Kittens & Puppies Suck – Just Kill Them

CrazyiPhoneDeveloper2 The sheer volume of completely whacked out apps never ceases to amaze us. It’s like cruising through the developer nuthouse where every programmer is completely psycho. Seriously – we’re thinking these devs are hopped up on nitrous oxide or just sniffed too much glue in elementary school.

How else can you explain Poop apps? Before the iPhone, we would have never thought of looking between our legs and studying our scuba divers.

Then there’s the Bikini Fart app. If hearing and smelling farts from a chick in a bikini brings you joy … DUDE … you have ISSUES!

Vomit, Urine, Spanking, Lice, Sex Algorithms … the list of freak show apps goes on and on.

One of the most bizarre apps we’ve covered is Sexy Alphabet … targeting individuals who get pleasure from hearing the alphabet recited by a sexual way. Uh hello CRACK HEAD … we don’t give a shiat who’s saying them … the ABC’s are NOT SEXY!

And surprise surprise … from the same developer of Sexy Alphabet (dude call himself  “theM”), comes these two latest classics:

Angry Kittens Attack and Crazy Puppy Massacre 

 

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I know this is getting old and tired … but as Apple likes to say …

Want To Kill Kittens And Puppies?
There’s An App For That!

Yeah sicko … welcome to the App Store Asylum. No need to push and shove – there’s plenty of sick and mentally unstable material for everyone. Even those who get off killing kitties and puppies … ha! ha! ha! … APPLE is so brilliantly EVIL!

Kitty22    Puppy33

May 28, 2009 | Filed Under Games | 24 Comments 

The Science Of Sex

HotChickMeterSCORE So there is this whole sub-category of KRAPPS that supposedly measure and detect things … Meter and Radar apps. Like the Douchemeter and Hot Radar apps we previously wrote about. Also stuff like … Hot Chick Meter … Ghost Radar … Love Meter … Pirate Radar … or Cool Meter. Not the most brilliant apps … certainly a novelty and good for about 137 seconds of entertainment.

But in these apps’ defense, they don’t claim to be the second coming of Koi Pond (uh, which is another subject … why is Koi Pond so freaking popular). These apps are pretty whack … but they know it … and don’t pretend to be as important as that Pope2You app (hey, it’s the Pope … that’s gotta be an important app … geez).

Well we came across a Meter app that is breaking the mold of this KRAPPS sub-category. We were actually quite floored at the research involved in producing such an application … it must have took years or clinical trials and various research methodologies to produce this next app … Sexy Meter Pro.

This is not your basic novelty Meter app. With Sexy Meter Pro, you can scientifically determine is your subject is REALLY sexy or not. And since this sexiness is determined scientifically … well then, there you have it … it’s TRUE. We at KRAPPS are simpletons … we don’t understand all this sexy science mumbo jumbo. So rather making a feeble attempt at describing the app and it’s technology … just read the Sexy Meter Pro description (pardon the English as a second language bit):

SexyMeterProDescFINAL

You see! We told you so! … “the true sexy meter … analyzing her photo … doesn’t generate random samples … score based on skin color, lip shape, eye contact … advanced algorithms will not disappoint you” … Heck, just look at the results screenshot below – the subject scored 82.3 points – HELLO! – 82.3 points! – Sexy Meter Pro nailed it!

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Oh and trust us, developer Chen Li is NOT kidding about his instrument – he truly believes and knows that Sexy Meter Pro provides valid scientific results (just like OJ knows he didn’t kill his wife – LOL) … heck, dude is working on even better algorithms for his next update. Freaking genius!

But hey … not all devs can be such mensas. So memo to devs – Never Use The Words SEXY and ALGORITHM Together In An App Description … this science is way beyond your comprehension. Unless of course you are kidding – but you’re not – but we think you are -  but your not – you are? – not! ARGH!! … sex and science, what a bunch of KRAPPS … not?

May 26, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment, Photography | Leave a Comment 

Bizarre iPhone Promotional Techniques

With over 40,000 iPhone apps available for sale, getting “noticed” is a huge challenge for developers. So besides releasing a quality app, marketing plays a key role in the success of that application. We’ve seen some pretty unique and interesting promotional efforts by POOP-THE-WORLD-TP2 developers attempting to get noticed.

The BurnBall iPhone game was the first app to create a community competition. BurnBall players would join tribes (teams) and compete against each other for prizes.

Imangi Studios held a contest involving their Little Red Sled game which challenged players to submit a screenshot of their most radical sled maneuver.

Then we have Poop The World. Clever (aka whack-jobs) folks behind this dookie diary app. First they have their own line of branded toilet paper for promotional campaigns. Then they  created a series of really bizarre promotional videos. The one below is an absolute riot. An imported takeoff from Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” video … it contains dancing zombies, hysterical subtitles, Snuggie references and other madness. Make sure you watch it a few times and read those subtitles – freaking insane!

 

May 25, 2009 | Filed Under News | 6 Comments 

Recap: Week Of May 18

iphonekrappsV1GIFIn case you missed any of the festivities, quick links to this week’s articles.

May 18: Squishy Guts And Blood – Gross! – if this stuff floats your boat, we have an app for you

May 19: Make A Stripper Smile – There’s An App For That – the iPhone gets street cred

May 19: Apple Gets The Joke Late – Rejects Approved App – Apple is very confused, so are developers

May 20: Apple Wants Sexy But This Is Just Too Weird – iPhone apps keep getting stranger

May 21: Fun With The Apple Profanity Filter – Apple saves children from burning their eyes

May 22: Hot Dog Down A Hallway – does this controversial game contain offensive material?

May 23: Cows, Poop And Fire – Leave It Alone Dad – yes proud parent, your kid’s doo-doo does stink

May 24, 2009 | Filed Under Recap | Leave a Comment 

Cows, Poop And Fire – Leave It Alone Dad

So did you hear about the new iPhone game Moo Cow Fury? Yeah, it’s pretty hysterical -involving racing cows, poop and fire. Sure it doesn’t come close to competing with EA in terms of polish and shine, but with an amusing premise and decent enough gameplay, we can think of worse ways to spend a buck. Click here to check out a gameplay video or visit the App Store to download Moo Cow Fury … two versions: $0.99 [iTunes] or Free ad-supported [iTunes].

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Argh! Wish we could stop right there. But we can’t … oh daddy, what were you thinking:

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Yeah, we get it … daddy is a very proud parent and encouraging young Nicholas. Seriously, that kind of support is awesome! There are so many 100% suck deadbeat dads in the world and it’s a breath of fresh air seeing that Nicholas has a great dad (yo Nicholas! – don’t forget – Father’s Day is June 21 – do something nice for papa!). But to throw the 12-Year Old Kid card into the title of the app … well, just a tad over-the-top. Then to lead off the game’s description with this detailed explanation of Nicholas’ quest to learn Objective-C and produce an iPhone app … well, yeah … it’s over-the-top.

MyKid Come on dad … we’re talking RACING COWS … POOP … and FIRE! Moo Cow Fury kicks butt on its own and we’re buying it because cows that poop while avoiding fire makes us laugh (yeah, we’re whack like that).

Not to turn this into a debate … but with 40,000 competing apps, something had to be done to get the pooping cow fire game noticed … so we guess Apple forced the 12-Year Old card hand. Hopefully it’s an Apple thing and not a delusional bias thing … yes Nicholas – your poop does stink … LOL.

Anyways … no doubt about it … geek 12-year olds who churn out iPhone games rock! And since we’re on the subject of geek kids … don’t forget to show some love to 9-year old Lim Ding Wen and his Doodle Kids [iTunes].

So the only question remains … whose app(s) rocks more … daddy or son Nicholas? LOL – we love you Nicholas dad!

May 23, 2009 | Filed Under Games, News | Leave a Comment 

Hot Dog Down A Hallway – Fun For All Ages

(written by guest author Tim Giron. follow Tim on Twitter @timgiron)

EDITOR’S NOTE: although we detailed the recent controversy surrounding Hot Dog Down A Hallway, we feel it’s appropriate to write a stand alone review to shift focus to what really matters … the actual game. 

HotDogHallwayName Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, step right up and prepare to be amazed by the stupendous stunt wiener! Transformed from pudgy porker to turbo tube steak, it whirls and it twirls as it flies through the air, all for the benefit of your entertainment. Will it catch maximum air and be flung far to fly downfield or will it have its trip cut short by an encounter with a nasty crab? It’s anybody’s guess, each show is completely different from the last. Will you cheer with fists raised high or will you jeer with heads hung low? The fickle finger of fate will decide! Gaze upon the impressive list of achievements which the stupendous stunt wiener has attained. Will you be the lucky audience to witness the awe inspiring "Mile High Club" or will you depart despondent that you only made it to "First base"?

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With a humorous concept and good-natured innuendo galore, Metaversal Studios Inc. has delivered a game which has multiple layers of appeal. Game controls are deceptively simple: you initially control the angle and power of the launch and once your hot dog is airborne, you rotate the phone to make slight course corrections. Utilize the beneficial items in the playing field like the flinging plant and the spinning chandelier and you gain distance. Meet up with the snapping claws of the crab or the wrong end of the blowing fan, however, and your trip ends right there. Even those ignominious ends might be rewarded with an achievement, though. Ingeniously, you can see only the titles of the achievements that you have not yet conquered, leaving you wondering just what you have to do to get them (and what great titles they are, as well). This definitely encourages repeated play. I still have six achievements to clear and have played "just one more round" on several occasions trying to figure them out. Cool, I cleared "Third base" while I was capturing some screen shots, so I just have five more to decipher!

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I definitely look forward to more games from this developer. I know they have recently run afoul of Apple’s approval process with an update to this game. I experienced no issues running the current version and, at 99 cents [iTunes], it’s a steal for the amount of entertainment provided.

 

May 22, 2009 | Filed Under Games | Leave a Comment 

Fun With The Apple Profanity Filter

rooster2 Here at KRAPPS, we tend to slam Apple a bit (right? – its only a teenie weenie bit? – right?). But hey, props to Apple for taking the constructive criticism and implementing change. Take Baby Shaker for example … we wrote … Apple listened … no more Baby Shaker (LOL … and if you believe Apple pulled Baby Shaker solely because of KRAPPS, then we have a great money making opportunity for you on Twitter).

sexyspinnadesc11 Back in March, we wrote about the iPhone love dice app Sexy Spinna. We noticed the “C” word within the app’s description. Hmmm, not exactly the terminology we figure Apple wanted to broadcast via its App Store. So we politely told Apple about the situation (LOL) … Sexy Spinna’s description was revised … and Apple appears to have implemented a profanity filter. You see – constructive criticism resulted in productive change … bravo Apple!

So with Apple’s profanity filter put into action, iPee Drunk is now a safer app to explore. The app’s phrase “check your world pissing position” now becomes a child safe “check your world p****g position”. Fair enough … bravo!

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And how about the profanity laced Elephant Song app … you know, that YouTube sensation now turned interactive app – targeted to both kids and adults alike. Great catch Mr. Apple Profanity Filter … no longer will innocent children burn their eyes reading the word
“cock-a-doodle-doo”! Rather a much more innocent experience seeing
“c**ck-a-doodle-doo” thanks to Apple’s profanity filter working overtime … bravo!

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But alas, the “F” word has super powers beyond anything even Superman possesses. Not even Apple’s profanity filter kryptonite will destroy the “F” word … bravo Trent!

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May 21, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment, Games, News | 28 Comments 

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