps you consider your diet and health
from the perspective of what you leave behind in the bowl

Yeah baby! We kick ass! It’s all about the POOP these days in iPhone World. We’re gonna make a fortune by reading your crap. Booyah!

What the? Not cool! Piss off Quango with your iPoop healthcare and fitness application. Stealing our fecal fortune cr-app. Leave us alone and go service your big wig clients like Electronic Arts, Dell, Adidas and Sharp. Whatever … may the wrath of the Red-Rain Cloud- 5 Times A Day-Poop strike down upon you and spare no mercy. Blah!

iPoopDesc

iPoop1    iPoop2

May 14, 2009 | Filed Under Health | 12 Comments 

We Lost Our Penis

Hello there! We have a confession to make … (argh! hold on for a second)

yes dear – yes ok – sorry, sorry about that – it won’t happen again – yes dear – yes, yes we are morons – sorry – our bad

losthisballs2 Ok, we were saying … we have a confession to make. You know the app we just covered, the one that turns your iPhone into a penis … well it’s our favorite app ever. Why? Well the reason is quite simple, we lost our penis … (argh! hold on for a second)

yes dear – what? – you need some water? – ok, be right there – no problem – one water coming right up – yes!, yes we’ll hurry it up

So we lost our penis. Not really sure how it happened. Somewhere during the 7 years of our marriage, it just vanished into thin air … boom – gone! Really bizarre stuff. We used to … (argh! hold on for a second)

yes dear – we took out the trash – and yes we fed the dog – yes we won’t forget to paint the house this weekend – understood, no watching TV until the house is completely painted – no problem dear – and yes, we know it’s your birthday is next week

naggingwife2 Anyways, we were saying … we used to vote Democrat – now we vote Republican. We used to golf on the weekend – now we paint the house. We used to pee standing up – now we sit down and close the lid. Like we said, it just happened – we lost our penis.

So now we find comfort in our iPhone penis app … it makes us happy. It reminds us of the good old days, when … (argh! hold on for a second)

yes dear – we remembered to download the Period Tracker Companion For Men application – and we are so glad to have it on our iPhone as it’s a constant reminder or you – yes we love the fact that we can sync our iPhone to your Period Tracker app and always be aware of your upcoming period – we love being so in tune with you – why yes dear, we will check for your period every hour of every day – we agree, it’s a grand idea – how did we ever survive without the Period Tracker For Men – oh we can’t wait to use it – we can’t wait for your next period – yes dear, you are VERY important to us – yes dear, you are our #1 priority – yes we will be extra nice during your period – yes dear, we know it’s very hard to be a women and yes, we know it’s all our fault … (bitch)

What? no dear, we didn’t say anything … we just love you so much dear and we love our Period Tracker For Men … besides you, it’s the best thing that ever happened to us … ok, hold on, be right there for your nightly back rub. 

PeriodTrackerMenDescFINAL

Uhh, where were we … oh yeah, we were saying that our penis app makes us happy and reminds us of the good old days. We could fart out loud rather than pinching it off. We didn’t have to watch Beaches, Steel Magnolias or Mamma Mia! We did shots of Cuervo – now we sip flirtinis.

So yeah, not really sure what happened to our penis … could’ve sworn we had it 7 years ago when we married Miss right – guess we didn’t know her first name was Always.

May 13, 2009 | Filed Under Health | 16 Comments 

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