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• 

Monkey Boy – The Legend Continues

Deep in the bowels of an Apple Store, inside some random suburban shopping mall, a mysterious legend known as Monkey Boy is up to something befitting his name.

A Monkey Boy sighting – the legend continues …

(via Tabloid Prodigy)

Best Part Of iOS 4 …

Multitasking, folders, unified inbox, home screen wallpaper, etc. … MEH … the best part of iOS 4 are stupid iPhone tricks – Stretchy Heads …

(more stupid iPhone tricks at Mike Monteiro)

Flipping The Bird Around The World – plus Recap: Week Of June 21

In case you missed any of our perfect iPhone chaos, quick links to this week’s articles.

June 21: iPhone 4 And iPad Commercials – If Apple Cut The Bullshit [Videos]

June 22: Action Sex Positions – A Guide For Having Sex While Driving A Motorcycle & More

June 23: New App Can Fix Erectile Dysfunction (Why, God, Why)

June 23: Steve Wozniak Waiting Overnight In Line For The iPhone 4 [pictures & videos]

June 24: Apple’s Idiotic Statement To iPhone 4 Reception Issues – Don’t Hold It That Way

June 25: Interpreting Steve Jobs Moronic “Ur Holding It Wrong” Email Reply [Pictorial]

—————————————————————————————————————————-

A Cultural Guide To Flipping The Bird

Flipping the bird means one thing … F*CK YOU … or does it? Crank up the middle finger to some French a-hole and you’ll likely get a blank stare followed by a laugh … cuz it don’t mean shit in France. So before you take your next international journey, brush up on the local customs and learn the proper way to give that dicknose local the finger.

[click image to view full size]

(via PopCrunch)

Interpreting Steve Jobs Moronic “Ur Holding It Wrong” Email Reply [Pictorial]

In follow-up to our Apple’s Ass-Kissing Public Relations FAIL article … we have to share this next incident. Yesterday we visited an Apple Store and noticed an employee talking to prospective iPhone 4 buyers. Swear to God … this dude was giving instructions on how to properly hold iPhone 4 so it doesn’t lose reception. He goes on saying, “you’ll eventually get used to it” … and took the opportunity to cross-sell the $29 Bumper. What’s even more amazing … people were buying into this bullshit. They were practicing the pinch-and-hold technique, looking like absolute morons. LMAO – WTF … folks are like iZombies when it comes to Apple … they’ll believe and do whatever Apple and Steve Jobs says – not surprising, but really freaking sad.

Anyways, the iPhone 4 death grip story really took off yesterday … with Steve Jobs’ moronic email reply taking center stage … it’s not our fault, you’re holding it wrong. Reiterations of the Jobs response were all over the Internet … and some renditions were quite hysterical. Below are a few our favorite “Ur Doing It Wrong” interpretations.  

(via KRAPPS reader @JamesChevalier)

  (via David Cole)

Apple’s Idiotic Statement To iPhone 4 Reception Issues – Don’t Hold It That Way

We often wonder what it would be like to work for Steve Jobs at Apple (well, not really … we just thought this sounded like a good opening line). Sit around … kiss Steve’s ass … Yes Men only need apply. Take for example the latest brown-nosing incident … iPhone 4 reception issues.

So basically some bizarre shit is going on with iPhone 4 when you hold it like a normal person. Seems that iPhone 4 can’t pick up signals when you’re holding it in your hand as the metal band around the phone is the antenna … and touching the antenna jacks everything up … as in, you lose reception. For complete details, check out Gizmodo’s excellent  write-up.

Anywhoo …   an iPhone 4 user emailed Steve Jobs about the problem and received a concise reply, “just avoid holding it in that way” Jobs said.   

Seriously Steve? Your the CEO of the world’s most valuable technology company and that’s your response? Let’s see … we spent half a day on Apple’s crashing website trying to pre-order iPhone 4 … stood another five hours in line to pick it up … ate top ramen for a month to save enough money. And now when we hold iPhone 4 like any normal person would, it doesn’t work … and you tell us … Don’t Hold It That Way? FFFFUUUU – DON’T MAKE IT THAT WAY BIATCH!

But the beauty of Steve’s email response is Apple’s public relations department … the Yes Men … “Hey Steve, that’s a great explanation – as usual, you’re a revolutionary and magical genius!  Screw customer service … screw looking into the issue with any detail … we’ll make your email response Apple’s official company statement” … and so the Yes Men did. The official statement …

Gripping any mobile phone will result in some attenuation of its antenna performance, with certain places being worse than others depending on the placement of the antennas. This is a fact of life for every wireless phone. If you ever experience this on your iPhone 4, avoid gripping it in the lower left corner in a way that covers both sides of the black strip in the metal band, or simply use one of many available cases.

LMAO …. Don’t Hold It That Way … PR brilliance. But what’s even more idiotic are Apple’s iPhone 4 video promotions that show users holding it the right wrong way. Check out the ironic screenshots of Apple videos below, all available on Apple’s website.

[for even more ironic and hysterical examples, visit Cameron Hunt’s brilliant new website ->  “Just Avoid Holding It In That Way”]

But look, don’t feel bad for holding iPhone 4 like a normal person … even Russian President Dimitry Medvedev had difficulties executing the new magical iPhone 4 grip.

[image courtesy of iPhone Savior]

Steve Wozniak Waiting Overnight In Line For The iPhone 4 [pictures & videos]

We love Steve Wozniak! While it could be really easy for the co-founder of Apple to be an arrogant, self-righteous prick … on the contrary … Woz is a level-headed, down-to-earth man of the people who is totally cool, likeable and approachable.

Take for instance today, June 23 … the eve of the iPhone 4 launch … where’s Woz?

Well around 5:00PM, Woz jumped into his Prius and drove to Parth Dhebar’s home. Who is this Parth character, Wozniak’s new assistant? Nope … Parth is just a normal kid … a high school junior and the creator of the excellent iPhone app review site Simple-Reviews.com. Woz met Parth while  camping out on April 2 in front of an Apple Store … waiting overnight to be one of the first to purchase the magical iPad. Woz and Parth remained in contact and thought it would be cool to carry on their traditional camping trip.

[editor’s note: hold on … WTH is all that crap to the left of Woz’s dashboard? …. seriously Woz, how many freaking GPS systems do you really need?]

So like we said, Woz drove to Parth’s home … picked him up … and gave him a ride to the Apple Store inside the Valley Fair Mall in Santa Clara, CA. They are now both waiting overnight to become day one proud owners of the iPhone 4 when they go on sale Thursday, June 24 at 7:00AM. Too freaking cool!

Of course Woz doesn’t have to go through the trouble of waiting over 12 hours in line for the latest iDevice … but the dude freaking rocks … he just enjoys hanging out with fellow MacHeads, signing autographs, riding his segaway inside the mall and waiting to become an early adopter – just like the rest of us Apple zombies. Gotta love it!

 

 

 

New App Can Fix Erectile Dysfunction (Why, God, Why)

The flow of bullshit running through the App Store is seemingly endless …

Nine bucks buys you the Hair Clinic app. Simply hold the iPhone to your head for 10 minutes a day and the app delivers healthy and abundant hair. [BULLSHIT]

Think you could stand to lose a few pounds? Become a lean, mean, loving machine with the FatBurner2K app. Just stick the iPhone on your belly and it will literally shake away your fat molecules resulting in weight loss. [BULLSHIT]

The Less Cigarette app will magically change the flavor of your cigarette so it tastes like ass and help you quite smoking. [BULLSHIT] Thirteen bucks will heal your wart using the Wart Healer app … notice we said wart, as in one wart … additional wart healings can be purchased for $13 each via in-app purchase. [BULLSHIT]

And for the latest and greatest achievement … the iPhone can now fix ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION with the Fire Up Your Sex Drive app …  

Yes sir – you heard it right … the iPhone now has the ability to deliver a healthy hard on … and it doesn’t even require the new iOS4. Per the app’s description … 

Just listen to the audio for 6 minutes everyday, and after 20 days your male sexuality will be enhanced for more than 85%! The effect is close to taking a viagra! 

Sound waves baby – it’s all about sound waves … (6 minutes a day) x (20 days) = 85% increased enhancement … hmmm, not a bad ROI indeed. LMAO … gotta love the outrageous claim –> The Effect Is Close To Taking A VIAGRA! Good thing Apple employees sat around with woodies as they tested and approved Fire Up Your Sex Drive.

You might think the sound wave thing is all nonsense … but how can you doubt the validity of the developer’s claim with this sound explanation …

This application makes a kind of high frequency alpha wave to synchronize with your brain wave. It could stimulate your brain to adjust endocrine system and produce some male sex hormone. This is a very healthy way without any side effect and you will not need the pills to destroy your body any more!

And if you’re still not convinced … Fire Up Your Sex Drive was tested on a large number of male users … the results were conclusive … 

About 580 men have tried this application, and the effective percentage is even more than 77%

So next time you are experiencing a sad penis … just remember … iPhone – The Quicker Pecker Upper. [BULLSHIT]

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