Action Sex Positions – A Guide For Having Sex While Driving A Motorcycle & More

We’ve been over this before … the App Store is getting saturated with hundreds of sex positions applications. With selections like Mythical Sex Positions, Lesbian Kama Sutra and Sex During Pregnancy … there’s a sex position application to satisfy everyone’s curiosity and then some. Are you a circus acrobat or gymnast – check out eXtreme Sex Positions. Frequently confused during threesome sex – let 69 Positions be your threeway guide.

But unfortunately there is a severe flaw with every sex position app available for download …they all involve sex in the bedroom. With today’s active, busy and on-the-go lifestyles, no one has time for bedroom sex … not to mention mattress moves are boring. Give the people what they really need … it’s all about efficiency – multi-tasking when making love. Like having sex while flying a helicopter … efficient and not boring at all.

If this sexual philosophy sounds all good, you’ll be thrilled to know that Apple has just approved Action Sex Positions …

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Action Sex Positions is the only application available which gives detailed instructions for having sex in a flying helicopter, on a moving racing boat or while driving a motorcycle.

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Each position is presented with the selected vehicle in full animation and includes realistic sound effects. The swooshing of helicopter blades or the revving of motorcycle engines makes Action Sex Positions an engaging interactive experience.

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Also included is an explicit  step-by-step guide for accomplishing each “action position” and its male and female “benefits” … mattress moves be gone!

But some words of advice, which can save a life …. maybe even your own … take Oprah’s No Phone Zone pledge:

I pledge to make my action sex a No Phone Zone activity.
Beginning right now, I will not text or use my phone while I am driving and having sex.
If I need to use my phone, I will pull out and pull over to a secure location.

June 22, 2010 | Filed Under Entertainment, Games | 4 Comments 

iPhone 4 And iPad Commercials – If Apple Cut The Bullshit [Videos]

second-camera-svp A couple of “banned” iPhone 4 / iPad promos are circulating the Internet … dry humor at its best – funnier than a fart in a space suit. We love the 2nd Camera Senior Vice President and a few of our favorite lines include …

iPhone 4:
”It’s going to change the way we think about phone sex”
”We invented a new metal”
”The best way to reinvent a product is to add a second camera”

iPad:
”The camera didn’t fit”
”You can’t take photos with the iPad, but you can view and share the shit out of them”

 

 

June 21, 2010 | Filed Under News | Leave a Comment 

Boogers … Everything You Wanted To Know And More – plus Recap: Week Of June 14

Ad-Krapps-170x170 In case you missed any of our perfect iPhone chaos, quick links to this week’s articles.

June 14: 69 Positions Becomes First Sex Position App To Include Threesome Variations

June 15: Taito Corp. Launches Seven Space Invaders-Themed Utility Apps, All Free

June 16: Developer Uses App To Lash Out At ‘The Moral And Hypocritical Swine Of The World’

June 17: Help Me Poop – The iPhone’s First Laxative

June 18: AutoVerbal Talking Soundboard Gives A Voice To Those Who Can’t Speak

June 19: Hollywood Hospital – Time Management Meets Tinseltown [iPhone Game Review]

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A Brief Guide To Boogers

After reading this infographic, we realize we’ve taken boogers for granted. Not just simply an object for flinging … boogers are indeed fascinating. LOL … too much information!

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(via OnlineSchools)

June 20, 2010 | Filed Under News, Recap | 3 Comments 

Hollywood Hospital – Time Management Meets Tinseltown [iPhone Game Review]

(written by guest author Tim Giron. follow Tim on Twitter @timgiron)

Oh noes!  The rich and famous have been afflicted with a strange virus, turning them into caricatures from famous horror and action movies.  It’s up to you and your crackerjack team of healthcare professionals to render treatment and turn these Hollywood Horrors back into Hollywood Hotties in Hollywood Hospital for iPhone [iTunes $0.99].  And, if you’re good enough, you’ll bank some cash along the way.

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Released last month by Spacehopper Studios and Zed Worldwide, S.A., this unique time management game incorporates several mini-games into the flow which keeps the action hopping as you juggle multiple patients who expect the best treatment without delay.  In fact, they have no problem storming out if you’re taking too long attending to their needs.

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Each of the dozen or so characters has a hilarious malady which corresponds to a particular Hollywood feature.  In the first rounds, there’s a Gorgon who needs her serpentine hair trimmed before her closeup, Rambone, who needs a few stitches and the Zombie chick who just needs a slap of reality to fix her brain-eating ways.

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At each level, you are given the opportunity to spend some money and upgrade various elements, like adding an extra doctor or putting in cushier waiting room chairs.  Each improvement allows you to treat more patients more quickly and earn even more cash on the next level.  I found each upgrade to be quite the return on investment.

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As you clear through stages, additional wings are added to your hospital facility, giving you the ability to treat more varied conditions.  Keep an eager eye out for the paparazzi, though.  They’d like nothing better than to catch a star in an unflattering light.  Keep them away and you’ll earn some extra points with your patients.

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One unique aspect of the game is the ability to "chain" actions.  So, once you learn the routine that each patient follows, you can quickly set up each of their stops, freeing you to keep tabs on the whole operation and the mini-games vs. micro-managing each little step.

Currently on sale for 99 cents [iTunes], this game has plenty of entertainment value even at its regular price of $1.99.

 

June 19, 2010 | Filed Under anti-KRAPPS, Games, Guest Authors | 4 Comments 

AutoVerbal Talking Soundboard Gives A Voice To Those Who Can’t Speak

Happy Friday! To celebrate the end of the work week, let’s break away from our traditional review of iPhone krapp and start the weekend off on a positive note. This next app is do good, feel good and all good … it’s a fantastic example of how iPhone technology can increase quality of life and make a positive impact on its users.

The AutoVerbal Talking Soundboard [iTunes $0.99 for a limited time] is an augmentative and alternative communication application. Know as AAC, Wikipedia defines it as “communication for those with impairments or restrictions on the production or comprehension of spoken or written language.” AAC is technology at its finest … opening doors and lifting the spirits of non-verbal individuals.

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Typically AAC devices cost hundreds of dollar … so at a mere 99 cents, the AutoVerbal Talking Soundboard is a ridiculous bargain and no wonder the #2 paid Medical application. And it gets better … the app is universal meaning it will run full-featured on the iPhone, iPod Touch AND the iPad … WOOT! 

Upon launching the app, the user is presented with 16 sideways scrollable (is that a word – is now) rows of picture buttons categorized by topic (medical, food, emotions, simple phrases, etc.) … resulting in hundreds of built-in audible phrases. The first row is for custom recordings … enabling the individual to program whatever they like. AutoVerbal Talking Soundboard is well thought out and developer No Tie Software did a great job organizing the categories and identifying the most common phrases used on a daily basis for quick and convenient play.

 

Although released less than a week ago, No Tie Software has already updated the app with landscape support, choice of big or small buttons, premium and standard voice options, custom wallpaper and more. No Tie Software is no stranger to customer service … we featured them back in May 2009, highlighting their over-the-top customer support. So rest assured, this is not some fly by night developer … No Tie Software will continue to enhance the AutoVerbal Talking Soundboard based on customer feedback.

Using the AutoVerbal Talking Soundboard is extremely easy. There are three ways to speak via the app … 1) choose from the hundreds of built-in phrases in 16 categories … 2) program the top row of ten buttons to speak any custom message (your name, address, “Go Lakers”, etc.) … 3) type any message and have it spoken using text-to-speech technology.

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Uh yeah, we know what your thinking … this app could be quite entertaining for non-medical purposes. See a hot chick at a bar – use the AutoVerbal Talking Soundboard to deliver a clever pickup line in a very original manner (thanks No Tie Software – you guys got us laid). Frequent places where foul language is frowned upon – let the AutoVerbal Talking Soundboard do the cussing for you. The possibilities are endless.

But all shitting aside, the AutoVerbal Talking Soundboard [iTunes $0.99] is indeed an all good app … a beautiful technology enriching the lives of non-verbal individuals and their caretakers. Just read the user review below from a special education teacher who works with non-verbal autistic children … now this is what the revolutionary iPhone is really about!

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June 18, 2010 | Filed Under anti-KRAPPS, Health | Leave a Comment 

Help Me Poop – The iPhone’s First Laxative

All right, let’s get right to the point … being constipated sucks! You feel bloated, heavy, sluggish and generally uncomfortable. Hell, even worse, constipation can lead to hemorrhoids and a hernia – this is not all good!

So to promote regular bowel movements and maintaining your health, the brilliant minds at Thats A Girls Name Solutions (TAGn Solutions) have released the first iLaxitive …
Help Me Poop.

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Apparently research has shown that falling, crashing, splattering and plunking sounds loosen your stool and help you drop the kids off at the pool. Not really sure how we missed this nugget of wisdom, but it’s nice to know that Apple has our back with the approval of Help Me Poop. And at only 99 cents, think of all the money you’ll save by not having to buy prune juice, fiber or ex-lax … money that can be put towards the purchase of the iPhone 4.

So while your getting all excited about the aforementioned new iPhone … think about and be grateful for the iPhone’s crowning achievement – a healthy and happy ass!

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June 17, 2010 | Filed Under Health | 2 Comments 

Developer Uses App To Lash Out At ‘The Moral And Hypocritical Swine Of The World’

angry_man It seems developer Boris Kreynin has a bone to pick with a certain segment of the population. He’s one of those dudes who simply cannot let things go … and will do everything in his power to “fight the good fight” … even if it makes him look like a total incoherent ass.

Anywho … Boris has released a series of five applications called The Pearl. On the surface these apps seem innocent enough … they are journals for adults only (whatever that means). But as you continue to read the apps’ descriptions, a darker side of Boris is revealed … one that  chastises “the moral and hypocritical swine of the world” … admonishing them for “regularly attending church, giving to charities and always appearing in moral philanthropy.”

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Actually we have no idea what the f*ck crawled up Boris’ ass and died, but find it absolutely hysterical that some random dude uses his app as a platform for his own moral and philosophical agenda.

For a bizarre, yet fascinating look into a diary of a madman, continue reading The Pearl’s description insane diatribe by Angry Boris (who has obviously had a hard day and could use another shot of vodka) …

An Apology for our Title

 

Having decided to bring out a Journal, the Editor racks his brains for a suitable name with which to christen his periodical. Friends are generally useless in an emergency of this kind; they suggest all kinds of impossible names; the following were some of the titles proposed in this instance: "Facts and Fancies," "The Cremorne," "The All Round," "The Monthly Courses," "The Devil’s Own," and "Dugdale’s Ghost"; the two first had certainly great attractions to our mind, but at last our own ideas have hit upon the modest little "Pearl," as more suitable, especially in the hope that when it comes under the snouts of the moral and hypocritical swine of the world, they may not trample it underfoot, and feel disposed to rend the publisher, but that a few will become subscribers on the quiet. To such better disposed piggywiggys, I would say, for encouragement, that they have only to keep up appearances by regularly attending church, giving to charities, and always appearing deeply interested in moral philanthropy, to ensure a respectable and highly moral character, and that if they only are clever enough never to be found out, they may, sub rosa, study and enjoy the philosophy of life till the end of their days, and earn a glorious and saintly epitaph on their tombstone, when at last the Devil pegs them out.

 

Editor of the "Pearl."

June 16, 2010 | Filed Under Entertainment | 4 Comments 

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