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iPhone Developer Honest About His Crap App

“This App Is Totally Useless”

“I Did This Entertainment App Just To Do It”

“Don’t Expect Much”

Well … at least the 3 Stooges Reviewer developer is being honest.

But bravo to Apple and their outstanding job of approving useful content by qualified professionals … glad they clearly communicated these criteria in their recently released set of guidelines for developers.

If your app doesn’t do something useful or provide some form of lasting entertainment, it may not be accepted.

If your App looks like it was cobbled together in a few days, or you’re trying to get your first practice App into the store to impress your friends, please brace yourself for rejection. We have lots of serious developers who don’t want their quality Apps to be surrounded by amateur hour.

And finally … WTF is this developer’s problem? 3 Stooges Reviewer is a small collection of poorly written and pointless reviews … each one bashing a different 3 Stooges episode. Why all the hate towards Larry, Curly and Moe?

Peace out.

November 5, 2010 | Filed Under Entertainment | 1 Comment

Hallelujah! See Jesus App Lets You See Jesus!

Yesterday the iPhone notified you when your penis is ready for sex.

Today it lets you see Jesus.

Hmmm … there really is an app for everything!

Actually, the iPhone ain’t that revolutionary. Save a buck and watch the “Jesus On A Wall” optical illusion video below … you’ll be seeing Jesus all day.

Or better yet … stare at the image below, focusing on the 3 dots … you’ll be seeing a dead douche ninja jerk for eternity!

November 4, 2010 | Filed Under Entertainment | 1 Comment

App Sends Push Notification When Your Penis Is Ready For Sex

This might be a case of TMI (too much information), but for 300 million men worldwide who suffer from erectile dysfunction, the new iPhone application … Am I Ready Yet? … is just as handy as other apps like Evernote, Netflix or Dictionary.com.

Per Wikipedia … erectile dysfunction is characterized by the inability to develop or maintain an erection of the penis sufficient for satisfactory sexual performance. To combat this droopy dick syndrome (not a medical term – we just made it up), many individuals take prescription drugs such as Viagra, Levitra or Cialis.

However using these drugs is not as simple as Pill -> Hard-On -> Intercourse. Proper planning must take place to ensure the user’s “response time” (peak pecker period) is in sync with the humpty hump phase. But even with careful planning, erection quality results are not guaranteed. Variables such as age, fitness, weight and more … complicate pitching-a-tent predictions.

This is where Am I Ready Yet comes into play … the app allows users to enter their personal information to more accurately predict “readiness range”. Just select the medication (Viagra 25mg, Cialis 10mg, etc.) … age, height, weight, etc. … and time of intake. From there, the app works its magical erection equation and sends you a push notification of when your penis is ready for sex.

Again, maybe Am I Ready Yet is TMI … but in an App Store filled with egg, top raman and suntan timers … a boner alert really doesn’t seem that out of place.

November 3, 2010 | Filed Under Health, Lifestyle | 3 Comments

Milk A Cow With Your iPhone – Sure, Why Not? [Video]

Steve Jobs repeatedly positions the iPhone as “revolutionary” and indeed, there’s a lot of interesting stuff you can do with it … you can polish a turd – make a dog sing – determine the quality of boobs and watermelon – even move a stack of pistachios.

So it should come as no surprise, you can now milk a cow with this revolutionary iDevice. Ok, maybe it’s not a real cow … but just asked any of those peeps who downloaded one of the bajillion different girlfriend apps … a virtual cow is better than no cow at all!

In Milk Monica, the user is challenged to stroke Monica’s udder up and down. The objective is to fill a glass with milk as quickly as possible … so the faster you stroke, the lower your time (and higher your score). A fascinating game to say the least.

We played Milk Monica for a total of 73 seconds and failed to break 17 seconds (15 seconds will get you posted in the Top 10 online leaderboard) in any of our gaming sessions … ARGH! However we did find something quite soothing about staring at a cow’s ass, as a fly buzzes by, while we stroke udder … very zen-like for us city folks.

November 2, 2010 | Filed Under Games | 2 Comments

Nude Runner Girl Edition Streaks To The #1 Overall FREE App

Last summer, French video game studio, Piky Team, released their first iPhone game … Nude Runner. It’s a simple application in which you control a naked guy (yes, you actually have to touch the naked guy to move him – ewww) … avoiding security guards from tackling you by the ball sack. The longer you dodge authorities, the higher your score.

Nude Runner has done fairly well in terms of downloads … approximately 150,000 in the first 3 month, while peaking to the #68 overall free app.

But Piky Team was not satisfied with their mild success. They were determined to kick ass like Angry Birds and released a pinker, more feminine version of their nudie game … Nude Runner – Girl Edition.

In the process of swapping out penis for vagina, Piky Team learned a valuable lesson … naked girls rule, naked boys drool. It only took Nude Runner – Girl Edition FOUR DAYS to reach 200,000 downloads and become the #1 overall free application in the entire App Store. Congratulations Piky Team!

November 1, 2010 | Filed Under Games | 4 Comments

Antoine Dogson – LMAO, Get It? DOGson … plus Recap Week Of October 25

Ad-Krapps-170x170 Subscribe to our RSS feed and/or download the 100% free KRAPPS iPhone app … it’ll make you feel better!

In case you missed any of our perfect iPhone chaos, quick links to this week’s articles.

October 25: Masturbation & Ejaculation Found In Talking Chuck Boy iPhone App [Video]

October 26: Girls With Guns Applications – Then And Now

October 27: Angry Birds iPhone iOS 4 Wallpaper Collection & More [Downloads]

October 28: Revenge Of The Nerds On Steve Jobs [Comic]

October 29: Doodle Jump iOS 4 iPhone Wallpaper Collection From Lima Sky [Downloads]

October 30: All You Zombies, Show Your Faces [Zombie Escape Review]

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Antoine Dogson – Best. Pet. Costume. Ever!

Ok we admit, we’re not big fans of dressing dogs in outfits and costumes (they’re freaking dogs – and they told us it humiliates them) … but this Antoine Dogson spotted at New York City’s Tompkins Square Halloween Dog Parade is funnier than shit! Bitch even has a Facebook page … run and tell that, homeboy!

[via Buzzfeed]

October 31, 2010 | Filed Under News, Recap | Leave a Comment

All You Zombies, Show Your Faces [Zombie Escape Review]

(written by guest author Tim Giron. follow Tim on Twitter @timgiron)

Developed by Viqua Games and released by Chillingo a few months ago, Zombie Escape [iTunes $0.99] is a line-drawing game with enough additional plot elements to keep it interesting for a short time. The premise is simple and well established: guide the humans to the helicopters before they become lunch for the undead horde that mills about, ravenous with an ever-present hunger.

The first few levels are extremely easy, with each one introducing something new: a new weapon, a new type of zombie, a new rule, etc. By level 7, things start to get tricky, since you have to call in the helicopters yourself. After level 8, you will also unlock a survival mode.

For weapons you have access to snipers, bombs and meat. Yes, it appears the zombies are partial to sirloin and can be effectively distracted by a nice prime rib or filet mignon. Hey, where to I sign up to be a zombie and get some of the primo grub?

You earn money by completing the levels with flair: kill extra zombies, don’t lose any humans, you get the picture. Between levels, you use your loot to upgrade your weapons and believe me, you’re going to need the extra firepower in the higher levels.

A quick check of the iTunes reviews for the game reveals some disgruntled users, mainly due to crashing. Playing on my lowly 3G, I found that I needed to start the game with a freshly rebooted device to have a satisfactory experience. The game utilizes the Crystal system for online scoring.

Even if it’s not top shelf in the graphics or sound departments, the game is certainly worth the 99 cents you will shell out. Sure, there are better line-drawing games and better zombie games out there, but it will take some doing to complete the later levels.