Chess Elite – Lives Up To The Name

(written by guest author Tim Giron. follow Tim on Twitter @timgiron)

Chess-Elite-Splash Even though I am primarily a Go player, I still like to play chess from time to time. Chess Elite [iTunes] from 99 Games has features to satisfy all types of players, from novice to experienced and 9 different board looks to tailor the visuals to taste. The game offers 4 different ways to find an opponent: play against the device, pass & play, play against your contacts and play against an online community.

First up is the play against device mode, which sports a strong chess engine with the ability to customize the strength to suit your current level of play. At the least challenging setting, the iPhone opponent will take just 4 seconds to make a move while at the strongest setting it will take approximately 2 minutes. The "give me a hint" functionality, which is great for novice players looking to improve their skills, also appears to be affected by the strength setting, which makes perfect sense. Also available is an unlimited number of undo/redo actions, so you can back up in the game and try a different tactic, a great feature for the chess student.

Chess Elite 3   Chess Elite 6

Next up is the pass & play mode which is great when you have an opponent in the room, but only one iPhone. Two styles of board flip accommodate either truly passing the device back and forth -or- setting it up like a little tiny chess table in between you. As would be expected, there is no "give me a hint" when you are playing against another person, however the undo/redo is still available (mainly, I guess, to accommodate when a piece is unintentionally dropped in the wrong place).

Chess Elite 1   Chess Elite 2

Playing against your contacts is really just a flavor of playing against the online community, since it merely generates an email to your contact and invites them to join the 99 Games community (and also gives them a handy link to buy the app if they don’t already have it). To initiate an online community game, you login with your credentials (or register directly in the app) and issue a challenge. Once your challenge is accepted, you are notified via push and the game begins. As of this morning, there were about 100 registered players. I sent out a few challenges, but haven’t gotten any response. I would presume that the undo functionality is disabled in the online games, since it would get annoying to have to reconsider moves that you already made. It would be handy to see the win/loss record and the date of last move for the online opponents.

Chess Elite 5   Chess Elite 4

Other features that are user controlled are the display of legal moves when you select a piece, the highlighted indication of the last move made, rank and file titles (which I learned are called measures) and the sound effects. As with other 99 Games offerings, I found the app to be rock solid and well designed.

August 23, 2009 | Filed Under anti-KRAPPS, Games, Guest Authors | 2 Comments 

A Serious KRAPPS [Video]

(apologies in advance to Jerad over at The App Podcast … we couldn’t resist … thanks for having a sense of humor.)

why-so-serious Ever wonder what KRAPPS would be like as a serious review site? Like if TUAW, Just Another iPhone Blog or Touch My Apps decided to review crappy apps, but with their normal serious tone/style:

“Although the Plus One app has limited functionality, its UI is superb with large, simple and user-friendly buttons. Adding the number one over and over just became simple.”

“Gym Babes is an engaging app best suitable for mature audiences. The filming technique is outstanding, with its original and unique front-view treadmill angle.”

So we came across a video review over at The App Podcast of the Wishing Well app. We pissed our pants it was so funny … a serious funny, if you will. Wishing Well is an app that does one thing … you throw a coin into a wishing well. And that’s it … throw a coin into a wishing well. How the hell The App Podcast could make a two minute video review about this app is beyond us … it does one FREAKING thing – throw a coin into a wishing well. Anyways, the below is what KRAPPS would be like if we took the serious approach. LOL.

 

August 22, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment, News | 3 Comments 

Nude Images Now Appearing In Check myHottie – This Is Getting Old

Now we know this is getting old … nude images found within Apple approved iPhone apps … but lately nudes (or porn if you will – the matter is subjective) have been appearing at an alarming rate (assuming Apple’s no nudity policy is still in effect – which is a confusing one as-is). Below is a summary of apps which contained nude images:

June 25 – Hottest Girls

July 01 – BeautyMeter

July 30 – theXchange

Less than two months since the first iPhone app naked image was discovered, the Check myHottie app now joins the infamous group of aforementioned “nudie” apps.

Check-myHottie-Title

Check myHottie was released today around 12:30 am PST. Similar to BeautyMeter, this is a “Rate Me” app, where images are uploaded by the user and then rated others. Within 12 hours of release, Check myHottie began displaying topless photos.

Check-myHottie-1   Check-myHottie-2

As with any app containing user generated content, it is very difficult to monitor and enforce any restrictions. While Check myHottie’s developer, Macrominds, made a conscious effort to restrict and defend against inappropriate content (by implementing a “Flag” notification button) … it seems such attempts futile. The fact remains … apps which contain user generated content (especially those “Rate My Picture” apps) have a high propensity of containing nude images.

In the case of “Rate Me” apps, Apple might consider requiring developers to approve images before they go live, rather than relying on users to flag content after the fact. Obviously cumbersome, but perhaps a method to avoid future App Store nip slips.

August 21, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment, News | 12 Comments 

Worry About Sperm Count? We Do!

alfred_e_neuman We worry a lot. We worry about Mars coming to close to Earth. We worry about shrinking our Ed Hardy shirt in the dryer (WTH). We worry about the Thule roof rack flying off our vehicle. Beef curry? – yeah, we worry. The increasing instability of Twitter? – yup, we worry about that as well. It’s not like we’re emo or something … we just have ulcers.
We worry that maybe we have anxiety. Argh!

But perhaps our biggest worry in life … to the point where we sometimes shake uncontrollably … is sperm. Specifically … we worry about our sperm count. Hey! Don’t laugh … we’re serious … not to mention a male’s sperm count is serious stuff as well. How do we know if we have enough baby batter? It’s not like you can just stick a thermometer in your mouth to get a numerical semen reading. It’s like one of those mysteries of life … How Does Man Know His Sperm Count?

Good news to all of us worrying about daddy’s little squirt … once again the iPhone answers another mystery of life with the iCount (Sperm) app … oops, sorry – sperm is a dirty word, make that … iCount (S***m)

iCount-Sperm-Title-FINAL

Wow – just look at these phenomenal iCount (Sperm) features … (sorry, hope it’s cool we use the dirty version of s***m):

>> Approximates maximum potential sperm count
>> Uses complex algorithms involving BEDMAS (bedmas – uh – WTH is that?)
>> Track your “releases” (releases – uh – WTH is that?)
>> Average sperm count at release
>> Estimated time and date of next release
>> Number of release per week

iCount-Sperm-1   iCount Sperm 2

iCount Sperm 3   iCount Sperm 4

Whoa nilly … fantastic … and you can even email the developer your personal stats at icountapp@gmail.com – rumor has it that the developer will be updating iCount (Sperm) with a global leader board – brilliant!

So this is all good. Life got just a bit easier here at KRAPPS … we have one less thing to worry about now thanks to the iCount (Sperm) app. Thank you Apple!

Memo To Developers:
Apparently Apple has deemed any word beginning with the letter “i” as sacred. Case in point … iCount (S***m) – where sperm is a dirty word and thus censored …. yet iSperm is perfectly acceptable since it carries the sacred “i” prefix. Hmmm … iIntercourse, iVagina, iPiss … you can have all sorts of sacred fun understanding the Gospel of Apple.

iSperm

August 21, 2009 | Filed Under Health | 8 Comments 

iBra Fails Miserably In Training Bra Removing Ninjas

Last week we reviewed a very cool “meet the opposite sex” app called SEX-A-MA-PHONE. It basically functions as a witty icebreaker assisting you in meeting guys or girls.
SEX-A-MA-PHONE should work (if it worked for that ab pointing douchebag pictured below, it’ll certainly work for you) with the initial introduction, but the rest of the hook-up is totally in your hands.

hot-chick-with-douchebag So SEX-A-MA-PHONE is successful and you meet this hot chick. The two of you hit it off … constantly talking and text messaging on the phone … going out on dates … celebrating your one week anniversary … blah, blah, blah. Things are going great. But then the relationship is ready for the next level … you know … a bit of that Marvin Gaye – “Let’s Get It On” … some of that R. Kelly – “Bump ‘N Grind” … and top if off with that Bel Biv Devoe – “Do Me Baby”. Ayyy – you’re about to throw up just at the thought of this “Let’s Get Physical” stuff. You’re a blubbering rookie with no experience getting past first base … you can see second off their in the distance, but have never managed to actually reach it. Always getting shot down. Always making a fool of yourself. What is this “second base” we speak of? Boobies … and specifically its dreaded gatekeeper … DA BRA!

Hey it’s cool … da bra is a bitch and takes a lot of dedication and practice to remove it (now it wouldn’t be a gatekeeper if every Tom, Dick and Harry could easily get by). There are tricks of the trade that must be mastered … the flick, the snap, the over-under, etc. Once you are comfortable performing these maneuvers, you can proceed directly to the Promised Land … Second Base.

But how does one become a bra removing ninja master? Oh you know where this is going (unless you are a rookie at KRAPPS too) … there’s an app for that … iBra.

iBra-Title

iBra-1

You betcha … become a committed player – practice morning, noon and night … submit your high score … beat da bra and never be without boobies again. NOT!

iBra is either the stupidest joke in the history of the App Store … suffering from a severe infection of bugs … or developer Sebastian Keller was on crack when developing iBra (or was Apple cracked for approving it). We spent over 10 minutes performing every ninja bra removal technique known to mankind (we Googled it) … all to no avail. We flipped it, pinched it, snapped it, stuffed it, rubbed it, smacked it, bit it, shaked it, licked it … heck, we even flipped it upside down and read it a story. Nothing – nada – zilch. Sure bra straps can be tricky … not iBra … it simply sucks! But iBra does accomplish one thing – leaving the user with a strong desire to kick Sebastian Keller square in the nuts.

iBra-2-FAIL

August 20, 2009 | Filed Under Games | 5 Comments 

2,000 Apps Later, BrightHouse Labs Still Sucks

<roll theme song from COPS>
“Bad boys, bad boys, watcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do when they come for you”

Apple-Tackle-Streaker-FINAL Did you hear about the App Store’s episode of COPS? In an undercover operation, Apple raided and revoked the developer’s license of Khalid Shaikh, founder of Perfect Acumen. Khalid was pretty much running a sweat shop for app development … requiring his 26 employees (primarily based in Pakistan) to work 12 hours a day, 6 days a week. A 72 hour work week? – you MOFO Khalid! Perfect Acumen’s results were impressive – they published 943 apps in about 8 months. Obviously when you churn and burn at this rate, the net output is complete garbage …
943 KRAPPS most priced at a bargain rate of $4.99. Anyways, Apple basically got sick of Khalid’s bullshit and yanked him from their program. For more details about this episode of COPS … check out MobileCrunch’s solid article.

Inspired by the “Khalid Take Down” story, we decided to check up on our “favorite” developer BrightHouse Labs (aka Arctic Gerbil). In our last article on May 7, BrightHouse Labs published approximately 689 apps (we use the term “apps” loosely) … 195 SupaFan apps, 148 Quote apps, 82 SlidePuzzle apps, etc … indeed great work by BrightHouse, bravo!

Well about 3 months later, it’s obvious, BrightHouse Labs is still hard at work spamming the App Store … errr … publishing apps. There are now 169 pages of BrightHouse Lab produced apps … at 12 apps per page, this equates to well over 2,000 apps. If Khalid demands a 72 hour work week, we can’t even imagine the hours these poor Arctic Gerbils must succumb too. Let’s see … about 13 weeks later … net increase of 1,339 apps … that’s 103 apps per week … or about 15 apps per day from May 7 to August 19. Huh?!?

BrightHouse-Labs-169-pages-FINAL 

Now props to Apple for busting on Khalid! But uh, come on … maybe you got the wrong guy? Or maybe Apple needs to add BrightHouse Labs to their “Most Wanted” list. Not really sure what’s going on at One Infinite Loop since just a couple of weeks ago the 514th SupaFan app (Demi Moore Fans) was approved. Come on … TWO FREAKING THOUSAND apps … you suck!

arctic_gerbil_logo_NO Best part of this whole BrightHouse Labs thing is that not only are they a joke here at KRAPPS, but also among their peers. Chris Noel of BrightHouse Labs contacted Satosoft’s CEO, Graham French, inquiring if Satosoft was interested in either selling them the iAboutClock application or some of its source code for BrightHouse’s own development use. BrightHouse must have looked into the functionality of iAboutClock and came up with a scheme to create dozens of similar apps. The following is Graham’s email response to the BrightHouse request  (LOL – pretty tame dude – but way to keep calm and not rip BrightHouse a new one). For more details about this bizarre incident, check out Satosoft’s article – Satosoft Says ‘No’ To BrightHouse Labs.

Chris,

Thanks for your interest. I’m unable to take this conversation any further, for two specific reasons;

  1. You mention below that you are looking to provide a small payment for this. As mentioned in my previous email, I’ve never considered doing this, especially for what would be a sum of money so small, that it would be insulting.
  2. Secondly, yet more importantly, we’ve done some research on your company, having never heard of you before. To be brutally honest, satosoft.com would never be associated with the type of company you are. The damage to our high value brand would be too great. Your company’s method of producing multiple, almost identical apps, flooding the iTunes App Store with what we consider to be questionable quality, is far, far below the ethical standards that we live by.

I wish you the best of luck in your ventures.

Regards

Graham

August 19, 2009 | Filed Under News | 15 Comments 

Stare At Sweaty Bouncy Boobs With Gym Babes

Ok, let’s just cut to the chase. Two hot chicks … sweaty, salty, bouncy breasts. And that’s pretty much all you need to know about the Gym Babes app. Enough said … skip to the bouncing boobies video at the end of this article.

GymBabes_Splash

Now if you insist on taking a closer look, we got you covered. Let’s start by meeting the stars of Gym Babes, Emilia and Skaiste (no idea how to pronounce her name … but really, are names even important in this app?). Emilia works for an ad agency and can be described as “happy-go-lucky”. She likes to make people smile and thus is willing to share her running magic with you. Now Skaiste, on the other hand, seems to be a bitch. She is too serious, rarely smiles and is a lawyer (ah, that explains it). But she’s a bitch by reason … men are always checking this sweet thing out. So she probably uses her bitchyness as a shield for protection … very enigmatic and intriguing.

Emilia_FINAL Skaiste_FINAL

Now imagine if you were one of those hi-tech peeping toms who setup video cameras in women’s locker rooms, dressing rooms, showers, etc. Gym Babes has sort of that voyeur feel to it. However instead of a women’s dressing room, your camera is mounted on a treadmill inside the local gym … providing you extreme boobie close-ups of seemingly unsuspecting female gym members. Both Emilia and Skaiste have three videos each … running, walking and slow motion running. Each video provides ample titillating pleasure.

GymBabes_2   GymBabes_1

Similar to the sexed-up Knicker Picker app we recently reviewed … Gym Babes will enable guys of all ages to waste hours of their lives getting their quasi sexual jollies. And like the developer, Vertex, writes … “Life is beautiful when you can enjoy this”. LOL – actually the entire Gym Babes description is pretty comedic in it of itself …

GymBabes_Title

Bad day? – Gym Babes will help cheer you up! Two gorgeous girls working out, can this get better? – Uh, apparently not … just look at these actual user reviews …

GymBabes_commentsFINAL

However Gym Babes is not without its faults, which hopefully the pervs … errr … the developers at Vertex will rectify in a future update: no rear view shots for the Ass Man and no hot chicks working out in lingerie (hey, don’t all hot chicks work out in lingerie?).

As you can see by the video below … Gym Babes is a total loser … errr … winner! And we can totally see why Apple would reject that piece of shit app Google Voice in favor of Gym Babes. Hey, can this get any better? … guess the U.S. Government will decide.

 

August 18, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment | 9 Comments 

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