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- Here’s To The Crazy Ones
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- Adventure, To The Max! [iPhone Game Review]
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- Recap Week Of January 3
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Farting Boobs Approved – You’ve Gotta Be Kidding
Norway is very cool … no, literally … it’s like freaking cold! Some parts of Norway remain frozen all year – they call it the arctic tundra region. Norway borders the North Sea and is fairly close to Iceland and Greenland … that’s some frigid company.
So what’s a geek to do during those long Norwegian winters? Not much … take drugs and build iPhone apps. Apple is selling 350 apps per SECOND, so might as well do something productive and take your shot at making bank. Oh, you noticed the “drugs” part of the equation … yeah, shit happens. No, literally … shit apps are a result of developers on drugs during long Norwegian winters. Need proof? Read this press release from Nor Eagle, a Norwegian-based company, regarding their new winter/drug-inspired app, Farting Boobs.
iPhone developer Nor Eagle today is proud to announce Farting Boobs.
T. Benjamin Larsen, Nor Eagle’s CEO said, "You’re going to love this! We’ve spent a lot of time analyzing user patterns and App Store trends. We’ve successfully combined two of the most popular tasks in one single pleasant to use interface."
When asked about the target-market for the app, Larsen had this to say: "We believe this should be huge among the plethora of young gentlemen that have always dreamt of becoming boobfarters. It might not be a huge hit with the ladies though.”
“When looking through the entertainment category in the app store we got the feeling every other app was about boobs. And, if not, they were about farts. So, we figured the only sensible thing would be to combine them!" Larsen laughed. "It’s probably the most commercial title ever released on any platform."
“Plethora of young gentlemen that have always dreamt of becoming boobfarters” … did Larsen just say BOOBFARTERS?
Plus you gotta love Nor Eagle’s complete honesty. As seen in a Farting Boobs screenshot, Nor Eagle is not afraid to admit they created a crap app (even they acknowledge, shit happens) … but it’s prepared with love. Oh those crazy cold drugged-up Norwegians … God bless them!
“I See Naked People” With The Nude It App
Remember when you were a kid, flipping through comic books and seeing those X-Ray Specs ads? <oh shut up young grasshopper> At one dollar and with promises of seeing under clothes and through flesh, X-Ray Specs were an intriguing proposition for young and old alike (come on, who doesn’t want to see naked people – they’re NAKED for Pete’s sake).
Although a novelty item, these glasses which create “an hilarious optical illusion” (no grammar police back then) have become a timeless icon of American pop culture.
Now flash forward to 2010 (actually to yesterday, January 5) … shove those X-Rays Specs into your iPhone, sprinkle in a bit of augmented reality technology and what do you get … the Nude It app.
Launch the app, point it at an unsuspecting hottie … Nude It will then scan the subject and reveal their nakedness. Well sort of … this is Apple after all (strict no nudes policy) and just like X-Ray Specs, this is a novelty app. So before you get your panties in a bundle … get a clue Ymrl3630 … look at the freaking screenshots. You really expected to see people buck naked? Yeah no shit Mister Obvious, it’s is a NOVELTY app … and not even perfect (da horror), but for 99 cents, Nude It is a pretty solid iPhone augmented reduced reality gag app.
As a parting note, we spoke with Antoine Morcos, co-founder of Presselite, the company which produced Nude It, who said, “Of course our inspiration came from the amazing Nude It video produced by Michael Krivicka at WhoIsThatBaldGuy.com. Their video got our creative techie juices flowing and we attempted to emulate the technology shown in the video. We hope people will like the result.”
Agreed, we received the fake Nude It press release, watched the accompanying demo video and laughed our asses off … truly awesome stuff, see below.
MyGirl Brings Sexy Interactivity To The iPhone
Ok, this whole virtual girlfriend thing is getting completely out of control. Back in the good old days, girlfriend replacement seekers had basically one choice … the blow up doll. Sure they came with different names, hair and skin color … but in the end, it was inflatable latex.
These days you have freaks marrying video game characters … whack jobs making fembots and including them at family Christmas gatherings (seated at the dinner table, giving them presents, etc.) … and to no surprise, hundreds of choices for virtual iPhone girlfriends … Pocket Girlfriend, iGirlfriend, Sexy Girlfriend, etc. Just last week, CNN named the virtual female bedmate app, Mega Girlfriend, as one of the top three worst apps in 2009 (they called it “creepy” … that’s putting it mildly).
What’s even creepier is how realistic these girlfriend apps are becoming. Take for example the new MyGirl app. This thing is so realistic that we started to have feelings for it … ewww! The folks at iPhSoft developed a proprietary alternative to flash technology (since the iPhone still refuses to support Adobe Flash) called iCore264. This proprietary engine positions MyGirl as the first and only real-time interactive video application for the iPhone. For you geeks … be sure to read the complete techie mumbo jumbo in iPhSoft’s MyGirl press release … supposedly it’s really interesting stuff.
So MyGirl is an interactive, video-based female application … meaning you get to do stuff with a sexy hot chick for only 99 cents (but keep in mind, this is an app … the girl is not real, you cannot marry her). You can massage her … tickle her … undress her … spoil her with presents like flowers or perfume … feed her (we recommend the lollipop or jalapeño) … or even liquor her up with cocktails, which we believe leads to the undressing function. In all, there are over 40 different scenes to satisfy your virtual needs.
Similar to other apps which push Apple to think different, MyGirl was banished to the App Store’s hellhole. Submit an app which pushes the envelope, Apple sticks you in an indefinite approval holding pattern. Liron Barzilay, CEO of iPhSoft, said “although MyGirl was submitted to the App Store by the end of August 2009, Apple found the concept and technology behind it so innovating that they took more than 3 months to review it (instead of the usual 10 days), before giving the approval for sale.”
Three months playing with reviewing the sexy hot MyGirl app … ewww Apple, that’s creepy!
Melt Away Your Snotcicles With The iPhone
BRRR … it’s January … the middle of winter … and it’s freaking cold! (unless of course you’re in Australia, enjoying the awesome 80 degree summer weather … screw you) It’s so cold that Tiger Woods is sleeping with his own wife in order to keep warm … the inmates are begging for the electric chair … and our balls have become ovaries. Baby, it’s cold!
So besides setting your house on fire or getting a fever … what can you do to keep warm? Simple. Remember your $300 iPhone? Apple says it’s revolutionary … and it really is … because now with the help of two new apps, the iPhone can melt those snotcicles away.
iHandwarmer
Genius! Developers know that the iPhone already heats up when running certain programs, so might as well build an app which simply uses 100% of the CPU and market it as a battery drainer … errr … hand warmer. Yes, you too can look like a complete idiot by tucking a couple of iPhones in your gloves during your next ski trip for the most expensive hand warmers ever. Then again, folks buy $300 True Religion jeans … who are we to mock a $300 hand warmer?
But while iHandwarmer sounds great … what if you need to crank out a bit more BTU’s? Like if you want to heat up your house or make toast. Then you got to go with the finest in iPhone cookers …
Pocket Heat
Now that’s what we’re talking about … a freaking portable heater. TOASTY! Hey, if it’s so cold outside that the Chicken Ranch is charging 50 bucks just to blow on your hands … then buy Pocket Heat and put the $49 savings towards another menu item.
Oh wait … Pocket Heat is a half-gimmick / half-real app. It’s not an actual space heater. Well thank you Mister Obvious. What gave us away … the “I’m With Dumbshit” t-shirt our friend is wearing? You almost had us! The iPhone is a space heater … you funny Michael P. Austin … you funny. Next thing you know we’ll be reading headline news of how the iPhone saved some lost hikers from freezing to death.
Super Size Me – An App Of Epic Proportions (Be Scared)
So we came across this application with an intriguing name … Super Size Me. At first we thought it was an app featuring the documentary film by Morgan Spurlock, in which for 30 days he eats only McDonald’s food <barf>. But a closer look revealed, it was no big deal … just another one of the thousands of hot chick boobs apps available for your iPhone.
However similar to looking at the sun (it’s so tempting), we decided to peek inside the Super Size Me app … and what we found made being chased by Elin Nordegren seem like a walk in the park. Super Size Me left us scared, speechless and soiled.
So dear KRAPPS viewers, stop right here … move on … go away. Surf over to Lolcats for some harmless, innocent and healthy laughs. There is no need to read any further … staring at the sun will burn your eyes! At least we warned you, Apple didn’t …
… [don’t look] …
… [go away] …
… [move along] …
… [resist] …
Random Steve Jobs Sock Puppet Show – Happy New Year!
And there you have it … another decade gone by. Wishing you and yours a healthy and successful 2010. We hope you have enjoyed following our site this past year and a huge THANK YOU for your support … you really do complete us! <emotional tears>
We’ll start the new decade off with a Steve Jobs sock puppet show, courtesy of Guppies in The Dark and their new iSock app. Although this may seem pretty random … keep in mind, this is KRAPPS, home of perfect iPhone chaos (plus we received a memo stating sock puppets are the in thing in 2010).
Happy New Year Everyone
Have A Kick Ass 2010
Official LEGO App Released – Geeks Excited, Have Brickgasms
Most geeks have iPhones … and since KRAPPS is eternally linked to the device, we come in contact with a lot of geeks. These folks are amazing … it’s like they have their own culture … Geek Culture. They wear witty T-Shirts (“rock is dead and paper killed it”), use Moleskine notebooks, read comic books, drink high-end beer, love Pixar movies and are totally into robots, bacon, dinosaurs and zombies. Stick a robot on anything, like toilet paper, geeks will buy it. Bacon bandages … plenty found in a geek’s medicine cabinet. Ever hear of 
Victory Storm King … ask a geek.
One of the biggest geek love affairs are LEGOs. Those colorful interlocking bricks are just about as sexy as Megan Fox to geeks. Invite a geek to your kid’s birthday party, chances are your rug rat ends up with LEGOs. “I’m going to Disneyland!” … won’t hear that from a geek Super Bowl MVP … “I’m going to LEGOLAND!”. Hell, just look at this actual headline from Gizmodo, it reads like geek porn … Gigantic Lego Star Wars Rebel Frigate Is 4 Feet 6 Inches Of Brickgasm (correct, geeks have brickgasms).
So warning – if you’re a geek, sit down now … we have excellent news! LEGO has just released their official iPhone app, LEGO Photo … its free and its awesome [iTunes].
LEGO Photo is simple genius … the KISS design principle (keep it simple, stupid) works perfectly in this app. Load a picture into LEGO Photo, touch a button and the image magically changes into LEGO form … miniaturized bricks of brilliance. No one can argue that Steve Jobs or President Obama look much sweeter LEGOized.
And let’s not even talk about Megan Fox, geeks everywhere will be having massive brickgasms.
Come to think of it, why pay 99 cents for that Safe Sexting app when really, LEGO Photo is the ultimate in safe sexting. Just look how sex(t)y Vanessa Hudgens looks as a LEGO (another brickgasm, oh no!).
[Special thanks to our bacon-eating, snow-shoveling, wise-ass of the Great White North Tim Peckham for providing today’s “You Complete Me” cartoon. Be sure to visit Tim’s website for more cartoons and information about his three apps … or check out his work as a cartoonist in the Toronto Sun.]
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