As anyone who has ever worked in an office knows, casual conversation with your coworkers can be problematic. Avoidance will likely get you labeled as anti-social, while saying the wrong thing to the wrong person at the wrong time may earn you an even worse title: anti-employed! Television writers Jacob Lentz and Paul Koehorst recognized the need for a guidebook to help cubicle denizens navigate these potentially risky waters. Earlier this year, they published "There’s No I in Office" a compendium of 4,293 phrases which cover tons of everyday situations and even lots of things that are applicable to specific types of jobs. I recently took the book with me when I went on vacation and immediately found a goldmine of useful information. I picked up lots of great one liners to throw off in boring meetings and even some cool new phrases to use when arriving for work ("Welcome back, fellow travelers") and then when leaving at the end of the day ("Tonight, I will sleep the sleep of the just"). And if I ever take up a new career as a lumberjack or U.N. translator, I’ll be covered with such gems as "I love these plaid shirts" and "What’s your favorite foreign swear word?"
But, I know what you’re thinking. This is an iPhone app site, what are we doing talking about a book? Fear not, brave reader, for in addition to the printed offering, the authors have also released a companion iPhone application: Coworkerisms. The application features over 3,000 phrases from the book arranged by category. Or perhaps you’re feeling super-adventurous and will go for the random quote. Either way, now you’ve got lots of ammunition to fire back when the office’s chatty Cathy comes knocking. And with the iPhone app, you won’t have to write your faves in the palm of your hand, with a Sharpie pilfered from the office supply cabinet.
In addition to the extra thousand or so phrases, the book also features hilarious answers to some common questions you might get asked in the workplace. Each of the answers is pretty much guaranteed to stop the questioner in their tracks and allow you to slip away in the confusion that results. Each chapter of the book also ends with a page of Power Phrases, clever fill-in-the-blank sentences. Amazingly, the term KRAPPS fits well in every one! (the title of this post was one of them).
We haven’t used the term lately, but this book and the companion app are both definitely 100% anti-KRAPPS certified. Coworkerisms is $1.99 in the AppStore [iTunes] and "There’s No I in Office" lists for $11.95, available in your favorite bookstore or $9.56 at Amazon.
They say a picture is worth a thousand words … so we’ll shut up and show you a picture of the Million Tap Challenge app …
With this brilliant and enticing description, at 99 cents, the Million Tap Challenge is certainly a tempting buy. But wait … we have more thousand words pictures …
Yeah, we know what you’re thinking … stunning graphics, superb colors and clear instructions. And look closely at the screenshot on the left … nearly 18 million official taps worldwide (we’re sure this number would be doubled if they counted unofficial taps). That’s a shit load of taps … must be a popular app. So once again, certainly a tempting buy at 99 cents. But wait … we have yet another thousand words picture …
Ah yes … a global leaderboard … a feature found only in the finest of iPhone apps. And wow … look at #1 Dude – 844,683 taps (assuming these are official taps). And even a bigger WOW … #2 Dude is only 3,775 taps behind #1 Dude. Looks like we have ourselves one helluv a race to the millionth tap. Damn, screw the World Series … Million Tap Challenge where the real action and excitement is!
Now let’s assume a well trained iPhone tapper can sustain a 3 taps per second pace. So #1 Dude has accumulated 844,683 taps … equating to 281,561 seconds or 4,693 minutes or 78 hours or over 3 days of uninterrupted tapping. No sleep, no eat (unless you’re hooked up to an IV), no bowel movements, no bathing … zip, nada, zilch … nothing but tapping 24/7 for over 3 days. Same thought process at 2 taps per second equates to nearly 5 days, a typical work week.
So you got that – right? 3 to 5 days of nonstop tapping … errrr, reality check …
YOU ARE AN IDIOT!
WTF DUDE … GET A LIFE!
And here’s the best part and our last thousand words picture … seems Million Tap Challenge might have a bit of a bug. Looking at real live Million Tap Challenge reviews, some users are losing tens of thousands taps. LMAO … sorry bastards.
Finally, our apologies. We normally try to keep our articles below 500 words. With 5 “one thousand words pictures” alone, we are way above the 500 word count threshold. But don’t blame us. We have a perfectly legit excuse … training for the Million Word Challenge app.
It all starts so innocently. Kissing leads to having babies. Smoking cigarettes leads to a heroin addiction. Stealing candy leads to armed robbery. It’s called the Gateway Theory … a fairly “mild” action may lead to a “stronger” one in the future.
While more commonly applied to drug use (Gateway Drug Theory), the Gateway Theory can also pertain to iPhone apps. Innocent fart apps started to appear in the App Store last December. 10 months later, we now have penis apps, strip club locator apps, tons of sexy hot bikini girrrl apps, foot fetish apps, erotic spanking apps and a whole lot more (just read the KRAPPS archive for plenty of other examples). Do fart apps lead to prostitute finder apps? Hmmm … better to be safe than sorry … so we’ll theorize, YES!
Since you now understand our fear of gateway apps, it should be no surprise how disturbing we find the new Mystery Butt app.
“How good are you at identifying animal butts?”… while this statement and application might seem innocent (albeit bizarre) on it’s own, we know damn well the serious damage and addiction it will cause. Using our Gateway App Theory, animal butts lead to scantly clad female butts and equally revealing male ass counterparts.
“How good are you at identifying celebrity butts?”
“How good are you at identifying MILF butts?”
“How good are you at identifying athlete butts?”
“How good are you at identifying Asian fever butts?”
See what we’re saying? Brace yourselves … Mystery Butt is a bad, bad, bad gateway app. First an innocent baboon butt, next a horrific g-stringed Oprah ass. Be safe – just say no!
So really, how good are you at identifying ass? Can you name ass A? B? C? D? Hint – they are all celebrities. Click here for full-size answer to Ass A (why yes – that is Steve Job’s ass in fishnets) … Click here for Ass B … Click here for Ass C … Click here for Ass D. Oh you know this will eventually become an app …. wait for it!
You poor iDork (term of endearment for individuals who are obsessed with the iPhone … like us) … Halloween is just three days away and you got nothing. No costume, no pumpkin, no love – nothing. Sure you could dress up as Dr. Richard Head or Nurse Connie Lingus … but come on, you’re an iDork … go large or go home! Plop down $1,000 … rig up a 42-inch LCD TV and be a giant working iPhone.
Now we understand if a grand is a bit steep … and if the cash doesn’t kill you, the weight of this puppy will. Each giant working iPhone weighs 85 pounds … not exactly mobile friendly. So you could be cardboard cutout iPhone dude. It’s cheap, lightweight …. but unfortunately looks like total crap.
So if you’re still in that Halloween costume rut, turn to ustwo … the developers of the MouthOff [iTunes] app. As the video below illustrates, these guys are completely insane … but there is a method to their madness. With the 99 cents MouthOff app and two rolls of toilet paper, you’ll be transformed into an uber-cool MouthOff Mummy.
Plus MouthOff includes a Hell-oween update which includes four new Halloween-themed mouths for your ghoulish delights.
Now if rain is in the forecast for your area on Halloween, obviously the toilet paper MouthOff Mummy will look crappier than cardboard cutout iPhone dude. But no fear … there’s a safe alternative that’s equally crazy cool … MouthOff Pumpkin-Head.
We love Craigslist. Granted, it’s one helluv a fugly site, but this eyesore provides so much value and information that it’s worth the pain. Much more than a virtual garage sale, Craigslist viewers can find everything from housing to employment to rideshare opportunities … heck, you can even participate in a political or queer discussion forums.
And it’s not just online classified ads … Craigslist can be an awesome source of entertainment. Think about this … per Wired, Craigslist receives more traffic than either eBay or Amazon.com. All that traffic translates to plenty of freaks. All those freaks mean there’s some really weird shit being posted to Craigslist. Depending on your taste … weird shit can be very amusing. And instead of shunning these freaks, Craigslist applauds them by creating the Best-Of-Craigslist section. With listings such as … In A Well, Need Ladder – I Puked In Your Purse – Satanic Sexual Ritual – Free One Night Stand … Craigslist is a virtual Hall Of Fame for society’s misfits. Heck, there’s even (literally) some clown who will perform at funerals, surgeries, drug interventions and more. Dude calls himself Autopsy The Clown and reading his Craigslist “Clown For Hire” listing, this is one sick mofo.
But arguably, Craigslist’s best feature is the prostitute hunter … errr … personal listings. There you can find every flavor of adult activity … straight, gay, lesbian, emo, swingers, interracial, sadomasochism, one night stands, friends with benefits and plenty more. Just name any adult activity and chances are you’ll find it on Craigslist.
But since Craigslist is so fugly, it’s a royal pain in the ass (at least for us) to find that perfect prostitute … errr … adult companion. And that’s when the iPhone becomes your sinister friend … Craigs Ads Adult.
Ah yes, being a prostitute hunter …. errr … hopeless romantic has never been easier and more convenient than with the iPhone.
And listen, don’t blame us for using the term “prostitute hunter” … wasn’t our idea, rather real live Craigs Ads Adult user Jpseba coined the infamous term. “Adult” really does sound so sleazy … ewww!
($25 iTunes gift card giveaway – see end of article for details)
A few months ago, we featured a fantastic breathalyzer app called DrinkTracker [$1.99 in iTunes] by SlappMe.com. We made it very clear that we have nothing against partying hard, getting hammered and waking up in a gutter with a new tattoo on your forehead … but just stay away from driving a car. Doesn’t take a brainiac to know … drinking and driving sucks. However, let’s not kid ourselves … “don’t drink and drive” is easier said than done. This is where DrinkTracker comes into play – your personal “alcohol conscious” – helping you to drink responsibly.
DrinkTracker is rich with unique features which help estimate your Blood Alcohol Content (BAC). One of the coolest features is that based on your personal profile (gender, age, height and weight), DrinkTracker will automatically compare your alcohol intake and your metabolic removal rate and then calculate your BAC EVERY 60 SECONDS! So every 60 seconds you will automatically be updated with your current BAC level and given a timeframe for how long you need to wait until your next drink to remain at your BAC target.
To fully appreciate the numerous features of DrinkTracker, watch the demo video below. It’s a touch over 5 minutes, but well worth your time considering one day DrinkTracker may save your life or at the very least, keep you out of the slammer.
Awesome App Gets Awesomer (yes, that’s a word … ask any surfer bro)
Since the initial launch last June, developer Greg Slapp has been hard at work providing free updates to DrinkTracker. <love it when a developer is committed to their app and provides frequent updates / enhancements> In Version 2.0, Greg implemented a
GPS-based feature called “Outta Here!” to help get your drunk ass home (or to the next bar). Based on your current location and eventual destination, DrinkTracker conveniently provides travel directions via in-app Google Maps, the ability to locate and call for a taxi or email a TRUE friend with your current location for pickup. It also allows for a phone call or SMS contact via your contacts list from within the app.
And great news … Greg’s next update will include multiple concurrent user sessions. Two people can use DrinkTracker app at the same time and it will track BAC’s separately. A totally cool feature we love because two responsible heads are better than one.
Because we like the name SlappMe.com, we’re giving away $25 in iTunes credit (US account required). Simply let us know how you first discovered the KRAPPS web site in the comments field below and you’ll be entered into a drawing to win the $25 iTunes card.
Entries must be received by Fri, Oct 30, 11:59 PST.
Well it took long enough! Approximately 15 months after the App Store opened its doors for Apple approved application purchases … foot fetish apps are finally available for download. We’re not exactly sure why it took so long or the reason Apple chose not to publicly announce the availability of foot fetish apps (under the worldwide spotlight of last week’s F4Q09 earnings call would have been the perfect opportunity), but whatever … we got your back and are shouting it from the mountain tops – “Now Playing In The App Store, FOOT FETISH Apps!”
While not as mainstream as the fetish involving ogling hot chicks plunging their toilets (yes, there really is such a thing … http://HotChicksPlungingTheirToilets.com … the Internet never ceases to amaze us), foot fetishes are growing (no pun intended) in popularity. As a matter of fact, per Wikipedia, foot fetishism (a pronounced sexual interest in feet) is the most common form of sexual preference for otherwise non-sexual objects or body parts.
So fetish away with the first two foot fetish apps available to consumers … Sexy Feet and Sexy Feet. Huh? Uh no, that’s not a typo … Apple approved two different apps with the same name (sure there is an Apple policy against this, but policy-shmolicy).
And just in case there was any confusion to the “purpose” of this application, the Sexy Feet app (no, the other one) contains the publicly visible explicit key word “FootJob” to attract even the most hardcore XXX foot fetishers (is that a word?). We can just hear 6-year-old little Suzi now, “gee mommy, what’s a footjob?” … STRONG!