Root For The Financial Ruin Of America With The PUMA Index

There’s no denying that the iPhone has quickly become the most successful and popular mobile device. With over 75,000 available applications (man that number just keep growing and growing), the iPhone is the reigning King of Smartphones. And despite countless difficulties and issues surrounding the publishing of apps within a system that is clearly broken, developers keep flocking to Apple for their chance at App Store success ($$$). Seems like everyone is becoming a developer these days and leaving their footprint in the App Store for the world to see. Heck, why not … the price of admission is only a hundred  bucks which secures an iPhone Developer License and a shot at making it big and rich.

Fake-Puma In addition to specialized developers and application publishers, the App Store is also attracting big businesses … the Fortune 500s of the world. Ralph Lauren’s app features a store locator, runway show videos, catalogs and more – Oakley published a surf report app – Red Bull and BMW have racing games – while Grolsch offers air hockey played on a beer bottle. As with most corporate entities, their efforts are fairly conservative and guarded. Air hockey, surf reports, runway videos, racing games … nice, but fairly flat and “in the box”. Well “in the box” went “out of the box” yesterday, when Puma entered the App Store with The PUMA Index.

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LOL … good for you Puma! Mix in some sexiness to an otherwise dull and stuffy subject matter … the Dow Jones Index. Market goes up … everybody’s happy. Market tanks … everybody’s still happy courtesy of Puma Skin. This app is clearly a win-win for everyone.

Strange, while reviewing The PUMA Index, we were actually rooting for the market to crash. Hey, don’t hate us … just like the stereotype … we are healthy males, always ready for some skin, no matter what the cost. But sadly, the Dow did well and we were forced to watch a cheesy animation of some fully clothed handsome dude sweeping the floor and an equally dressed up hot chick blowing balloons (very random activities indeed). We decided to peek in on The PUMA Index during off (sleep) hours, thinking perhaps we could catch a glimpse of some sexy lingerie … no such luck, just animations of sleeping dude with a pillow over his face (we don’t think he was dead) and the hot chick tossing and turning as if she was having a really bad dream of the market crashing and thus forced to strip.

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Well The PUMA Index certainly promises some fun and excitement … but so far it’s been a boring tease. We’ll continue to root for the financial ruin and devastation of America in hopes of seeing Puma’s animated strip show. Hmmm …wait a minute … could this be a conspiracy to turn all iPhone owners against the success of our Nation’s financial sector? Does The PUMA Index have something to do with colliding political agendas? Or what about our current recession – is Puma making some kind of a corporate statement? Maybe Puma is really Doctor Evil! Whatever. Screw the paranoia, let’s focus on sex. Memo to Victoria Secret … get off your boney size 2 asses and make The VICTORIA Index already!

Sexy Collides With Bizarre In The App Store

Sex-And-Fury One of our “favorite” developers (well, besides Brighthouse Labs, responsible for spamming the App Store with well over 2,000 apps) is Korean-based MSHOT. These are the freaks responsible for the Office Girls and Pocket Girls apps … extremely bizarre sexy hot chick wallpaper apps. Office Girls seemingly sexploits MSHOT’s female employees, while Pocket Girls preys on unsuspecting young Korean girls. From Pocket Girls’ description – “your purchase of this application enables us to … recruit new Asian girls and persuade them into lingerie shots”. Really weird shit which reminds us of the sex slave  movie, Taken. Read our previous MSHOT article here.

Well the sexploitation at MSHOT continues to meet Apple’s approval with their latest three releases: Hot Office, Mesmerism and DVD Room.

Hot Office

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Score! Two college coeds are recruited … snuck into a logistics center office … then some chatting took place (coercion?) … then a slimy photo shoot … and finally the girls were whisked away into the night. And bless those perverts at MSHOT for these high quality snapshots. Nothing turns us on more than hot chicks in a scummy roach infested room with titillating props such as stacks of cardboard boxes, rice cookers, electric fans and exposed water pipes. Oh baby … Papi likes!

Mesmerism

Mesmerism 

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Hope you were paying close attention. Drop what you’re doing … quit your job … and become a hypnotist – NOW! And why not? Just look at those Mesmerism girls. Be a hypnotist, open a Mesmerism Center … and enjoy endless gawking sessions of chicks touching their breasts and who-haw. Hypnotist – a legal peeping tom.

(special note – at first Apple was cool with the notion of hypnotizing girls for devious sexual pleasures … but then a sudden moment of decency struck Cupertino … Mesmerism was pulled from the App Store)

DVD Room

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Ok, we’re out of here. We’ll be catching the first flight to Seoul and get us some of this Video Bang action. Romantically designed private rooms where you can rent and watch DVD’s on the spot. This is pure brilliance and something sadly missing here in the States. We could see Video Bangs setting up shop on Main Street in Disneyland … Aladdin, Little Mermaid and Cinderella are romantic movies which would be perfect for a Video Bang session. Uh what? MSHOT is not talking about romantic Disney movies? Krap we are naïve. We just thought since Apple censors the word “Intercourse”, surely “Bang” would not imply a dirty word. Damn we are stupid … and still wondering if patrons visit these Video Bangs alone, with a partner or the establishment provides “hostesses”. Maybe Apple knows.

Living Photo Delivers Bush, Gates And Big Pimp [Videos]

We recently reviewed the Living Photo [iTunes] app … it makes your pictures come alive – blinking eyes, moving mouth, custom audio – stuff like that. Basically animated pictures …  the kind you see in horror flicks (those talking paintings spook us), but cooler cuz you create them. Our first Living Photo was inspired by Steve Jobs … he’s pictured with a hot chick and is basically falling in love with her. If you missed it, check it here.

So we’ve been viewing the tons of Living Photos on YouTube … and go figure … many of them totally rock. Below are a few examples of Living Photo we wanted to share (pay special attention to the  “spooning” reference at 23 sec. in Big Pimp’n Boston … LMAO).

 

Best App Name Ever!

We know most of our US-based readers are busy with the Labor Day holiday, so we’ll keep this short and sweet. Heavily influenced by a combination of Family Guy and Ipecac - 
we present arguably the Best iPhone App Name Ever …

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Barf Puke-A-Thon (enough said)

And on a parting note, don’t miss the source of Barf Puke-A-Thon’s inspiration – LOL!

 

Recap: Week Of August 31

iphonekrappsV1GIF In case you missed any of the festivities, quick links to this week’s articles.

August 31: Getting My KRAPPS On – with PCSim

August 31: Before Those Puking Apps, There Is Get In My Belly

September 1: This Redneck Dating App Is Really "Bad"

September 2: This App Is Making The National Football League Its Bitch

September 3: Pamela Anderson Is A Man? This App Thinks So

September 4: Blank Check For Blank Minds (aka Dumb Asses Rejoice)

September 5: Urinals The Game – Krazy Kolossal Krapper Kaper!

Urinals The Game – Krazy Kolossal Krapper Kaper!

(written by guest author Tim Giron. follow Tim on Twitter @timgiron)

icon01 I’ve only been in a couple of bathrooms that had an attendant and not one of those guys possessed the hilarious blend of customer service and wry sense of humor that you will find while playing Urinals: The Game by Bluebird Software. The premise of the game is quite simple: As the bathroom attendant, it is your job to direct your patrons to the appropriate stall (indicated by the color of their clothing) and, once they’ve finished their business, to direct them to an exit.

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Since making contact within the confines of the public restroom is a big no-no, you also need to make sure that each gentleman has plenty of clearance while they are in your care. In the first few levels, this is relatively easy, but as you progress it quickly becomes quite difficult. Each 3 level "set" introduces new challenges: at level 4, hand-washing is added to the experience and at level 7, you are moved to the port-a-potties at the local ball-field. That’s where I am currently stuck, trying to manage a large number of clientele with only two latrines. Johnny on the Spot, indeed! I have people spinning in the corners and a couple of guys running laps waiting for an open stall.

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The results can be oh so entertaining and the game is also great for drawing in others who are watching you play. Somehow, when your phone is making a toilet flush sound, people just have to ask what you’re playing. A bright and cheery tune plays throughout and the bathroom attendant carries on a continuous patter of one liners that definitely adds to the entertainment.

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So, do you have what it takes to reach the pinnacle of pushing polished porcelain? There’s only one way to find out!

Blank Check For Blank Minds (aka Dumb Asses Rejoice)

Here at KRAPPS, we try to make your life easier. Call it a value-added benefit of being a loyal reader (thank you – we appreciate your support). Searching through the awesomeness of the App Store, we’ve shared many amazing discoveries. Selections like Noodle Timer … a countdown timer app solely dedicated to taking the stress out of making Cup O’ Noodles. Or how about the Taxi Hold’em app … it’s tough work hailing a cab, but this app alleviates the stress of raising your arm and waving it around to get the attention of a cab driver. And finally … never again be frustrated by adding the number one over and over again … “1 plus 1 plus 1 plus 1 equals 4” … piece of cake with the Plus One app. You  see … reading KRAPPS really does make your life easier.

ed_helms_tooth Well folks, we came across another sack of suck … errr … beacon of brilliance. How many times have you been trying to fill out a check, only to get stuck on that line where you have to spell out the dollar amount? Amen brotha! – Been there, done that! The little box where you get to write the numbers down is cake … but dang, spelling the shit out is enough to make us want to pull out our teeth – completely MADDENING! But no worries … we make your life easier (and save your teeth) … check out the Blank Check app.

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“Helps write checks” – Nice! … “Type in the amount for the check and it will convert it into words” – Nice! This is exactly the kind of amazing “think different“ technology we expected from Apple when we shelled out 300 bones for the iPhone … value added baby.

And Blank Check so totally works! “15.86” magically translates to “fifteen 86/100”. Even does hundreds, “122.37” accurately converts to “one hundred twenty-two 37/100”. We even decided to get really crazy on Blank Check … you know, try to trip it up and all. So we went there … oh yes we did! … we went to the Land Of Thousands with “3,846.03” … and gosh darn dang it, Blank Check passed with flying colors, spitting out “three thousand eight hundred forty-six 03/100” … AMAZING!

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Writing checks can indeed be a daunting task, especially those rubber ones (sorry, stupid joke). We sincerely hope our latest discovery, Blank Check, will have a positive and meaningful impact on your life. Have a great and stress-free weekend, courtesy of KRAPPS.

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