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Analog Bacon Clock – No Pigs Were Harmed In The Making Of This App

A great injustice has been taking place towards iPhone owners! With over 300,000 applications available for download … there isn’t a single bacon clock. Not really sure what Apple or these so-called “talented” developers are thinking … but we find it complete bullshit that such a glaring omission exists and totally inexcusable!

But before you throw yourself into a frenzy over this bacon disregard … you’ll be happy to know that last week, 100 Proof Software came to every iPhone owners rescue by filling this ugly void with … Analog Bacon Clock.

There’s really not a lot to say about Analog Bacon Clock. It pretty much sells itself … a clock made out of bacon … what more do you need? It’s the reason you bought an iPhone.

However that’s what makes 100 Proof Software one of the best iOS developers to date. Sure they could have simply released an analog bacon clock app … but they didn’t. Nope … they released the Best. Analog. Bacon. Clock. Ever! (even if it’s the only one available for download) Just check out these world class features:

– A clock made up of 3 juicy strips of bacon.
– Animated second hand.
– View your bacon clock on a clean pan, greasy pan or plate.
– Touch the pan to hear the bacon sizzle.
– Oinking alarm clock (kidding,although that would be epic).

Agreed … it’s like horological nirvana, with a bit of salty pork mixed in.

And finally … to those who think meat is ~~tasty tasty murder~~, please feel comfortable downloading Analog Bacon Clock as no pigs were harmed in the making of this app … HOORAY!

November 8, 2010 | Filed Under Entertainment, Utilities | 3 Comments

Sexy Leaf Shirts, Huh? – plus Recap Week Of November 1

Subscribe to our RSS feed and/or download the 100% free KRAPPS iPhone app … it’ll make you feel better!

In case you missed any of our perfect iPhone chaos, quick links to this week’s articles.

November 1: Nude Runner Girl Edition Streaks To The #1 Overall FREE App

November 2: Milk A Cow With Your iPhone – Sure, Why Not? [Video]

November 3: App Sends Push Notification When Your Penis Is Ready For Sex

November 4: Hallelujah! See Jesus App Lets You See Jesus!

November 5: iPhone Developer Honest About His Crap App

November 6: Hysterically Disturbing ‘I Got An iPhone’ Music Video

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Go Green With These Leaf T-Shirts

Look, don’t get us wrong … we’re totally up for going green, hugging trees and saving the planet. But just because something is eco friendly, doesn’t necessarily mean it’s all good.

Take for example these designer leaf shirts (yes – LEAVES – like you are wearing them) called “Zero Footprint Shirt” by artist Dave Rittinger. Sure they are completely handmade using glue to hold them together, but come on … really?

[via Threadspot]

November 7, 2010 | Filed Under News, Recap | 2 Comments

Hysterically Disturbing ‘I Got An iPhone’ Music Video

The crazy folks over at rathergood.com are up to their bizarre music video antics again. Their latest creation includes meat underwear, crazy kitten, the iPhone … and a sprinkle of Lady Gaga for good measure. “I Got An iPhone” … disturbing yet freakishly addicting!

November 6, 2010 | Filed Under News | Leave a Comment

iPhone Developer Honest About His Crap App

“This App Is Totally Useless”

“I Did This Entertainment App Just To Do It”

“Don’t Expect Much”

Well … at least the 3 Stooges Reviewer developer is being honest.

But bravo to Apple and their outstanding job of approving useful content by qualified professionals … glad they clearly communicated these criteria in their recently released set of guidelines for developers.

If your app doesn’t do something useful or provide some form of lasting entertainment, it may not be accepted.

If your App looks like it was cobbled together in a few days, or you’re trying to get your first practice App into the store to impress your friends, please brace yourself for rejection. We have lots of serious developers who don’t want their quality Apps to be surrounded by amateur hour.

And finally … WTF is this developer’s problem? 3 Stooges Reviewer is a small collection of poorly written and pointless reviews … each one bashing a different 3 Stooges episode. Why all the hate towards Larry, Curly and Moe?

Peace out.

November 5, 2010 | Filed Under Entertainment | 1 Comment

Hallelujah! See Jesus App Lets You See Jesus!

Yesterday the iPhone notified you when your penis is ready for sex.

Today it lets you see Jesus.

Hmmm … there really is an app for everything!

Actually, the iPhone ain’t that revolutionary. Save a buck and watch the “Jesus On A Wall” optical illusion video below … you’ll be seeing Jesus all day.

Or better yet … stare at the image below, focusing on the 3 dots … you’ll be seeing a dead douche ninja jerk for eternity!

November 4, 2010 | Filed Under Entertainment | 1 Comment

App Sends Push Notification When Your Penis Is Ready For Sex

This might be a case of TMI (too much information), but for 300 million men worldwide who suffer from erectile dysfunction, the new iPhone application … Am I Ready Yet? … is just as handy as other apps like Evernote, Netflix or Dictionary.com.

Per Wikipedia … erectile dysfunction is characterized by the inability to develop or maintain an erection of the penis sufficient for satisfactory sexual performance. To combat this droopy dick syndrome (not a medical term – we just made it up), many individuals take prescription drugs such as Viagra, Levitra or Cialis.

However using these drugs is not as simple as Pill -> Hard-On -> Intercourse. Proper planning must take place to ensure the user’s “response time” (peak pecker period) is in sync with the humpty hump phase. But even with careful planning, erection quality results are not guaranteed. Variables such as age, fitness, weight and more … complicate pitching-a-tent predictions.

This is where Am I Ready Yet comes into play … the app allows users to enter their personal information to more accurately predict “readiness range”. Just select the medication (Viagra 25mg, Cialis 10mg, etc.) … age, height, weight, etc. … and time of intake. From there, the app works its magical erection equation and sends you a push notification of when your penis is ready for sex.

Again, maybe Am I Ready Yet is TMI … but in an App Store filled with egg, top raman and suntan timers … a boner alert really doesn’t seem that out of place.

November 3, 2010 | Filed Under Health, Lifestyle | 3 Comments

Milk A Cow With Your iPhone – Sure, Why Not? [Video]

Steve Jobs repeatedly positions the iPhone as “revolutionary” and indeed, there’s a lot of interesting stuff you can do with it … you can polish a turd – make a dog sing – determine the quality of boobs and watermelon – even move a stack of pistachios.

So it should come as no surprise, you can now milk a cow with this revolutionary iDevice. Ok, maybe it’s not a real cow … but just asked any of those peeps who downloaded one of the bajillion different girlfriend apps … a virtual cow is better than no cow at all!

In Milk Monica, the user is challenged to stroke Monica’s udder up and down. The objective is to fill a glass with milk as quickly as possible … so the faster you stroke, the lower your time (and higher your score). A fascinating game to say the least.

We played Milk Monica for a total of 73 seconds and failed to break 17 seconds (15 seconds will get you posted in the Top 10 online leaderboard) in any of our gaming sessions … ARGH! However we did find something quite soothing about staring at a cow’s ass, as a fly buzzes by, while we stroke udder … very zen-like for us city folks.