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- Adventure, To The Max! [iPhone Game Review]
- epic – The Toolbox iPhone iOS 4 Home & Lock Screen Wallpaper Set [Download]
- Recap Week Of January 3
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Easy Virtue Ring Proudly Displays Your Affection For Promiscuous Sex
Bummed out by the App Store’s sudden sense of morals? Saddened your iPhone can no longer display smut? Well happy, happy, joy, joy … we’re here to turn your frown upside down!
Although Apple has done a thorough job of removing “overtly sexual” content, you can still be a card-carrying member of the Slut Club with the Easy Virtue Ring iPhone app … just what every father dreams of. *facepalm*
The Easy Virtue Ring is a direct response to the Purity Ring application and mocks those who wait until marriage … the description reads:
The Easy Virtue Ring is meant to be a replacement for the Purity Ring. Forget those crazy ideas. Do you really want to wait for marriage? What if your partner misrepresents their gender? Or turns out to be lame in bed? It’s simply not a good idea.
And like all good sinister apps (hooray for oxymorons), Easy Virtue Ring encourages users to give in to the temptation and engage in promiscuous sex …
Tired of saying “No”? Of course you are, it’s to much effort and not so much fun. Stop disrespecting Mother Nature and succumb to your desires… It’s easier and it’s a lot more fun. Take the Easy Virtue Pledge now.
See … the App Store is not all that bad good these days. Apple is still showing some love to all you sluts and manwhores. So make daddy proud … take the Easy Virtue Pledge today and offer your body as a very special present to ANYONE you may meet. *headdesk*
Butt Muffler – Yes, It’s A Real Live iPhone App
As you probably figured out by now, we feature iPhone applications from the outer fringes of the App Store. Whacky, weird, stupid and strange … the shit that other iPhone websites won’t touch (and hey, we don’t blame them … the stuff on KRAPPS can really suck).
This next app is exactly what we’re all about here at KRAPPS. As a matter a fact, it’s so KRAPPtastic that we present it with limited commercial interruption … just the name and its description … because really, there’s nothing left to be said.
—————————————————————————————————————————-
[cue clever introduction]
Seeing someone new?
Need a number two?
Don’t let them hear you poo!
Butt Muffler iPhone app … camouflaging the sound of your business.
Ever find yourself waiting for someone to use the dryer before you can do your poo? Well this app is for you…
The Butt Muffler emits masking or warning sounds from the comfort of your toilet seat!
Many traditional Butt Muffling techniques (such as flushing the toilet repeatedly) waste unnecessary water or electricity.The Butt Muffler is the environmentally friendly solution you have been waiting for!
New couples, work colleagues, and school mates can all benefit from the Butt Muffler! No more walk of shame!
Features…
* Mimics bathroom appliances.
* Pink noise generator (used in professional sound masking devices).
* Crowds for the proud (moral support for stubborn poos).
* Warning sounds (perfect for lockless bathroom doors).
* Plus other toilet entertainments.
Now you can drop anchor at poo bay, the modern way. Breezing confidently out of the bathroom without damaging the environment!
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Cheers to the folks at BrainFuel for providing this perfect iPhone nonsense called Butt Muffler. Little did they know that when writing Butt Muffler’s description, they were actually guest authoring a KRAPPS article … bravo, you’re hired!
eXtreme Sex Positions – Only App That Includes A Death Warning
Yesterday we traveled to Cedars-Sinai Hospital in Los Angeles, California to meet eXtreme Sex Positions developer Michael Bosch of Samba Studios. Although Michael was hospitalized with a broken pelvis and left wrist … he was kind enough to chat with us about his new sex positions iPhone app.
If you haven’t noticed, sex position applications are all the rage these days on the App Store. Makes sense … with Apple removing apps that contain “overtly sexual” images, all that’s left for sex-starved customers are applications depicting stick figures having intercourse. So as a result – hundreds of sex position apps … that seem to be selling very well. Sex Positions Game, 69 Positions, iKamasutra and Cosmopolitan’s Sex Position Of The Day are all top apps enjoying financial success.
Michael’s application is an all-star as well. eXtreme Sex Positions managed to break into the Top 10 of the Lifestyle category, even though the app comes with explicit warnings and disclaimers …
Samba Studios is not responsible for any damages which may result from attempting the sex positions in this application. These sex positions may result in extensive bodily injury or even death!
WTH … you can DIE using eXtreme Sex Postions?!? Judging by the pictures of the pink and blue gymnasts … this is true!
LMAO … Pogo Stick, Head Spinner … we’re not sure which reaction is most appropriate … “WOW” or “OUCH”.
Michael admits his app is not for everyone, “eXtreme Sex Positions is not for the faint of heart. These are the most extreme, difficult and DANGEROUS sex positions ever published!” Michael continued, “These sex positions are only recommended for those with advanced training in acrobatics or authentic ninjas”.
We asked Michael if he’s serious or just smokes to much dope … to which he replied, “You think this is some kind of a joke? I work my ass off identifying the craziest sex moves ever to appear in an iPhone app. Facefull Pile Driver – Rear Entry Goodie Bag Grabber – Backdoor Cartwheel … all my positions will test your strength, flexibility and stamina. Trust me KRAPPS … I take my work very seriously … putting my life in danger - researching and attempting every eXtreme position in the app. Needless to say, I’m not a top-ranked sex ninja … how do you think I ended up in the hospital?”
Fair enough … get well soon Michael!
aPad – A Sensible Alternative To The iPad
Can’t wait for an iPad? Don’t have $500 to drop on one? No worries … there’s an app for that (of course there is)! No Tie Software, same folks who make the uncensored AutoRingtone TEXT-TO-SPEECH ringtone application, have unleashed a very nostalgic app … aPad of Paper [iTunes].
aPad lets you download PDF-format "pads" suitable for printing, with different paper types. Go old school with Parchment or send your kid to class with a pad of Lined paper. There’s even Graph paper for the hardcore geek types.
Spoiler alert! The "battery indicator" is a tree log … after all, aPads do indeed grow on trees!
The aPad offers many things Apple’s iPad does not. Unlimited battery life … survives a 6 foot drop … outstanding aerodynamic properties (when folded properly). Plus something rare on the App Store … all the porn you want … as long as you can draw it. And it’s as thin as a sheet of paper – because that’s what it is!
So be a hit at the next office meeting when you whip out your own aPad! Anyone can buy an iPad but the aPad is so exclusive, you can’t buy it. Because it’s FREE!
Recap: Week Of March 8
In case you missed any of our perfect iPhone chaos, quick links to this week’s articles.
March 8: Overtly Sexual Apps Return – Apple Fails To Enforce New Policy?
March 9: Determined To Bring Sexy Back, Developer Forced To Publish ‘I Love Burgers’ Fetish App
March 10: “This Is My Gift To All Current And Future iPhone Users” – Fart Dialer
March 11: Get Your Shit Together Apple – Hooters App Approved, Banned, Re-Approved, Re-Banned
March 12: Fart Smeller iPhone App – Enough Said
March 13: Crazy Frogs Jump For Their Lives – Dizzypad Game Review
Crazy Frogs Jump For Their Lives – Dizzypad Game Review
(written by guest author Connor Coghlan. follow Connor on Twitter @Condawg)
Dizzypad [iTunes $0.99] by NimbleBit is yet another application I’ve been assigned to review that is anything but a krappy app. It’s actually kwite kool. If you’ve ever played Doodle Jump (or Spring Fling, another app I’ve recently reviewed), Dizzypad will feel somewhat familiar, but with an unknown and exciting aspect… timing your daredevil-like jumps.
You play this game as a frog (ribbit), hopping from one lilypad to another. Each time you miss and land in the water, you lose a life (because either frogs can’t swim or the water is infested with killer koi). But if you choose to take a risky jump, skipping over one lilypad and to the next, you’ll find that an extra life is added to your repository, allowing you one more screw up. You can really rack up extra lives by doing this, and greatly extend your session.
Now the timing comes in with the direction of your jump. Each lilypad you sit on spins around, one way or the other (hence the name … Dizzypad). There is an arrow, indicating which direction you will jump when you tap the screen (which is the only control, by the way). You have to time it perfectly to land on the next lilypad (or the one after that if you’re looking for extra lives).
This game isn’t incredibly fast-paced, but that doesn’t much take away from the excitement. I’ve seen my sidebar fill up with flowers (indicating lives left) after a few minutes, only to see each and every one of them deteriorate from a single jump that I, for whatever reason, cannot seem to land < bangs head against wall >.
I’ve spent a good bit of time with Dizzypad and it’s loads of fun … especially with the 15 unlockable frog skins and Plus+ awards and online leaderboards. But alas I have a single complaint … where are our power-ups? Without power-ups, Dizzypad is just the same thing no matter how far you progress into the game. Although there is not much variation, that’s not to say it gets old quickly … Dizzypad has loads of potential for future updates.
As it stands, Dizzypad [iTunes] is a load off fun and a cool take on the old-school Frogger game (meet Doodle Jump). 99 cents these days will not buy you much … but if you invest it in Dizzypad, you’ll receive a huge ROI in the entertainment category … ribbit!
Fart Smeller iPhone App – Enough Said
Oh my … the Fart Smeller iPhone app by Zambo Software … LMAO, where do we begin? Ah screw it … no need to steal the developer’s thunder … just read the app’s description:
***THE APP THAT SMELLS YOUR FART!***
[oh really … an app that smells your fart? what will they think of next?]
A Fart Smeller will be there when your farts are at the worse and no one else can bare to smell them!
Fart into the speaker in this app, then wait and receive feedback on how bad or good your fart smelled!
[hmmm … not only does Zambo Software want us to fart into our iPhone, but also pay them money for it?]
A Fart Smeller can take any kind of farts, even if it has the potential to be deadly! So let your fart rip!
And there you have it … your iPhone now has the capability to smell farts. Aside from the fact that this app is wrong on so many levels, our biggest concern is NOT that Apple approved Fart Smeller … but the fact they had to test it for proper functionality.
“Uh Richard … can you come here for a second? I’m reviewing this new app and need your assistance. Can you please bend over and fart into my iPhone?”
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