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This App Is So Cute It’ll Make Your Head Explode
Say you’re having a really bad day and want your head to explode … putting you out of your misery. Or perhaps you are a Visitor (by the way, great TV series, “V”), captured by the opposing force, the Fifth Column. You have no choice but to blow your head up and keep the V’s agenda safe.
Well good news! With the help of a new iPhone app, you can end your sorry state within approximately 30 seconds. Go ahead and watch the demo video below … we cut it a few seconds short of 30 in efforts to preserve our viewing population.
GOOD LORD – what is this complete and utter chaos?!? Well it’s the 30 Kittens Per Second app … an accurate title, because you literally see thirty kittens per second flash across your iPhone screen. 10 seconds = 300 kittens … 30 seconds = 900 kittens. Oh how sweet!
Look, we get it. Kittens are sooo cute (OMG … hahaha … <3 kitties) and cats are the big trend these days (especially those Lolcats) … but if you think staring into a strobe light of kitties is awesome, you are one sandwich short of a picnic.
“This app will make cat lovers smile and may cause uncontrollable joy”
Uh no … this app will make people vomit and may cause uncontrollable seizures. The creators of 30 Kittens Per Second claim “cute just got a whole lot faster.” However we’re thinking 30 Kittens Per Second is better served as a torture device … so cute it’ll make your head explode … yikes!
Recap: Week Of November 30
In case you missed any of our perfect iPhone chaos, quick links to this week’s articles.
November 30: SmackDat – An Intimate iPhone Encounter
December 1: Santa Goes On a Killing Spree In Trigger Happy Christmas
December 2: Screw Prozac! This Cleavage Mania App Guarantees Happiness
December 3: Tiger Woods Scandal – The iPhone Plays An Integral Role
December 4: Look At Me! I’m A Unicorn! – You Can Be One Too With Younicorn
December 5: I’ll Have a Blue(tooth) Christmas (SuDoKu)
I’ll Have a Blue(tooth) Christmas (SuDoKu)
Thanks to 99Games, it’s Christmas time in the land of SuDoKu, where the familiar numbers have been replaced with icons of the festive season (the numbers are still available for you ScroogeDoKus out there). In Christmas SuDoKu [iTunes $1.99], the change to pictures adds some challenge since it is much easier to determine which number is missing in a series, whereas figuring out that the Candy Cane or the Gingerbread Man is the item you’re missing takes a little more time. Gameplay is straightforward SuDoKu; Santa flies overhead and sprinkles some items onto the board to start you off (how many is based on the difficulty level) and you then have to figure out where the rest go according to three simple rules: an item may only appear once in each row, column and nine slot grouping.
If you’re a SuDoKu novice, you can earn a few hints which can be redeemed to place a random item on the board and also consult the suggestions for each open spot. Holiday music plays in the background (this can thankfully be turned off after it has worn out its welcome).
But, what’s that you say? You want to challenge a friend who is in the same room? The game has you covered with the somewhat strangely named "Tug-a-friend", which allows you to play against someone over bluetooth. I unwisely challenged my wife, who is like a 9th degree SuDoKu black belt. The only time I beat her was when she left the room for a few minutes and I feverishly kept at the puzzle while she was gone (yes, in many cultures this would be considered cheating).
After you’ve exhausted the SuDoKu portions of the app, you will probably say to yourself "I am in such a festive mood, I wish I could send someone a little e-postcard letting them know just how great this game is." Again, the game has you covered with the somewhat less strangely named "Hug-a-friend". You can build a nice little scene of a decorated tree and then send it to your friend (or you can build the kind of minimalist scene that I did, entitled Frosty Balls).
If you like SuDoKu, you’ll also like this variant. If you’ve never played SuDoKu before, this app is a good introduction.
Look At Me! I’m A Unicorn! – You Can Be One Too With Younicorn
We think it’s safe to assume that everyone loves unicorns. Why? Uh … because unicorns are awesome! They’re magical, they have shimmering hair, they come in pretty colors like pink and purple and also fart rainbows and glitter. Plus Charlie is a unicorn, he visits Candy Mountain and he totally rocks. Just think how much cooler you would look if you were riding a unicorn … pretty sweet, eh? Screw that … just think how much cooler you would be if you were a unicorn!
Well think no more – just do it with the indispensable new iPhone app …Younicorn … and we agree, it will “make everyday magical” by turning any photo into a unicorn.
For some reason, Oprah is immensely popular … however we just don’t get it. Now if she had a long, pointy horn growing out of her head, we’d hit that … three times!
Tiger Woods’ wife, Elin, sorta turned him into a unicorn. Yeah Tiger, you wish you had an awesome horn sticking out of your skull instead of a 3-iron.
Many folks think Steve Jobs is God. Meh – he ain’t shit compared to Steve the Unicorn.
Oh great, those obnoxious over-the-top parents will just love this … Younicorn your ultrasound. Shhh, don’t tell them, they suck enough without sticking their fetus with a bright and shiny object.
And speaking of unicorns, be sure to check out the internet phenomena … Charlie The Unicorn (waiting for that app) … a video series about the adventures of Charlie and his two obnoxious oddball unicorn friends. Some may find it disturbing – but we sleep in Charlie The Unicorn pajamas (which itself is disturbing, but that’s not the point).
Tiger Woods Scandal – The iPhone Plays An Integral Role
Yesterday the world’s first billion-dollar-athlete, Tiger Woods, issued a statement on his web site that pretty much confirmed what TMZ (and every other tabloid media) has been reporting since Thanksgiving … dude cheated on his wife.
And while TMZ continues to run down every angle of the Tiger drama (Tiger’s wife confronted alleged mistress, Tiger leaves voicemail – “my wife is onto us”, 31-month affair, etc), we bring you the iPhone-side of the Woods saga.
The day started quite normal … Tiger woke up, kissed his wife good morning, took a leak, grabbed a cup of coffee and fired up a new iPhone app he downloaded last night …
Angel Or Devil? – the app which plans your day as being naughty or nice.
Tiger was feeling a bit mischievous that morning and selected the Devil Card. And so the devilish affair with Jaimee Grubbs began.
But Tiger’s wife, Elin, is no dumbass. She also owns an iPhone and when she began noticing suspicious behavior by her husband, she launched the sexist Is He Cheating? app to find out if Tiger was using his utility club on anyone else’s golf course (so to speak). Disturbingly the meter read … are you in denial?
The rest of the story has been well documented. Tiger crashes his Cadillac Escalade … Elin smashes car window and rescues Tiger … Tiger ends up in the hospital …police investigations … and the aforementioned admission of wrongdoings.
So now it’s time for the Woods family to heal. And of course the iPhone is there to help through these troubled times. Tiger will use the Confess app to anonymously confess your sins to the world and makes his life better … as the app states, “it is a proven fact that confessing will make your life better.” Once finished with Confess, Tiger will “correct a wrong and gain forgiveness from a person who is wronged” with the Repentance app.
Of course it ain’t that simple … per the Heaven And Hell app, Tiger has some more work to do. Start with the Singing Bowl And Prayer app and mix in the
A Good Deed A Day app (“helps you to become a better person” ) and Tiger will be back on the road to salvation (just don’t crash into a fire hydrant this time dude) in no time.
We know it won’t be easy, but it’s important for Elin to let go of those negative emotions she has towards Tiger. By letting go, she will regain peace, happiness and a strong loving relationship with her husband. This healing process should be constructive, healthy and safe … which is why the FaceFighter app is just what the doctor ordered … Elin will certainly heal better by beating the shit out of a virtual Tiger.
[that’s it … move along … nothing more to see here … we used FaceFighter as the punchline of this article … pun totally intended]
Screw Prozac! This Cleavage Mania App Guarantees Happiness
Today we look at a new app called …. Tanimania. We’ll let Tanimania do most of the talking since the developer, Kayac Inc., prepared a superb and informative description.
Awfully nice of Kayac to thank us for waiting …. gee these guys are swell. And damn, guess we missed the memo since honestly, we didn’t even know we were waiting for a photo retouch application. Hmmm, is it just us or is there some kind of subliminal thing going on with Tanimania’s icon? Like all of a sudden we have a craving for an order of Hooters chicken wings. A closer look …
Hey, wait a second … those are BOOBS! Seriously, look closely … we see cleavage. Damn those Kayac guys are smart marketers … but we digress. Let’s read on …
Ahhh … starting to make sense. The subliminal Hooters craving … the boob shot icon … the foreign title “Tanimania” … it’s all about CLEAVAGE MANIA baby!
Well duh … thank you Mr. Obvious … “This application makes you happier by retouching cleavage of your picture even sexier automatically” … translated – screw Prozac … boobs are the ultimate antidepressants – boobs make you happier.
WTH – there you go Kayac … you just had to ruin a “happy” thing with your weird ass shit imagination. We were totally fine with taking pics of our various lady friends and giving them some extra “happy” … so why get creative on us? Animal boobs? Sorry … no interest in black bear or poodle boobs. Food boobs? Are you f**cking serious? Like apple, pizza and creme brulee boobs? All kinds of materials? Two-by-four and drywall boobs? No, no, no Kayac … wrongmodo! Bad idea to ask your creativity … if you’re gonna gawk at boobs, they belong on one kind of material – GIRLS.
But hey, who are we to judge? If kangaroo boobs make you happy, cuter and sexier … go for it! Watch the Tanimania demo video and then ask your creativity to find a good one! Enjoy!
Santa Goes On a Killing Spree In Trigger Happy Christmas
For the most part, KRAPPS features applications from the outer edges of the App Store. The whacky, weird, stupid and strange … crappy apps. And since we’re not your typical iPhone site, you can pretty much pocket your money, skip over the apps we feature and save up for the $100 You Are Rich app.
However on occasion, we do highlight apps that are so insane and ridonkulous … we end up totally in love with these social misfits. Stuff like the Ow My Balls game … Killa Kitties From Compton … or the brilliant Beavis and Butthead homage, Mr. Dumb Toilet. Oh and add this new iPhone game to the loony bin … Trigger Happy Christmas.
LMAO … just in time for the Holidays, Santa goes on a killing spree. Seems Santa’s helpers went psycho (or still pissed about the Elf Bowling game Santa created) and hijacked his sleigh … spilling Christmas Day presents all over the place. To make matters worse, these little bastards are trying to steal the gifts once they hit the ground. But Santa is a bad mofo … he’s got weapons … shot guns, flamethrowers, grenade launchers … all sorts of shit that blow those wicked elves to smithereens. Warning … small children may experience nightmares from playing Trigger Happy Christmas … if you suck, Santa will die!
Now trust us when we say “smithereens”. You’ve got decapitated heads flying, brains and guts spilling, body parts everywhere … all while the lily white snow becomes a bloody red mess. The more psycho elf carnage means more presents saved … thus increasing your score. Speaking of score … Trigger Happy Christmas features an online scoreboard so you can see where you rank among the world’s best elf slayers. And since Facebook and Twitter are so uber trendy these days, Trigger Happy Christmas allows you to share your kills on these two social media sites.
And for something completely different (deranged) … you can send Trigger Happy Christmas-themed e-cards via email client … make these your Christmas cards for family and friends who need further proof that you are a total nut job. Speaking of nuts … the roasted elf version rocks!
Sometimes iPhone chaos works … and in the case of Trigger Happy Christmas, developers Games Faction (also makers of Inkvaders) have created PERFECT iPhone chaos. So to darken your cheery Holidays just a tad, check out Trigger Happy Christmas for 99 cents [iTunes] in the outer edges of the App Store.
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