Do Want: Plants vs. Zombies Toys

One of our favorite pastimes (besides scouring the fringes of the App Store in search of the krappiest apps) is collecting iPhone related items. Over the past few years, we’ve stockpiled all sorts of eclectic novelties … Pocket God figurines, Angry Birds plush toys, Steve Jobs dolls, No Tie Software t-shirts, Poop The World toilet paper and so much more.

And now, thanks to the keen eye of our friends at iPhone Savior, we’ll be adding some Plants vs. Zombies figurines to our ever-growing collection.

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With ninja-like skills, Etsy member AllWithHand produced these handmade Plants vs. Zombies characters from polymer clay … and they simply rock!

There are fifteen figurines available at prices ranging from $152 for the complete set … to $80 for a set of six … or $18 per individual character. You’ll find all your favorite Plants vs. Zombies friends like Sun Flower, Pea Shooter, Thunder-shroom or that pain-in-the-ass to kill Football Zombie.

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Bravo AllWithHand … you just put a huge dent in our Christmas shopping list … loving it!

App Lets You Polish A Three Dimensional Turd – Why? [Now FREE]

The saying goes … “You Can’t Polish A Turd” … meh, whoever coined that phrase is certainly not an iPhone owner.

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Polish It is an application which lets you polish your own poop. The app displays a gorgeous three dimensional turd and your task is to rub, rub, rub it … until it’s completely polished.

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Now before you dismiss Polish It as just another useless krapp app … think of all the wonderful benefits polishing one’s turd with Polish It can deliver …

THERAPEUTIC – rubbing three dimensional poop … it’s nice
CONVENIENT – on the bus, at work, watching TV, etc.
SANITARY – no mess, smell or icky germs
SOCIAL – save polished poops and email them to your friends

Still not convinced that Polish It should be inducted in the App Hall Of Fame? Then watch the extremely convincing promo video below … it’ll be good for at least a few laughs.

POLISH IT FREE FOR A LIMITED TIME
We know most folks would have gladly paid 99 cents for the opportunity of polishing their own poop … so this has to be really exciting news … Polish It [iTunes] is now FREE until October 21! Click here to download Polish It for FREE … and experience why this app is a real game changer.

iPad Children’s Book “Farting Animals” Ensures Future Generation Of Fartaholics

fartaholic (~noun) : one who is addicted to farting, passing gas, cutting the cheese, breaking wind, fumigating the room, blasting the ass trumpet, etc.

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Love farts? Would you go so far as to say you’re a fartaholic? Then great news … a free children’s iPad application is now available which will educate the innocent young and make them appreciate the cry of an imprisoned turd …

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Farting Animals Episode 1 [iTunes Free] is categorized as an Educational application and per its description, “is a series of interactive storybooks that keep the readers engaged with its characters through touch interaction … this innovative storybook maximizes the combined effects of gameplay and learning with touch features.”

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Interactive storybooks – engaged readers – touch interaction … certainly sounds like a fantastic and effective educational experience parents should seek out immediately. And we’re delighted to see developer Papa’s Frog putting the iPad’s magical technology to life-changing use … teaching kids about farts. Yep … numbers, shapes, letters and everything else on Sesame Street is so overrated. Farts are imperative and should be included as part of a well-rounded children’s curriculum.

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Dogs farting – bears shitting in the words … some serious educational benefits as described by the app (seriously?) …

Farting Animals provides the following educational benefits:

 

Adds an element of touch to visual and aural stimuli, eliciting action responses that enable the reader to more easily engage with the characters and better focus on the story.

 

Uses words that pique children’s attention, such as “fart” and “poop,” to help them learn in an entertaining way about naturally curious subjects such as body functions.

We wish Papa’s Frog well with future episodes of Farting Animals … hard not to love a developer whose one sole principle is, “to give pure inspiration and hope to the younger generation by creating stories that are warm and sincere, like a parent’s bedtime story; to touch their hearts and fill them with love” <- heavy stuff those fart, heavy stuff man!

 

Have Fun – Be A Turd – Play DoodleDumps For iPhone

Maybe it’s just us, but there’s something refreshing about iPhone games that incorporate turds. In the past we’ve featured PooPong (think Atari Pong with flying poop) … Bathroom Racer … and that’s about it. Our brief observation … the App Store needs more poop and less sex education. Thankfully the folks at Blast One hear us and created a new iPhone game which is hysterically entertaining … DoodleDumps [iTunes $0.99].

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Now if you’re thinking DoodleDumps is just another App Store embarrassment, nothing could be further from the truth. This doodle genre game provides hours of simple – but totally addictive – gameplay … not to mention top-notch programming, a killer original soundtrack (from Jazz / Alternative Rock musician Eve Wheeler) and ridiculously comical graphics. All this DoodleDump goodness comes at the bargain price of 99 cents.

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When you’ve finally had enough of being an Angry Bird or a Fruit Ninja … live a little – be a turd! DoodleDumps provides the unique opportunity of playing a piece of shit as it skids and slides down a roll of toilet paper. Your mission is to keep yourself (the poop) safe … jumping over paper gaps, dodging pesky holes and avoiding a messy “Death by Splatter” all over the bathroom floor (ouch!).

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Along the way, you’ll be presented with a number of power ups to collect and be treated to some special game modes like the legendary “double rainbow” mode (love it when a game can cleverly incorporate an Internet meme) or the epic “angel wings mile high” mode.

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The developers are fully committed to making DoodleDumps even more awesome as the next update will include Dueling Turds mode (slalom racing against AI players), three levels of difficulty and so much more. So it’s time to shut up Talking Carl and stop giving a rat’s ass Where’s Waldo … drop the 99 cents, download DoodleDumps and see how fun being a turd can be.

Boogers … Everything You Wanted To Know And More – plus Recap: Week Of June 14

Ad-Krapps-170x170 In case you missed any of our perfect iPhone chaos, quick links to this week’s articles.

June 14: 69 Positions Becomes First Sex Position App To Include Threesome Variations

June 15: Taito Corp. Launches Seven Space Invaders-Themed Utility Apps, All Free

June 16: Developer Uses App To Lash Out At ‘The Moral And Hypocritical Swine Of The World’

June 17: Help Me Poop – The iPhone’s First Laxative

June 18: AutoVerbal Talking Soundboard Gives A Voice To Those Who Can’t Speak

June 19: Hollywood Hospital – Time Management Meets Tinseltown [iPhone Game Review]

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A Brief Guide To Boogers

After reading this infographic, we realize we’ve taken boogers for granted. Not just simply an object for flinging … boogers are indeed fascinating. LOL … too much information!

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(via OnlineSchools)

Help Me Poop – The iPhone’s First Laxative

All right, let’s get right to the point … being constipated sucks! You feel bloated, heavy, sluggish and generally uncomfortable. Hell, even worse, constipation can lead to hemorrhoids and a hernia – this is not all good!

So to promote regular bowel movements and maintaining your health, the brilliant minds at Thats A Girls Name Solutions (TAGn Solutions) have released the first iLaxitive …
Help Me Poop.

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Apparently research has shown that falling, crashing, splattering and plunking sounds loosen your stool and help you drop the kids off at the pool. Not really sure how we missed this nugget of wisdom, but it’s nice to know that Apple has our back with the approval of Help Me Poop. And at only 99 cents, think of all the money you’ll save by not having to buy prune juice, fiber or ex-lax … money that can be put towards the purchase of the iPhone 4.

So while your getting all excited about the aforementioned new iPhone … think about and be grateful for the iPhone’s crowning achievement – a healthy and happy ass!

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Amazing Human Calculator Determines How Much Snot You’ve Swallowed And More

Amazing-Human-Calculator-2 Have you ever wondered how old you are down to the second? Or the number of times you’ve blinked? How long your hair would be if you never cut it? How much toothpaste have you used?

Yeah … neither have we. Pretty bizarre thoughts for us normal peeps … but let’s try some others …

How much snot you’ve swallowed? Or the lifetime weight of your poop?  How about the amount of liquid you’ve peed? Number of times your farted?

We hear you … still a resounding “NO”. Well since we brought it up and through the power of suggestion … you probably are now wondering the exact amount of snot you’ve swallowed over the course of your lifetime. And since we’re not a bunch of stuck-up teases, we have the answers! But first you must download the Amazing Human Calculator app.

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Amazing Human Calculator [iTunes] is a new FREE app from LOLer Apps which attempts to satisfy your bizarre and random curiosities. Being the eccentric folks they are, LOLer Apps spent many months researching the strangest human facts and gifting their findings in the form of the Amazing Human Calculator app.

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Simply enter the date and time of your birth and the Human Calculator will spit out 22 freaky facts, custom calculated for the individual user … how much blood has been recycled through your body, how many hours you’ve spent yawning or how long would your nails be if you never clipped them. 

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Fascinating and frightening material considering an average 35 year old has eaten over 60,000 pounds of food and swallowed nearly 13,000 quarts of snot. BLEH … too much information!

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