What? Oh that, the thing on the right? That’s our new iPad Lockscreen … we only use it once a month <sorry … couldn’t resist>.
In case you missed any of our perfect iPhone chaos, quick links to this week’s articles.
January 25: A Collection Of Ridiculous iPhone Boob Apps
January 26: Augmented Reality For Pizza – Seriously, Why?
January 29: OMG, This Screenshot Frightens Us, YEEEOW!
January 30: Apple Reverses Policy, Begins Removing Smut
So as we implied above, this was a big week for feminine hygiene, courtesy of Apple’s new revolutionary product … iPad. The Internet has been flowing with iPad/iTampon jokes. So for a breath of fresh air, we present a couple of iPad items … totally unrelated to a woman’s menstrual cycle.
From Metin Seven at Sevens Heaven … his original “iPhad” illustration demonstrates just how easy it is to turn your iPhone into a full-fledged iPad … although the iPhone is still more capable as it includes a camera and the ability to make voice calls.
And from the Funny or Die website, comedian Peter Serafinowicz (yes that’s a long last name – 12 letters) introduces the really really really revolutionary iPad.
It’s been well documented that Apple does not allow porn in the App Store … but nevertheless, developers aggressively push the envelope in efforts to show as much skin as possible in their apps. At first, Apple began approving apps featuring girls in full-back bikinis. Later they lightened up … thong bikinis became acceptable. In November, Apple approved the first pasties app … iPasties by Pastease … which broke into the Top 100 Paid Apps and created a flood of new approvals featuring adhesive nipple covers. And finally, raising the “how much skin can we get away with” bar to its peak … Apple allowed the Boobs In Hand Bras app on January 14. Today, there are literally thousands of sexy girlie apps available for sale.
Well all that came to a screeching halt yesterday. Apple changed its mind and began emailing developers that their once approved sexy girlie apps were no longer welcome in the App Store and thus, removed from sale. Why the sudden reversal of standards? Seems Apple was receiving a number of customer complaints about inappropriate content. Below is the email Apple sent to developers regarding removed apps.
So exactly how much skin can you show these days without fear of getting the boot? Since Apple did not provide concrete examples to developers, it’s tough to say. However, it’s clear that hand bras are blacklisted … they have all been removed from the App Store. Most pastie apps are absent as well.
It’s also tough to figure how many developers were effected by this change of policy. We spoke to a half dozen developers regarding the matter and figure at least a dozen more had their apps removed. Is Apple done cleaning up? Who knows. The entire situation is confusing and mysterious … but one thing is certain, Apple is doing some major housekeeping and removing numerous sexy girlie apps. College Girls Extreme, Epic Boobs, Sexy Bikini Contests, Yau’s Asian Boobs Fruit Punch, Sexy Topless and many more … all these apps were once approved by Apple and now banned.
The developers we spoke with were completely blindsided by yesterday’s occurrences. “I wish Apple would adopt detailed written standards like every other mobile storefront in the world,” said one developer. Agreed … perhaps clearly communicated standards would help Apple avoid that reoccurring theme … Inconsistent Review Process.
We must admit, the Yau’s Collection Of Asian Boobs app intrigues us. How can we resist? As described below, this dude Yau collects erotic photos with an emphasis on the visual artistics (not exactly sure that means, but it sounds impressive). Never mind pretty Asian girls in sexy cloths (what?) posing in sexy positions … give us visual artistics!
And then we get to the collection of screenshots. Nice … “Lots Of Asian Beauties”. Oh and beauty #1, definitely visually artistic!
But wait! What’s that hiding behind door #3? We can’t quite make it out … let’s scroll over and take a closer look at Yau’s next example of visual art …
YEEEEOW YAU! WTH?!? Why is this girl about to take a dump on our iPhone? Is this some kind of a sick joke? Or perhaps the App Store’s first “BA” app? Like the F-YOUize app, guess it could come in handy sending someone a not so subtle message. But damn woman … lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground!
Update: Well it seems Apple was not impressed with Mister Yau’s visually artistic rendition of a bare ass. While the application remains for sale, the screenshot has been removed from iTunes.
Confuzzled [-verb] – a combination of being confused and puzzled, not knowing what the F is going on: What the hell’s going on? I’m confuzzled? (per Urban Dictionary).
Confuzzled is the perfect word to describe our state of mind after coming across these next apps. If anyone can shed some light on these enigmas, we could actually rest easy and finally get some sleep. Thank you!
In our “How To SUCK At Selling iPhone Apps” article, we noted several surefire ways of achieving zero sales … Be A Douchebag, Be A Pothead, Be A Hater, Be Blunt. Guess we need to add another one to the list … Be Honest.
Battery Status (5% Accurate) … while we appreciate MeachWare’s honesty, it’s probably not the best idea to highlight the fact that your measurement app is only five percent accurate. Come on dude, those are some very shitty performance specs. Honesty will get you into Heaven, but it won’t get you on our iPhone.
We like girls. We like toilet paper. But sometimes things are just mutually exclusive.
Toilet Paper Babe … huh? … sexy hot Japanese chicks wrapped in/on toilet paper? Oh how we love the Japanese and their cutting edge sex trends. But think we’ll pass on these ass paper babes and stick with yummy sushi girls.
As we mentioned in today’s Knife Dancing article … today is HUGE for geeks. Steve Jobs has just finished announcing their new revolutionary product … iPad.
But really, is it that revolutionary? Just ask any female … seems this product has been around for years. Tisk tisk Apple … you are very late to the market on this one!
update: thanks to KRAPPS viewer, aPish, for pointing out the hilarious Mad TV iPad parody video from years ago … check it out!
(free full version Knife Dancing app for all viewers – see end of article for details)
So today is huge for geeks. In a few hours, Apple will be announcing their computer tablet, the iPad. Think of it as a giant iPhone on steroids … the iPad will have a 10-inch screen, run on the same operating system as the iPhone, priced at $800 and $1,000 and supposedly change the way we read books, magazines and newspapers (rivaling Amazon’s Kindle). Similar to the iPod and iPhone, Apple is hoping the iPad will be another revolutionary product – the ultimate armchair gadget. Even Steve Jobs states, “This will be the most important thing I’ve ever done.” Damn Steve … you go boy!
But while the spotlight is on Apple for another historic day in technology, we choose to salute the little guys … the 28,000 app developers. Without their ingenuity and creativity, the iPhone (and soon, the iPad) wouldn’t be shit.
One such “think outside the box” developer is Headlight Software. They managed to introduce an App Store “first” … no small task competing against 150,000 applications.
Headlight Software has a nifty straightforward app called Knife Dancing. It’s a FREE app … so what the hell, go download it now [iTunes]. Knife Dancing is a virtual knife game (safer that way) … follow the pattern and see how fast you can stab back and forth between fingers … careful not to hit flesh (sucks that way). The app starts off really easy … you hack away with a terrifying crayon. In addition to the Crayola, there are four additional levels (weapons) of increasing difficulty.
As we stated, Knife Dancing is free … but free will only get you so far … the easiest weapon, crayon. The other levels are available for 99 cents via in-app purchase. BUT HOLD ON … here’s the revolutionary part … an App Store first. When you purchase the additional weapons, you’ll receive a SwappIt code. You can then email the code to a friend, allowing them to redeem it from within the app and receive the 99 cents worth of additional weapons for free.
Essentially, anyone who buys the full version of Knife Dancing, can give away one copy of the full app for free … utilizing SwappIt technology. In addition to email, you can also post the code from within the app to Facebook or even send it wirelessly if the recipient is nearby. We never heard of such a thing … too cool!
And that folks is an App Store first. That’s the kind of thinking required to compete against 150,000 apps. That’s giving your app a fighting chance to go viral. Hopefully other devs will jump on the SwappIt code bandwagon and add some marketing flair to their app.
Free Full Version Of Knife Dancing To All KRAPPS Viewers
Big shouts to the folks at Headlight Software who were kind enough to create an uber SwappIt code exclusively for KRAPPS viewers … allowing you to download all knives for free. Simply CLICK HERE to download the free Knife Dancing app. Launch app and click the SwappIt button on the top right of the screen. Enter the code … KRAPPS.COM … (yeah, we changed it up – keep you guys on your toes) press Done and voila, all knives have been unlocked an ready for you to slash away. Enjoy!
[Illustraion by Dale Stephanos via Flickr]
There’s a cool t-shirt at Threadless.com which says … “Having an iPhone has completely changed the way I poop”. LOL … ain’t that the truth. The iPhone is information and productivity at its finest. Just think of all the things you can do while taking an iCrap … read the latest news, post to your blog, Twitter (we admit … been there, done that), play a game of Monopoly, learn to speak Russian, buy stocks, play the piano, edit a photo and thousands of other activities.
The iPhone – technology at its finest! … or is it?
Sometimes we feel the iPhone is just way overrated. Like a once no-brainer task, all of a sudden requires the use of an iPhone … a crutch. You can’t just stick your arm out and flag down a cab … no, you need the “hail a taxi” app. You can’t just leave a tip in the 20% ballpark … no, you need a tip calculator app to figure out the gratuity down to the last penny. Laying out, catching some rays … no you can’t do that! You need a “suntan turn-over” app to notify you when the optimal turn-time arrives … WTF.
I guess the geeks are to blame. After all, they develop and publish apps … it’s their ideas. And of course geeks are totally over the top when it comes to being analytical. Never once did we worry about our pizza costing more per square foot than the carpet at KRAPPS World Headquarters. Never once did we worry if that 19-inch pizza is a better value than the 16-inch. But now we do, thanks to the Amazing Pizza Calculator app … damn you geeks!
And the price of pizza is not the only thing geeks are ruining … it’s even how you cut it. You simply cannot eyeball slicing your pizza into evenly-sized portions. No … that would be uncivilized. You now need the aid of augmented reality technology when cutting your pizza, the Reality Slice app.
Hey, nothing against augmented reality, it technology rocks … but come on, pizza?!? Just slice the damn thing and eat it – no fuss, no muss. Too much technology is melting our brains … the iPhone has become a crutch. Pretty soon we won’t even be able to wipe our ass without the iPhone. Oh wait, is that what they meant – “having an iPhone has completely changed the way I poop”? There’s an app for that? Don’t even think about it geek!