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- Here’s To The Crazy Ones
- Despite Female Moans, SexLife Trailer Fails To Arouse [Video]
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- Slap A Sexy Belly, Make Music, Huh? – Belly Jam iPhone App [Video]
- Adventure, To The Max! [iPhone Game Review]
- epic – The Toolbox iPhone iOS 4 Home & Lock Screen Wallpaper Set [Download]
- Recap Week Of January 3
- Sexy Star Wars Pinups – EWWW!
- Weird Stuff From Japan – iPhone 4 Sushi Case
- MegaMan iPhone iOS 4 Home Screen Wallpaper Collection [Download]
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Recap: Week Of May 3 – plus Linkin Park 8-Bit T-Shirt Giveaway
In case you missed any of our perfect iPhone chaos, quick links to this week’s articles.
May 3: Sex Tip Found Hidden In Stickbound iPhone Game [Wording Fail]
May 4: It’s A Bird, It’s A Plane … It’s Sperman iPhone Game!
May 5: iPhone Can Now Determine Ripeness Of Watermelons
May 6: Amazing Human Calculator Determines How Much Snot You’ve Swallowed And More
May 7: Ever Wish You Could Fart On Command? Now There’s An App For That!
May 8: Linkin Park Wants YOU to Join the 8-Bit Rebellion!
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Giveaway Time – Linkin Park 8-Bit T-Shirt!
Yesterday we reviewed the very cool Linkin Park 8-Bit Rebellion! iPhone, iPod Touch and iPad games. Created by Linkin Park and Artificial Life, Inc. … the band was involved in every aspect of the game (total geeks): storylines, character design and best of all, music. Talk about commitment … Linkin Park vocalist Mike Shinoda designed the band members’ avatars and edited every line of dialogue.
Anywho, be sure to check out our Linkin Park 8-Bit Rebellion! review -> http://bit.ly/9CHenw
Continuing Linkin Park weekend here at KRAPPS, we are giving away an awesome Linkin Park 8-Bit T-Shirt. One lucky winner will receive this killer shirt and be the envy of his/her peeps. To enter the contest, send us a video of yourself setting fire to a Justin Bieber CD … JUST KIDDING … to enter, tweet the following by 11:59PM Tuesday, May 11:
GIVEAWAY -> enter to win a @LinkinPark #8BitRebellion T-SHIRT! Visit @KRAPPS for details http://bit.ly/aLuCWp
Winner will be chosen randomly from entries and announced via Twitter on Wednesday, May 12. Make sure you follow us on Twitter … @KRAPPS … so that we can notify you via direct message if you win. Good luck!
Sex Tip Found Hidden In Stickbound iPhone Game [Wording Fail]
Stickbound is an original gaming experience … the only stick jumping game available on the iPhone. Touch Arcade calls Stickbound “a fun and compelling experience.” AppSpy is equally enthusiastic, “it’s amazingly addictive.” At 99 cents, Stickbound [iTunes] seems like a solid deal.
A solid deal … or is it even better?
Actually for some confused souls, Stickbound provides priceless information that will help turn their bedroom activities into a state of eternal bliss. Properly placed in the “Instructions” section of the game … sometimes the obvious must be stated, even if it’s a wording fail.
(we extend a long hat tip to @Spudski for making us aware of this awkward situation)
Recap: Week Of April 26 – plus Female Buttcrack Covers For Sale
In case you missed any of our perfect iPhone chaos, quick links to this week’s articles.
April 27 – Apple Approves App Glorifying Drug Use – Puff Puff Pass
April 28 – Hysterical & Free – Bud Light Real Men Of Genius And Real American Heroes Apps
April 29 – New iPhone App Lets You Safely Pee In A Bottle While Driving A Car
April 29 – Gizmodo iPhone 4G Drama – Comedic Interpretations
April 30 – Apple Rejects PETA App Due To Nude Stephanie Pratt Image
May 1 – Pocket Party Cup App Turns Users Into Shit-For-Brains Douchebags
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Backtacular – The Decorative, Adhesive Buttcrack Patch
Back in December we covered one of the most disturbing and bizarre items we’ve ever seen for sale … Rear Gear … butthole covers for dogs.
As if window-dressing for your dog’s ass wasn’t enough, some mensa decided it would be a sound business decision to sell female buttcrack covers. No lie … we can’t make this stuff up. Check out the innovative line of denim asscrack patches called Backtacular.
Backtacular is a hypoallergenic, decorative, adhesive patch that is applied directly to the skin above the upper cleft of the buttocks. Each package comes with two replacement tapes.
A two-pack of these sacks of suck will set you back only $14.99 … and that includes a lifetime of endless humiliation … what a deal!
Gizmodo iPhone 4G Drama – Comedic Interpretations
Since the story has hit mainstream media, we’re assuming most of you have heard about the lost iPhone 4G saga. If not, it goes something like this … drunk Apple employee loses iPhone 4G prototype in a bar … dude finds the lost iPhone, is unsuccessful in his attempts to return it and sells the iPhone to Gizmodo for $5,000 … Gizmodo publishes the exclusive story and pictures … Apple gets pissed and requests Gizmodo return the iPhone … Gizmodo returns it … police raid Gizmodo editor Jason Chen’s home and seize computers as part of an investigation into the leak of the prototype iPhone.
For more details, check out Wired’s continuing coverage of the story. Or if you would like Apple-biased viewpoints, read the endless articles from not negative and insightful Apple spokesperson John Gruber.
The best part of the lost iPhone 4G saga are the numerous hilarious commentaries spreading around the Internet. From flowcharts to videos and even national television … there are many brilliant comedic interpretations of the event. Below we list our favorites with Jon Stewart calling Apple “appholes” our favorite of the bunch. Enjoy!
Jon Stewart Rips Apple A New Apphole
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon – Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| Appholes | ||||
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Steve Jobs Responds To Gizmodo
The Gizmodo iPhone Saga
Hitler Reacts To The iPhone 4G Leak
Gizmodo “Leaks” Another Prized Apple Product
Apple Approves App Glorifying Drug Use – Puff Puff Pass
Apparently Apple [allegedly] is too preoccupied in kicking down the door and searching Gizmodo editor Jason Chen’s home or Steve Jobs is reverting back to his Oregon ways of using LSD and marijuana. These are the only two sound explanations we could fathom when we saw the new iPhone game … Puff Puff Pass by Hood Apps.
As noted in the app’s description above, Puff Puff Pass is a smoking game. Users control the game’s characters to take a puff of a cigarette, cigar or tobacco pipe and then pass it on to the next participant in the smoke session. Puff Puff Pass is cleverly marketed as addictive … “almost addictive as smoking for real.”
Now before we proceed, understand that Apple CENSORS material in the App Store. We are not here to comment on this censorship, rather pose the question … why would the largest technological corporation in the world align themselves and promote the major single cause of cancer mortality in the United States … cigarette smoking. Since tobacco use is responsible for nearly 1 in 5 deaths in the United States … not exactly sure how approving Puff Puff Pass enhances Apple’s brand image.
But the Puff Puff Pass saga gets better. Anyone with half a clue in life should clearly realize that Puff Puff Pass is SCREAMING in drug use innuendo. Seems to us it would behoove Apple to think beyond Glee-watching, squeaky clean suburban Cupertino life. Phrases like “Iron Lung”, Smoke Session” and hell, even the app’s name itself, “Puff Puff Pass” are all terms glorifying drug use.
Iron Lung – someone who is able to take massive hits (and we’re not talking UFC).
Smoke Session – a social gathering where participants smoke weed, meth, etc.
And the best one yet … the freaking title itself! Definitions per Urban Dictionary …
Puff Puff Pass
1. The golden rule for pot smokers everywhere. It simply means to take two hits of the joint, bong, blunt, or bowl and then pass it to the next person.
2. A game in which everyone in a circle passes a spliff, bong or other smokeage. Everyone puts five on it. Each time you take a hit you say "puff puff pass." If you fail to say it, cough or pass out, you’re out of the rotation. The last person holding the smokeage keeps all the money.
Or better yet … maybe Apple should check out the free IMDb app they approved and realize that Puff Puff Pass, the movie, is about two hapless stoners who have grown tired rehab.
But hey, it’s Apple’s world and we just pay for it. However if Jobs is cool with apps that promote and glorify drug use … we’re sure many will literally play puff puff pass on Apple.
Apple Considers ‘Guido’ Offensive, Forces Guidofy App To Change Name
Let’s do some role playing. Ok, so you are an iPhone app developer who launched an app a few months ago. Everything is cool … your app is getting strong reviews … gaining in popularity … sales are climbing. Then one day you receive a call from Apple saying if you don’t change your app’s name, it will be banned from the App Store. Huh? Apple states that the name of your app is derogatory and must be changed immediately. Never mind the fact that you have successfully marketed and established your brand (the app’s name) … change the derogatory name or be removed from the App Store! Oh and if that’s not enough … your competitors who have similar derogatory app names … well they can stay with no change. SUCKS FOR YOU!
Sounds pretty farfetched, eh? LOL … yeah right. Come on, this is Apple we’re talking about … and as we stated yesterday, they apply Apple Logic.
Back in March, we reviewed a very cool app called Guidofy. Inspired by the MTV reality series, Jersey Shore, Guidofy is a photo app which unleashes the Guido in you … Fedora hats, gold chains, Fohawk hair and of course, synthetic tans. Just check out how sexy the pasty white Irish Conan O’Brien looks as an Ed Hardy wearing, Grey Goose drinking Guido.
Although Apple approved Guidofy in February, they changed their minds and applied that sound Apple Logic … Guidofy bares similarity to the name "Guido" which Apple considers derogatory. If the disgusting name is not changed, the app will be banned. And no, Apple doesn’t give a shit that the Guidofy name has been established and marketed (think $$$) for over two months … change it or die an unpleasant App Store death! Ok … FFFFUUUU … new non-offensive name … Jersify.
But here’s the kicker … call it rubbing salt in the developer’s wound. There are two other Guido-themed applications which carry derogatory names … Guido and Guidofy Me … they offensively remain for sale intact.
At this point you might be thinking … why is Guidofy offensive, but Guido and Guidofy Me are perfectly acceptable? A fair question. No worries, we have the answer … Apple Logic … SUCKS FOR YOU!
Nude Thumbnails Approved, Pussy And Boobies Banned – WTH Is Going On At Apple?
We’ve come to the realization that we have a problem. No matter how hard we try, we simply cannot understand this thing called Apple Logic. Actually, Apple Logic is not just a thing … but a very significant aspect of the business world. Yesterday, Apple reported their second-quarter profits rose 90 percent, revenues up 49 percent and 8.75 million iPhone were sold … these figures represent Apple’s best non-holiday quarter ever. So yeah, it would behoove us to understand Apple Logic as they seemingly have the Midas touch.
Apple Logic is the same reasoning process that banned over 5,000 overtly sexual apps … yet allowed the overtly sexual Playboy and Sports Illustrated Swimsuit applications to remain in the App Store. Apple Logic is Steve Jobs saying, “folks who want porn can buy and [sic] Android phone” … yet approve the NSFW – Peek A Site web browser app specifically programmed to discreetly surf porn sites on the iPhone.
Guess we suck … we simply cannot get a grip on Apple Logic.
Take for example the latest case of Apple Logic … we have no clue what’s going on here. Back in December we reported the Pussy Lovers and Tits And Boobies apps were being removed from the App Store. Apple informed the developer that both apps were deemed inappropriate as they do not contain content that match the title. Following KRAPPS Logic, the reaction would be “no shit” … of course Pussy Lovers and Tits And Boobies do not contain images of vaginas or breasts. It’s a joke … get it? … pussy = cats … tits and boobies = birds. A FREAKING JOKE!
So ok, whatever … Apple has no sense of humor. Logically we can conclude that sexual innuendos are not cool with Apple … especially in form of an app’s name. But then Apple Logic comes around, rears it’s ugly head and trumps old fashioned logic … Apple approves the Nude Thumbnails app.
WTF?!? … “this app is designed and named so as to give the user the impression that it contains inappropriate material” … that’s EXACTLY why Pussy Lovers and Tits And Boobies were banned … content not matching the title.
Oh, but our bad … this is Apple Logic … and as mere mortals, we’re too stupid to see the Emperor’s new clothes.
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