New Booty Shaker Even More Offensive! Will The Wall Street Journal Notice?

A few months ago, we ran an article detailing the “Most Offensive App Ever”. This application was so distasteful that immediately upon release, the developer started receiving hate mail. Even The Wall Street Journal published an article publicly outing this vicious and disgusting app. What app? Nope … not Baby Shaker (although it does involve shaking) … rather Shake That Booty.

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Pure filth! A cartoon butt that gyrates … sickening … makes us want to vomit!

Despite public outcry, apparently an illustrated wiggling ass was just too tame for Apple. So in efforts to raise the offensive bar even higher … Shake The Booty has been approved.

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Think of Shake The Booty as Shake That Booty on steroids. You got a choice of 6 butts … these are real live butts … each butt comes with an owner … if selected, each owner introduces her butt before she shakes it. But Words Shmurds! Let’s watch a brief video of Shake The Booty, with an clear word of caution – the video below is EXTREMELY OFFENSIVE!

 

Yowza! Uh, this time we actually did vomit! Hello Courtney, Tiger and Dakota … you all are very bad bad girls! Da horror!

However in the meantime, if you are into this repulsive smut, you can visit Shake The Booty’s web site where you’ll find individual wallpapers of each butt owner, as well as a group butt owner shot. But hurry … who knows what will happen once The Wall Street Journal gets a hold of this one.

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November 11, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment | 7 Comments 

Sexulator – A Pro Athlete’s Best Friend [$20 Starbucks Giveaway]

($20 starbucks gift card giveaway – see end of article for details)

There are thousands of productivity and organizational apps available for the iPhone. You got note taking apps like Evernote, scheduling and calendar apps, shopping lists, to do lists, file sharing, reminder apps … heck, there’s even the 25h app that gives you an extra 60 minutes of life – turning your 24-hour day into 25.

With all this ingenuity, it should come as no surprise that a new sex utility app has found its way into the App Store … Sexulator [iTunes] from Coconut Island Apps.

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The basic premise of Sexulator is to help track your sex life. The app launches with a calendar view of the current month where you can input your sexual activities, including notes about the deed. Upon adding your event, the day is tagged with a corresponding icon: Heart = straight up sex (assuming with or without a partner?) … “O” = oral sex … Lips = make out session (yeah, we also assumed this would be the oral sex indicator) … “M” = more than one partner at the same time (great feature for anal swingers … uh, that didn’t sound right … make that anal retentive swingers). And for those users who get a little too carried away, Sexulator gives the ability to input multiple events for the same day.

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In addition to tracking your sexcapades, Sexulator features a calculator which conveniently displays your weekly, monthly or yearly averages … as well as a running total. You can also input a specific date range for activity averages. Based on these calculations, Sexulator labels you with a Sex Status descriptor. Since Nov. 1, KRAPPS has participated in 9 Sex Events, 6 Kiss, 5 Oral and 0 Multiple (we’re still striking out with anal retentive swingers) … all this data labels us as a Sex Pancake – Mrs. Butterworth gets more action than KRAPPS (but no fear, we’re working hard – no pun intended – to beef up our rating).

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Now Sexulator is fine and dandy as-is … a more than capable bedroom utility app … but the real beauty is reading between Sexulator’s lines and getting creative with the app.

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It’s a fact of life that most couples will go through some rough patches in the bedroom. Sexulator to the rescue! Using the calendar to enter their deeds, couples will naturally want to do “it” and input more, thus increasing their averages. Look at it as boinking with a goal … increase those averages and sex label ratings.

as a Sex Mediator
Sticking with the couples theme … men typically complain about not getting enough sex from their partner. With the tracking features of Sexulator, the app provides an unbiased ruling and sentence – “Oral sex average is disturbingly low. Please engage in more diver down activities.”

as a Professional Athlete’s Best Friend
Sick of those gold diggers hitting you with paternity lawsuits? Use Sexulator to track all the different women you’ve had sex with and on which days. Knowing the names and sex dates of your partners can predict conception date and save thousands of dollars in legal fees. A perfect app for the NBA.

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GIVEAWAY
In honor of Sexulator, we’re giving away coffee in form of a $20 sexy Starbucks gift card. Simply leave a comment below by Thu, Nov 12, 11:59pm PST and you’ll be entered into a drawing to win the $20 gift card … or you can opt for a DNA Paternity Test Kit if need be.

November 10, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment | 23 Comments 

iPhone Visits The Wizard, Gets A Heart

TinMan-Heart We recently introduced the concept of Gateway Apps which is similar to the Gateway Theory … kissing leads to having babies – smoking cigarettes leads to a heroin addiction. In iPhone world, Gateway Apps are certain mild and innocent iPhone applications which may then lead to stronger and harsher ones in the future … Fart apps lead to Prostitute Finder apps … Mystery Butt (the “name that animal butt” iPhone game) leads to Name That Celebrity Butt, Athlete Butt, President’s Ass and more. Not all good!

So now we’re worried about our iPhone’s recent trip to Oz. It came back with a heart … a Beating Heart to be exact. Which can only mean one thing, coming soon … Flowing Bladder app – Pulsating Brain app – Contracting Uterus app – Birth Giving Vagina App. Hell, we can see every internal organ being realistically represented in an app solely for entertainment purposes.

Beating Heart app … a bad, bad, bad gateway app.

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And be sure to check out the Beating Heart video to see what happens when you make a heart beat too fast. Think Baby Shaker app, but not as morbid …yet still a curious ending.

 

November 9, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment | Leave a Comment 

Recap: Week Of November 2

iphonekrappsV1GIF And In case you missed any of the festivities, quick links to this week’s articles.

November 2: Flying Feces Hits The App Store

November 3: Ravensburger Lowers Ban Hammer On Apple For Trademark Infringement – Developers Beware!

November 4: Breasts Are Confusing – Bra Meter Can Help

November 4: Pro Surfing Wildcard – Realistic iPhone Surf Game, Except For Peeing In Your Wetsuit

November 5: One Dare, A Million Giraffes – Help Ola Kick Jorgen’s Ass

November 6: Pocket Devil – And You Thought Google Wave Was Confusing

November 7: Fish One, Fish Two, Fish Fun, Fish You!

November 8, 2009 | Filed Under Recap | 1 Comment 

Fish One, Fish Two, Fish Fun, Fish You!

(written by guest author Tim Giron. follow Tim on Twitter @timgiron)

Fish-Fun-Logo-FINAL First off, let me state that I am a big fan of 99 Games. Their games WordsWorth, Wordulous and Chess Elite have been favorably reviewed here (two of them by me; like I said, a fan). So, when I heard that they had a new game out called Fish Fun, I headed over to the App Store and snapped it up on the first day (OK, in the interest of disclosure, it was on sale for free that first day to celebrate their one year anniversary in the App Store). The App Store imagery depicts a big fish going after a smaller fish, so I was ready for some fast-swimming, fish-chomping action. The actual game is way more subdued than that, though it does still have some cool elements.

You start off playing either the Dude or Queen fish, using the accelerometer to move around, avoiding the bigger fish and going after the smaller ones. There is an option to tap on the edges of the screen instead of the tilt-to-move, but I found it extremely hard to maneuver in that mode. Since the screen is oriented as a side view, I started playing with the phone oriented like I was looking into an aquarium. I noticed that the game info mentioned that it is better to hold the phone parallel to the floor; this felt awkward at first, but it is definitely easier to score that way.

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There are four power ups that enhance the game play (you start with two of them and earn the other two along the way). Speed and Scramble are available at the start of the game. With Speed, your fish moves twice as fast for a limited amount of time and with Scramble, all of the other fish move out of the way for a moment. Each is a single use to be repowered at certain point levels.

Three mini games are included for quick fun. Tap, Gulp and Loop can be accessed from the main menu and are also interspersed as bonus rounds in regular play. The most challenging one of these, Loop, is also the one I found the most fun: draw a loop around as many similar sea creatures as possible while avoiding the others.

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Kids will probably find this game highly enjoyable (especially while they search for the ever popular Clown Fish to gobble up). It takes very good hand-eye coordination to achieve the higher scores, which will unlock more fish and more types of power ups. There is an Aqua Mode that makes the display look more like water. A cool feature indeed, but on a 3G device it slows the frame rate way down.

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The developers have also included a Challenge mode to allow you to play against friends on Facebook and others in your contacts list. Online leaderboards let you compare your scores against the Fish Fun elite! At 99 cents [iTunes], the game is attractively priced.

November 7, 2009 | Filed Under Games, Guest Authors | 3 Comments 

Pocket Devil – And You Thought Google Wave Was Confusing

Pocket God Ouchie Our beef with Pocket God is no secret … it’s a bit too PG-13 for us. All this sadistic gameplay leaves us yearning for more. Throw in some South Park, mix in a little Beavis and Butt-Head … why can’t we tear off a pygmy’s arm with a shark? Heck, we got so worked up over this, we even ran an article last April called … A Better Pocket God.

So imagine our reaction when checking out the Top Paid Apps and discovering our “Better Pocket God” came to fruition … and better yet, holding the #2 spot in Top Paid Apps ($ cha ching $). Needless to say, our jaws hit the floor and we thought … “bunch of fargin iceholes at Bolt Creative – they finally got the boils to release a Pocket God sequel” … Pocket Devil.

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Well needless to say, we are stoked for the Pocket God sequel. The pygmies are perfectly transformed into little devils … they bear a striking, yet sinister resemblance.

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The splash screens are spot on … both incorporating their game’s characters and respective logos … even the loading indicator is duplicated.

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Both games take place on an island and have awesome erupting volcanoes spitting out fiery lava that rain down upon the inhabitants.

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And genius of Bolt Creative to leverage their well established and successful brand Pocket God by simply giving the name a polar opposite and evil twist … God becomes Devil – strong! Heck, Pocket Devil could become a case study for perfect marketing execution … extending one’s brand to create immediate value and recognition when establishing a new product line. Bravo!

Whoa – hold on a second! WTF … this ain’t no freaking Pocket God sequel. This is a curiously similar game, made by a totally different publisher, Eyedip LLC. Huh? Very confusing!

Now before all the Pocket Devil fan-boys get their panties in a bundle … let’s be clear, we have NO problem with developers taking the Pocket God concept and running with it. That is awesome! The more the merrier – competition breeds excellence which ultimately benefits us, the consumer. And there are plenty of applications influenced by Pocket God that achieve their own uniqueness. For example, the Malevolent and Knights Onrush apps … both inspired by Pocket God, yet remain different.

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But Pocket Devil is annoying as Paris Hilton. It’s the way Eyedip went about creating their Pocket God inspired app. Too close for comfort bro … like kissing your cousin … totally freaking creepy. For example, those sinister devils which bear a striking resemblance to Pocket God pygmies … kiss kiss cousin Lola Rose … ewww! The evil twist of the title God to Devil … kiss kiss cousin Daisy Boo … ewww!

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All these similarities beg the question – are unsuspecting Pocket God fans purchasing Pocket Devil thinking the game is a Pocket God sequel from Bolt Creative? And if so … is Pocket Devil riding the coattails of Pocket God’s success and thus not succeeding on their own merit?

Now slow down fan-boys … these questions are not whack. Just look at Pocket Devil’s user ratings – 2½ stars, the lowest rating in the Top 10 paid apps. And what, you think everyone is as sharp as surgeon’s scalpel (especially considering the majority of Pocket God’s customers are young kids who can be easily confused)? Read these examples of Pocket God fans who purchased Pocket Devil thinking a sequel was released by Bolt Creative.

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Of course you can argue stupidity on the buyer’s part … but it still begs the question … is Pocket Devil succeeding on their own merit or is their game so close in resemblance to Pocket God, that consumers think it’s an actual sequel from Bolt Creative?

And by the way … all you cousin-kissers … cut that shit out … it’s freaking gross!

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November 6, 2009 | Filed Under Games, News | 35 Comments 

One Dare, A Million Giraffes – Help Ola Kick Jorgen’s Ass

A-Christmas-Story Dare (verb): the act of challenging or provoking someone to do something bold, reckless or impulsive. Like Ralphie’s older brother, Flick, in A Christmas Story … a kid  dared him to stick his tongue on a frozen pole. At first Flick declined the challenge, but then the ultimate of dares was delivered … one that you cannot refuse … the infamous TRIPLE-Dog-Dare. Flick had no choice but to carry out the dare … resulting in his tongue being frozen stuck to the pole and having to be rescued by the Fire Department.

Not all dares are this epic, but still pretty classic are … licking a toilet seat – picking your nose and eating it – shaving off your eyebrows. Office dares are pretty cool too … at the end of a meeting, suggest that it concludes with the singing of the national anthem. Or how about next time you’re at a gas station, use the window washer to wash your entire car.

Challenging the epic “tongue on frozen pole” dare in A Christmas Story is the tale of Ola, Jorgen and a bunch of giraffe images. Poor Ola was TRIPLE-Dog-Dared by his friend Jorgen to collected one million giraffes by 2011. Ola could obtain these giraffes through any format, but the actual giraffe images could not be computer generated or store purchased objects … think drawings, paintings, sculptures, lego’s, etc.

So Ola dedicated his whole life to the million giraffes dare (it helps not to have a life). He’s created a web site … OneMillionGiraffes.com … which displays every giraffe collected, a blog and leverages Facebook and Twitter to beg for giraffes. Ola has become so obsessed that his site contains a worldwide map of user contributions and a statistics page which details daily giraffe receipts (total geek). He’s 147 days into the project, collected 337,812 giraffes … and with 421 days left, needs 662,188 to kick Jorgen’s ass.

Can he do it? Yes he can! Ola has recently launched a secret weapon. His very own giraffe collecting app … Giraffes!

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With the Giraffes! app, users can conveniently help Ola reach the one million mark by submitting their contributions from directly within the app. Giraffes! can also be used to browse Ola’s ever increasing giraffe collection (and we’re happy to report, no giraffe porn was found). Oh sure, creating an iPhone app solely based on completing a dare might seem a bit extreme (moronic) … but you gotta understand the nature of a TRIPLE-Dog-Dare, it’s very serious shit and something that is taken lightly.

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So help out this poor bastard. Download the FREE Giraffes! app [iTunes] … make a giraffe … and upload your image to his collection. Trust us, this quick and simple task will make Ola very happy. We know because we uploaded the KRAPPS Giraffe (complete with a KRAPPS.com tattoo on the giraffe’s leg) and Ola told us it made him happy.

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November 5, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment | 4 Comments 

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