Lately as we peruse the App Store, it’s like watching an episode of Ashton Kutcher’s Punk’d … the MTV television show in which hidden cameras film elaborate pranks on unsuspecting celebrities. From the show’s web site, Punk’d is defined as … To be made a fool of as the target of an extravagantly arranged prank, as in "You just got punk’d!" In our case, the developers are playing the role of Ashton Kutcher, while Apple is the unsuspecting celebrity. It seems some apps are specifically made by developers to punk’d Apple … to see just how stupid of a freaking iPhone app Apple will approve.
Our version of Punk’d first started when we reviewed the Nothing app … an app which – as you can guess – does nothing. Who in their right mind would approve such an app …
hey Apple, you just got punk’d.
Then we profiled the Is It An App? app … hell, this app should have been rejected based on the title alone … is Is It An App? app an app (we think that makes sense) … uh, no … it flat out sucks – hey Apple, you just got punk’d.
Now we come across three more wonderful pieces of krapp. Such garbage that they were probably developed due to a double dog dare … we double dog dare you to submit the stupidest app you can think of to Apple.
Ah … the Friday? app. Something Apple should be very proud of featuring in their revolutionary App Store. Launch the Friday? app and depending on the day of the week, you either get a clever “Yes” or “No” answer. Good stuff … because most iPhone owners are freaking idiots who don’t even know what day of the week it is. Uh no … the Friday? app is good stuff because – hey Apple, you just got punk’d.
This next app is actually quite handy as everyone would agree, it majorly blows when you lose your iPhone. Well no fears … download the Where Is My iPhone? app and it’s all good. Launch this app and it displays a message as to the location of your phone … “You’re Looking At It”. Damn, thank you Mr. Obvious – hey Apple, you just got punk’d.
Now the last app is just not fair … it’s like taking candy from a kid … just a cruel, cruel (we used the word “cruel” twice for emphasis – sometimes we roll like that) joke on Apple. So far this is the biggest punk’d in the App Store … meet the Ashton Kutcher of apps –> the Most Useless Application Ever! app … an app which insults the user for downloading and using the app. Seriously, WTF is this?!?! Even the developers claim they set a new low in the App Store – hey Apple, you just got punk’d
Damn Apple … what up? We know there’s a minimum functionality requirement somewhere in that iPhone SDK Agreement of yours … wouldn’t hurt to use it. Then again, maybe not. Apple, you just keep doing what you’re doing … we’re big fans of Punk’d.
The App Store is quickly approaching 50,000 applications (thanks in large to the Arctic Gerbil … but that’s another story). As the cliché goes … So Many KRAPPS – So Little Time. Thus we present quick KRAPPS or speed KRAPPS (like speed dating, but not – do people really speed date?) or just some of our random and pointless iPhone app observations.
We’ve been meaning to write an article about iPhone developer Khalid Shaikh (yes Khalid … we are watching you closely). Not quite the Arctic Gerbil … but a respectful KRAPPS developer in his own right. Anyways, Khalid has been releasing an extensive collection “Update” apps – Entertainment News Updates … Boston Weather Updates … St. Louis Rams Updates … Green Day Updates … and others. Fair enough … not a bad concept … but the irony of the app below has to make you laugh! (no clue? – click here)
Where do dead apps go? Is there an App Heaven or do they remain in the App Store as ghosts … haunting other apps and adding to the clutter of the App Store. Ghosts be gone!
We recently poked some fun at the Apple Profanity Filter … can’t use cuss words in your app’s description like –> C**CK-A-DOODLE-DOO. And based on the app below … the description cannot include the word A*S. However – if you are going to use the word ass in the app’s title … well that’s ok!
And finally … we recently received an email from the folks at Tweeller claiming they released a new iPhone app called Beer Opener – a virtual bottle opener. Sounds like a great idea, however we think Tweeller is full of shit! Their email also included a demonstration video of this so-called Beer Opener app. But no matter how many times we watched the video (trust us – we watched it HUNDREDS of times – for “research” purposes of course), we simply could not find this alleged app. So the question remains … App or No App? We’ll leave the final decision up to you. Check out the video below … we’re off to do more “research” on this mysterious Beer Opener app.
You a playa? Come on dog, admit it! You got that sexy fly iPhone and now you’re the mac daddy … the envy of your peeps. Cuz that’s how playas roll … with their flamin’ fresh iPhones. But playa … you need more game … iPhone ain’t enough. You need some KRAPPS to polish that hustlin’ style you got. So pay attention playa … presenting Quick KRAPPS volume 4 – The “BLING” Edition.
First off, playa needs to trick out that blah out-of-the-box iPhone. Make it big with the Bling app. With Bling, playa can create custom wallpaper from 15 Bling images. BOOYAH! And get with this … Bling is also a chat application. Tap the bling button and you’ll enter the “Shout Room” where you’ll be able to mix it with other playas just like yourself.
But bling wallpaper alone is still whack. Every playa needs some ice … so here comes the iJewel app to the party. Damn playa, look at that iJewel … NICE ROCK! But word of advice – do not follow the developer’s instructions: “… give your loved one or even yourself a royal gift … you will score big points with the iJewel”. Don’t do it playa … the hunnies will not like!
Next playa needs a stylin clock. As luck would have it, two choices … the iBling and the PhatWatch apps. Insane! PhatWatch describes itself as an “iced-up platinum watch like all the celebrities and sports figures wear” … yeah baby! But get this, iBling has a section which contains 100 pickup lines. Do it playa … the ladies will like!
Playa is just about all pimped out … only one item remains … RIMS! You know it … every playa needs some tight rims and the Spinnaz app will just kill it.
So playa – how you like it now? With all these KRAPPS – you ready to mac shawty (no Apple dork, this mac is not an os term). Lovin’ that iPhone now playa … damn, it’s hot!
all download codes have been claimed – thank you
Most are aware of gross sound effect KRAPPS like farts, grunts, vomit and burbs. But only the true KRAPPS aficionados know that these bodily function apps are just the tip of the KRAPPS iceberg. For example, what about all those straight up weird, bizarre, freak and creepy apps? They need some love too …
Remember those freak looking rubber martians? You would squeeze them and their eyes, nose and ears would pop out? Yeah, freaking weird and a disturbing visual. Well thanks to Keyvisuals and their Martian Madness app, you now have 24/7 access to your very own psycho martian. Just touch the screen and watch the sucker’s head explode. Keyvisuals claims Martian Madness is a stress reliever … KRAPPS claims Keyvisuals is just as freaky as their Martian Madness app.
Moving on … how about those Saw movies? You know, the horror flicks where dude saws off his own body part in order to live. Freaking disturbing, but certainly has a place in this world as Saw V (yeah, there are four other “hack your own limb off” episodes) grossed over $62.8 million, making it the top-grossing horror franchise of all time. So why not a place on the iPhone, thought the developers at Reandevou Software. Yeah, why not? Let’s throw a sound activated, mouth moving Jig Saw puppet (character from Saw) on people’s iPhones … it’ll be awesome to scare the shit out of these folks. Thanks Reandevou, now we can krap our pants anytime. The heck with those urine assistance apps we previously wrote about … throw out the raspy prune juice … get the Jig Saw Puppet krap assistance app – your bowels will thank you for it.
More freaky KRAPPS? You got it … presenting the iVoodoo app from the creepy folks over at oeFun Inc. Simple concept … import someone’s image from the camera roll into iVoodoo and go off on sticking this prick with a pin. Take a read of iVoodoo’s description:
iVoodoo is the answer to your magical and spiritual needs. In today’s society it can be difficult to whip out a voodoo doll and stick it full of pins … That’s where iVoodoo comes in. Just launch the app and you’ll be manifesting destinies in no time at all.
Uhhh, yeah … ok … WEEEEEEIRD! But actually it’s a very well developed app: customize 5 dolls, 7 different pins, a pin management system and more. Which basically means somebody takes this voodoo stuff very seriously …. Uhhh, yeah – ok – WEEEEEEIRD!
And on our final freaky note, we’ll leave you with Crazy Metal Head from eZone.com. Positioned as your personal head banging buddy … just touch the screen and crazy metal will begin to bang his head. eZone states you can bring crazy metal to concerts or just talk to him. Huh? Ok – for sure – I want to party with this guy!
Free Jig Saw Puppet to KRAPPS viewers!
Reandevou Software kind enough to provide KRAPPS with codes which will allow our viewers to download Jig Saw Puppet for FREE. Simply tweet the following message on Twitter:
got iPhone? follow and visit @KRAPPS for iPhone humor, funny review and giveaways >> http://KRAPPS.com #followfriday
We will then direct message you the download code while supplies last. Make sure you follow us on Twitter – @KRAPPS – so we can direct message you the code.
Presenting another edition of Quick KRAPPS … click here if you missed volume 1
This app is fantastic! Honestly, I’m kind of kicking myself for not developing this one. So you know that expression “Knock On Wood”? Well you can also say “Touch Wood”. And doesn’t it completely suck when you say “Knock On Wood” and there is no freaking wood around to knock? Drives us nuts!. Well my friends, fear not … the same brainiac developer that brought us FingerMill, has introduced another insanely brilliant app – TouchWood. What does it do? Simply launch the TouchWood app and you get a picture of wood … and the wood just stays there doing absolutely nothing allowing the user to easily touch it. Never be without wood again! Hooray! – Hooray! – Hooray! … TouchWood has made my day!
Disco Clock app … hmmm, interesting … Disco Clock, ahhhh … ok, I’ll shut up now and let you read app’s description: “Do you like a disco? Now you can watch hot dancing girl on your iPhone. You can watch the girl when you go to sleep. Remember to setup alarm – nice girl’s voice will wake you up.” … uh, ok … hmmm … I gotta tell you … I kinda feel dirty after reading that description.
Ever hear of Freeverse? These guys are a powerhouse game developer releasing such 100% anti-KRAPPS Certified offerings such as Slotz Racer, Flick Bowling, Moto Chaser and others. These guys work their butts off day and night producing gem apps. But I’ll let you in on a story a little birdie told me. Seems Freeverse threw a raging Holiday Party for its employees. And why not, like I said, they work their butts off. The party was killer … tasty grind, popping beats and a killer top-shelf open bar … everyone was having an insanely good time. Well the problem is that bad things happen when you mix alcohol with geeky coders. The liquored up geeks thought it would be brilliant to code and submit a stapler app. Oh hell yeah! Launch app, press down on stapler … over and over and over and over again. But what should we call our liquored up stapler app? … ZenStapler? – no … FartStapler? – no … we’ll call it SimStapler! Oh hell yeah! Memo to Freeverse, enough with the ragers … don’t drink and code!
Now here’s an app that is so dumb, we think the developer purposely released it just so he could appear on KRAPPS. Well guess what – it worked! Name of the app … wait for it … iDumb. Again, we’ll shut up now so you can enjoy the app’s description: “iDumb is a collection of dumb mini-games. These time wasters are perfect for pointless entertainment. Featuring the following games … Spitter: spit on passers by from a balcony above … Save The Kittens: catch the kittens before they fall into a meat grinder, if you don’t, they will become kitty burgers … Motion Sickness: shake your device to give a guy motion sickness. Your victory will be marked with a fountain of puke.” … hmmm, not really sure what to make of iDumb cuz it’s so dumb … maybe they crashed the Freeverse rager.
Welcome to Quick KRAPPS. Why this new feature? To be honest, so many KRAPPS are being released, we are basically drowning in KRAPPS. We simply cannot keep up with the deluge. So instead of writing a full blown article, we decided to quickly bang out a few KRAPPS in our bookmark file … and the result … Quick KRAPPS.
We all know sex sells. But did you know this sex thing is so powerful it can even sell farts? Hello Ms. Fart app … the sexy fart iPhone app! Like the developer says, “Why listen to an old man fart when you can listen to a lady. What could be better?” … uh, what could be better? … maybe for developers and Apple to realize fart apps were perhaps funny the first 1,000 times and are now simply lame.
And continuing on our sex sells theme … animals also have magical selling powers. You know, those LOL cats that are appearing everywhere, cute little cuddly wuggly poochie puppy dogs (OMG), etc. Well no fart app goes unturned – hello Animal Farts app … OMG LOL soooo cute! And WTF? Read this app’s description, “Targeted for anyone interested in hearing and feeling the natural sounds of animal gas. The first fart app that helps us understand farts from an animal point of view.” … dude, you have a freaking screw loose!
Let’s continue on the animal theme, don’t get us wrong, animals are cool. We have pets: dogs, geckos, fish … all good. So our jaw dropped when we saw the Dog Teaser app and it’s description, “Choose from a selection of sounds to tease and wind up your dog.” Ha! Ha! Ha! Let’s be cool and torment our dog … we’ll hit the Fireworks button and really jack up Fido. Wow … tough to choose the biggest dillweed of the bunch: Apple for accepting this app, the developer for creating the app or the moron who gets off on teasing their dog.
Ok, let’s do a total 180. The Brrpr app has to be considered KRAPPS, but we admit … this one made us totally laugh. Read the short and sweet description, “This app spells out anything you write using burps.” LOL, CLASSIC … reminds us of the time we tried to burp the entire ABC’s and ended up baby barfing in our mouth – yuck!
We conclude with the FingerMill app. For more details, check out our Chicks Dig Me article … since it’s basically the same fartknocker app. I guess one good KRAPPS deserves another. Besides reading Chicks Dig Me, might as well read what the developer has to say about his brilliant app, “FingerMill turns your device into a treadmill for fingers! FingerMill will keep you amused and your fingers in good shape!” … see, told you … brilliant!