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- Here’s To The Crazy Ones
- Despite Female Moans, SexLife Trailer Fails To Arouse [Video]
- Wii iPhone 4 iOS Home & Lock Screen Wallpaper Set [Download]
- Slap A Sexy Belly, Make Music, Huh? – Belly Jam iPhone App [Video]
- Adventure, To The Max! [iPhone Game Review]
- epic – The Toolbox iPhone iOS 4 Home & Lock Screen Wallpaper Set [Download]
- Recap Week Of January 3
- Sexy Star Wars Pinups – EWWW!
- Weird Stuff From Japan – iPhone 4 Sushi Case
- MegaMan iPhone iOS 4 Home Screen Wallpaper Collection [Download]
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Hamster Beats All Humans In Reebok iSprint Race [plus video]
Unlike the “hot chick taking her clothes off” app from their sportswear competitor Puma … Reebok International decided to create an app closer to its business core … Reebok iSprint [iTunes – FREE].
Basically this is a finger sprint app … but totally pimped out by Reebok with an awesome feature set not typically found in free iPhone apps :
> Four different tracks to race on
> Realistic starting blocks and starter’s gun game sounds
> Online scoreboards with global rankings (current day, current week, all-time)
> One and two player modes for head-to-head races on two iPhones
> Twitter functionality
The peer-to-peer multiplayer mode is way cool … plus if you’re competitive freaks like us, the global ranking is both a blessing and a curse. It’s kickass to get your name and score on the leaderboard, but you’ll get totally hooked and play iSprint non-stop.
But we must warn you though … if you are looking to set a Reebok iSprint world record, sucks for you. There is a rodent who specializes in putting up insane iSprint times. Yup, a RODENT … a freaking HAMSTER! This little shit is like the Usain Bolt in iSprint world. He goes by the name of Harold and has clocked a world’s best of 3.86 seconds (yes, Harold passed the post-race drug test, so his time is totally legit). Don’t believe us … well then check out Harold’s record breaking video below … dude is amazing!
Stuff We Are Thankful For – Uterus, Roadkill, Fists In Mouths & More
It is customary here in the United States that at the start of Thanksgiving dinner, each person at the table takes a turn saying what they are thankful for. Far be it from us to disrespect and poop on tradition, so we’ll jump right in and state what we are thankful for this Thanksgiving Day.
Giant Uterus Pillow
There’s something comforting and soothing about cuddling up with an oversized uterus pillow. Maybe it’s a primal thing … but it just makes us feel oh so good.
Road Kill Stuffed Animals
Some people collect Star Wars memorabilia, others collect baseball cards. We pride ourselves in collecting road kill plush. They’re unique, a thing of beauty and an excellent conversation starter – “Hey baby, wanna come upstairs and see my road kill toy collection?”
Motorized Ice Cream Cone Holder
We love eating ice cream, but frankly, it sucks to eat it off a cone. You get the drips, leans, splats … and the whole “lick and rotate” method is a pain in the ass. Stick out tongue, press button, eat ice cream … what could be greater than this?
Hot Chicks With Fists In Their Mouths.com
There’s always a special place in our hearts for a chicks who can shove their fists in their mouths … a God-given talent which we truly appreciate.
Apple, The iPhone & App Developers
Let’s be real – no Apple, no iPhone, no App Developers = no KRAPPS. Argh … da horror! So even though Apple has boatloads of issues with the App Store, approval process and general iPhone related stuff … without the iPhone platform and the genius developers who crank out those crap apps … KRAPPS would be nothing more than an unemployed mime.
YOU!
But most of all, we are thankful for you … our loyal KRAPPS viewers. With hundreds of iPhone sites to choose from, we are honored you hang out in our little corner of the Internet. <wiping tear from eye> The response to KRAPPS over the past 11 months has been tremendous … and we cherish every one of your visits and will strive to continue serving only the crappiest of what the App Store has to offer.
Have a great Thanksgiving – YOU ROCK!
A Homeless Transvestite Keeps The App Store Weird
You know the iPhone is kicking ass and taking names when every celebrity and their mother have a dedicated app. Just last week … pop star turned super mom (?), Britney Spears, released her “It’s Britney” app. The God among men, David Hasselhoff, gives Hoffilicious advice with his “Ask The Hoff” app. Download “I Am T-Pain” and you will be rapper T-Pain. Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Chad Ochocinco, Lady Gaga, Lance Armstrong … heck, even Pope Benedict XVI endorses an iPhone app.
But all these celebrity apps pale in comparison to the most epic celebrity app ever know to mankind … iLeslie.
What could be greater than having 24/7 access to Leslie Cochran? Reading iLeslie’s description makes our knees wobble … pure exhilaration:
The iLeslie application is a select collection of funny short sayings by Leslie as well as two longer interviews with a special message from Leslie.
Be still my beating heart – WOW! Short sayings and a special message from Leslie for only $4.99 … uh, bargain of the millennium, hello!
Whoa, whoa, whoa … what did you say? “Who is Leslie Cochran and why should I care?” Dude, come on … let’s go! Here … read the iLeslie app description and become enlightened …
Hailing from the capital of Texas, world headquarters of Dell Inc., home of the University of Texas Longhorns … a homeless transvestite who catapulted him/herself into stardom. And now his/her crowning achievement (fitting, eh?) … Leslie’s own iPhone app. LOL … screw Britney – what’s the point of being T-Pain – Pope Shmope … homeless transvestite dude is the only celebrity app your iPhone will ever need.
And bless you Austin, Texas … with your slogan of “Keep Austin Weird” … exactly the kind of inspiration the App Store needs. Hmmm, come to think of it … a bangin new Apple slogan – “Keep The App Store Weird”.
“Boobs” – The App Store’s New Buzzword
We see a lot of crappy apps … hence our name. But on the flip side, we know which apps work. Obviously besides having a solid idea (like the app which makes your iPhone blow air), your app must be positioned properly with an intriguing name and description. Without these key marketing elements, chances are consumers will pass right over your app and move on to one of the other 99,999 offerings.
For example, the “HiCalc Winner Of Best Calculator In The 2007 PPC Magazine Awards” app clearly is a name fail … an app’s title should be clear and concise, no need to hand out awards. Or the classic “Get You A Chinese Name And Beautiful Handwritten Signature” app … sucks when developers suffer from dyslexia and use the app’s description as a title.
But even though there are numerous title bloopers in the App Store, lately we’ve seen some brilliant examples of effective names. We’d like to share a few of these gems with you. First off … the Big Boobs app.
As we stated, an app’s name should be clear and concise. Two words – “Big” and “Boobs” … just perfect – app title nirvana. Heck, with a name like that, who needs a description.
Seems it would be tough to top Big Boobs … but indeed there is a name that is more epic than Big Boobs … the Epic Boobs app.
Now Epic Boobs is an interesting case study. First launched as Epic Bosoms, the app was unsuccessful in attracing enough male eyeballs (go figure). A focus group was conducted and it was determined that the word “bosoms” just seemed to motherly … in a breastfeeding type of way. Qualitative research suggested replacing the word “Bosoms” with “Boob” and the rest is history. And as an extra precautionary measure … the Epic Boobs’ description really drives the point home – “This is an amazing collection of only the most awesome sets of females breasts” … yup, crystal clear.
Of course it’s common knowledge that two sets of boobs are better than one. And to win the boob volume prize, one must think outside the box … like the Boobs² app.
Just look at that description … “A colossal photo collection of only the best, fullest and largest sets of female breasts” … it’s pure business genius. However Boobs² has left the door wide open for competition … quick, someone and release Boobs∞.
Finally, please note … although it may seem that in order to create a legendary iPhone app, one must include the word “boobs” in the title. This is certainly not a prerequisite … as the Adult Boobs And Butts app clearly proves boobs are not the only thing that attract attention. And yes, this is 100% legal … these are ADULT boobs and ass (in case there was any confusion).
Virtual Girlfriend App Sleeps With You – Literally!
Today we’re discussing a sad subject … loneliness. For most people, being alone sucks. Heck just listen to Akon cry us a freaking river in his worldwide hit single “Lonely” off his debut album Trouble …
“Lonely, I’m so lonely – I have nobody to call my own … I woke up in the middle of the night – And noticed my girl wasn’t by my side … Lonely so lonely – I’m Mr. Lonely … I have nobody – So lonely, Mr. Lonely”
Ok people, we get it … many of you are LONLEY. Boo-F*CKING-Hoo! Make a choice … continue to wallow in your sorrows by listening to Country music (perfect as every song is about being drunk, depressed and lonely) … or suck it up and get an iPhone. Yup, with the revolutionary iPhone, Akron and all you other Mister Lonely’s, will never have to worry about waking up in the middle of the night and not finding your girl by your side. App Store brilliance continues with … Mega Girlfriend Sleep With Me.
See that – if you’re feeling lonely … or would like to be with someone at bedtime … or having trouble falling asleep by yourself … Mega Girlfriend can help! Just prop up a pillow next to you, launch the Mega Girlfriend app and place her by your side. And as the app describes … you can then watch this creepy beautiful girl breathing gently in her sleep – very calm and peaceful.
And if you think about it … Mega Girlfriend totally makes sense. You don’t have to worry about her snoring … or kicking you in the middle of the night … or hogging the blanket. She is the ultimate in sleeping companions. Of course you should be careful not to roll over, you might kill her. But isn’t that small risk worth the mega rewards … as Mega Girlfriend guarantees “you will not feel alone anymore” and ”you will fall asleep with a smile on your face.” Hells yeah it’s worth it … and who knows what she’ll do as the developers continue to update the app. Mega Girlfriend = Mega Awesome … we are in love!
Recap: Week Of November 16
In case you missed any of our chaos, quick links to this week’s articles.
November 16: iBooB – More Boob, Less Face Please
November 17: OMG, The Official Britney Spears iPhone App, OMG
November 18: The iPhone Blows! – No Seriously, It Does
November 19: Balloon Boy Lands In App Store – This Is Not A Hoax
November 20: New iPhone App Talks Dirty, Turns You On With Fruit
November 21: Mr. Dumb Toilet – A Worthy Beavis And Butthead Homage
Mr. Dumb Toilet – A Worthy Beavis And Butthead Homage
(written by guest author Connor Coghlan. follow Connor on Twitter @Condawg)
“I am the Great Cornholio! I need T.P. for my bunghole!” – Beavis
“Shut up fartknocker!” – Butthead
“FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!” – Beavis
“Calm down Beavis. You’re gonna soil your drawers.” – Butthead
“Skulls are cool.” – Butthead
LMAO … who doesn’t love Beavis and Butthead? I grew up on that shit and seeing the
Mr. Dumb: Toilet iPhone game (by ZenuxLab) this heavily inspired by Mike Judge’s amazing characters truly strikes an awesome chord in me. Mr. Dumb: Toilet had me at “hello bunghole” … I fell in love from the moment I laid eyes on it.
The gameplay in Mr. Dumb: Toilet is simple, yet polished … make sure the urinals keep flowing properly or they will flood the entire bathroom. Disgusting roaches run wild and you have to squish them. If you miss a roach, they go behind a urinal and it becomes temporarily out of service. To make sure the urinals keep running and don’t overflow, you have to press the flush button whenever they stop.
There’s also some douchebag (I assume he’s some steroid abusing security guy) who keeps throwing trashcans at you … WTH dicknose! You’ve gotta avoid the flying cans or game over. Doing my best Beavis and Butthead slacker impersonation, I didn’t feel like reading instructions and totally skipped over them. This caused me to keep dying repeatedly … so let’s be 100% clear …. TRASH CANS – THEY ARE BAD.
Anyhow, this game is freaking fun so be very careful not to soil your drawers. I find myself playing it in small spurts and just loving the non-suck homage to Beavis and Butthead.
Mr, Dumb: Toilet [iTunes $0.99] is definitely worth a look, whether you are a Beavis and Butthead fan or not … for sure!
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