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Fun With The Apple Profanity Filter

Here at KRAPPS, we tend to slam Apple a bit (right? – its only a teenie weenie bit? – right?). But hey, props to Apple for taking the constructive criticism and implementing change. Take Baby Shaker for example … we wrote … Apple listened … no more Baby Shaker (LOL … and if you believe Apple pulled Baby Shaker solely because of KRAPPS, then we have a great money making opportunity for you on Twitter).

Back in March, we wrote about the iPhone love dice app Sexy Spinna. We noticed the “C” word within the app’s description. Hmmm, not exactly the terminology we figure Apple wanted to broadcast via its App Store. So we politely told Apple about the situation (LOL) … Sexy Spinna’s description was revised … and Apple appears to have implemented a profanity filter. You see – constructive criticism resulted in productive change … bravo Apple!

So with Apple’s profanity filter put into action, iPee Drunk is now a safer app to explore. The app’s phrase “check your world pissing position” now becomes a child safe “check your world p****g position”. Fair enough … bravo!

And how about the profanity laced Elephant Song app … you know, that YouTube sensation now turned interactive app – targeted to both kids and adults alike. Great catch Mr. Apple Profanity Filter … no longer will innocent children burn their eyes reading the word
“cock-a-doodle-doo”! Rather a much more innocent experience seeing
“c**ck-a-doodle-doo” thanks to Apple’s profanity filter working overtime … bravo!

But alas, the “F” word has super powers beyond anything even Superman possesses. Not even Apple’s profanity filter kryptonite will destroy the “F” word … bravo Trent!

Apple Wants Sexy – But This Is Just Too Weird

If you’ve hung out at KRAPPS for any amount of time, you know there are some pretty freaky iPhone apps. And we don’t mean the weird, bizarre or crazy kind of freaky … we’re referring to the sexy, kinky, and naughty. Yeah that’s right … look close …if you haven’t noticed, the App Store is filled with all sorts of freaky sex and fetish apps.

Need sexy? Look at these fly offerings … Pin Up Weather app (hot chicks giving you the weather forecast) … Bikini Times Clock (no explanation required) … Sexy Spinna (love dice iPhone-style) … SuicideGirls Flip Strip (one of the many strip apps).

Need fetish? Pick your poison … Bikini Fart (yes, girls in bikinis farting) … Animal Farts (nothing like the sound of a sheep farting, eh?) … Belly Button (doesn’t everybody have a belly button fetish?) … too many Poop apps to mention … and of course, the turn your iPhone into a penis fetish app.

(side note: this whole iPhone fetish thing goes way beyond Apple … there’s now even a web site dedicated to hot chicks holding iPhones … LOL – oh technology, you so sexy)

Ok, so now that you’re up to speed with Apple’s sexy and fetish-filled dreams, here’s the latest and greatest –> the Sexy Girl Talk – Sexy Alphabet app …

Seriously, when we read the Sexy Alphabet description, we blew Monster Energy through our nose and almost pissed our pants from hysterical laughter …

“hired a professional voice model to speak all the letters of alphabet in a sexual way””
”you won’t believe how sexy a thing lie an alphabet can be”
”a real stress reliever”

Who the heck comes up with this stuff?!? To be completely honest … “relaxing” to some hot chick’s voice reciting the ABC’s is freaking weird –> “Hey sexy, come here baby … don’t be so stuck up … come over here and whisper ABC’s in my ear … oh feels so sexy” … LOL – but hey, it’s Apple’s fetish … more power to them and the Sexy Alphabet app.

Hmmm, maybe Apple is really on to something! Ok folks, next time you’re ready for a little “romance” with that significant other – screw the Marvin Gaye “Let’s Get It On” mood-setting garbage – break out Sexy Alphabet and get it really going on … ABC oh so sexy!

Make A Stripper Smile – There’s An App For That

The iPhone just got some major street cred! Ya dig? This ain’t no Abercrombie wearing – yoga taking – moleskin carrying – suburban frat boy mobile device … this iPhone is streetwise! Hailing from the hood of Cupertino! West Coat-style from the C to the A. iPhone biatch, bust it baby!

Yeah … we knew our boy Steve was a dirty dogg. Posing with those candy ass iFart and iStrip apps. But really hanging with his homies Young Jeezy, Fat Joe, Lil Wayne, etc … Steve has the cred and now brings it – iPhone in da house – just killing it!

Takin’ a page out of the Pacman Jones Chronicles, Apple now kicks two apps which will put a smile on every strippers face. We’re talking the Make It Rain! And I Make It Rain apps.

No redneck, this ain’t no rain stick voodoo magic app! We’re talking stacks – bling – benjamins – bills – cheddar – scrilla – bread.

Still don’t get it? k … check the lyrics to “Sexy Can I” by Ray J:

Sexy can I, visit you at work
When you sliding down the pole …
Then you drop and do the splits …
I make it rain in the club like (oh, ohh, ohh)

No clue, huh? here, just watch this video of the I Make It Rain app in action:

 

Now you get it! Make It Rain … be a baller, with your cristal and green. The most dope gents at Mitchell Brothers … you boy and Steve … making it rain all night … straight up Cupertino bad ass-style.

And look at these user reviews … everyone’s a pimp with the Make It Rain apps:

Hmmm – got us thinking. Since Apple has this new found street cred … we’re gonna make it rich with our new iPhone app company –>
I’m So Hood Apps … with such dope offerings as the Trap Or Die app … the Triple Beam Dreams app … and of course, the sure hit
Angry Snowman app (who all dat Apple? don’t google – just approve it).

 

100sounds – More Than A Soundboard App

Ok, let’s just cut to the chase … the 100sounds app [iTunes Link] by No Tie Software is arguably the best soundboard app available for your iPhone. But hey, don’t take our word for it … just look at the facts –> released Dec. 12, 2008, 100sounds is one of the first soundboard apps – ever since release, 100sounds has consistently been in the Top 50 in Entertainment and as high as Top 32 Overall.

A solid resume which has been sustained for over 5 months … this ain’t no flavor of the week. A rightfully so, just check out these cool features and the AWESOME customer produced video featuring only sound effects from the app …

> Don’t be fooled by the name, this app has HUNDREDS of sounds (actually, the devs have
   a database of 10,000 sounds and update the app frequently based on user requests)

> All sounds are ORIGINAL, LEGAL, and LICENSED (basically this means these are high
   quality sounds and not some crap which anyone can distribute)

> You can LOOP SOUNDS (make longer sound effects), DELAY SOUNDS (good for
   practical jokes – use your imagination) and SHAKE TO PLAY sounds (just because
   shaking your iPhone is fun)

> Sound list is EDITABLE – drag sounds to the top of the list or hide certain sounds

 

So all this lovin’ for ONLY 99 CENTS! Now that’s a sound deal (see what we did there?) … but wait, there’s more … FREE RINGTONES. The cool thing with No Tie – they’re not buttheads about your request. Other apps require the user to send one email per ringtone request, which frankly sucks. With 100sounds, one email = tons of ringtones in a few zip files. Hundreds of sounds and ringtones for only 99 cents – but wait, there’s more …

Like we said, the folks at No Tie Software are no buttheads. They have this over-the-top mentality when it comes to customer service. Check this out –> a 100sounds user was attempting to get ringtone help via email, but the reply support emails from No Tie were being rejected. So No Tie tracked the dude down to Classmates.com, opened their own account and got in touch with the customer via the dude’s guestbook. WTH is that – who supports a 99 cent product to that extent – way cool.

And it gets cooler … they have this giveaway going on where you can win iTunes gift cards or other killer prizes for submitting a video featuring sound effects from the app. Videos are   displayed on their YouTube channel. Visit the No Ties web site for complete details.

So there you have it – the 100sounds app [iTunes Link] –
way more than just a standard soundboard app: only 99 cents … hundreds sounds … all high quality original and licensed effects … editable user interface … loop, delay or shake to play sounds … hundreds of ringtones … borderline fanatical customer service … giveaways … and no buttheads! All this makes the 100sounds app 100% anti-KRAPPS Certified – highly recommended!

Yes We Know We Are Morons

We came across this wonderful little app called Roach MoronBrowser by Kaplowieland. Outside of an app that cures cancer, the MoronBrowser is the best thing that’s hit the App Store – EVER!

(uh, we’re kidding … ok? … you know …
Hooray For Sarcasm)

MoronBrowser is a “unique” iPhone web browser. Surf to your favorite site (like KRAPPS) – touch the Reword button – and the app will insert the phrase “like a moron” throughout the site’s content (check out the yellow highlights in the KRAPPS screenshot below). Then when you touch the Roach button, a roach image will replace original pictures.

  

Ha! Ha! “If you manage to pee in a toilet, your score increases … you moron”. LOL – guess we could leverage MoronBrowser to make our articles even more idiotic. Anyways, MoronBrowser if good for about 30 seconds of entertainment … outside of that, it’s definitely 100% KRAPPS.

But the beauty of Roach MoronBrowser is its brutal honesty. Yeah it’s stupid, yeah it’s lame … but the devs at Kaplowieland are not pretending to be the next Tap Tap Revenge. They know MoronBrowser sucks … they admit it … they offer it for free … and if you don’t like sucky things – well sucks for you.

And you gotta love Kaplowieland’s mission statement posted on their site’s home page. Hey, good for them … their objective is clear, they are not trying to fool anyone by being  some poser … it is what it is:

Our mission is to provide the most moronic software possible, for people with a taste for the unusual or just a few screws loose

For more iPhone suck, be sure to check the just as awful offerings from Kaplowieland … Targt Practus and Marshmallow Throwr … just be sure to wait until these apps are both free because the only thing thats worse than suck, is paying for suck.

App That Turns Your iPhone Into A PENIS

Last year, ThinkGeek.com introduced a new Japanese game for the Wii called Super Pii Pii Brothers. For $34.99, you receive the game disc, Wiimote Harness and the promise of an amazing virtual pee experience. Gameplay is simple and straightforward … strap on the belt harness, attach the Wiimote and use your body to control the never-ending stream of pee into a series of toilets. If you manage to pee in a toilet, your score increases .. . pee on the floor, your score decreases. And of course the game, is strongly marketed to women, indicating that Super Pii Pii Brothers allows the ladies to “experience for the first time the pleasure of urinating while standing.” Watch the demo video below for a visual example.

 

So what do you think of Super Pii Pii Brothers? Yeah … ewww, gross, LOL, freaks, etc. Well guess what … it’s a gag – a fake … an April Fool’s Day joke. ThinkGeek has been doing this every year since 2001 – click here to view their past April 1 gags.

Well it might be a gross, freaky, ewww joke at ThinkGeek … but come on, we’re talking about Apple. One of the most powerful, profitable, innovative and well respected companies in the world. So we’re sure it wouldn’t surprise you that Apple has approved an app which turns your iPhone into a PENIS. Not only does your iPhone become a PENIS … but it simulates peeing while you are drunk. Amazing use of technology. Simply put your iPhone in your crotch area and hold it like a PENIS. But please remember … this is a high quality, virtual reality application … so DO NOT utilize this app while sitting down! Stand up and hold your PENIS (errrr … iPhone), then pee away into the target toilet.

What? You think we’re kidding? You think we are making this stuff up? You think that if it doesn’t fly at ThinkGeek, it certainly shouldn’t be cool with Apple? Haaa … you are wrong … just look below at the Drunk Sniper app’s description.

 

WTF?!?! Love how the dev scream in ALL CAPS … TURN YOUR IPHONE INTO MALE BODY ORGAN!!!” … LOL – what? Apple actually censored the word PENIS?!? Congrats Apple … you’ve come a long way, but man you’ve got some strange fetishes!

And of course, we must appeal to the ladies! Love the positioning on this. Like Drunk Sniper is the Dr. Phil of apps. It’s either beautiful sarcasm or someone’s shit don’t stink – LOL.

Curious About SuicideGirls

Let’s start backwards. So before anyone get’s their panties in a bundle … CALM DOWN and LISTEN UP … we are not here to pass judgment on the app mentioned in this article. Our point is to once again question Apple’s application approval process and their efforts to protect their brand integrity/reputation. Unlike the items in iTunes (music, video, etc.) … the App Store is a different beast (good point OMB) … the App Store contains Apple sponsored and endorsed products, thus Apple has a vested interest in these applications. Yeah, yeah, yeah (cool band) … you may argue that iPhone apps are NOT Apple products, rather the developers … but you’re wrong. So if you want to buy us a beer (we prefer Anchor Steam Porter), we can debate the issue some evening … but for now, let’s move on …

One of the many benefits of the iPhone platform is the ability for companies to leverage the iPhone to extend their brand awareness. Think about it … for a rather small investment, a business can establish their virtual footprint in the App Store and begin branding and promotional efforts within a completely new channel. Savvy companies realize this … Vans International has the Vans SK8 Pool Service game … Zippo has their virtual lighter app … Oakley has a surf report app … even Tic Tac mints has a shake the mints app.

Well yesterday, another savvy corporate player entered the App Store … SuicideGirls with their Flip Strip app that basically resembles the iStrip Sexy Pen app … a virtual novelty pen where you tilt your iPhone, the girl loses her clothing and is left in her bra and panties. Ok, fair enough … been there, done that. But what we found curious was the last paragraph of the app’s description …

 

To paraphrase … even though Apple is cool with 13-year olds checking out our strip app, we at SuicideGirls.com are not cool with anyone under 18 visiting our site. Hmmm, curious. What exactly is SuicideGirls … it’s probably best if their site’s title tag did the talking …

Beautiful Naked Girls With Tattoos And Piercings

Yup, basically a “lifestyle” site catering to the goth, indie and alternative … call it Playboy For Punks. Now SuicideGirls has an artsy erotica feel to it, so label it as soft or pinup nudes. Plus it has this online community thing going on (message boards, model journals, etc.), huge merchandising, charity work, etc. Big business stuff … like we said, kind of like Playboy Enterprises. Curious? – check Wikipedia.

Bottom line, we are talking about nude photos and Apple is endorsing and aligning with the matter (save it – buy us a beer). Sure the app does not contain any direct links to the SuicideGirls web site … but the url is blasted within the app and the app’s description for all to see, remember and directly input into their browsers (which is exactly the point of the app … brand/url exposure, leading to referral traffic … sound business strategy by SuicideGirls).

Again, we will repeat ourselves to remove those panties in a bundle … we are not judging SuicideGirls (that is up to the individual reader). We are just curious about Apple’s decision to align their brand with an erotica site … because if we were Steve Jobs, we would  steer Apple clear of any nude photo related entity (no offense SuicideGirls – just a business decision). But then again, we are not Steve and if SuicideGirls floats his boat, so be it … just curious.

(Sexy Steve image via Gizmodo)

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