Apple Recognizes Need To Get Your Freak On – Nudity In The App Store

As we began reporting back in June 2009, Apple has a zero-tolerance policy for porn and nudity on the App Store. Any application found with revealing nipple or crotch-shots, have been nailed with Apple’s ban hammer : 

06/25/09 – Hottest Girls … 07/01/09 – BeautyMeter … 07/30/09 – theXchange … 08/21/09 – Check myHottie … 09/15/09 – My X Girlfriend … 01/21/10 – forChan

Currently it’s not just pornography and nudes that are not tolerated … all overtly sexual applications are not permitted on the App Store. Well, except for Playboy, Sports Illustrated, FHM, Maxim and some others … long (idiotic) story, click here to read more details.

However, if you still insist on viewing those nipple and crotch-shots (and refuse to use the Safari app) … we have good news! If you look hard enough, nudity can indeed be found on the App Store … been there for over a year and a half. For your nipple-viewing pleasure,
Art Envi, has been for sale since August 2008.

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Of course Art Envi is not the only Apple-approved skin app … the Art app contains nudity as well and a lot more of it. Hell, the developer is so naked-friendly, he even created an option enabling the user to show only nude images … eliminating clutter within the application.

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Here’s another one that screams BOOBIES … the Artistic Nudes apps (we love the disclaimer … naked dead people, huh?).

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And if simple nipple viewing is not enough … there are four interactive slider puzzles that might provide a thrill … Fabulous Nude Paintings Puzzle – Classic Nude Paintings Puzzle – Bathing Nudes Paintings Puzzle – Modigliani Nudes Puzzle.

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So you see … it’s not all puritan in the App Store. Apple does recognize the need to get your freak on. Grant it, these are famous 20th Century paintings … but hey, at least we know Apple has a soft spot for artistic nudes and there’s a method to their madness … leveraging the sex sells methodology to promote fine art to the masses.

March 30, 2010 | Filed Under Education, Games, News | 4 Comments 

PooPong For iPhone? Of Course There Is!

With over 175,000 applications available for download on the App Store, there’s bound to be a few gems that get unnoticed. Certainly most iPhone users have heard of Pocket God, Doodle Jump, Shazam or Pandora Radio. But can the same be said about Poker vs Strong Female Role Models? Or iSlinky? Or Mystery Butt? Doubt it … unless you’re a loyal KRAPPS reader, chances are you missed these glorious needles in the haystack.

Today we are very pleased to present another KRAPPtastic example of iPhone brilliance … the “Golden Turd” of  the App Store … PooPong.

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The beauty of PooPong is in its simplicity. There’s really not much going on in this game … just a classic remake of Atari’s Pong game, originally released in 1972 … with literally a bit of crap thrown in to really stink it up. PooPong is Pong with poop instead of a ball … plus  obligatory fart sounds to really make this game KRAPPS.

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Oh, did you notice the STELLAR graphics in the image above? They are to die for! And get this … PooPong has, count ‘em, two different modes … unlimited play and first to five points … WOW! And not only does the game include two different modes, but it also includes two different difficulty levels … easy or hard … WOW! All this poopy goodness can be had for only 99 cents … WOW!

Of course don’t take our word for it. Be sure to check out the epic PooPong demo video below (why it hasn’t gone viral is simply baffling) … complete with riveting bouncing poop action and eerily realistic fart sound effects … which all make PooPong a real shitter.        

 

March 29, 2010 | Filed Under Games | 11 Comments 

Don’t Like To Breathe? We Have The Perfect App For You!

(written by guest author Connor Coghlan. follow Connor on Twitter @Condawg)

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NewYork Swimmer / SuddenDeath is a game unlike anything I’ve ever played before. It takes ridiculous uselessness to an insanely high new level. When Mister KRAPPS requested I review this app, I thought this was either some sort of cruel and unusual punishment (perhaps I pissed him off) or an early April Fools Day joke.

First off, I’m not quite sure how this is a game. This "game" relies on you pressing a button, then holding your breath (yes, YOU holding YOUR breath) to progress through "levels". Each level requires you to hold your breath longer and longer … until you eventually  turn blue and ready to pass out. Yeah – good times – FUN!

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If you do eventually decide to breathe for some strange reason, you must click the “Breath” button … which will cause you to lose the level. Basically,if you breathe, you suck (no pun).

If you like gameplay of any kind, turn back now … this game is not for you.
If you like decent visuals, run away … this game is not for you.
If you like breathing without interru — Okay, THIS GAME. IS NOT. FOR YOU. PERIOD.

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I’m not quite sure this game is for ANYBODY. I think we all can agree that breathing is a pretty awesome thing and in general, people like to breathe. However, if for some sadistic reason you have a death wish … then by all means, drop the 99 cents on NewYork Swimmer / SuddenDeath and be emo. However keep the phone nearby … just in case you suddenly realize breathing is a pleasant activity and need to dial 911.

NewYork Swimmer / SuddenDeath seems like more of a programming test from the developer than an actual game. Something whipped up in half a day to test his ability to create a button, progress bar, simple animations and of course, make a buck.

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Keep in mind, I’m not insulting the developer here. He’s a cool guy. I talked to him over Facebook and on the phone … and he seemed like a nice enough dude. But damn, this game is not worthwhile. It’s one of those typical apps featured here on KRAPPS that makes you think … “WTF was Apple thinking when they approved this app.”

In conclusion, even if NewYork Swimmer / SuddenDeath was free of charge, I would not recommend it to any normal person. Not trying to be harsh – just trying to keep it real, dawg.

And please, always remember … BREATHING IS A GOOD THING!

ny5

March 27, 2010 | Filed Under Games, Guest Authors | 8 Comments 

Lose Weight, Be Happy – Delete Justin Bieber, Play Jump Jump

justin-bieber-revenge-F If you have an iPhone, you should be familiar with the Tap Tap Revenge franchise from Tapulous. There are over ten different Tap Tap games available … everything from the original Tap Tap Revenge Classic to Lady Gaga Revenge to Metallica Revenge to [i luv] Justin Bieber Revenge (huh? why?). Tapulous has struck App Store gold with their series of iPhone-specific games and rightfully so … Tap Tap Revenge rocks!

Or does it?

We recently spoke with Haggai Borkow, CEO of iPhone Fitness Games. Haggai explained his concerns about today’s gamers, “More than ever, videogames are an extremely popular form of entertainment. While this might appear all good, my concern is weight gain. Playing videogames day and night is a sedentary lifestyle. Inactive people have the propensity to gain excessive weight. Excessive weight is not all good.”

We checked out the iPhone Fitness Games website and indeed, found some disturbing facts … the obesity epidemic, called Globesity, kills millions of people every year … in the US, 80% of people over age 25 are overweight … with 20% of children under age 10 already overweight … globally, over half of the world’s population is overweight.

KRAPPS! No wonder our nephews and nieces have never heard of baseball or soccer … too much damn Tap Tap Revenge.

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“But KRAPPS, you can’t simply say … ‘No Videogames For You! Go Exercise!’ … gamers, especially the ones with emo tendencies, will not respond” said Haggai. “That’s why my company has created an app which transforms exercise into a fun jumping game.” Haggai continued, “Thus, whenever you play, you exercise. This intertwining of fun and exercise transcends our aversion from exercise, prompting us to exercise. Even emos will enjoy.”

Huh? Jumping game? Indeed … the Jump Jump app [iTunes $2.99] … the healthy Justin Bieber Revenge alternative.

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Jump Jump is like Tap Tap, but instead of tapping targets, you jump with you iPhone and attempt to land in the middle of the target. As your fitness improves, levels become more demanding and punk rock pogo stick dance is required.

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Not only does Jump Jump track your high scores … but more importantly, your fitness and how many calories you’ve burnt on a daily, weekly and monthly period. Plus you’ll enjoy the benefits of immediate exercise-induced euphoria and long-term improvements in practically all of the body’s systems.

Haggai explained, “Surprisingly, ‘all of the body’s systems’ includes the brain. Research consistently shows that physical activity is the best thing that happens to our brain … improves oxygen flow to the brain, protects against degeneration of the nerve cells (as in dementia), helps create new nerve cells, increases synaptic plasticity and overall, enhances cognitive function.”

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Well fair enough Haggai … we’ve already put out our Marlboro, dumped the fifth of Jack and deleted Justin Bieber Revenge. Better health, improved fitness, reduced weight, boosted immunity and increased oxygen flow to the brain … can’t you see what we mean – might as well Jump Jump!

March 25, 2010 | Filed Under Games, Health | 5 Comments 

WTH, Kanye West Interrupts Our Mystic Emporium Game Review

(written by guest author Tim Giron. follow Tim on Twitter @timgiron)

99 Games recently released the time management game Mystic Emporium [iTunes $3.99]. My wife’s a big fan of the genre, so

Yo, yo, yo

Hey, Kanye West, what are you doing here?

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Imma let you finish your review, but first I gotta try to bring back my MEME and bust some rhymes ’bout this game

It’s not the least simplistic
When your magic’s gone ballistic
Gotta stretch the realistic
Take your emporium to the mystic

Peace out, back to you

Um, thanks for that great interlude and good luck with that whole "bring back the meme" campaign. Anyway, back to the game. You are tasked with helping the main character Lilly (the young witch) in her quest to own her own business, a magic shop. Each day you are presented with a baseline goal and, for you overachievers, an expert level goal. I’m a relative novice at this type of game and I was able to attain the expert goal in the first two levels. After the introductory levels, however, the game gets much tougher and you will find yourself scrambling to keep your customers happy.

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Each level adds new elements and between each level you are given the opportunity to buy items to assist you in your quest. Early on, I snapped up the Fairy Dust shoes, which give a much needed boost to Lilly’s speed. I passed on the Leaky Cauldron, however, and decided to save up for a better one in a later round.

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The game offers plenty of multi-tasking elements to keep it interesting. Some customers want potions, others are looking for crystals or magic rings. Some customers are impatient and others are more forgiving. I haven’t played enough to figure out all of the particulars, but that’s part of the fun (and the key to getting the expert level scores in the later levels).

Along the way, you’ll be able to play several mini-games which allow you to unlock "charms" which affect certain elements of the game, like providing the ability to earn extra tips.

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The graphics and gameplay are top-notch and the sound and music add to the experience. If you prefer to listen to songs via the iPod, that’s supported as well. For your $3.99 [iTunes], you will receive hours of time management fun.

 

March 20, 2010 | Filed Under anti-KRAPPS, Games, Guest Authors | 5 Comments 

Apple Approves Blatant Doodle Jump Ripoff, Doodle Jumper

Doodle-Jump-UFO Even if you have a remote interest in the iPhone, chances are you’ve heard of Doodle Jump [iTunes $0.99]. Arguably the iPhone’s most successful game to date, Doodle Jump is a platform game developed and published by the two-brother team, Igor and Marko Pusenjak, of Lima Sky. On March 15, Doodle Jump turned 1 year old … already surpassing $3 million in sales – which Lima Sky claims is a first for any Indie development house.

Doodle Jump’s success is certainly well deserved. Igor and Marko work their asses off … constantly updating the game with fresh content (over 25 updates in year 1), reaching out to the media, connecting with fans, writing code, etc. Like we said, Lima Sky are indy developers … there is no team of artists, massive advertising budget or public relations gurus … just two dudes, working hard and crushing it. Doodle Jump is consistently ranked in the Top 10 of all paid apps … not to mention a very cool reference on the awesome TV sitcom The Big Bang Theory. If you haven’t played Doodle Jump, you are completely nuts … at 99 cents, it’s one of the best App Store bargains ever.  

So the $3 million+ Doodle Jump grossed in its first year equates to almost $1 million for Apple (and roughly $2 million for Lima Sky). You would think by receiving a cool million, Apple would have Lima Sky’s back … huh, what? Yeah … Happy One-Year Birthday MOFO … Apple’s gift to Doodle Jump —> Doodle Jumper by CoolGame Studios.

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Although “inspired” applications are nothing new in the App Store (heck, Doodle Jump was inspired by Papi Jump) and one can argue it breeds good competition which ultimately benefits consumers … blatant ripoffs of a unique original are a completely different story.

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Back in November, we took issue with Pocket Devil being “too close for comfort” to Pocket God. Well Doodle Jumper makes Pocket Devil look angelic. From the name Doodle Jumper (yeah, great 2-letter product differentiation) … to the look-alike Doodler creature (oh, our bad … Doodle Jump’s Doodler has four legs, while Doodle Jumper’s has two) … to the identical gameplay of  jumping up an unending series of platforms without falling … sorry, in our book, two additional letters and a couple of missing legs does not constitute an inspiration. It’s safe to say Doodle Jumper is a blatant ripoff of Doodle Jump.

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But it’s all good … Doodle Jumper has “inspired” us. We’ll soon be submitting to Apple a few inspirational works … the Playboyer app, Tap Tap Revenger and I Am T—Painer. Apple seemingly doesn’t consider protecting copyright holders, thus it’s up to the individual owner to complain (hey, it’s Apple’s rules, guess they can do whatever they want). So as long as you don’t tell Playboy … we won’t either … and Apple will approve our Playboyer app. See … it really is all good. 

March 19, 2010 | Filed Under Games, News | 30 Comments 

Crazy Frogs Jump For Their Lives – Dizzypad Game Review

(written by guest author Connor Coghlan. follow Connor on Twitter @Condawg)

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Dizzypad [iTunes $0.99] by NimbleBit is yet another application I’ve been assigned to review that is anything but a krappy app. It’s actually kwite kool. If you’ve ever played Doodle Jump (or Spring Fling, another app I’ve recently reviewed), Dizzypad will feel somewhat familiar, but with an unknown and exciting aspect… timing your daredevil-like jumps.

You play this game as a frog (ribbit), hopping from one lilypad to another. Each time you miss and land in the water, you lose a life (because either frogs can’t swim or the water is infested with killer koi). But if you choose to take a risky jump, skipping over one lilypad and to the next, you’ll find that an extra life is added to your repository, allowing you one more screw up. You can really rack up extra lives by doing this, and greatly extend your session.

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Now the timing comes in with the direction of your jump. Each lilypad you sit on spins around, one way or the other (hence the name … Dizzypad). There is an arrow, indicating which direction you will jump when you tap the screen (which is the only control, by the way). You have to time it perfectly to land on the next lilypad (or the one after that if you’re looking for extra lives).

This game isn’t incredibly fast-paced, but that doesn’t much take away from the excitement. I’ve seen my sidebar fill up with flowers (indicating lives left) after a few minutes, only to see each and every one of them deteriorate from a single jump that I, for whatever reason, cannot seem to land < bangs head against wall >.

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I’ve spent a good bit of time with Dizzypad and it’s loads of fun … especially with the 15 unlockable frog skins and Plus+ awards and online leaderboards. But alas I have a single complaint … where are our power-ups? Without power-ups, Dizzypad is just the same thing no matter how far you progress into the game. Although there is not much variation, that’s not to say it gets old quickly … Dizzypad has loads of potential for future updates.

As it stands, Dizzypad [iTunes] is a load off fun and a cool take on the old-school Frogger game (meet Doodle Jump). 99 cents these days will not buy you much … but if you invest it in Dizzypad, you’ll receive a huge ROI in the entertainment category … ribbit!

March 13, 2010 | Filed Under anti-KRAPPS, Games, Guest Authors | Leave a Comment 

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