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- Here’s To The Crazy Ones
- Despite Female Moans, SexLife Trailer Fails To Arouse [Video]
- Wii iPhone 4 iOS Home & Lock Screen Wallpaper Set [Download]
- Slap A Sexy Belly, Make Music, Huh? – Belly Jam iPhone App [Video]
- Adventure, To The Max! [iPhone Game Review]
- epic – The Toolbox iPhone iOS 4 Home & Lock Screen Wallpaper Set [Download]
- Recap Week Of January 3
- Sexy Star Wars Pinups – EWWW!
- Weird Stuff From Japan – iPhone 4 Sushi Case
- MegaMan iPhone iOS 4 Home Screen Wallpaper Collection [Download]
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Aggressive Butt Flossing – Most Painful Screenshot Ever
Yeah, we can hear the photo-shoot director giving pose directions …
“That’s it, look sexy … yes, very nice – just gorgeous. Ok, arch your back sweetheart … perfect – you are fabulous. Now undo your bikini bottom … good – be sexy. Now pull that bikini string up behind your back … ah – so beautiful … up just a little higher, tad more, little higher … ARGH – OH GOD NO … NOT THAT HIGH … MEDIC, MEDIC”
Ok look, we’re the first ones to appreciate images of a beautiful young lady in a barely-there bikini. But when the poor girl is pictured giving herself what appears to be a painful wedgie … well, we can’t help but laugh our asses off.
Thank you Adult Swim for providing this visual comedy of aggressive butt flossing!
Knicker Picker Turns Your iPhone Into A Sexy Lingerie Show
Knicker Picker … arguably the greatest site on the entire Internet ever! Seemingly a typical lingerie e-commerce site, the real “value” of Knicker Picker is within their Virtual Dressing Room. Users select a girl … dress her up in various styles of bras and panties … and then sit back and watch an interactive lingerie modeling show.
Now supposedly KnickerPicker assists the ladies with their lingerie purchasing decision … but we all know the real reason Knicker Picker’s conversion ratios are lagging … guys of all ages, wasting hours of their lives getting their quasi sexual jollies.
Well good news dudes … wasting away your life became even more convenient with the new Knicker Picker iPhone app. Now you’ll be able to enjoy those steamy lingerie shows from the comfort and privacy of your iPhone. In class, at work, on the subway … anywhere you take your iPhone.
Mmmm “turn around” baby … “come closer” … grrrr. Yeah, the “walk away” command is our fave … nothing like a parting shot of a thong-clad lingerie model. This is so much better than those Victoria Secret catalogs … speaking of, wake up Victoria Secret – we’re keeping our fingers crossed for VSVDR: Victoria Secret Virtual Dressing Room app … yeah baby!
Now although current Knicker Picker models “A” (32DD, dress size 4), “J” (32C, dress size 4/6) and “P” (32A, dress size 2) have the ability to float our boat, we look forward to additional models (assuming the rest of the alphabet – B, C, D, E, etc.) the developers have promised. Bet you never knew the alphabet could be such a turn on! LOL.
But here is the real value and beauty of this app … if your wife or significant other ever walks in on you during one of your perverted Knicker Picker viewing sessions, you have the ultimate air-tight alibi … “Gee honey, you ruined the surprise – I was buying you a gift.”
Redneck Roundup – Apps For The Less Intelligent
Rednecks … gotta love em! Thinking Taco Bell is the Mexican Phone Company and Genitalia is an Italian airline. Always talking about how 5th grade was the best six years of their life. Complaining that they can’t marry their sweetheart because there is a law against it. Still confused over the OJ Trial … no Neck, it was not a taste test between Sunkist and Minutemaid! Then there’s Redneck Kindergarten (keg stand training starts early) – Redneck Hot Tub – and the finest life has to offer, Redneck Mansion and Redneck Limousine.
Even Apple loves Rednecks. Heck, didn’t you know there’s a special edition Redneck 
iPhone … includes a genuine rubber band!
And of course there are plenty of apps catering to those mullet-wearing, tobacco-chewing, possum-eating folks we call Necks.
Did someone mention chewing tobacco? Of course! Chew is a staple in any Redneck’s diet and serves as an important source of Neck nutrition. So be healthy … grab a pinch and shove it between your cheek and gum. Yummy … the iDip app … but how come no iSpittoon?!? Where’s a Neck to spit – oh yeah, just swallow that delicious nutritious nicotine laced tobacco juice. Yummy!
It’s often said that pigs (not dogs) are a Redneck’s best friend. Makes sense … they look, smell and have the same intelligence level. So naturally there is a strong affinity between the two. And no surprise that the APiggyClock app is the #1 timepiece among Necks. You got your digital display right in the hog’s nostrils … plus the app doubles as a Redneck soundboard complete with chicken and pig noises. Freaking sweetness!
Ever notice that Rednecks are so busy … watching paint dry, taming stallions, drinking beer and practicing guitar. So you would think a cool productivity app like Evernote or To Do’s would come in handy. NOT! Why would a Neck want such garbage when they can download the Get ‘R Done app and organize their time. Plus this app is so sexy … just looking at the icon just makes me want to swallow some more tobacco juice. That girl is so yummy!
Now besides picking their guitar, Rednecks love other musical instruments. Beer cans, chain saws, crickets, police sirens … and don’t forget your armpit is a beautiful source of melodies … YEEHAW, the Armpit Fart app!
But by far the best Redneck musical instrument is The Mouse Organ. It’s a very simple app … even a pig … errr … Neck can use it. Four brown mice … squish the mice with your finger … hear them squeak and watch them die and bleed. Oh hells yeah, that’s music to any Redneck’s ears!
Analyze Your Sex Life With Intimacy Tracker
In many ways, the iPhone has enhanced our lives. Breaking news is always a touch away with the AP Mobile or USA Today apps. Evernote helps users record, organize and remember their thoughts, ideas, information, to-do lists and more. With Shazam, you’ll always be able to identify a song and even purchase it immediately from iTunes. Great stuff!
But on the flipside, this damn multimedia smartphone has really jacked up life as we know it. We can’t take a simple dump anymore … not with iPoop analyzing the health aspects of our fecal matter, Poo Price calculating the net worth of our stool and Poop The World begging us to broadcast the color, size and shape of our chalupa to its network of users.
Or how about making a cup of noodles? Long gone are the days of throwing it in the microwave for 3 minutes … with the iPhone, you should be using the dedicated Noodle Timer app to achieve noodle nirvana. Flagging down a taxi? Only idiots wave their hand to hail a cab … use the Taxi Hold’em app and avoid looking like a moron.
And how about sex or lack of it? You probably didn’t realize this … but you really should be recording each time you have sex and each day you don’t. In addition, it would behoove you to document your sexual partner(s), type of sex experienced and a numerical rating of the sex act itself … oh, and of course you will want to track solo sex acts as well. Now the beauty of all this information is that you can produce daily, weekly and yearly views of your sexual encounters – guess for more analysis and forecasting activities. Sounds complicated or like a pain in the ass? No worries … just use the Intimacy Tracker app.
LOL … seriously – do people track this stuff? BIG TIME FREAKS! And WTF … numbers do matter?!?! Slow down geek … you’ll get some leg tonight for sure you data dork. But maybe we’re indeed missing something … just look at these Intimacy Tracker user reviews. “Been keeping stats on my sex life for years using a spreadsheet” … “Stats are great” … LOL – we’re talking sex here people, not tracking your daily expenditures or Fantasy Baseball team. Thanks iPhone – now you’ve managed to F*%$ up our sex life (pun always intended).
The Yin And Yang Of iPhone Sex Apps
Ok, enough with the fun and games … there can only be so much Dancing Bacon Man, Ow My Balls, HornyMeter or Race Car Piles Of Poop. Silly is fine … but balance is essential. So today, we get all mind ninja on you … let’s dive into Chinese philosophy and discuss the concept of Yin and Yang. Oh don’t worry … it won’t be “CRAZY mind shit ninja” – it’ll just be “BASIC mind shit ninja”. After all, this is the iPhone App Store we’re talking about … pretty mindless drivel for the most part.
So Yin and Yang … per Wikipedia: “yin and yang are complementary opposites within a greater whole. Many natural dualities – e.g. dark and light, female and male, low and high – are cast in Chinese thought as yin yang.”
Alrighty then – so in a high level nutshell … Opposite Forces In The Universe. And WTF does this have to do with iPhone apps? LOL … well just check out these two “Natural App Store Dualities” and you’ll totally understand the concept of Yin And Yang.
Casual Sex – Promiscuous Sex … oh it’s so good, isn’t it? One night stands … no emotional attachments … friends with benefits … hooking up anytime, anywhere. Oh and those late night booty calls – the bomb! Makes you feel like Da Shid. And why not … you bang, you leave … you ROCK. And since you rock it, what you really need is the Booty Gong app … made for Superstar Shagger like yourself. Like you and your boinking lifestyle, Booty Gong has one sole purpose … to announce you just completed a successful booty call.
LOL … Booty Gong. LOL … Casual Sex. LOL … One Night Stands. Yeah, whatever freaks – have fun with your venereal disease. Go ahead and bang all you want … the real deal is purity … saving yourself until marriage. Purity is a lifestyle commitment based on the Purity Pledge. A type of personal and spiritual belief that one carries privately in their heart and soul. Ahh, screw it … all the cool Purity kids have bitchin’ iPhones, so we pure peeps need a bitchin’ PurityRing app.
And on a final note … party with the Booty Gong and PurityRing developers at Casa de KRAPPS … LOL, that outta be one uncomfortable riot of an evening.
God Is A Geek
Well apparently we at KRAPPS are simpletons and totally out of the loop when it comes to this whole geeky techie stuff … either that, or we simply nodded off (which is usually the case) during Father Guido Sarducci’s sermon informing the parish that God is a geek. Yeah, imagine our surprise when we discovered the Box For Prayer app which enables its user to send emails to God …
LOL … Newsflash – save a dollar and mix in a prayer. We’ll bet our left nut that prayers are quicker than emails. Plus if you really suck …I’m sure God would have your IP address 
blacklisted and reroute your message to HELL (what, you think there’s no humor in Heaven?)
If you still insist on emailing God, being the do-gooders and givers we are … we’ll give you God’s email address for FREE –> Jesus_Is_Rad@GoodLord.org.
Now the only question for God remains … Mac or PC?
iPhone App Teaches How To Touch A Woman’s Body
Similar to fart apps which began appearing back in December, the latest App Store rage are those Sexy Hot Chick Wallpaper apps. Trying to decide which babelicious wallpaper app to download is similar to making a selection from the 250 beers available at the Yard House restaurant … the possibilities are overwhelming –> blondes, brunettes, Japanese, American, Korean, Russian, bikini, lingerie, sexy cops, naughty nurses, horny maids, soccer sluts, MILF’s, spring break coeds … LOL – WTF people … step away from the Do Me Baby wallpaper apps and find yourself a real live Do Me Baby … trust us, it’s much better this way.
“But KRAPPS, I tried finding a real Do Me Baby … but I can’t. It’s much easier just to download them to my iPhone. I even tried those pickup line apps … they don’t work … no live Do Me Baby will do me.”
Fear not you sack of suck … good news! We’ve discovered an training tool app which will help even the most pathetic dork find a living breathing Do Me Baby. Check it …
the Genie In A Bottle app.
Genie In A Bottle is not your typical tired, boring and useless hot babe app. Nope, it has a specific purpose … to transform sweaty palmed heavy breathing dirty creeps into polished and refined Casanovas. Yup … the Genie In a Bottle app will teach you how to touch a woman the right way!
Wow … your own personal How To Touch A Woman coach! How can you resist such features: “Genie In A Bottle lets you touch the hottest babes” … “Rub these babes back and forth”. A simple concept – just rub on and touch these hotties as you please. If you caress them right, they express their satisfaction … if you stroke them wrong – DENIED!
So rejoice dork … there’s hope for you landing a Do Me Baby that actually has a pulse. Just keep stroking and rubbing your iPhone … eventually you’ll get the hang of it. And hey, if for whatever reason you’re still not having luck with the hunnies … well, at least you have your iPhone to fondle.
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