Parents Can Be Such Assholes – plus Recap Week Of July 26

Ad-Krapps-170x170 Subscribe to our RSS feed and/or download the free KRAPPS iPhone app … it’ll make you feel better!

In case you missed any of our perfect iPhone chaos, quick links to this week’s articles.

July 26: OMG! Double Rainbow All The Way Now Appearing In The App Store For Free!

July 27: The Legend Of Zelda iPhone iOS 4 Wallpaper [Download]

July 28: The Evolution Of Steve Jobs And Apple

July 29: New App Helps Users Achieve An Orgasm (Not A “Massage” App)

July 30: People Of Walmart Official iPhone App – It’s New, It’s FREE!

July 31: Farts, Zombies, Evil Unicorn, Pope, Chuck Norris, Hitler – All In One Epic iPhone Game

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Creative Parenting?

Watching Porn + Smoking Pot = Public Humiliation?

bTwEP

(via Buzzfeed)

August 1, 2010 | Filed Under Entertainment, Recap | Leave a Comment 

People Of Walmart Official iPhone App – It’s New, It’s FREE!

PeopleofWalmart_logo Attention people of Wal-Mart … your official iPhone app has arrived! And in true Wal-Mart fashion (we use the term loosely), you’ll enjoy 100% rollback savings … it’s FREE!

In case you’re clueless about the awesomeness at PeopleOfWalmart.com, let us fill you in … it’s awesome! People of Walmart is a hysterical website that “celebrates” the world’s largest retailer by featuring pictures of its whack job shoppers. Stuff like … mom pulling child by hair – kid eating a booger – man in underwear being taze by police … and so much more dumbassness unique to the world’s largest retailer, Wal-Mart.

So now People of Walmart joins Cult of Apple … with its official iPhone application. But don’t try to find it in the App Store … it ain’t there – well sort of. Seems the folks at People of Walmart anticipated some shit might go down with the lawyer dorks at Wal-Mart and preemptively changed their app’s name to Feature Creature [iTunes Free] [Apple has banned app, see update below]

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Although the name sucks, make no mistake … the app is pure People of Walmart brilliance. Uh, well, that’s because Feature Creature is the People of Walmart website, but in a cool iPhone format … complete with swipe for next post or shake for a random post.

people-of-walmart-1  people-of-walmart-2

Aside from the convenient viewing of Wal-Mart freaks, the People of Walmart Feature Creature (seriously, WTF kind of name is that?) app allows users to snap photos and upload their own contributions to People of Walmart … assuming you’re brave enough to step foot into a Wal-Mart and can tolerate that lingering stench of human feces mixed with bleach that’s present at every single Wal-Mart location.

people-of-walmart-3  people-of-walmart-4

In conclusion, we only have one question … why are you still here?!? Click this revolutionary hyperlink [Apple has banned app, see update below] and download the official People of Walmart app right now for FREE. Then come back tomorrow for more iPhone chaos here at KRAPPS.

UPDATE – Looks like someone’s panties got in a bundle! Unfortunately the app has been pulled by Apple. We are attempting to find out why Feature Creature was so offensive.

July 30, 2010 | Filed Under Entertainment | 11 Comments 

New App Helps Users Achieve An Orgasm (Not A “Massage” App)

Similar to our retro games iPhone iOS 4 wallpaper collection, we are accumulating quite a few “magical” applications. The reason we label these apps “magical” is because when we launch them, they do “magical” things to us … our boobs get bigger, hair grows faster, warts fall off our bodies, we lose weight, our penis gets erect and we quit smoking … seriously, no kidding – all these things happen to us because there’s a “magical” app for that!

Now in case you didn’t notice, the fifth “magical” effect was … our penis gets erect. Which is all fine and dandy, but who the hell wants to walk around with an erect penis all day … it ain’t all that. So in all honesty, we really don’t use the Fire Up Your Sex Drive app that much. Uhhh, that is until now … used with the Hypnosis To Enhance Orgasm Potential app … you be like a living, breathing, real life porn star!  

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Benjamin DeFoor is the developer of this hypno orgasm app … dude is an ACTUAL hypnotherapist who knows what he’s doing! Right there on his website it says … “All these apps work and are made by me, an ACTUAL Hypnotherapist.”

So yeah … it ACTUALLY works and helps you achieve an orgasm …

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Like we alluded to … combine the Fire Up Your Sex Drive all day erection app with Benjamin’s orgasm app … it would behoove Vivid Entertainment to purchase iPhones and this application combo for all their male employees.

July 29, 2010 | Filed Under Education, Entertainment, Health | 1 Comment 

OMG! Double Rainbow All The Way Now Appearing In The App Store For Free!

philosoraptor_double_rainbow Here at KRAPPS, we love a good Internet meme … especially when it becomes a cool iPhone app. Stuff like the make-your-ears-bleed Trololo app … or the legendary Three Wolf Moon HowlTone Generator … are proudly displayed on our revolutionary iPhone 4.

In case you missed it, the latest rage on the Internet is the Double Rainbow video uploaded by YouTube user Hungrybear9562. Dude’s real name is Paul Vasquez and back in January he videotaped a killer double rainbow at Yosemite National Park. While the double rainbow is indeed amazing … it’s Vasquez’s reaction to the rainbows that’s making the video go viral. Vasquez is literally floored by the epic sight and can be heard woo-ing, whoa-ing and aaah-ing is pur ecstasy. At one point, Vasquez even begins to cry and questions, “what does it mean?" The entire video is just raw unedited emotion, bordering orgasmic with a hint of stoned.

Make sure you  witness this over-the-top emotional outpour of Double Rainbow …

 

And with every good Internet meme, an iPhone application is born. KRAPPS welcomes the Double Rainbow All The Way [iTunes Free] app into the App Store … Oh My God!

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double-rainbow-2  double-rainbow-1

While not as polished as the Three Wolf Moon or Trololo apps, there’s something comforting about the straightforward Double Rainbow All The Way soundboard app. With 26 sound clips from the original viral video … we’re not exactly sure what it means. But we do know it’s free [iTunes] and that’s always full on orgasmic in our book. Woo! – Whoa! – Yeah!

July 26, 2010 | Filed Under Entertainment | 2 Comments 

MC Hammer Becomes Apple’s New iPhone 4 Spokesperson – plus Recap Week Of July 19

Ad-Krapps-170x170 In case you missed any of our perfect iPhone chaos, quick links to this week’s articles.

July 19: Top 10 Steve Jobs Quotes From iPhone 4 Antennagate Press Conference

July 20: Apple’s Only Black Employee Voices His Frustration With iPhone 4 [Video]

July 21: Feel The Need To Kill Yourself? Death Chug iPhone App Can Help!

July 22: Small Penis? Male Size App Will Make You Feel Better About It!

July 23: Apple Bans America’s Next Top Model Contestant As Inappropriate – You Be The Judge

July 24: Apple Bans America’s Next Top Model Contestant As Inappropriate – You Be The Judge

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HAMMERTIME

Sorry folks … it had to be done …

MC-Hammer-iPhone-4

[via J from the UK]

July 25, 2010 | Filed Under News, Recap | Leave a Comment 

Say Yep! to Yipe! 5: Attack of Idle Hands [iPhone Game Review]

(written by guest author Tim Giron. follow Tim on Twitter @timgiron)

idle-hands-points If you like RPGs (the role playing games kind, not the rocket-propelled grenade kind) with a sense of humor, then you’ll want to check out Yipe! 5: Attack of Idle Hands.  It’s an old saying that "idle hands are the devil’s pawnshop" and here, Idle Hands refers to a demon that’s been terrorizing the land.  I haven’t yet met him in the game yet, but I’m pretty sure I’ll need more than my current weapon, a rusty pitchfork, to get past him.

The Yipe! franchise has been around for quite some time with Mac and PC games dating back over 10 years.  The iPhone game gives you a full-blown, big feel adventure right in the palm of your hand.  The game is currently on sale for 99 cents [iTunes $0.99] and there is also a free version [iTunes Free] with an in app purchase to turn it into the full game.

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You start out by choosing a character icon and then selecting one of three archetypes: Sneaky, Superhero or Brains, each of which highlights one of the traits of strength, dexterity or intelligence.  Once you’ve got your character built, it’s time to go adventuring.  Stopping by the castle for a quick chat with the king, he laments the state of his kingdom which is being overrun by zombie bunnies.  Since there’s gold for the brave adventurer who takes on the quest of the day, you sign up and then proceed to run amok.  Along the way, you’ll fight all manner of beasties and (hopefully) grab more gold and experience to level up.  If you can survive long enough, you can come back to town and upgrade your weapons and armor or buy some grub to sustain you on the road.  Yes, I have paused right in the middle of a fight to eat a cheeseburger and replenish my hit points!

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The fighting is pretty straightforward and each character type has a few special skills that can be employed to give you an edge.  Hilariously, some of the monsters won’t even take notice of you if you are a lower level character.  You can choose to fight them anyway, but you will definitely lose.  Better to choose your early battles wisely, grab the loot and go shopping before you face off against the Monster Mouths or the Boss Zombie Bunny.

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The storyline is well crafted, the art is top notch and the music and sounds add to the fun.  Normally priced at $1.99 [on sale – iTunes $0.99 or Free Lite Version], there’s a lot of entertainment for your gaming dollar here.

July 24, 2010 | Filed Under anti-KRAPPS, Games, Guest Authors | Leave a Comment 

Apple Bans America’s Next Top Model Contestant As Inappropriate – You Be The Judge

mad-man-pulling-hair-out-f We noticed a strange phenomenon at this year’s WWDC … the annual conference for iPhone application developers. For whatever reason, all of the developers in attendance had little to no hair … pretty much bald as a baby’s butt. Quite a disturbing sight … until it dawned on us why the lack of WWDC hair … developers are pulling their hair out in frustration over Apple’s idiotic and inconsistent (remember these two words for later) application approval policies!

No hair = Apple’s fault. Makes total sense – just take a look at Apple’s latest moronic ruling.

Mirror App [iTunes Free] is one of the 27 million mirror applications available for the iPhone 4. The developers, DLP Mobile, recently submitted an update to Apple for approval which was immediately rejected. Why? … because per Apple’s email to DLP Mobile …

The screenshots provided contain content that is objectionable for certain age groups. This is in violation of Section 3.3.18 … that states:

 

"Applications may be rejected if they contain content … that in Apple’s reasonable judgment may be found objectionable, for example, materials that may be considered obscene, pornographic, or defamatory."

 

The application screenshots must meet the requirements for a 4+ rating (no objectionable material) since these images are visible on the App Store by all users  … The inappropriate images have been attached for your reference.

Excellent … let’s check out the obscene, pornographic screenshots, not suitable for 4-year-olds, Apple attached for our reference …

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HUH?!? The girl in the photos is former America’s Next Top Model contestant Mila Bouzinova … and if you think for one second her screenshots are inappropriate (what? girl can’t wear a bandeau bikini top?) … you are a complete douchebag. Now the policy does state, “in Apple’s reasonable judgment” … but come on, is some 40-year-old virgin, working in Apple’s app review team, the best judge of overtly sexual content. These are freaking geeks making a judgment call … their dicks get hard when the wind blows … they should be the last people on earth dictating what is too sexual. To them, a SpongeBob chia pet is arousing. Seriously, if you’re getting excited by Mila’s screenshots … seek help, you have serious issues!

Ok, so that was the “idiotic” part of Apple’s ruling … now the “inconsistent” piece. Look at the screenshots below. They all have been approved by Apple and are live in the App Store. Compare these screenshots to the ones 2 inches above. Now tell us which screenshots are really the inappropriate ones for 4-year-olds.

overtly-iPhone-1  overtly-iPhone-2

overtly-iPhone-3  overtly-iPhone-4

Chin up developers! We realize the game you play with Apple is asinining, maddening, stupid and absurd … but at least Apple approved an app for your woes … Hair Clinic – the app which magically grows your hair back after its been pulled out .

July 23, 2010 | Filed Under News, Utilities | 3 Comments 

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