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Santa Barf vs. Farting Santa – Pick Your Holiday Poison [Painful Videos]


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Oh my … the holiday joys of the App Store. Go ahead, pick your pa-rum-pa-pum-pum poison …

Santa Barf
or
Farting Santa

And please, don’t act so surprised … of course these exist for the iPhone!

Santa Barf by Paul Schreiber

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Farting Santa by mySebPro

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Apple Approves Orgasm Radio – Streaming Live Sex & Live Orgasms


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“We have decided to remove any
overtly sexual content from the App Store”

The above announcement appeared in an official Apple email last February … informing developers that their overtly sexual iPhone applications were being removed from sale due to a reversal of policy. Over 5,000 apps were banned over the course of one weekend.

“We do believe we have a moral responsibility to keep porn off the iPhone. Folks who want porn can buy an Android phone.”

And that would be the famous Steve Jobs statement from last April.

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And finally, the above would be Orgasm Radio … an application Apple approved just last week.

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LMAO – nice to see Apple doing such a great job maintaining their “moral responsibility.” Want an app that is clearly overtly sexual, just check out Orgasm Radio’s description …

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Launch Orgasm Radio and you’ll be treated to LIVE SEX and LIVE ORGASMS (yeah right)! Amazing how Apple deemed Orgasm Radio (advertised as “radio porn”) tame enough for their puritan App Store as the app reads like a marquee found on San Francisco’s red-light district Broadway Street. Perhaps Apple now feels porn is morally acceptable … just as long as you’re not watching it.

Brace yourselves … Apple’s new moral interpretation should certainly open the door for such “radio” applications as Doctor Drew’s Loveline, KOME and Playboy Radio … LOL!

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Previous Overtly Sexual App Returns As Wallpaper App – Hot Mug Shots Wallpaper


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Back in the good old days, when Apple approved such crap as “Asian Bikini Fart”, “Epic Boobs” and “Girls In Hand Bras” … there was a certain overtly sexual application catering to rednecks. Simply put, Busted Hot featured mug shots of hot chicks.

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Since then, Busted Hot has been removed in the Great App Store Cleanup conducted by Apple in January 2010 … or has it?

Under the guise of an iPhone wallpaper application, Busted Hot has reared its ugly head … Hot Mug Shots Wallpaper.

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With Hot Mug Shots Wallpaper it’s basically … same shit, different day. Pictures of women taken from law enforcement databases … packaged into an iPhone application … and sold for profit. Joy!

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Not sure what Apple is smoking these days … but if previously banned products can now return as wallpaper, we should shortly see an onslaught of Drunken Girls and Beautiful Boobs WALLPAPER applications.

Developer Gifted With Special Talent Of Creating Useless App Store Crap


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B.M. Worldwide (aka Brand Ambassador Group) is an iPhone application publishing company … and a stellar one at that! Their list of App Store contributions are quite impressive:

– Plants vs. Zombies knock-off … “Zombies vs. Bushes”
– Angry Birds knock-off … “The Angry Bird”
– Super hero sex app … “Super Hero Sex
– A non-functioning “Coffee Warmer” app
– A penis enlargement app … “iGrow Male Enhancement
– Tons of 5th grade programming level soundboards

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B.M. Worldwide has about 50 applications for sale … with an average rating of 1.5 stars and typical user comments as seen below …

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Basically every app from B.M. Worldwide should be featured here on KRAPPS … enough material to cover the next 3 months. But rather than play favorites … we’ll just leave you with some eye candy, courtesy of B.M. Worldwide’s … Pocket Boyfriend – Stan The Man.

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iGrow Male Enhancement App Adds Length & Girth To Your Penis


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Did you know you can grow bigger boobs by using your iPhone? Yes you can! A wonderful application called Breast Enlargement Project [click here for our review] promises bigger boobs in just 10 days … hooray!

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And not to be outdone by its female enhancement counterpart … the penis is happy as it now has an enlargement project as well … iGrow – Male Enhancement.

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For only $5, iGrow gives results … adds length and girth to your penis … grows 1-4 inches in week! And even better, Apple appropriately rated it 9+ … so even 3rd graders can grow their unit.

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iGrow reads like one of those ridiculous late night infomercials …

This app will give you guaranteed results in just a few weeks!
This is the app that will truly change your life!
Girls will love it and you will be talk of the town!
It will be the best $ that you’ve ever spent!

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LMAO …

“Dear Mr. Jobs … I am requesting a refund in the amount of $4.99 to my iTunes account as the iGrow Male Enhancement iPhone application failed to deliver its guaranteed results. Since the developer did not include refund instructions, please find the attached pictures of my penis which clearly shows no growth in length or girth. If further proof is required, I am available to provide this evidence in-person. Thank you for your attention in this matter.”

But alas, as iTunes user Zanderil points out … save your money and just Google it!

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#1 App In Germany Computes Your Condom Size – For Fun, Of Course


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For whatever reason, Nose Scanner XXL is the #1 downloaded application in Germany. Perhaps this ranking is a result of the 2-week binge drinking tradition called Octoberfest … but for whatever reason, Deutschland is obsessed with penis size.

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Nose Scanner XXL is one of those gag apps like Ugly Meter, Douche Meter or Pantie Scanner. But instead of dealing with your looks, personality or underwear … Nose Scanner XXL determines what condom size will fit your penis. Simply place your nose on the iPhone and you’ll receive readouts ranging from … “My 8-Year-Old Brother Has One Like That” … to “Ohhh God, Are You An Elephant?”

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So next time you’re in Germany, whip out the #1 app … and remember, funny things doesn’t need to make sense sence.

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Analog Bacon Clock – No Pigs Were Harmed In The Making Of This App


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A great injustice has been taking place towards iPhone owners! With over 300,000 applications available for download … there isn’t a single bacon clock. Not really sure what Apple or these so-called “talented” developers are thinking … but we find it complete bullshit that such a glaring omission exists and totally inexcusable!

But before you throw yourself into a frenzy over this bacon disregard … you’ll be happy to know that last week, 100 Proof Software came to every iPhone owners rescue by filling this ugly void with … Analog Bacon Clock.

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There’s really not a lot to say about Analog Bacon Clock. It pretty much sells itself … a clock made out of bacon … what more do you need? It’s the reason you bought an iPhone.

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However that’s what makes 100 Proof Software one of the best iOS developers to date. Sure they could have simply released an analog bacon clock app … but they didn’t. Nope … they released the Best. Analog. Bacon. Clock. Ever! (even if it’s the only one available for download) Just check out these world class features:

– A clock made up of 3 juicy strips of bacon.
– Animated second hand.
– View your bacon clock on a clean pan, greasy pan or plate.
– Touch the pan to hear the bacon sizzle.
– Oinking alarm clock (kidding,although that would be epic).

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Agreed … it’s like horological nirvana, with a bit of salty pork mixed in.

And finally … to those who think meat is tasty tasty murder, please feel comfortable  downloading Analog Bacon Clock as no pigs were harmed in the making of this app … HOORAY!

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