Appy Newz Launched!

AppyNewzGirl Congrats to the folks at Appy Entertainment on the launch of their first iPhone application – Appy Newz – born April 10, 2009 at 1:35am. We’ll have a complete review of Appy Newz in a few days (we’re having too much fun playing around with it to stop and write an article) … but for now our initial impression can be summed up in two words – IT ROCKS! Trust us, for a $1.99 (cheaper than a latte) it’s beyond a solid value. So honestly, to heck with our review, CLICK HERE to buy it now. We promise you’ll love it – unless your whack or something. If you need more convincing, CLICK HERE to view their entertaining web site – or just check out their awesome video below. 

 

April 11, 2009 | Filed Under anti-KRAPPS, Entertainment, News | Leave a Comment 

Just Gimme A Beer

stevebeer We’re beginning to think this whole iPhone thing is way overrated. Think about your life before the iPhone – pretty simple and straightforward. No tip calculator apps – thus no sweating over the exact amount of a gratuity to the penny. No hail a taxi app – just stick out your arm and flag down a cab. No suntan turn over app – just roll over whenever. No split up multiple expenses over a group of people app – you’d just come up with a ballpark figure and be done with it.

But the iPhone has changed all that … and in our opinion … making people more anal, obnoxious and idiotic.

Take for example the age old practice of drinking beer and getting drunk. Pretty easy, right? Step 1 – go to store. Step 2 – buy beer. Step 3 – open beer. Step 4 – drink beer. Repeat steps 3 and 4 until smashed. Simple enough, agreed. But NO … the iPhone has even screwed that up. Enter the latest “jack up your life” app – Beer Efficiency from Inner Four.

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What is this Beer Efficiency app? Well it’s a bit confusing to us mere mortals since the geeks really geeked it up … but we think we get the gist of it. Through a way too involved mathematical formula, Beer Efficiency calculates the amount of beer you must consume to get intoxicated the quickest and cheapest while consuming the fewest calories.

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So like the app says … “This all gets confusing pretty quickly. So we made it simple. Just enter a beer you normally drink and how much of it you drink to reach a state of inebriation. Then enter the available beers and their prices and will determine which beer is best for saving money or watching your calories and will tell you how much of that particular beer you need to drink to reach a state of inebriation.”

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WTF? This is nuts … when has getting drunk become so freaking complicated, calculated and science-like? Oh yeah, since the introduction of the iPhone … see what we’re saying … way overrated.

geekbeer1 Here’s some beer advice, it’s free and no iPhone required: want Cheap Beer? – drink Lucky Lager or Pabst Blue Ribbon … want Low Calorie beer? – drink a Light beer, they’re all about the same, 100 calories per 12 ounce serving … want Get Drunk Quick and Cheap beer? – drink Mickey’s or Olde English 800. See how simple … why complicate matters with that damn iPhone?

And on a final note, per Beer Efficiency … “The goal of this app is to help you to realize that not all beer has the same alcohol content and that you should be extremely careful not to become intoxicated on one brand of beer when you are used to how another brand affects you” … HUH? Whatever bro … key word = EFFICIENCY … get drunk as quickly and cheaply as possible … blah, blah, blah.

April 9, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment | 27 Comments 

Sexy Apple

snoop64 Sorry folks … we realize that lately there’s been a lot of sexed-up app coverage on KRAPPS. But we can’t help it. As we stated yesterday, some Apple executive is riding high on the Viagra Gone Wild plane and there’s been a massive rush of sexy apps over the past few weeks. Not exactly sure what’s going on at The Mothership, but Apple has seriously been acting like dogs in heat … woof! woof! Dogg!

Anyways … no clue how long this Viagra induced Apple sexfest will last, so we’ll run down a few more of these sexploitation apps and then do our best to put a moratorium on the topic.

Ok … so here’s a helpful little app … heck, everyone already has at least one version of it on their iPhone. We’re talking weather apps … get the current temperature, forecast, maybe a little dew point … it’s all good, right? WRONG! What we really need is a sexy weather app from Visuamobile called Pin Up Weather. Ahhh, now we get it! This is why The Weather Channel app sucks so bad, just push play and see what you’re missing (hysterical stuff):

 

Actually the next app provides a lot of educational value. It’s for those aspiring sailors who are learning the meaning of various international maritime signal flags. Basically flash cards of signal flags … but not just any old flash cards … Bevy of Busty Babes flash cards … the NautiFlags app (ha, ha … see what they did there? … ha, ha … clever? … whatever)

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NautiFlags1   NatuiFlags2

Wow … we are so there! Count us in … we want to become sailors and hang out with a Bevy of Busty Babes … cuz sailors are cool like that – rollin’ in our 6 fo with all the Busty Babes and our playa Snoop of course! (for the record, Snoop rocks!)

So let’s put a close this Apple sexfest and go machine gun style with the following apps:

Sexy Chat Message Generator – helps you talk sexy
Hot Girl Chat – losers get to chat with “real girls” (come on, it’s a dude!)
Guy Wall – a little sexy for the ladies
iStrip Sexy Pen – hey! Pens can be sexy too
Bikini Poker – way better than Stick In Your Eye Poker
Super Sexy Mood Light – let’s your lover know you’re in the mood
iGay Dating For The Male Sex – some of dat sexy for gays 
Sexy Meter – sort of like the Douchebag Meter app
Sexy Can Of Corn – ha, you think we’re kidding, just wait for it

And there you have it … bye, bye sexfest … we’re turning on the cold shower and putting an end to those sex-crazed freaks at Apple! CYA!

April 3, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment, Weather | 11 Comments 

We Got Your Cure!

As we perform our daily KRAPPS search, we get a variety of first impressions. Some apps have us thinking “STUPID- STUPID – STUPID” … some apps fall into the “WHAT THE HELL” category … some scream “FREAKING GROSS” aka “FRAT APPS” … some beg the question “IS APPLE DRUNK OR JUST APPROVES EVERYTHING?” (sort of like that friend who hits on anything with a pulse) … and on the flip side “WAS THE DEVELOPER DRUNK? WHY EVEN BOTHER MAKING THIS APP CUZ IT’S JUST PLAIN WRONG” (sort of like waking up and realizing you’ve been stung by the wrath of Beer Goggles).

pervert Then we have a really “special” category … special because we rarely get this impression as we’ve seen it all and honestly, nothing really fazes us anymore. This rare/limited-edition category is simply called “WTF”. The last WTF app was Peep Show … the pseudo striptease app which Apple approved as a game suitable for 4th graders … WTF Apple, strippers are ok for 4th graders? Get your head examined! Prior to that were the Spank and Spank The Monkey apps which basically enables those who suffer from spanking fetishes … WTF Apple, freaking sickos! Then finally our last WTF app were the two peeing apps.

Like we said, WTF apps are few and far between. Until last Friday, when we saw an app that made us think … WTF Apple, do you really want to profit by making the iPhone a portable smut device? Guess Apple does as they proudly approved the Cute Asian Girls app with the clever (errr OFFENSIVE) tagline … “Your Cure For Yellow Fever”.

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We really don’t need to get into intricate details of this app … you get the picture (no pun intended) … images of scantily clad Asian girls dressed up in maid uniforms or with weapons or whatever.

CuteAsianGirls1    CuteAsianGirls2

BloodPressureCuff But I guess we should thank Apple. Heck, never mind how OS 3.0 will allow developers to transform the iPhone into a valuable medical device … you’ll be able to attach a blood pressure cuff to your iPhone – then take, record and send the information to your physician. Or if you are a diabetic, you can simplify your life with the upcoming glucose monitoring app from Lifescan (a Johnson & Johnson company). Yeah, you heard it right … never mind these STUPID potential lifesaving apps … because the real value of this medical device iPhone is the cure for “Yellow Fever”. Hopefully Apple will continue this approach as we’re sure many suffer from “Jungle Fever”, “Spice Fever”, etc.

Ok, you get where this is going? WTF Apple, are you a 15-year old boy? A dog in heat? Smut  plus a borderline racial/offensive tagline? Come here Apple so we can bitch slap that Yellow Fever right out of you with our iPhone – yeah, we got your cure!

March 30, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment, Uncategorized | 11 Comments 

eh

Memo to app developers … Enough With The Fart Apps Already! … it was funny like the first one hundred and fifty seven times … now it’s just lame and tired, eh.

lametiredeh Yup … lame and tired, eh. But every day, the iFarts just keep appearing … each krappier than the previous one. So long ago we decided to stop writing about iFarts. What’s the point? Pretty much all creativity has been exhausted from the iFart channel. And as mentioned, they’re not even funny any more … lame and tired, eh.

So guess what? We lied. We’re writing about another iFart app. Why? Well it’s not because there’s some newly discovered creative flatulence or fart functionality in the cheese channel. Nope … it’s same old lame and tired, eh. But this time the lame and tired is leveraged with an entire nation. Yes … a whole country … an iFart county … it’s your patriotic duty to purchase and play the iFart – Canada app from LOL Software, eh.

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Come on … straight-up fart apps are one thing – but positioning farts with people’s nationalism is just plain wrong. “I am Hoser … hear me iFart Canada, eh”. Sorry, this is bad … very bad … cuz we all know the folks at Apple are suckers and just love to open the KRAPPS flood gates. So wait for it … here it comes … iFart – Greece, iFart – France, iFart – Australia, iFart – Turkey … the possibilities of patriotic farts are endless! And America, you know it’s coming soon to an App Store near you … iFart – 4th Of July … complete with fireworks choreographed to a symphony of explosive farts, eh.

Lame and tired, eh. But you gotta love the outrageous claim iFart – Canada makes, eh:

ifartCanadaDesc

bobdougJPG Huh? “Canadians love to fart more than any other country on the planet!!” … Oh we get it – LOL at the LOL Software. Stirring the pot of fart aficionados across the world … feeding on people’s patriotism to cash in on worldwide fart domination. Wow – what a ploy … LOL Software is like Dr. Evil … BOOOYA, eh. Thanks LOL Software … thanks for destroying what little hope we had for peace amongst all nations. iFart – Canada, yawn … whatever LOL Software … Take Off You Hoser, eh!

March 27, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment | 10 Comments 

The Geek Way

crybaby Sorry for being blunt, but WHINERS SUCK! You know those folks who have to absolutely bitch about everything under the sun … call it The Glass Half Empty Syndrome. It could be a co-worker, a sibling, your spouse, a friend or anybody who just complains non-freaking-stop. ARGH! … Shut Up Already!

Here’s some notable whiners:

vickchewtoy Michael Vick, who repeatedly whined that he was being unjustly accused, just before admitting his involvement with dog fighting and animal cruelty.

Elizabeth Hasselbeck complained on The View that she didn’t receive her usual invitation to the White House Christmas party.

Phil Gramm, former Republican Senator and co-campaign manager for Sen. John McCain who resigned as a result of whining while discussing the nation’s economy, that “we have sort of become a nation of whiners.  You just hear this constant whining….”

barrybonds Lindsay Lohan, who had virtually denied and whined about most aspects of her life that have included DUI, drug abuse, and repeatedly making bad choices.

Others include, Barry Bonds, Terrell Owens, Rosie O’Donnell, Joaquin Phoenix and more.

So how do you deal with these pathetic pansy crybabies? Per Dr. Rick Kirschner … you could get all polite and constructive … it’s the touchy feely way:

If you must deal with a Whiner, your goal is to team up with them to form a problem-solving alliance. So the best you can do with someone who is constantly complaining, is to work with them to diminish their feelings of helplessness by helping them to identify solutions. As the feeling of helplessness diminishes, so does the need to whine.

“Form a problem-solving alliance”?? … “Diminish their feelings of helplessness”?? LOL … uhhh, no thanks! We prefer something more direct and effective … a simple “STFU, YOU SUCK!”. Or of course we could use our handy dandy iPhone. Damn straight … want to shut-up whiners? … with over 25,000 apps, you know damn well there is an app for that! Presenting the Wambulance! app from Nerdtown (great name, rivals previously featured Meat Couch Productions) … the geek way of telling whiners to STFU. Just dial “waa!-1-1” and let the geek wambulance deal with the situation.

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What – don’t like Wambulance!? … it’s KRAPPS? Whatever whiner! But maybe you’re right. Screw the Wambulance! app – we’ll use our iPhone more effectively and just beat you with it.

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FREE Wambulance! App To KRAPPS Viewers!
Nerdtown was kind enough to provide codes which will allow KRAPPS viewers to download Wambulance! for FREE. Simply be one of the first 9 viewers to leave a comment and we will email you the download code.

March 26, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment, Uncategorized | 52 Comments 

Could’ve Been Ugly

lesdeux1 Wow! What a weekend … talk about nuts. Party- Party – Party … oh yeah, we da cool party people … checking out all the hot hunnies while we do the clubbing scene. Need to drink lots of water today … head is still full of cobwebs – ouch. Heck, can’t even remember half the things we did … like everything is in a fog. But it’s all good … we da cool party people.

And boy did we get lucky this weekend. There’s this app that came out on Friday and we’re telling you – it totally saved our butts. Without this app, who knows what might of happened this weekend. It could have gotten really ugly (and we mean that literally – ha! ha! – we cool).

You see, the gifted developers at Hive Mind released an app which no cool party people should be without … it’s called Beer Goggles and it helps determine if you are too drunk to judge the physical attributes/attractiveness of a chicka (sorry ladies, hunks not included in this app … guess Hive Mind figures that men are pigs and will hit on anything with a pulse). Thankfully Beer Goggles was just in time for  our cool party weekend of clubbing.

So check it … we were kicking at the ultra-trendy Hollywood nightclub, Les Deux (it’s the one where Katy Perry, Rhianna, Britney and all the other cool party celebs hang at … we hang with them all … not that we are name droppers or anything – ha! ha! – we cool). It was getting late (we were smashed), last call in 20 minutes, and we were having no luck with the hunnies – not even landing digits. So we saw this babe … just mind boggling smoking hot … sizzzzzzle … and we wanted to approach her. But then a brief moment of sobriety hit us … we decided to whip out our new Beer Goggles app and take the test as described:

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Well guess what … we failed the test … we were wearing beer goggles. But even though we failed, we really won, because as Hive Mind states … we dodged an uncomfortable morning and an awkward walk of shame. So HUGE thanks to Hive Mind … these guys saved our butt and helped us literally avoid an UGLY situation. But it’s all good … we are still the party people – ha! ha! – we cool.

BG1  BG2  BG3

March 23, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment | 41 Comments 

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